TamHol

I'm so sorry for all of these things coming down on you all at once ........ I know what you mean when your feeling overwhelmed and they are all very tangable things ... nothing you've over annylised etc. It's far more of a panic with all these things hovering around you .... please remind yourself of this. It's you in a Panic!!!! You have a baby in the house and that is something you need to have just as much focus on as your natural worry for the rest of the family. You do need to do all these tasks in a day on your own ..... so make sure you sleep when you can, relax when you have a moment so that you replenish, conserve ... all the energy needed for everyone ... including yourself. Go to the doctor for some help if needed, not that this will help alone .... A quick fix for me and my "panic" moments is a vitamin B complex for stress. The short of a long story is I went looking for natural depression relief and found alot about vitamin deficantcy that presents like depression. Folic Acid is a vitiman that will present as confusion, anxioty, spontanious fits of crying and feeling paniced ..... 1mg is the "female" recommendation ... B6 and B12 are main deficentcies that present as depression as well and is great for the brain and the seritonin for natural muscle relaxation your body does. I found it to be very logical, I have digestion problems, all these daily amounts are in red meat ... I can't eat anymore. When I'm upset and stressed out I tend NOT to eat ..... why wouldn't those vitamins I'm not injesting do something???? Sounds logical to me! If you can't get into the doctor's office or want to try something more natural with a baby in the house .... I highly recommend this approach. It will be labeled as "B complex for stress" "Stress-ease" etc. And just keep on talking and venting .... keeping the information in like it's a secret only festers. Hope something in there helps. Tammy

I would say that is a funeral home out for the cheque and not the quality of the service provided. Unfortunately this can be common and a "new trend" for the funeral services to be more UPBEAT ... blah blah blah. If that's what you wanted and requested then it's fine ..... if it's not .... take your "green dollars" else where, I say! Arrange something yourself ... there is nothing wrong with that. My husband life long friend passed away from a heart attack at age 39 just after new years. His family didn't plan the memorial or even bring up the idea of one ....... but his friends did and it was a full house! You'll find a way to memorialize or say your good byes that suit you ...... alone or with others is the only question really. Tammy

Milk is BAD .... if it's made with or out of milk .... stay away from it all together. It's the cause for cramping and the persistance of the runs. Stay away from coconut, spices and high fiber intake. There are excellent guidelines for IBS and Colitis sufferers ... follow those rules and you'll be much better. My Dad said he saw the results within the first week or two after taking milk out of his day. Tammy

Good luck to you in the coming days ..... may your memories give you comfort. Tammy

The results from my Dad's colonoscopy was good since there wasn't any cancer found on the parts they took to biopsy. Not thought of due to the lung cancer but his cousin just had his colon removed due to cancer tumors last year. He's off milk and other specific foods since he does have something (it's an alphabete soup name) it's equivilent to colitis. This is the stomach pain and constent runs he's had for the past year, the specialist said "come back in 3 years". This is something we know well, IBS, Cronse and Colitis .... this we know how to get pain relief and it's "rules" ..... whew hew! The count of additional aches and pains has risen this year given bad days with gout in his feet and now a form of "colitis" ..... and his days remain the same. With the nicer weather coming he has plans of going to the kids baseball and ball hockey games as well as his regular routine and visits. Welcome to spring Tammy

Good luck to you ........ here's hoping it's just a bad week for her! Tammy

My cousin is simular shape as Ger ......... hopefully there pain can be relieved soon....one way or another. It's a relentless illness! Good luck in the coming days! Tammy

I think your going threw the same panic I did ... still do from time to time. I don't have any advice for you other than to trust your Dad. He knows what he can and is willing to do ... My husband who has no health problems will say occationally "you know, if I were to go today I'd be okay with it. I've done what I set out to do and a few more ... I'd at least feel like I've achieved what I wanted." Maybe there is an ounce of that "insight" in your Dad's mind and actions. Maybe it's not denial but just voicing his contentment of his life ... which by my standards is a wonderful thing to be able to say. It's a hard thing to do ... understand, have faith in the person, and have faith in the bodies response to that persons request. Mystical and unknown .... but it's something!!!! Good luck to you! Tammy

