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EastCoastLadi

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Posts posted by EastCoastLadi

    My Mom's Oncologist

    in NSCLC GROUP

    Posted

    I can't tell you how much I agree about having a truly exceptional oncologist. My husbands' oncologist was absolutely incredible. He truly cared and was so very concerned about all of us. He was very straight forward, which we respected and he would call our home to see how Carlton was doing. When Carlton was in his final month and when he first went into his coma, his dr. came down to icu and talked with our girls about their daddy, he told them he would always be there for them and me.

    After Carlton died, I hadn't heard from him, he was on vacation and his wife was sick, when he did call, and I knew he was going to call, I was so overwhelmed and he said that he respected me tremendously, and that he knew that our daughters would grow up to be very strong women. He told me his door was always open and he wanted me to come and visit him and wanted to know about Carlton the person ( oh he knew about him, but not some of the "stories" of Carltons' life)

    I eventually got up the courage and saw him about a week and a half ago, it was so nice, brief, but I wanted him to know and tell him in person thank you, and that I will come by and we will have that chat.

    I tell everyone if ever they had to deal with cancer, any kind, any level.....I would send them immediately to him....

    Grace

    8 weeks ago

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Where did the time go? It seems like both a long time and yet almost like yesterday, since Carlton died. It isn't getting any easier.

    There were so many moments that I sure could of used his help and support. I hate having to be both "mom" and "dad", I'm doing the hard dad stuff Carlton used to do and I have to do my mom stuff. It's too hard.

    I've been pumping out my basement for 3 days now and just discovered my porch roof is leaking again, the one we had fixed 7 years ago, my ceiling is ruined. I can't do this alone. I don't want to.

    I still cry everyday, not continously, but it happens.

    This past Friday, I took a big step and went to the cancer center to visit my husbands' oncologist, since I was up in the area I wanted just to say hello. He was so happy to see me, and we gave each other a big hug ( gosh I needed that so much!). He told me again that he has such a deep respect for me, I still don't know where that is coming from, perhaps when chat again I will ask him. He tells me his door will always be open to me, and wants me to come back and visit him, he wants to know about who Carlton was.

    I was good, I didn't break down, I left that for as soon as I got on the elevator.

    I still don't understand why, and I am not on good terms with GOD, maybe sometime, but not right now.

    The girls are doing the best they can, they're just kids, my oldest 12, had a very hard night a few nights ago, I told her, it isn't fair and I lost my dad too. to which she replied, but mom you weren't 12. How do I answer that?

    I'll tell you how messed up I am right now, I'm here crying again, still having to take care of the house, while I have a sister that right now is in the "city" working on a project with a real "BIG TIME" NFL superstar!, and you ask why am I thinking of that, because I helped her get stuff together, did research and what do I get, well I get to hear about all the good time she had, why I go and put on my boots and pump out the cellar again.

    hey thanks for the listen, I know it is just rambling, but thank you, thank you, so much for being here and not leaving me.

    Grace

    not one but two

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    (((Randy)))

    My heart goes out to you and Daisy tonight, I know you will take very good care of her, and please make sure to take care of you too. Here if you need us

    Grace

    Insurance rejection for PET

    in SCLC GROUP

    Posted

    Bobby,

    my husband never had a problem as well, I've spoken to my brother who is a physician and he told me it is in the way the doctor "words" the order, because he does it all the time. I would have your sister speak to her dr. or the secretaries that do the scheduling for him/her and ask.

    Grace

    Today's Been Tough

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    (((Tina)))

    you don't have to apologize for anything, I understand the difficulty, in fact my oldest daughter just had her 12th birthday last week, it was the first major event to happen without Carlton. In fact before he got really sick, he promised her that she could go to this really great chinese restaurant that she wanted to try. So after when he died and her b-day was coming up, I wanted to keep daddys' promise and I took her and 3 of her friends there for her birthday. it was difficult, because the last time I was there was w/ Carlton.

    please take care Tina, don't be hard on yourself..

    Grace

    I think it is close...

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    (((Melinda)))

    you know I'm here for you, it's such a helpless, devestating thing to watch the man you love decline right before your eyes. You're the closest to him, of course he is going to take all of his pain, anger and fear out on you. You know that I know how quickly small cell lc moves and that is what is happening here, I can't tell you in what specific ways, except that it is. try to talk to his nurses about getting him less aggitated, unfortunately he probably needs to be sedated more.

    I know I felt so awful whenever I told the nurses and drs. at the hospital to up Carltons' morphine, but I didn't want him to suffer, I wanted him to be totally out of it, was it easier on me and my girls, no, but my bottom line was no pain for Carlton.

    I hate cancer, it sucks, it takes and takes .....

    even though you feel like you are all alone, please, please, make sure you take care of yourself, like I mentioned before, even if it is just making a cup of tea for yourself.

    I know you don't want to hear some of these things, but you're in the "fog" I spoke about and you will get thru this, unfortunately you have no choice, but I found posting when I went thru all that w/ Carlton and coming here and reading everyones' prayers and love, it meant so much to me and it still does.

    PM me if you want to..

    luv,

    Grace

    Family situation is a nightmare

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Sophie,

    I am sorry you have to go thru this mess. It is a very good thing that you are your moms' POA. I would ask you is your mom still "mentally competent"? because if she is, you can pre-arrange with her, funeral arrangements, I know how difficult that can be, but that at least would be one burden off of you and your moms' shoulders.

    As far as your sisters and dad are concerned, it is very sad and unfortunately you're not alone in this situation, when crisises come you truly see who is there and who isn't, even in your own family. I know you are concerned with what they feel, but it's not about them, it's about your mom, and you just keep on doing what she wants, because you know what is right for her.

    I want to know are you her Health Care Proxy?, because if you aren't or she hasn't decided, please made sure your mom has you as her HCP, because you don't know exactly what is going to happen to her and you seem to be the sole person who has her best interests in mind.

    I bet you your mom is appalled at this too, but the best you can do, is get all the legal documents in place, try not to deal w/ your dad and sisters, if you feel your mom is not in a good, safe place, take the measures to get her out. and if she is capable of making decisions, talk to her, not holding back, don't sugar coat it, just be honest and try to work things out with her, and her alone.

    please let us know, I pray that you can work some things out.

    Grace

    Dying

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    (((Amanda)))

    I know how you are feeling, I am very sorry that you have to go thru this, the most important thing now is for your dad to be made comfortable, and to make sure that you take care of you as well. My prayers go out to your family and I hope and pray that your dad will not suffer.

    Grace

    Thinking of you Flowergirlie

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I just want to let you know that I'm thinking about you and all you are going thru. I pray for you, your children and husband. I know I speak for many in saying that we are here for you, whenever, where ever you need us..

    Grace

    One month ago today

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I lost Carlton, it may be the first day of spring, but I feel so cold and empty. I found the first couple of weeks I was in total numbness, now that has subsided. I find that I am having a more difficult time now, I've cried so many tears, but I know I have many more to come. I can't believe he is gone! Why does life have to be so unfair? I am not as strong as many may think.

    I think I'm doing all the "right" things one is supposed to do, counseling ( for me and the girls), grief group ( for the girls and me online), trying to make it thru each day. No one knows how this feels until you lose the love of your life, because without your love, what is your life?

    Grief hurts so bad

    Grace

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