MsKitty5545

Just finished my first round of chemo, and so far so good, am doing radiation concurrent with the chemo, I go for radiation 5 days on, two off. The chemo is 3 days in a row, then skip 3 weeks for 4 rounds if I am able to tolerate the last round which is a different drug. It feels so good to FINALLY be doing something instead of just sitting and waiting. I am determined to keep a positive attitude during all of this. The wedding went off without any problems last weekend. Of course I cried and cried and I am so happy to now have a daughter in my life. She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. My son was so handsome in his Tux, I just kept wondering what my baby boy was doing standing there waiting for the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with, just yesterday it seems I was rocking him and singing him silly songs and kissing him all up. I was sore from the feeding tube and PAC surgeries I had done Wed. but was a little better by Sat. I am so glad I had both of them done at the same time, now it is out of the way. I feel something good has come out of this already because two of my dearest friends have both quit smoking. They say they did it for "me" but I am so happy for them. I will not lecture anyone and still have a lot of friends that smoke, it has to be a decision you make on your own because you want to or have to. I look forward to learing more so I may be of some help to someone here like you were for me. I hope everyone is doing well. Gentle Hugs Barbara

Thanks so much for your support and answers. I would never get upset with anyone telling how things went for them. I know from all my autoimmune diseases that everyone is different, what works for one person may not work for someone else. It is always good to know info from both angles. All of my Drs. agree about the feeding tube and think it is MUCH better to do it now while I am feeling ok instead of later. My gastro knows my history quite well, I am in remission with the Ulcerative Colitis right now but with all the stress he is very worried I will have another attack and I have a serious case. For about 4 years I could not put on any weight no matter what I did or ate. When the Hashimotos hit that changed and despite having another health problem was able to gain weight, which of course makes you feel better when you are so thin it is not healthy. I continue to have a problem eating anything, I know it may sound nuts but I am very angry with my body and I sort of feel like it does not deserve any nutrition and I am so depressed and scared it is very hard to choke anything down, I continue to lose weight, maybe I put this padding on for a reason. This is a scarey jouney and I don't think anyone has any idea unless they have gone thru it or had a loved one that did. The Drs. did call and the soonest they can do both surgeries at the same time is Thurs the 13th, my son's reception is the next day then the wedding. We are going to have to travel about 70 miles and are staying for two nights at a hotel. I would have to wait another week and half before both their schedules worked out so I am having it done. I refuse to let it cause any problems at the wedding and I am going to enjoy myself then it will be time to get started. I feel better now that I know what is going on and can make my plans and have a tiny bit of control. Thanks once agin for listening to the long ravings of a very scared beginner. Gentle Hugs Barbara

I think I am finally getting things in order which has really driven me nuts. Dr.King whom I saw last week and will be in charge of the radiation treatments suggested I get a feeding tube put in, I have already lost almost 20lbs since my dx on Feb.27, I just can't make myself eat. He said my esophagus will be burnt from the radiation and I will have a very hard time even drinking anything. I saw the Dr. for the PAC placement yesterday and he said if my gastro was willing they could do both at the same time. I have a wonderful gastro that I have been using for over 6 years for the UC and he called first thing this morning and asked if I wanted to get it done tomorrow, he would cancel a surgery for me, isn't that so sweet. I explained I would like if possible to get both the PAC and feeding tube done at the same time, he said no problem they would work it out with Dr.Ordonyne and do it as soon as possible, I go tomorrow to get scanned for my radiation placement and see the oncologist again. I finally feel like something is being done and I am no longer in limbo, best of all this will all be done the week before my baby's wedding and I will be all ready to start treatment the following week. My gastro told me several wonderful stories this morning since he sees a lot of patients with cancer and they were miracle stories, he really made me feel so much better. I know I am so blessed to have such caring Drs. I will admit, only here of course, that I am scared to death. I try so hard to put on a brave front for my son and his fiance and my sweet man and my friends and family. I do call my mom when I have a total meltdown and cry and can't stop. I am not looking forward to any of this but am glad that we are finally getting things lined up and I don't have to see any more new Drs, I just want to get it all over with so I can get better and have my life back again. Thanks once again for listening, I so appreciate it. Gentle Hugs Barbara

Thank you once again for all the help, it really does make me feel better to know in part what I am facing, the fear of the unknown is a powerful thing. I hope one day soon I will be able to help someone here like you have helped me, thanks for taking the time and being so caring. Gentle Hugs Barbara