There is nothing wrong with your husbands request ... sometimes the treatment is worse than the illness itself. Just keep in mind there are ethic's in the medical feild that say "preserve and prevent". And don't forget they are all people too with families and loved ones. Personal opinion and faith are hard things to keep to yourself when having such a conversation. Unfortunate but true, bed side manner and unbias opinions are not the biggest concern when they graduate from nursing and medical school! If you don't feel the request is being respected then remind them of their place. "This is about my husbands comfort level, this is what we've decided and this is what will be done." Smile and walk away! Nothing said will be enough to get you threw the day easier ..... but limiting the amount of brow-beating outside of your own abilities, is very handy. Good luck to you and your family, are the kids okay and a part of this decision? Personally, I think it's important, but yet not for everyone! Tammy

I don't feel bad posting here the good out of all of this ...... "Slow but steady" is a good thing and I'm thankful for everything it has to offer as well. I know he's planning to come for the kids playing baseball and ball hockey .... he loves his "Popa did you see!" squeals! His lawn chair will take it's place in the trunk of my car for the games .... "same as" all the other years ! It's not as easy to feel greatful and happy that this is going slowly for him when your in person though. That's where I get the urge to lie or down play the subject. Nothing like talking to my cousins etc. about all the horrible things going on with my cousin Linda .... then talk about my Dad. Ackward doesn't even cover it! You know we all have that secret score card in our heads, I do and I don't expect anything different from her sisters and brothers. I do think it's a form of survivers guilt to the point of simply "right place at the right time". Having the cousins tell me or me passing the update on to another ... and it's all so bad right now for Linda. In her brain and brain swelling daily, sesiures every 2 hr's, and can only get from place to place with her brothers, bro-in-laws, nephews on either side holding her up.....man!!!! It just doesn't seem like it's appropriate to say "Oh my Dad's doing well, some added aches and pains but there's no time lost from the pool hall, AA meetings or weekly seniors luncheons." Seems more like ....... Nah nah nananana to me!

So many people here are hurting and going threw this illness so fast and its effects hitting so hard. I feel like lying when asked how my Dad is doing, I feel guilty that I can't share the same pain at the same time with everyone. Of course I'm happy with my Dad's slow progression and realistically, I know his day will come. I'm not missing out on any of the extra time and I'm by far complaining over my Dad's good condition. I just feel so badly for everyone who has so much more to bare and so quickly. We've all been prepared for Dad's departure for so long now that it's shocking to see him doing so well. We're waiting for the other shoe to drop, cause historically that's how it goes for us. But the shoe that we're prepared for is falling in alot of other peoples laps .... not ours! His cousin who was diagnosed 6 months before him, 15 years younger and listed from day one as "unopperable" isn't doing well at all. She's in pain and on med's to keep the swelling down in her brain, a new tumour is giving her seisures. How can there be such a difference between people for the same illness is completely baffeling. I talk to other cousins etc. and they all ask how my Dad is, then Linda. They too are astounded by the difference and I literally feel like lying and at least saying "he's in bed for the better part of the day". But he's not, he's got pain from his stomach daily but he's gotten used to that and made the ajustments, or just ignores it. He's got the weakeness in the legs and just takes his time .... the pain doesn't seem to matter to him much. He slirs his words and his breathing is louder and deeper, the increase effects are there! I just shake my head everytime I think of all this ..... I don't bother with why, cause I just simply don't know that answer. I say the only thing I can "It's odd how it effects one but not another, it truely has a mind of it's own and works on it's own time frame." Tammy

The only thing I can say is I'm so sorry for this ...... my hope and prayers are with you. Tammy

I keep waiting and watching for some great news from you ... your husband and your family will get threw this one moment at a time. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your family .... xox Tammy

Keep this experience in your hip pocket and be sure to check the name on the xrays the next time!!!! Or just flat out refuse the tech's information! Good God Almighty ......... what a stupid thing for the tech to do .... It's one thing to deliver news they are not qualified to pass on. But to completely the wrong person ............. I think I'd be looking for an appauligy! In person!

