lisag

laugh (something we need to remember to do!)

I acted a lot like your boyfriend is now for about a month after my fathers diagnosis. By nature I am a researcher, so I needed to process as much as I could internally before discussing. Once treatment got underway and I was able to see progress in my dad, I was able to open up. A lot of my pulling back had to do with control--I had none. That was hard. All I can say is hang in there, he'll come around when he is ready. I know for me, life was so out of control for a while, that work was my "normal" place. Cancer did not exist at work. Maybe he's looking for a sense of normalcy with you. Eventually, I accepted that this is just a new part of "normal", and opened up. If you can make it to visit him maybe that'll help too. When you love someone who's fighting this, it's hard to balance life. I didn't want it to take over my life, but it was. I didn't want to bore people or drive them crazy everytime dad lost a pound or lost more hair. I also alienated some of my best friends (temporarily) because I did not want to depress or bore them. I felt so weak at the time, when in fact it has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be, and didn't want my weakness to show thru. I felt vulnerable--all of a sudden my mood for the day could be ruined by low hemoglobins. I was tyring so hard to be considerate towards them, but it didn't matter. I came around in due time, hopefully he will too.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes. I've been sharing them with the family. Dad's in chemo today--the hospital made an exception and mixed his chemo cocktail early so he could start at 7am and get out in time to stop by my moms retirement party. What a week! I see steak and lobster in our future--maybe even this weekend if dad can take it. We are due for a celebration!

It's been a while since I've written, but I've been reading often. Hearing everyones stories does wonders for me. It really helps so much. I have some good news on our cancer fight. My dad, diagnosed with SCLC at the end of March, was told yesterday that the tumor is gone! He's up to normal weight, has normal color, and the oncologist says that he'd never know my dad's had cancer. The original tumor was baseball sized, and now--nada! And he hasn't had a cigarette since mid-March and has no desire for one!! He starts round 6 of chemo today. So far so good. He was a little tired after round 5 but all in all is doing well. He's aware that the last few may cause exhaustion, but is mentally prepared. Of course, we all know the fight is not over. No doubt that there are still evil cancer cells lurking around in his body, but hopefully the last few bouts of chemo will take care of those nasty little suckers. Anyway just wanted to share since I finally had real news. Yeah for dad!!

I am sorry for your loss. If/when you feel up to it, please share. It can be really theraputic to get the words out. Lisa

It seems a lot of us (well, my dad, not me) are diagnosed by accident. Dad had bronchitis. Our family doctor did an x-ray, based on a "feeling". Next thing we know, dad is on his way to the hospital. My mom said to the doctor "it's just pnemonia, right" and he says, "it's unlike any pnemonia I've ever seen" and we knew. That night they did a CT scan. The next day they did a needle biopsy and confirmed what we all, in our hearts, already knew. I thank God every day for that case of pnemonia (he did have a minor case of it). Note that my dad had symptoms other than a spot on the xray. He had some facial swelling, shortness of breath, etc... Yet the cancer had not really even spread at that point. I hope for you and your dad that it is not cancer but please know that if it is, as long as you have hope you have a chance. We've had some rough times in the last 7 1/2 weeks but my heart says we'll be okay. My family all went through the numbness, the fear. We came out of it shortly after diagnosis and did what needed to be done... Best wishes to you and your family. You're in my thoughts, as is everyone on this board. (I don't post much but read often and think of everyone constantly). Lisa

Thanks everyone for the words of kindness and advice. With some encouragment, my mom actually called her EAP and may get a referral to a psychologist. I hope once she openly talks about her fears she can begin her own healing process. I bought the survivor stories book from the Lance Armstrong Foundation for myself, and am just about finished with it and will hand it off to mom and dad next. There are tons of inspirational stories available thru the foundation, though few are lung cancer related. I hope to change that when we submit my dad's story! www.livestrong.org, under the "Take Control" tab are 162 stories of hope and courage. I continue to keep everyone associated with this site in my thoughts, hopes and prayers. Take Care- Lisa

My dad was doing wonderfully with radiation alone, but the radiation/chemo combo was too much and they gave him a one week break from radiation to rehydrate him and let him build up more strength. That was last week. He's back in radiaton today and says he's feeling very well, though they are continuing hydration until he's done w/radiation. His first 3 weeks of radiation were a breeze, though. He did yard work, replaced the brakes on his car, etc... He had some throat pain which made eating difficult so he got drugs for that, and he developed acid reflux but high doses of Prevacid have helped so much. I'll keep your dad in my thoughts.

