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jaxanisa

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Everything posted by jaxanisa

  1. When will I feel like I can smile again without feeling guilty? I mean the moment a smile comes to my face I remember my mother's situation and it blocks the light hearted feeling I used to have so often. I smile with my mom and tell her I love her more than I ever did and I make it a point to be with her instead of going out or running to a friends house or working from home but the sense of ease is gone.. Please know though that all of your messages and warm thoughts help me to know I am not alone. I have a support group that is or has been down this road and is a wealth of knowledge so I am so blessed to have found all of you... I just pray the fear subsides and the ability to live for today surfaces.
  2. I am very new to this site but I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing the people I love is one of my greatest fears but please find comfort in knowing he is free now. His pain is gone. His suffering is over. So may the warmth of his heart, your most wonderful memories and his great spirit far outweigh and outlast the grief and loss you are experiencing now. You and your family are in my prayers. Jacqui
  3. My mom is doing much better. They said her heart is fine. They told her that she has acid reflux and they gave her a diet plan and something to take to coat her stomach. So I am relieved to hear that.... If she gets out of the hospital today then she has to go the treatment center to get bloodwork done. She prays all goes well with that!!! I am scared about how the 2nd treatment of chemo will affect her but I am going to take the advice from this group and try to live for today. I need to say thank you to everyone that has read and/or responded to my post. It's very comforting. I thank God for all of you. I know I will post often. I have so many questions. My mom is not one to ask for help or reach out to others. She is very private. I, on the other hand need to understand and to prepare in order to be strong and sometimes my faith grows weak especially when it comes to watching my loved ones suffer. But I do pray for the very best.... for my mom, and for all of you...and your loved ones....
  4. My mom's name is Dottie. My name is Jacqui. She and I live together with my 6 yr old daughter. My sister lives about 15 mins away so we are there for her. My sister (Andrea) and I will juggle her appointments but I don't know if there will be alot or a little. She never really had "appointments" except for routine ones and she could drive herself. She had her first chemo treatment on March 14th and it went ok afterwards but indigestion or slight nausea set in then her muscles hurt a little. Unfortunately though she has has had this incredible pain in her chest. It is the very thing that brought us to take her to the ER and then we found out about the lc. She actually has returned to the hospital yesterday and she was admitted. She is there now because they are concerned that the chest pain may be heart related or gastric or something.. But the chemo doctor gave her Kytril for nausea/ indigestion and Hydrocodone for her pain. The Hydrocodone makes her so excessively tired. I have never seen anything like it. So between the nausea, the chemo related discomfort and her chest pain .. it just keeps her from being her "usual self". It is understandable but still very overwhelming. I would have told you that she was the "rock" for our family and in excellent health had you asked me a month ago. I hope I don't sound like I am whining or being petty. I just didn't see this coming and I want to vent. I want to understand how to help. I want to keep her from suffering as much as I can. Jacqui
  5. Help! I don't know if I chose the right place to talk but I am scared. I know everyone's experiences are different but I don't know what to expect. I am worried that I can't handle the suffering that will come with chemo. I am fearful that I can't or won't be able to do enough to ease my mom's discomfort. To be honest I am scared about what if it happens to me. I know none of this is positive and I am sure this is not the type of post you want but just typing this makes me feel at least a little better. Honestly I am so afraid that I don't know if being aware of what's to come will ease my pain or if dealing with it as it comes and enjoying "today" is the best way .. but it all scares me. I am a 34 yo working, single, mom living with/ assisting my 76 yr old mom who never smoked and really has never been ill for more than a day in her life and now they have told us she has 6 months to a year.... I'm lost... forgive me!!![/b]
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