EastCoastLadi
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Posts posted by EastCoastLadi
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Mendy,
Of course you're tired, look at all you have been thru, there is only one you, but yet you are being "pulled" in so many directions. I used to tell my family, I wasn't Superwoman, so if things weren't perfect, heck no, even just average, too bad, I can only do so much.
At the time my husband was going thru all his battle, I knew that we were going to have to live moment to moment, I couldn't plan anything big, it just wasn't possible, in fact when I thought about the future, near or far, it was too much, too overwhelming, so the best thing I could do was to stay in the present.
Grace
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(((Kimberly)))
I am so very sorry about your dad, I know how exhausted you are and you are right to take some time for you, when you can. Sending my prayers tonite to you and your family.
Grace
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(((Ann)))
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(((Don)))
What a wonderful way to celebrate such a wonderful woman!
Grace
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Cheryl,
Do I know what you are talking about. I can tell you every med and dosage my husband was on, but I can't get my dates right!
Grace
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My mom is going into surgery today to have her thyroid removed. There are some questions about suspecious cells. If you could, would you send a little prayer her way today, her name is Joyce.
much luv,
Grace
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(((Melinda)))
A very hard decision, as you know, I know, first with the nurse, don't waste the time in your head thinking about what she thinks!, obviously she doesn't know what your husband has and is going thru.
Of course, what does he want to do, I know that with Carlton, before he went into the coma, wanted to continue chemotherapy, regardless of what it would do to the quality of his life, at that point it was his decision, and I and his dr. fully explained the pros and cons.
Try to get hold of the radiologist, and also remember, you can talk to his oncologist, I don't know anything about your husbands' drs. But my husband had the most incredible oncologist you ever want to meet and there were times when I wanted to talk with him, he would get right on the phone.
This is a very critical time in your life, don't worry about what others think of you. Please take care you know I'm here for you.
Grace
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....When Carlton died, I made the decision to donate his corneas to the New England Organ Bank, it wasn't a difficult decision at all, I knew that Carlton would not have argued with me.
...A few hrs after he died the Organ Bank called me, and I answered several questions about Carltons' health and various life history. I knew his corneas were the only thing that could be donated due to the cancer.
...I wanted them to let me know if they were transplanted and if they weren't able to I didn't want to know...
Today in the mail, I received a letter from the organ bank, they wrote to tell me that both of Carltons' corneas were given to 2 women from Florida. It was both joyful and sadness. Because of Carltons' death 2 people were given the wonderful gift of sight. Yet, it hit me hard as a reminder of him being gone.
I showed my girls the letter when they got home, my oldest was so happy, she had tears in her eyes, my youngest, while still kind of young to comprehend, I knew she was proud of her daddy too.
Grace
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(((Sonia)))
I am very sorry, your dad is truly at peace, my prayers go out to you and your family today.
Grace
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(((Heather)))
I wish I could give you some answers, I know with my husband his prognosis was poor. All I can say, is be with him, putting my husband in the hospital, was one of the hardest thing I had to do, he was mad, but he couldn't understand, I told him the doctors wanted him there. It was the right decision, less then 3 days later, he had a major seizure and went into a coma, for 10 days, before he passed.
I don't know what will happen to your husband, but from my experiences, my husband needed the constant 24 hr care, that I as one person, even with some help, couldn't do.
I can tell you my husband wasn't in pain either, which is comforting to me.
... I'm here for you
Grace
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Since Carlton death, I have come across some revelations that I quite didn't get while Carlton was sick until he was gone.
I learned that while I was caught up in my own active "anticipatory grief" that Carlton was slowly going downhill, not in obvious ways, but in what he did "behind the scenes" - meaning his own ways of taking care of things.
..His tools he would always take such metaculous care of I found some that were totally ruined
...The pellet stove that he wanted for so long and when we got loved so much, he over used it to the point that it broke down due to his inability to use common sense, the Carlton I knew would "baby" that stove.
....the clothes that he wrecked, because he was incontinent and didn't want me to know, until it was too late
..I've also learned ( up to this point ) that even though we are all unique, with our own circumstances and "stories", our grief is so similar, there are words written by others about the pain and sorrow, that I could have written myself
...I've learnt that my girls put on a better "game face" than their mom, but I've learnt that it doesn't equate to the amount of pain they are going thru...
..I've learned that people want to help you when they first find out, but then life goes on, for them.
I still have many things to learn
Grace
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Ann,
It doesn't sound nuts to me. But in a similar way, when the day Carlton had died, my mom and sister ( now in two different cities, states ) saw a red cardinal ( remind you, winter in New England) and I knew that was a sign from my dad.
I truly believe my dad was waiting for Carlton and I know Carlton will definitely tell my dad, hello and all kinds of things going on in the family..
Grace
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(((Marco Jo)))
I am so very sorry about Jeannine, I know the emotions you must be going thru. No more pain, no more struggle, she is at peace. My prayers to you and your family this evening.
Grace
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(((Sue)))
It is so difficult, isn't it? But you have shown to me and others such strength and courage. Your support for me has been a blessing. I want to send you big hugs and know that I am thinking about you today...
Grace
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Lisa,
I am so sorry about your mom, I know how difficult it must of been for you to tell your children.
