paulygirl

This past Friday at 2:15 pm. He died at home with us. He was awake and lucide right up until the very end. The pain got very bad thursday but worse on Friday...he didn't last long after that.All through his illness, he kept telling us that he wanted to get better, he WAS fighting, but now it seems that he was kind of fighting a losing battle, knowing it, and trying to protect us, his children. I had to tell Dad we'd be ok and it was alright to go...even though I didn't and still dont want him to go.I also didn't want the suffering to go on any longer. Right now, Im kind of numb....I have moments of terrible pain and sorrow and moments of acceptance. The wake and funeral are Tuesday and Wednesday. It is not something any of us are looking forward to. My God this all seems so surreal. Dad was only just diagnosed in January! He slid more and more downhill . Im greatfull for the months weve had with him, dont get me wrong, but Im greedy, I want more time. Hospice was wonderful, Im so glad now that we had them. We were visited by many angels and for that Im so thankful. And even though I havn't been around much, Im so greatfull to you guys and this group. Thankyou all so much.

Im so happy for your wonderful day with your mom! Thank God for miracles and good days! Thankyou also for sharing such great news, it put a nice smile on my face!

Hi Jamie, I can remember so vividly when I found out my dad had lung cancer.Words cannot express, and the tears just keep falling. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you

Thankyou again for your kind replies. We had a nice Easter yesterday with Dad. He ate quite a bit and was thrilled to have his family all around him. Last night and today he's quite "pooped". Its hard also because there are days when it looks like he's really going to beat this thing, and others well...they don't look so great. I have to remember its not in my hands, but, one can still pray and wish, right?

Im so sorry Lisa. I totally understand what youre feeling. My dad was diagnosed just a couple of months ago as well and now, he too, is home with help from hospice. It hurts like hell. I hate this illness so much! Try and be kind to yourself and spend as much time with your dad as you can. My thoughts and prayers are with you, PG

Well, Dad came home, it will be two weeks this Monday. He's still fighting even after the doctors telling us his prognosis was "days". He is home with help from hospice. Its been so hard. Im so glad he's in his own home, yet, I feel so terrible at the same time. You see, Dad keeps talking about getting better, he is totally bedbound, very weak, needs feeding, washing, is catheterized, etc...He's wasting away. I want so badly for some great cure to come along and build him up, bring him back, make him better. Does he even know he's leaving us? Is he protecting us? Is he really fighting? What more can we do but love him? This has been so very hard. The family is under tremendouse stress, there have already been little spats out of stress.I still cant get over how just a few short months ago my daddy was this vital, healthy man, and now...I just want it to stop...get better. Is it selfish of me to want him to stay?

Im so sorry. Words just cant describe.

Well, Monday we plan on bringing my dad home from the hospitol, by ambulance. Hospice will take over from there. Dad has just gone so downhill since his diagnosis, he keeps getting weaker and weaker.He has a hard time talking due to his breathing, his kidneys have started to work again, but only slightly. He's leaving us and I cant accept it. I left his hospitol room 3 times today because the tears just wouldn't stay put. I feel like I cant be of help to him or my mom when I keep falling apart. I just want it to go away and leave us alone. I don't want my dad to leave us, I still hold out for a miracle yet, I guess not facing the reality of whats happening is making things worse.I dont know how to be strong anymore. I dont do anything but obsess about this and I know my husband and daughter still at home are feeling this.My son has slept at the hospitol every night since Monday just so dad's not alone. I worry for him too. How can I accept this? How can we get through this? My poor dad, yes, he was a smoker, but nobody deserves this.Hes a good, decent, strong, proud man. Seeing him so weak and withered....it hurts so much. I can't think of how he must be feeling without crying. Im sorry, I guess I just needed a bit of a vent, just to let things out.

My thoughts are with you and your family Shanna. Stay strong and lean on your friends. Pauly

Hi Sunshineys, Im so very sorry you are dealing with this yet again. My dad, 68, is dealing with lung cancer right now as well. It seems he's gone way downhill since chemo, like your dad. Please know youre not alone, this place has kept me going in a time I never in my wildest thoughts could be so very rough. My thoughts are going out to you and your family, Pauly

Today is the fifth day since dad was admitted in the hospitol. Im hoping to find out more new today. Last night was my first night home. To make a long story short...kidneys as of last night were working a little.His potassium levels were way high every day except yesterday, they were too low(go figure)I cant believe what a fighter my father is, were all amazed he's still going and very sharp in the head still.Things are turning around a bit, although the doctors say they are still terrible, its not as grave as Monday and Tuesady! The best news is that when they did his chest xray, the tumor wasn't detected. Hes had 16 treatments of radiation and one day of chemo, is it possible???? Anyways, I continue to hope for more good days for my dad. I hope you are all doing well and I thank you again for your concern.

Im so happy to hear of your great news! Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers!

Again, many thanks and big hugs to you all. Well, the news isn't good, Dads kidneys are failing him. Ive been at hospitol all night and will return shortly. He's been seen by our family priest etc....He said he wants to fight this...I pray for a miracle. Will let you all know whats up when I return home. Much love

I just found out my Dad is being admitted into the hospitol again. His blood pressure is vextremely low again as well as dehydration, weakness etc....... Just please pray.... Thankyou for all of your support and caring. Im so glad I found you. A special thankyou to HollyAnn for all of your supportive pms and thoughts.

Wishing you the best of luck. I know how hard it is. Im still puffing away myself(not as much but still...) and I see my dad suffer. I dont smoke when Im around him, but when the stress gets too big for me....I revert back.Ive found myself going 3 or 4 days with no smoking and then I lose it and buy a pack. Hey, mabey we can support each other? What do you think? But I do agree that guilt is the least needed emotion right now. Take care,