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Nick, I am so sorry your having a bad day, but they come and go and we all get through them as you will. I am trying to convince my self that those bad days are special days in that maybe my father is reminding me that he is with me not physically but spiritually and he wants some time alone with me. Whatever your father is griping about don't even worry about it. In the big picture, the euology is over and it is what it is. This is not the time to fight but rather get closer to deal with your pain together not by him venting to you about something that realy is not as important as he is making it out to be. Like you said it was for your mother not your father so move beyond and be there for one another. God bless you and your family. Cathy

i lost my father in May. The pain eventually becomes bearable. The first months were the hardest for me. I cried more than did not. I still cry but i cry less and i smile and laugh more than i was, but it is so difficult. As i sit here and type i am crying. Remember that our fathers are no longer suffering there hopefully finally at peace. I miss my father every day, but i have two babies and must continue for them. I was and still will be daddy's little girl. God Bless you and your family through these trying times. Trust me it will eventually get bearable as with everything time helps. Cathy

i am so sorry that we all have to go through this pain and suffering, but all of you truly help because you honestly all know what we are feeling. So many pepole say they know how you feel, but they don't unless they have gone through the experience. With all of you sharing with me it made me truly feel that all of you understand and i am not alone. It is hard to talk to my mother about my feelings because she is coping with her own grief and fears of being alone at 55 and her future. So a great bigh thanks, hugs, kisses and prayers to everyone. GOd Bless CAthy

I am so sorry that we all have to go through this pain and suffering, but all of you truly help because you honestly all know what we are feeling. So many pepole say they know how you feel, but they don't unless they have gone through the experience. With all of you sharing with me it made me truly feel that all of you understand and i am not alone. It is hard to talk to my mother about my feelings because she is coping with her own grief and fears of being alone at 55 and her future. So a great bigh thanks, hugs, kisses and prayers to everyone. GOd Bless CAthy

It is my son's 2nd birthday tomorrow, who i named after my father who wont' be there. No matter what my father was going through since his reccurrence, my children could make him smile, especially my Joseph. I worked since my son was born and my father because of his inability to work watched and cared for my children and now he is not here to celebrate his birthday. It is getting harder and harder to cope since his death in May. There is not a day that goes by that i do not cry about his passing. My children will never know the man who took care of them the first years of their lives. The man, who the day i gave birth to my 3 year old daughter finished his radiation and barely able to stand said this what he lived for, his grandchildren and his not around to celebrate their birth. Life is so unfair and is so painful. I am sorry to vent, but when ever the pain is truly unbearable, i come here to release knowing that you all truly know and understand what we are all feeling because we are all going through the same emotional rollercoaster called life. GOD BLESS cATHY

I understand what you are going through. My father was in ned for 2 1/2 years before it came back. When it came back it had spread as well. My father's cancer came back in July of 2005 and was on chemo and then was stable. My father passed away unexpectedly in May of 2006 from an erupted abscess caused from the treatments. You do not know what tomorrow will bring for any of us, but I sure know that I would want my father at my wedding. I have a picture with at all times which is my father at my wedding. Maybe your wedding will help your father to forget his problems for at least a little while and hopefully he can walk you down the isle. Don't deprive your father that honor, if he can and don't deprive him the opportunity to sister his little girl get married and be happy. Good Luck. My best wishes for your family. Cathy

Jen I know exactly how you feel. It is 4 months for me since i lost my father and some times i still waite for him to walk through the door. I feel exactly like you do. You are so lucky to see you father in your dreams. They say that if you see the deceased person in your dreams that that person truly loved you. At least we can come here and have others understand what we are going through and just vent about anger and the pain. god bless us all.

i am so sorry. As i read this i am crying for you and for all our losses. This is so difficult. Cathy

My father had sever pleural effusion and the only way they performed the talc porcedure. He was in the hospital for about a week, but never had a return of the problem. Have you gotten a second opinion? Maybe that will help with the decision. good luck Cathy

Dear Don I am so sorry. Your wife was always an inspiration and hope for me when dealing and coping with my father's illness. When i first started lurking in January of 03, Lucie and your story along with Rye and Cheryl were the updates i most look forward to reading as they always made me feel as though the battle can be beat no matter what stage you are diagnosed and that stats are just numbers and no one knows what will happen tomorrow. My prayers and thoughts are with you through this difficult time. God Bless. Lucie rest in peace. You truly deserve it.

