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Steph74

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  1. I haven't posted since my mom died almost 10 months ago, but read the forums often. This moved me as well - I'm 34, mom died at 56, non smoker. NEVER, EVER thought I would be doing this solo - she was my only family, so I feel like an orphan. My husband doesn't "get it". It's been tough and I'm constantly thinking of what I could of said, what I could have done, and EVERYTIME I see grandparents with their grandchildren, I feel like a knife has gone into my heart and it's twisting (sorry for the graphic desc but it's truly how I feel) - I also grieve everytime I see mothers/daughters together, I sometimes don't even realize I'm staring until one gives me a look. I still can't beleive that she's gone, can't get my head wrapped around it. It's truly challenged my faith in God. Her mother died of cancer when she was 3 yrs old, then she get's it 53 yrs later - how if life fair?!?
  2. I understand and feel the SAME exact way, everyone else has gotten on with their life, and I have too - but at least everyday I think about the last few hours before she died, and I cry and think how unfair it was for her to get this disease and to miss out on the one thing she wanted to be - a grandmother. I cry everytime my daughter does something new and my mom's not there, I can't even explain how much I miss her in my life. Everything your thinking and feeling is so normal. Take care.
  3. Steph74

    You know...

    I understand - me too
  4. Steph74

    Bonny Michaels

    Beth - we exhanged many emails back and forth - very similar cases - Chicago, only child, mom in her 50s, we are about the same age. I was hoping for a miracle in your case though. And I'm so sorry, I know how much you loved your mom and she loved you. I won't lie to you - it is SO hard, it's only been 2 months for me, and it feels like yesterday. If you want to PM me, I will give you my private email and we can talk one on one. Even if you want to meet up after everything calms down - I'm here in Chicago. You are starting another emotional roller coaster ride, but this time it will about you and how you deal with the loss of your mom, we are here for you to grab onto......
  5. Congratulations to you both, wishing you the best!
  6. I would take it as that as well, your baby is precious (I have a Sofie too) and how rare to have a great grandmother, but 4?!? That's great!
  7. I have felt the same way - my mom did as much as she could to get people to understand that this was an "equal opportunity disease" as she put it. It's about getting the word out - joining groups - lungevity, lung cancer alliance, etc - going to events, races, walks. My mom was on the phone with our state senators weekly, and actually got the lung cancer awareness bill passed in Illinois. With lung cancer - it's about having survivors here to fight the fight, unfortuntely we don't have tons of long term survivors, that's why family and friends need to get the word out.
  8. Steph74

    new here

    Mary - I'm sorry as well, my mom passed in January too, so I'm here for you, we are probably experiencing much of the same right now. This is a great outlet for you.
  9. Steph74

    Nana's House

    I've just started a book called "Motherless Mothers" - by Hope Edelman. You may want to check it out. That sounds like a beautiful passage - I understand your pain, everytime I look at my daughter, I see my mother.
  10. Hi Carrie - my mom's doctor said the same thing - but my mom insisted on chemo and the doctor said ok, small chance it would work for the liver mets - one last try - this was her fifth line treatment as well. I'm not telling you what to do, but I kind of feel like I pushed her to try the fifth line treatment - she drove to chemo Tuesday, and died Monday - I'm worried that it (the chemo) may have caused her to die earlier than she may have if she went in hospice, she may have had more time. I will never know, but I wish she would have been pain free and not chemo sick during that last week of her life. Sorry to be blunt, but I want you to know what I went through, maybe it will help, but ultimately it's your mom's decision. My thoughts are with you, you can PM me anytime.
  11. Allie - I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, and this roller coaster is just starting for you. I am 33 and my mom lived almost 2 years with lung cancer. There are new treatments out every month, so people are living with this disease. Be positive for your mom (she needs it) and LIVE life for the now - it's hard not to think about the "what if's" but try too, you will have no regrets.
  12. Carrie, my thoughts and prayers are with you, my mom recently went through the same thing, and it went SO FAST - take care of yourself.
  13. Congratulations Lee Ann, it's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it (and with such sadness in your life at this moment). Your mom would be so proud.
  14. I'm so sorry - I just PM'd you.
  15. I always hoped I would never have to post in this category, but here I am. My beautiful, courageous mother passed this morning at 6:30 AM, she died with me by her side. She was strong and independent until the very end - as she was throughout life. I will post more later, I still can't believe this happened.... http://www.mem.com/Story.aspx?ID=2252154 (Mom's everlasting memorial) The following is the obituary: Jackie L Anderson, age 56, passed away at home January 21, 2008 after a courageous battle with lung cancer. She is the beloved mother of Stephanie (Andy) Blake, devoted grandmother of Sofia. Fond sister of Brenda (Scott) Mueller, Colleen (Doug) Hall, & Leon (Debra) Coberley. Daughter of Leon & Arlene Coberley. In lieu of flowers contributions to the Lungevity Foundation www.lungevity.org or Working to Cure Ataxia www.cureataxia.org would be appreciated.
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