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Posts posted by EastCoastLadi

  1. you know Katie, unfortunately many people don't realize how important those around them are before it's too late. I've been guilty of that myself, I miss my dad and there were so many things I wish I could take back of things that I have said to him or not been there....

    and then when I lost my husband Carlton, I looked back at all the "pettiness" and how again I wasted so many seconds, hours, days and so on of our lives together because of mere "nothing" that didn't need to be argued or thought about....

    there are many DGI's( don't get it) in fact, even those that have lost still don't get it...

    but we're human, and there are days that I let the "petty" things get to me...the difference is now I know and when I realize...I let it go.....

    ....take care


  2. Chris,

    thank you so much for remembering Daryl, oh you know I remember his so well, he had the same type of cancer as Carlton (sc-ex).....he always was so upbeat and inspiring....I remember when he passed I was so sad......he definitely is missed by me....


  3. I can tell you that Carlton's oncologist was absolutely the best!....I had and still have the most respect for the man. If we had any questions, or problems we could call him... I remember when Carlton went into his coma, his onc. had spoken to my girls, he was so kind and understanding ( my girls were 11 and 9 at the time), he told them, if they have any questions or want to just talk to him, to call him at anytime....and Carlton really respected him immensely, I know he will always remember Carlton....


  4. Lynn,

    your situation with your husband hits so close to home for me. As you can read Carlton had SCLC and all that he went thru, he fought so hard, it's such a devestating cancer, it takes and takes and is so unforgiving. It is so incredibly difficult to watch someone you love so much deteorate and to be so helpless. I could write volumes on what is going thru my mind right now, but I want you to know you and your family have my prayers, and the most important thing right now is for Larry to be comfortable, that's what I wanted the most for Carlton, and in no pain. Please know you can PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to...

    take care


  5. Debbie,

    my heart is broken to hear about Alan, I know the most important thing right now is to get his pain under control. Please, I know in the midst of all of this, to try the best to take care of yourself. I know you're probably on autopilot right now and that is ok, let others, if they can help. please know you can PM me at any time. my prayers for Alan and you...


  6. (((Julia)))

    my heart is breaking...I know Aaron had the strongest of wills, from all the words I read from him, courage, strength and dignity. I too know the pain of losing that special man you love. Please, please I want you to know, anytime you feel like you can't talk to anyone, I'm here, I know...my prayers and all my heart and soul go out to you, and your and Aarons' family.


  7. Superbowl Sunday! ...last years' Superbowl, Carlton was in the hospital, he so wanted hot wings, so I made them, as close to the way he made them and took the girls and went up to the hospital to watch the game together.

    He wasn't much into the game, neither was I, the Patriots weren't there....so it was easy to lose focus. I think Carlton was just glad to have us there. He still was a little unsteady on his feet, but was walking....me not to far behind or beside him.

    But today!...hell..all of this Football season!! The Pat 18 and 0!.....oh how we loved to watch the games together on TV, just him and I...hoopin' and hollarin' giving each other high fives for the TO's!!

    Carlton would of LOVED! to watch the Patriots this year!....as much as I've so enjoyed this football season and in a few minutes going to watch the BIG game....there still is this sadness of him not being here....sitting with me..eating his hot wings...drinking a beer....cheering on the Pats!...

    Good luck Patriots!

    *** Hey Carlton ---- I hope you're watching!!

    (luv ya babe!!)


  8. A year ago, Carlton, the girls and myself would be going to one last function as a family together. I was the girls' music recital. My oldest, 12 plays cello, my youngest 10, plays the violin.

    Last year, this recital was going to be special, my oldest had a solo and it was my youngest first recital. I remember that day Carlton was not feeling well at all, I know all the meds, chemo, had worn him down so. I wanted him to go, i pleaded with him, the recital was down the street and if he had to leave at any time, I would take him home ( my mom and brother were going to be there).. he looked at me with tears in my eyes, I knew it was alot to ask for. Then my daughters asked daddy, they wanted him to go so badly. I knew he wouldn't let them down, he couldn't ( not in his eyes).

    I remember getting there, he was weak, we sat in the balcony. I reminded him, if he wanted to go, anytime....when the girls came out on stage...they looked all around the hall, I know they were looking for daddy, when they saw us, no, when they saw him...their eyes lit up and big smiles on their beautiful faces. Then I saw his look, one of pride, of love, of no matter how he felt, he needed to be there..( perhaps he knew, I didn't want to face the reality at that time)....

    my oldest did her solo, she was recognized publically, oh daddys' pride and then our youngest came out...her first time on the big stage...again, he was a proud daddy.

    He made it through the day, I know now it took all this strength, physically and mentally.

    If there is one thing that I can be happy about, is that he got to see his girls perform for one last time....

    ***Today was the girls' recital, no solos or first times performances...they were wonderful...I would love to think that Carlton was with us...


  9. Carlton,

    ...baby I haven't forgotten about you....never will..how do I fill that hole in my soul? don't know when the tears are going to stop. Oh I'm better with the tears..but I can't think of a day when I didn't cry about you.

    ...the girls are good, we reminise about you....there is laughter..you did some funny things...

    ....I'll never understand why you were taken from us, so soon...so unneccessary....I'll never find anyone like you....hell, I don't even have the time to look!...part of me wants to..but my heart can't, not yet.....

    ...I'm busy as all can be...you know...started law school...I know can you believe it!!!....I haven't even had my first day of classes and I'm already overwhelmed!!!!!!!

    ...by the way...the house is still standing....I fixed the roof...(finally!!!)....but still the house is way too much for me....I'm going to have to bite the bullet for awhile....I'll do what I can do....

    ...I love you, very much...always will....you're a part of me.....I look at the girls and see you....

    next month...it will be a year...I can't believe it

    your wife...."the wife :D "


  10. Deb

    I'm so very sorry about Alan, I wanted you to know that Carlton had taken oral etoposide, in fact, he responded well to it. I know all the complications with this damn disease!!!!...Alan has taken alot of "crap" over the years, he's definitely a strong man!....my prayers go out to both of you...

    take care,


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