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henesey

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Everything posted by henesey

  1. MIL passsed away this morning. We were called into palliative Friday night and spent the weekend with her. Her passing was very peaceful. Our pastor had just arrived 15 minutes prior and we were holding her hands and chatting with the pastor and she just slipped away while we were all chatting. (Hazel had not been able to speak for several days but she was watching us all and enjoying the conversation) It was very anticlimatic. All the nurses who entered kept commenting on how peaceful it was in the room during our vigil. The power of prayer was at work. I am now working on funeral arrangements. Please pray for the continued peace of my family as we process our loss.
  2. sad day, she never smoked a day in her life. She waitressed for years and it was second hand smoke that caused her cancer.
  3. my mom in law never asked questions either. I made sure I went to every doctors appointment and was able to translate what the doctors were saying into plain english for her. Alot of the time they just don't understand what is being said to them and meds may make them even more confused. Be vigilant.
  4. hard candies help. (try to get ones made with nutrasweet) My brother quit smoking by sucking on fishermans friends lozanges. YUCK! He should also try top avoid things that he associated with smoking. ie) sitting down with a coffee, going to a bar that type of thing. you might ask him to go for a walk with you instead. Remember that the cravings only last for 30 seconds at a time. so get through that 30 seconds and take them as they come. It has been 16 years since I quit so I can't remember much more than that.
  5. my MIL has had swelling in her left arm and now it is starting in the right. Is this normal for LC ? No one seems concerned about it or knows why it is happpening. She is in palliative care.
  6. I made puddings with half and half cream to pack on calories for MIL. she was eating an extra 8-1200 calories this way.
  7. I wish I had words to comfort you Lisa but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
  8. I wish she was living with me becky but she has her own seniors apaptement which was alot of the problem because I had to spend my time over there and my kids were left at home unsupervised. I have thought of bringing her her but we are on three levels with one bathroom and she is wheelchair bound. The best option for her is palliative care center. the rooms are huge, wheelchair accessable have private phones and large tv's, family dining room and kitchen, rec facitlity and even a family room for out of town guests so they can be close to her.
  9. After several months of being with my mother in law for 12-14 hour days, it has finally caught up with me. I got a flu and am worn out. Hubby has been put on stress leave from work and his doctor told him he was not to spend his time hovering over his mom. With no one else to take over from us. We decided that we can not do it anymore. Our children have been suffering . one son is graduating this spring and his needs have been pushed to the side. My youngest son has been working on his homeschooling independantly for the last three months and enough is enough. We have a lovely palliative center here where she would get wonderful care however she flat out refused to go there. Her doctor had a talk with her and it was decided she would go into the hospital instead. The doctor made it quite plain to her that it was a permanant move. Yesterday when hubby took her there. she complained about everything, size of room ,food, cost of phone and tv (woould have been paid for at palliative and a huge tv with large room) Now it appears she thinks that she is coming home as soon as I am well. It isn't happening. I cannot do it anymore. it is too hard on my husband and children. I do have the option of speaking with the management at her apartment building and having them evict her. you have to be capable of independant living to be there and she has needed 24-7 care for the last 4 months. I don't want to do this but she is so pigheaded and selfish about this. She has become confused and extrememly demanding. I am starting to resent her attitude which is something I have never done before. She is my husbands MOM and one of my best friends. I just can't do it anymore...
  10. Same exact thing has been happening with my MIL. last week she was declining , this week she is eating like a trucker and sitting out enjoying the sunshine.It is very confusing sometimes. Sorry, I am no help but lots of prayers will be going your way.
  11. How's her blood work? My MIL suffered confusion and irratibility when her calcium levels elevated.
  12. so sorry that you have to go through this. I'll be praying for your peace and for your son and family. hugs
  13. I understand the feeling of helplesness. It's hard because we have no control over it. I have found that talking about it with my MIL and family and getting as much info as possible helps me deal with things. I am learning to control the things I can and do the best with things I can't. Your mom doesn't expect you to fix this for her. Just be there to hug her and hold her. Moms cancer grew really fast as well and then things stabalized then another bad spurt would come and she would stabalize again but wouldn't recoup to the point she was at before the "spurt". You might want to talk to your mom about getting a single dose of radiation for palliative measures. It really made mom alot more comfortable. My mom in law is also my best friend
  14. Shanna so sorry you have to deal with this. My MIL was diagnosed last spring and refused all but one treatment of radiation. This controlled the bleeding and made it easier for her to breathe etc. It is really hard to accept when a parent refuses treatment. Our instinct screams out to us to fight with everything we've got. The best way to deal with it is to try and accept her decision as quickly as you can and then support her with all your strength. It helps is you are able to discuss her issues openly with each other. Don't set timelines it depends on so many different factors. The progression of the deseaase depends on many things such as which lung is affected, her general health, treatment , etc. she may feel weakness in her right arm ,pain in the bones of her back, nausea, weightloss, it all depends on the individual. I asked the same questions you have and have found a great deal of information from reading others posts. The big thing is for you to realize that you are not alone. Others may be able to give more insight if you can give some details as to the placement of her cancer and any test results etc. Big hugs and prayers for you Jen Tip : recently I have been making instant pudding made with half and half cream rather than milk and I add in carnation instant breakfast. mom is able to eat about 1200 calories a day , extra this way.