I've been reading postings on the site for a few weeks now and have finally decided to post. Just a warning: I'm probably going to ramble on. My dad (58 yrs old) was diagnosed with limited stage SCLC on March 31st. He had bronchitis, which led to pneumonia, which led to the discovery of the cancer. He made it through 3 of his 5 weeks of radiation just fine. On the third week he had round 2 of chemo as well. It was just too much to take, so last week they gave him the week off of radiation to let his body heal up a bit. The tumor was about the size of a baseball. It has shrunk, though we don't know how much. His lung was collapsed, though it re-inflated itself a couple weeks ago, indicating shrinkage. The next CT scan is the week of 05-15, during or after round 3 of chemo. My father has a prosthetic shoulder from an accident six or seven years ago, and has not worked since then, he's disabled. My parents celebrated their 37th anniversary a couple weeks into this. There are three of us kids, with me being the youngest at age 27. We're all out of the house, with 2 of us being in the same town and the third being about an hour away. We've done what we can to help with stuff around the house, grocery shopping, etc... but I am worried about my mom. She's working full time, and carries the insurance. Her job has been excellent about her taking time off as needed. But she was set to retire in a couple months, so they could travel, enjoy their grandchild, etc... Now she is begging for them to let her keep her job. She's turning into a recluse aside from work and doctors. She says she "cannot see her (extended) family" because she'll break down and that won't do anyone any good. Her mom was released from the hospital following open heart surgery the very day that my dad was diagnosed. It's a trying time for her, for all of us, but we need each other. She won't even visit my Grandma who is less than an hour away. It's like she's punishing herself for my dad's cancer. Or she's angry that their plans got screwed up. I'm worried about her. She's seeing her family doctor at the end of the month, and I'm sure this will be one of the topics of discussion. I'd imagine it's fairly common for primary caregivers to fall into depression? In the beginning, she and my dad were going to "beat this thing". Her attitude seems to have changed lately, probably out of exhaustion. She's always been a superwoman. I am sure my dad is no treat to deal with right now, he is excellent to us kids and to family and friends, but my mom says as soon as we hang up the phone or walk out the door he turns into a grump. Anyway, just needed to get this off my chest. I'm sure my dad is going to win this battle, I'm just worried about my mom. I know insurance is a big concern for her right now. The insurance company has been good about coverage so far. But if she retries they're going to have to rely on Medicare/Medicaid for coverage. He already has it due to his disability, but has never really used it due to my moms insurance. Sorry to dump on you, but thanks for letting me.

I've been reading postings on the site for a few weeks now and have finally decided to post. Just a warning: I'm probably going to ramble on. My dad (58 yrs old) was diagnosed with limited stage SCLC on March 31st. He had bronchitis, which led to pneumonia, which led to the discovery of the cancer. He made it through 3 of his 5 weeks of radiation just fine. On the third week he had round 2 of chemo as well. It was just too much to take, so last week they gave him the week off of radiation to let his body heal up a bit. The tumor was about the size of a baseball. It has shrunk, though we don't know how much. His lung was collapsed, though it re-inflated itself a couple weeks ago, indicating shrinkage. The next CT scan is the week of 05-15, during or after round 3 of chemo. My father has a prosthetic shoulder from an accident six or seven years ago, and has not worked since then, he's disabled. My parents celebrated their 37th anniversary a couple weeks into this. There are three of us kids, with me being the youngest at age 27. We're all out of the house, with 2 of us being in the same town and the third being about an hour away. We've done what we can to help with stuff around the house, grocery shopping, etc... but I am worried about my mom. She's working full time, and carries the insurance. Her job has been excellent about her taking time off as needed. But she was set to retire in a couple months, so they could travel, enjoy their grandchild, etc... Now she is begging for them to let her keep her job. She's turning into a recluse aside from work and doctorns. She says she "cannot see her (extended) family" because she'll break down and that won't do anyone any good. Her mom was released from the hospital following open heart surgery the very day that my dad was diagnosed. It's a trying time for her, for all of us, but we need each other. She won't even visit my Grandma who is less than an hour away. It's like she's punishing herself for my dad's cancer. Or she's angry that their plans got screwed up. I'm worried about her. She's seeing her family doctor at the end of the month, and I'm sure this will be one of the topics of discussion. I'd imagine it's fairly common for primary caregivers to fall into depression? In the beginning, she and my dad were going to "beat this thing". Her attitude seems to have changed lately, probably out of exhaustion. She's always been a superwoman. I am sure my dad is no treat to deal with right now, he is excellent to us kids and to family and friends, but my mom says as soon as we hang up the phone or walk out the door he turns into a grump. Anyway, just needed to get this off my chest. I'm sure my dad is going to win this battle, I'm just worried about my mom. I know insurance is a big concern for her right now. The insurance company has been good about coverage so far. But if she retries they're going to have to rely on Medicare/Medicaid for coverage. He already has it due to his disability, but has never really used it due to my moms insurance. Sorry to dump on you, but thanks for letting me.