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berisa

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Everything posted by berisa

  1. Nancy, I am so sorry of hearing that. I am speechless and my prayers are with you. Take care, my friend.
  2. Shelly, yes you are right, to the extent we are total different, we are never the same as before. Our precious indeed was passed away. Nothing can compensate the loss, the emptiness in our heart, no one can ever replace them as they are too precious. I am less optimistic than before, sometimes got confused about what life means, i have a little doubt of why God took my dad so early and how this was happened on him and us. I think I will never have the answer for the rest of my life. Sometimes I seem to understand why...everything is connected like cause and effect, understand this is life, this is the cycle. But I don't find anything that I can be happy with this fact. I became very paranoid that I am afraid that I have cancer!! Cancer does indeed affect me in a spooky way, it is like a poison that it lasts forever. Sometimes I rationally think, my dad smoked a lot, that's why he got cancer, it's normal right? Sometimes I think dad must be taking the cancer/disease for my young brother. God probably promised to Dad for this exchange that Dad paid for this price. But sometimes, while I read the news about the longer life expectancy that people now have, I will think why dad not? I think I am angry with God, I know that even I know He is doing things that beyond our understanding. Like a angel against devil in my heart, always struggling!! Will I be punished by God then? I am waiting for the answer, I pray to God that asking him giving me answer in my life. I don't know to wait!! I pray that you can know why also very soon. I think this is what we need! My thoughts are with you always my Friend!
  3. My dad was very tired and always went to bed while he was receiving brain radiation. I think it's normal but you can ask the oncologist if you are too worry.
  4. Cindi, it's really difficult to say whether it is the brain mets, but i can tell headache is the symptom of brain mets. You are doing it right to request a brain MRI as it solves your hesitation and anxiety!
  5. Karen, you and Faith and Dave are always in my thoughts. I am so sorry that Dave could not have been here on earth but I believe that he is now watching over you and Faith. Somehow I believe that Faith is the gift that God gave you. Take care my friend.
  6. berisa

    Journey's End

    I am sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  7. hello. I am reading a best-selling book "The five people you meet in heaven", i read half already and love it very much. Got some comforts about dad's death and grabbed some inspirations from this book about life. I think you may love it too. Gotta go for continuing the reading!!
  8. berisa

    another loss

    Nancy, I am terribly sorry about this sudden bad news. His unexpected death certainly shocks everyone, especially hard to your mom and dad. My prayers are sending to your ways with deepest sympathy.
  9. Thanks for your sharing. I thought the 4 points you mentioned are the golden keys. How did you overcome the emotions? Would like to know.
  10. My thoughts are with you. Sorry for the loss.
  11. Pam, it's good to see you post again. How are you? It's good to see your dad's face here. It must be very hard to you, a daughter who loves his dad very much and I agree that time never stop our cries cause we lost our dad, he would never appear in front of us again for the rest of our life. It's so sad...I hate that we can't do anything to get them back, I hate this inability. This was too soon to happen on us when we were not ready for this yet. Especially thinking of you on the date, my friend.
  12. Stacey, i am so sorry. It all happened in a blink. This must be very hard to you and your families especially your mom. You all even didn't have enough emotional preparation for this. I feel so sad for this. On the other hand, he suffered less too. I feel what you feel, we whole family reacted just unexpectedly calm, life is life, must move on, many things you always do every day will do continously every day. But emotions will pop always afterwards, like myself, 17 months after my dad's death, I still tear suddenly while something is stirred up. But I also treasure this emotion and sadness because it reminds me how much I love my dad, how sad it is to lose him. He is then always in my heart, more than the time he's alive. His death makes a great impact with me and life is never be the same. I am more pessimistic than before !! Stacey, take good care of your mom as it traumatizes her very much. I believe you are very proud of having your dad's shadow. LOVE is forever.... My thoughts are with you.
  13. My prayer is sending for Mark, hope he will get great response to the coming treatments.
  14. Thanks Andrea....Shalom!!
  15. Can your mom be able to say her own will? Is she conscious enough to make decision for herself? If she can, let herself make the decision. If not, in my opinion, if doctors said there is no return and they have nothing to help, then I think should let go and pain management is the first priority. Treasure every moments that you have with your mom. You have done the best that you can, sometimes, life is out of our control. She knows that you love her very much and you are her forever good daughter. You are in my prayers.
  16. this is really hard to choose only one place to go....if money is not a problem, then i would go round the world trip...i wish to visit Fiji, Antactica (sp?), Western/eastern Africa, Southern France, Switzerland, South Island of New Zealand. Don, I love New Zealand and Australia very much. I had my honeymoon with husband there. It was fabulous vacation that I ever had, probably I like snorkelling, Fishing as well as getting close to dolphins, Penguin, Koala and Kangaroo etc plus having adventureous activities such as hot airballooning etc. I didn't go to south island of New Zealand, only North too...didn't get a chance to see Whales...will do definitely.
  17. berisa

    Ghost Whisperer

    I believe this is a real reassurance to you. This is really important for us to go on indeed. I absolutely agree with it.
  18. Sharon, I am so so happy for your coming "UPGRADE", I pray that they are all safe. You are saying (your dear dad) the right thing - God will give you a precious one after he takes one. I like this. Thanks for sharing. Your dear dad is certainly watching over you all with a great and kind smile. The baby is so cherished.
  19. berisa

    1500 post

    Cindy, i am so happy for you with a thankful heart. You have your mission on earth... Yes, you are right, Katie & Rick are fabulous. They have been helping us a lot by providing such a lovable place to all of us who's with least hope and in despair. THANK YOU>
  20. yes...it's really confusing. It makes people angry because of the carelessness. But if topo works (at least no more bigger/ new mets), then it should be continued i think. Hope that you are feeling better very soon coz anger do no good. Back on the right track is more important.
  21. berisa

    17months

    Today when I went to see doctor near my home, in the clinic I saw a grandmum & a son with a baby, whom I guess its the grandchild of the grandmum, the grandmum loves the baby very much, always kiss him, always play with him. The son just sat next to them and sometimes talked to his mum but always looking at his baby. I suddenly thought of dad. I was so envy them at that moment, dad had been expecting the day that he can take care of his grandchildren, this was what he's longing for, but it never happened to him and me. I could be the son, he could be the grandmum.....I then teared. When I walked back to home after seeing the doctor, some scenes - in hospital, in my home after diagnosis talking about his childhood, falling into sleep uncontrollably bcoz of the meds, i helped him walking and the conversation, he was crying while talking to sister over the phone on the bed in Hospital that first being informed of the brain mets, dad's tearing while he heard of mum's crying in the toilet inside the private room in hospital. It makes me so sad..... I wish dad could be here, that's my regret, my heartache. It's been almost 17 months, I still can't hold my tears....I prayed to God that let Dad be happy now, let him having the best life now. Amen.
  22. It's really good to hear you both are doing well. I am so happy that Rita didn't make any debacles. Thanks God.
  23. Fay, hope you will be getting well very very soon. Don't push yourself too much. Take Care!
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