  15. praying for your mom kelly. Let us know how the pet scan goes.
  16. Happy Day! moms calcium levels are back down to normal and her anxiety has been minimalized with the meds. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes. I am a firm believer and know they made a huge difference.
  17. Lots of good advice here which I can only repeat. drink lots of water, keep a good attitude and ignore expectancy dates. MIL was told she had 6 months to a year with treatment. She refused treatment , kept a strong attitude, drinks lots of water and has frequent naps and is now working into the 1 year date that was given. We expect her to last another month or so. She beat her odds by several months even though she chose not to fight it. And she lives her life as she wants to. I am positive it was because of her attitude and fluid intake.
  18. it has been a tense week. MIL has been experiencing panic attacks. her calcium levels are elevated and she would only submit to 1/2 of the iv solution being administered. I am unsure how much of her aniety is due to nicotine withdrawl. about 10 days ago she up and quit cold turkey. she couldn't tollerate it any longer. (thank God, I got tired osf smelling like a dirty ashtray) anyway she has been unfocused. I am going to put her on a low dose nicotine patch and see if she stabalizes. I am getting fustrated with her stubborness about treatment and refusing basic care. I know that her calcium levels are going to cause her some problems mentally and that it will put me under even more stress. the doctor perscribed meds to hopefully reduce her anxiety so I will see how it works over the next few days but I realize they can only do so much with her. She eats soft foods ( creme of wheat, chocolate pudding, tapioca pudding and the occasional egg seem to be the only thing tollerated.) she still drinks alot of water. She is down to about 80lbs now. she hasn't weighed herself in over a month so it may be less. All in all she is doing amazingly good comparatively. The blackout episodes quit as mysteriously as they started. all the children have now been to visit. We are hoping that the weather will clear so that her sister can also make a final visit. We have a lovely palliative care facility here but my MIL refuses to go even for a day or so to give me a brief respite. she gets very aggitated at the mention. She wants to die at home. We have nightime homcare currently and then I am with her during the day. I love her dearly but she is making things worse for everyone by her noncompliance herself included.
  19. Thank you all for your care and support. you have been a great help. my prayers and sympathy are with you all as well.
  20. Thank you all for your warm welcome. I appreciate the chance to vent and feel free to download on me as well.
  21. we have homecare a lady comes in for the night time and I am with her during the days. Palliative care has been excellent. the palliative doctors and nurses come regularily to her apt. as well as resp therapist, lab techs etc. (We are in Canada) I could ask for more daytime help but I want to do it for hermyself as much as possible.
  22. Thanks, that is kind of what I thought. I'll start making calls. can anyone let me what to expect care wise? should I prepare for anything. She wants to stay at home. The nurses don't tell me anything until crunch time and I don't want to be caught unaware. Getting information from them is like pulling teeth. Nobody wants to comit to an opinion. It's fustrasting. I don't like having to track stuff down on a moments notice especially when I am with her for 12 hours a day and can't leave her unattended.
  23. My MIL is one of the most couragous people I know. she is 5 foot zip pretends to be helpless but has a backbone of steel and faith to match. She fustrates the heck out of me because she is stuborn and we often butt heads because we are so much alike. Watching the way she has dealt with her cancer and her calm acceptance of Gods will has me in awe. I want to give her all the support she needs to do this her way. fortunatley I have the family support in this objective so the battle has only been with the professionals. It has been hard watching her fade away to skin and bones. I worry about how everyone else is dealing with it and know that they are all going to be basket cases when it happens and that I will have to pick up the pieces. I wonder about when I will find the time to grieve and pray daily that I won't crack until everyone is doing ok. Each of her friends has pulled me aside at some point asking how she is doing.She lives in a seniors apartment and is very popular. they cry and I have to be strong for now because that is what is needed. Once in a blue moon I find 5 minutes of privacy which I can indulge in self pity. I know how much I am going to miss her.
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