I also wasn't by my husbands' side when he passed away last week, but his oncologist told me something what was very comforting and valuable to how my husband passed.
He told me that if I go home and Carlton passes away and I am not there to not feel guilty. He said that he has seen it happen alot, even the nurses told me the same thing. This helped me alot when Carlton died because, I don't think I would of been able to function at all, if I didn't know that.
Lisa, my prayers are going out to you, your dad and family this evening...
Grace
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(((Ann)))
God bless you for all that you have been through. I know the pain all too well, please stay strong and brave!
Grace
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Grief hits me in the oddest of situations, in the supermarket, I don't need to buy for 4, when the weatherman says rain is coming (Carltons' favorite kind of weather), buying a lottery ticket, watching my favorite soap opera.
Grief, cuts into my soul, my heart drops, I am so very tired. I am at a total disbelief that Carlton is gone. I wonder how much more sadness and grief can I take.
I can have my moments of just doing everyday things, washing dishes, waking up the girls for school and then something or even nothing triggers my saddness.
I have this wonderful picture of Carlton and I, I can't even look at it, it breaks my heart, I see his eyes and he is looking at me, my soul is broken.
I'm in total disbelief
I miss Carlton
Tonite I made meatloaf for me and the girls...
Grace
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(((Stephanie)))
your dad was the same age as my husband, still young and it isn't fair. I know the shock that you are in, I am still in shock myself over my husbands' death. please know that there are many wonderful people here for you, I know that personally, from what I have and am going thru too.
All my prayers to you.
Grace
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I am very sorry, I know exactly how difficult it is for you and your family right now. Please know my prayers go out to you and your family at this difficult time.
Grace
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(((Melinda)))
I am here for you, I know exactly how you are feeling, yes, your husband is strong, and ones' will can make a person go through the unimaginable with strength and diginity.
Although, Carlton didn't really go to hospice, but I did talk to him about having things set up in our home, just in case he needed them.
My heart goes out to you and your children, it is too much, and I hate the fact that you have to go through this.
once again...I'm here for you
Grace
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I don't think I can eloquently put into words the love and gratitude that I have for all of you during this heartbreaking time for me and my girls.
I am so very heartbroken now, it is such a struggle to even type these words. I know it is all so new, but I still am in total disbelief.
Carlton is gone, and there are moments when it doesn't feel that way and than bam! reality sets in, he is gone and isn't coming back ever!
I've done the phone calls - the ones that needed to know, the arrangements, and now all the endless paperwork to get my family going again, it is a challenge, but I must keep going for the girls and myself
The girls went back to school today, they wanted to, I think it is very important to try to get back to their "regular" life - school, activities, homework, chores...but I think my breaking down is making them worse, so I come here and hide my sorrow
But to go back to my orginal thought, to all of you, the prayers, the good thoughts, the comforting words, the "virtual" hugs and holding of hands helped me through these past few weeks.
I knew that eventually Carlton would die from this, but I wasn't prepared in the way that he did, I guess I thought he would slowly go downhill, that we would have the time to say our final goodbyes, and I love you, that I would be with him till his last breath. But it wasn't meant to be.
I still need you all, it is so lonely and painful, I will come back, I want to talk and I hope that others will be here to continue to help me get through this awful time in my life.
My love to you all..
Grace
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Carlton passed away around 6:15 this evening. I wasn't there to see him pass, but it would of been just like Carlton to do it himself with no one else around.
Once again thank you so very much.....
will post again later...
luv
Grace
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Again, from my heart, all the love and gratitude to everyone for all you have given to me...
Last night Carlton was "stable" - I use that term loosely because how can someone be dying stable? ...but he's so damn stubborn and tough, his dr. came in last night, (hadn't seen him in a couple of days), he just stood there in amazement, for all Carlton is going thru and how he is is nothing short of unbelievable.
The dr. told me, that the fever Carlton is having can not be controlled, it is due to the brain tumors, his hypothalmus is more likely destroyed, but the most they can do is tylenol and ice packs, I was told his temp. could actually go below normal.
But the dr. and his nurse were more concerned about me, since Carlton was "stable" for the moment they suggested I go home and get some rest, they would call me if anything changes.
I went home, and I'm glad I did, my sister called ( she had the girls for the night), but my youngest wasn't doing well, she wanted to come home, so off I went and got the both girls, my oldest when she got in the door, said she was so glad to be home.
I am glad home is comforting for them, I sometimes forget they're hurting as much as I am, and even more, so I'm here for them right now.
I did go see Carlton earlier today, he looks real bad, again, no response, high temp, all the mucus in his throat and now pneumonia, but God love him, because he's tough. I truly believe his soul is above us, it is just his body that will not give in..
my neighbor came over earlier, I told her everything, she lost her husband of 40 something yrs a few yrs back to lung cancer, -- she gets it too, but said Carlton was the nicest person you ever wanted to meet. She told me the story, when she asked him, why he left so very early in the morning to go to work ( 3am), he said for him to get home early to be with his girls
-- that's my man....I love you Carlton....
luv
Grace
-- that's my man....
My Dad is gone. It's so hard to believe
in GRIEF
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(((Nicole)))
I am very sorry about your dad, sending my prayers your way this evening.
Grace