Well it's nearly a week from the first year diagnosis of my Dad's lung cancer. I'm not being negitive, it's just not a great memory to remember that week. It was all a panic for me, tracking down his brother's who he wrote off years ago. Telling the kids and wondering where he'd live since he couldn't be on his own anymore. That was a world of uncertainty and panic ........ it was a week! To think a year has gone by and he's no worse for the wear now today ... alot of extra aches and pains. It hasn't been established that he wouldn't have that right now anyway regardless of the addition of lung cancer to the list of ailments. It's just turning out to be a crap year so far .... everywhere else! A dear friend died at 39yr's old from a heartattack and lingered for two weeks. My brother in law is near a nervous break down (complete with suicidal thoughts) curtiousy of his "phsyco" X-girlfriend. My husband is worried daily and jumping at the phone after 10pm. My sister T-boned a car driven by a drunk driver. She's OK but is frantically worried about the little girl with sore ribs in the other car. My Dad will freat over all the "what if's" of the accident in silence ... All this within the first month of the year! January! I tell you, I'm seeing all these things and thinking ......... none of this can be good! How does it all relate to my Dad? He's Manic Depressive .... I had an accident where everyone was fine, but the idea of the "what if's" threw him into a Manic state. At that time he didn't rely on medication for his heart, definately didn't have lung cancer, and definately didn't have an unknown stomach/digestive problems. And it was one of the worst episodes we ever had with him ........ I'm not predicting .... I do this so if the bad comes knocking I'm not surprised and able to be functionable. And if it's all good ... it's actually GREAT. But really with all this in a month??? It's not that hard to wonder what will come next.

It's funny how one doctor won't give you a straight answer at all ...... and then another comes along being so vulger about it. I guess you never know who or what these doctors you will end up with until you go threw the door. Too bad "beside manner" isn't a requirement when in the higher levels of the medical field. Devil's advicate now ..... you didn't want to tell your husband the "full" diagnosis at one point in time. Now he knows and someone else is the cause of that ... not you! That is a burden you don't have to carry, and thankfully your husband is making the best of his days! This turn around and new found joy is something he's been sorely missing out on for a bit now. May the small joys give great happiness and many more to come ........ Tammy

Last year I started the year with a huge blow and immediate panic. Now I've started this year much the opposite of last and "counting my blessings". It's all strange and fortunately humbling for me! Last year, on Mother's Day, a co-worker died from a massive heart attack ..... 39 yr's old. He left behind two year old twins he hadn't seen in a year, a month away from visiting them. What a shame, and such a funny up beat good man! On New Years day! A life long friend of my husbands had a massive heart attack .... he just turned 39 on Boxing Day. There's little or no brian activity and the family decided to "unplug" the machines. He's still alive, and is breathing on his own with a stable heart beat. Still the odds are that he won't come back from this and his body doesn't know to "let go" yet. A wonderful genuine "good man" still living at home to take care of his 80+ yr old mother! I'm so lucky to have my year long worry with my 62yr old father. So many other things could've taken that away from me .......... at any given time!

How Wonderful for you all ............. I'm keeping the faith for you and your family to come out of this "smelling the roses".

First of all I am so sorry this has to be this way for you ......... it's all so much to take on and care for your parents. But to have to do it yourself and with stupid comments like "your not yourself" to kick you when your down. I think you need help ...... get it, from where ever you can! Help to take care of you and give you some down time which is much needed, and help to physically care for your parents. In some communities or like our "Cancer center". There is volunteers (also have cancer) driving each other to and from appointments. Blow up at these people, don't hold back with your list of examples, and get that aggrevation off your chest ... they are the cause of it ... they deserve the outburst from it. Why in the heck should you hold back on issues of YOUR finances and this extreme exhaustion? If you need immediate relief write it out in a note: WHY I'M NOT MYSELF THESE DAYS ... Lack of sleep from worry Physically exhausted .... so on and so on! Take that to a councelor and start talking .... but never let these people benefit from you holding your tongue. These are real things, not something chalked up as "I feel like ..." or "I wish ..." You need to tell them to start financing this and getting their hands dirty. Can you depend on them to take care of you and your kids when you finally crack from all this pressure?????? If your not telling them what is happening to you while you care for your parents. They don't know the true extent of the experience on you ..... if they do know everything! Then you owe them NOTHING and there is no need to keep any of it under your hat like it's a secret. They've chosen to deal with this and play stupid to your needs ....... they can deal with the reality of that choice. Just some ideas on a quick fix, the truth is it won't last for very long! If the only way you can let anyone know the true extent of your exhaustion and mental state. Just simply show up at their door ........ when they open it, let it all go, right there at the doorway! Some don't think the strong and willing - break ......... if they see a true break from you, this will most likely never happen again. You need to start looking for the help elsewhere if the rest of them won't volunter. Tammy