I know this is really a silly question but as the time draws closers to going to see the Dr. about the PAC placement it somehow makes things seem more real, does it hurt when they do the insertion?? I hate needles and of course have little tiny veins that roll around so I always get stuck several times and my veins blow so easy. Do they knock you out when they do it or just numb you up. All of the things I am facing and right now that is bothering me the most, I know it is nuts. I have an aptt. at Mary Bird Perkins Cancer Institute on Thurs. to see the Dr. there, so that is reality again big time. I have done a lot of research and it really does seem like they have a great reputation.I really don't know what to expect from the radiation and chemo I tried looking at things online and every site I found was gloom and doom and I just got so upset and depressed I quit looking, maybe I just looked in the wrong places. I stumbled on to this group quite by accident and feel like I won the lottery. I expect to get sick and lose weight and feel lousy and lose my hair but I just don't know to what extent and with all my autiommune diseases I am sure it will complicate everything. I just wish I was done seeing Drs. and was ready to go, after the upcoming wedding of course. I am anxious yet try to stay so busy I can not think about things. I am having a hard time making myself eat, thank goodness I am on Lunesta for sleep already, it helps so much. I guess I am in semi-denial if there is such a thing. Thanks so much for letting me express my feelings, I find it hard to do with my family. I feel like I have to stay so positive and do my best to never cry. I am blessed with a wonderful life partner, we have been together over 16 years and he really has helped me raise a wonderful son. I have so many friends that are offering help in any way they can it amazes me. My family all live in MO. and we are way down here in Bush LA which is close to New Orleans. My mother is on stand by to come stay with me if and when things get really bad but she is 70, tho you would not know it to see her, she does yoga and walks everyday. I really don't want any of my loved ones or friends seeing me really sick, have always been that way. I hated it when people came to see me in the hospital all the time. I know this is a long long road and I feel like I have just barely taken my first step. I hope eveyone is doing well. Thanks for listening. Gentle Hugs Barbara

Just wanted to thank you for all your words of wisdom and comfort, what a great group of people. The oncologist was a great DR., spent over an hour with us answering all ? and explaining everything in great detail. I thought my tumor was only around 3cm. but it is 5cm. He said we have to begin a very aggresive treatment. I go see another Dr. on April 4 to get a PAC put in and still have to make an appt. at Mary Bird Perkins cancer center with the Dr. there. I truely felt uplifted my the outpouring of concern and understanding and sympathy I felt from this group. He did say that by the time we get everything lined up it will be after the 15th when my son's wedding is , in fact I have an appt. with him the following Mon. to get the ball rolling. He did say that if the chemo and radiation shrunk the tumor enough surgery may be an option at some point, so I found that encouraging. He did even mention a possible long term remission with the chemo and radiation and did use the word cure once. Cancer is just such a scarey thing but I realize it is not the immediate death sentence it once was. He is concerned about my autoimmune illnesses as that will probally make me even more fatigued but we shall get to that problem if and when it arises. I know my time here is not up yet, I just feel it in my heart of hearts, I want grandchildren so badly and am going to have to wait at least a few years and then of course have to spoil them rotten. I can not thank you enough, I read some of the posts before going to bed last night and it really changed my outlook a lot. You never want to feel like you are facing something like this alone and to hear so many wonderful stories and get such great advice was a blessing. Thank you all once again, Gentle Hugs Barbara

Hi, my name is Barbara, I am 52 and was DX 2-27 with lung cancer, got my PET scan results back today and can not have surgery as it has spread to my lymph nodes. I have an appt. with an Oncologist tomorrow and of course am so scared. My only treatment options are chemo and radiation. I am really concerned because I have many autoimmune diseases, fibromyalgia, hashimotos thyroiditis,ulcerative colitis and several others. I am on Imuran and many other meds, the Imuran already suppresses my immune system and I have to take it for the UC or it will flare again, in remission from that for the moment. I am not sure what ? to ask the Dr. but am making a list to take with me. My only child is getting married April 15, and this has been so heartbreaking for all of us, he is being a real trooper but it breaks my heart to see him cry. I refuse to start any treatment until after the wedding, I don't want to risk being sick. I guess like everyone else here I would love to hear from anyone that has had success with this treatment, my tumor is between a stage 111A and 111B and is almost 4cm. that is really all I have been able to retain. I have been angry, and depressed then hopeful and now am going thru the same emotions again, I really thought I would just be able to have surgery and it would all be over with. Thanks for listening. Gentle Hugs