Dear Lori, I am so sorry for your loss. What can I say except be strong for your children and hold on. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. I am truly sorry. God Bless you, your mother and your family.

I am sorry jorja. This is a special day for you and even though your father may not be there with you physically he will be there with you in your heart, soul and mind. So as you walk down the isle remember if it wasn't for your father (and mother) you would not be able to be at this point in your life and remember he is with you on this and every day. Congratulations. Love Cathy

Dear Carleen, What a beautiful honor and tribute. When ever i read your messages I always feel the love you shared for one another. I loved the pictures. Happy Birthday Keith. You have a great wife. Love Cathy

Dear Melinda, I deeply saddened by you loss. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family during these trying times. God Bless you all. Not that this helps much for us, but at least your mother's pain and suffering are over with. Cathy

It is 4 months today and it seems to get a bit harder. I went to a wedding mass on Sunday and saw the bride walk down the isle with her parents and I started to cry, remembering my parents walking me down the isle and not being able to see my father. My 3 year old tells me almost every day that she misses her poppi (that's what she called my father). When my father was first diagnosed he asked for 10 years, just so that my children would get to know him and truly remember who he was. He got 3 1/2 years. I was not nor still am ready to be without my father. I was Daddy's little girl and now i cannot be that little girl any longer. Life's so unfair. You have so many mean and hurtful people living, while the good are taken at a young age (my father was only 62). Why does life have to be so unfair? Why does my 56 year old mother have to be alone? What is the purpose behind it all. Why does love have to hurt soooooooo much? Thanks for letting me vent and cry. Cannot really talk to my mother about any of this she's struggling with her own pain and lonliness. God bless you all and this site.

I know what you are going through. I lost my father over three months ago and the pain changes. I used to cry all day every day, now i just cry a little every day and there are days, like yesterday where i cryed and have not stopped. I went to a wedding yesterday and saw the bride walk down the isle with her mother and father. I just celebrated my 9th wedding aniversary. My father and mother walked me down the isle and just remembering that made me start crying that i had to leave the church. I believe and hope that the pain will get easier. It also helps my mother and I that I have small children which need our attention as does yours. God Bless and keep strong for your family and your precious daughter.

This is amazing. Your mother is drawing strenght from your love and care. Keep on giving it to her. As long as she is breathing she has a shot. Sending prayers, hugs and love to you and your mother the fighter. God Bless

Kathleen, Who cares what they think. You and your father know everything you did for your mother. You were there for her, not them. If they did not like what was going on they could have spoken up or did something. It is easy to point fingers after the fact. Just remember the love you have for your mother and no regrets. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your father. Congratulations on your marriage and God Bless. Cathy

Melinda, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. Remember the love and the good times it will help you through what is to come. It is not easy, but keep strong for your mother and your family. At least your mother's pain and suffering will end. I know how your feeling, i recently lost my father and it is painful, but at least you can tell your mother you love her and goodbye, my father died unexpectedly from this disease and I never had the chance to say I love you and good bye. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family during these very difficult times. God Bless

I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers and condolences are with you and your family. God Bless your family.

Dear Lori, As i read your last post i begin to cry seeing and feeling your love and pain, as i have felt since i lost my father 3 1/2 months ago. I cry for your loss and your pain. My thoughts and prayers are with your for the days and weeks to come. Remember the love and keep strong for your family. God bless you and your family. Cathy

Dear Katie Congratulations! What an accomplishment. Cathy

Dear Lori I wish there was something I could do to help you. I am so sorry for your family and what you have to deal with. How is your son doing? More importantly, how are you doing? We all seem to think more about the patient, but the caretakers are going through different pain and feelings as well. Keep strong and don't push yourself too hard, the rest of your family needs you. God Bless all of you.

my father bled out on my mother. In his instance it was a eroded abscess, but a family friend did tell us who is a nurse told us that with lung and esophigal cancer it is common that the person bleed out. I am so sorry for your pain. It hurts worse after the initial shock wears off, but it eventually becomes somewhat manageable. You have come to the right place, there are many people who have and are experiencing the pain and loss that you are that will help you cope with yours. This web site and more importantly the people have helped me over the years dealing with my father's disease and most recently with his death. God bless you.

I am so sorry for what you and your family have in store. It is so difficult not only for us but for our parents. No one can believe what is happening. Just find peace, the little you can find, that your mother will not suffer. It is us who will begin the suffering, but her pain will end and she will no longer have to fight. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family through this ordeal. God bless you all. Cathy