Oh the ultra sound and stuff was done at the office, and he's not constipated ... he's had the runs since May. Feburary was the earliest appointment they could get him in. Of course it's if the heart specialist authorizes the small amount of anistetic needed to do the colonoscopy. The family doctor doesn't see a problem with it, but he has to get the final OK from the heart specialist. I remember myself and watching small children being told "you can't do this or that, your too little ......" Remember how agrivating that was? I don't doubt that's what he's feeling all over again! Everytime he turns around someone is telling him he's sick with "this" .... but he can't do anything ...... cause he's too sick with "that"! It's amazing that he hasn't just mentally crashed from that roller coaster alone! All this guessing .... meanwhile we're actually just tiddering back and forth on the fence post ... just wondering and patiently waiting for "whatever"????!

It was a good Christmas with good laughs and good food....... But the worry and wonder never really stops now does it?! My Dad .... just before his radiation started he had the runs, this is May. They worsened during and after radiation. All the standard tests were done and the runs were not of an infection, parisites or anything of that nature. Around August (well after radiation) he started to whinse in pain while eating ...... he went to a stomach specialist this past week. My sister said everywhere they touched on his stomach he moaned in pain, some louder than others. Then came the internal, from the hallway she heard my Dad howl in pain for that. She also brought it to our attention (and the specialist) that he can be heard moaning in pain briefly. But by the time she goes over to see what's happening, it's passed and he's saying "I'm fine, just my stomach is sore". Yes there is colan cancer in his family, one cousin with a 6" tumour around the same age as my Dad. That's all he needs ......... they'll do a colanoscopy to find out more ... in Feburary!!!! In the reading I've done when this all started didn't say anything about a spread to intestines etc. However I can't see it being completely impossible! Poor guy just can't catch a break ......... and we don't know if he's just being stubborn and ignoring it, high tolerance for pain, or his "sick of being sick" attitude. Most likely a bit of everything each at some point of the day. But he didn't care about pain for that turkey .... he went for seconds and was happy for it. Yum Yum! I don't know what to do with this information or any new "threats"? At this point I'm unsure if I want to know more myself. I'm really getting sick of wondering of what this or that might be, there's too many senerio's to choose from ........... I just want him to be comfortable through it all and without additional upset. I know, dream on ........... but it's a pleasant thought!

I'm so sorry!

I think the true information is more important to you and the kids right now. You have more reality to deal with and need to prepare yourselves for what may come. I would test the waters with some small pieces of information with your husband, he sounds like he'll let you know if he wants you to keep it to yourself or not. He may need that desperate hope to get him threw as many days as he can ......... so slow but steady would be my course of action with him. Although it is his right to know what is going on ... he may already know in his heart and head .... but hearing it is a very different story. You may be on a tedder-tawter with this subject and engulfing him in this information may cause things to get worse with his demeanor and anger. Good luck to you and the best Christmas possible to your family. Tammy

wonderful news ................

First of all ............ In my experience the nurses are the people who will give you the true answers. Also they are the ones that actually deal with the bedside manner portion and are very accomidating compaired to the doctor. I know you want more education, but sometimes experience and working knowledge is better information. But if you don't like either of them and they won't respond to the natural urging of answering your questions .... go elsewhere. Tammy