[Hospice finially, but too real]

Hospice has finially been called in to help Dad. O2 also. I've been pushing for it, but now that the nurse is with Dad I feel all undone.

Gwen

[Hard to Cope Today]

The cancer is what you are all mad at. Please tell the chldren that their Dad is angry with the cancer. Some kids even name the cancer so they have "a thing" to hate. I would try to this within their Dad's earshot so he will direct his anger away from where it will do harm.

How old are the children?

[Unable to get air]

This has happened to my Dad a couple of times. He is rushed to the ER, and properly so. The Dx has been panic attack and the Rx is good calm people and diazepam.

Do call 911 if it happens again. They can use a pulse oximeter and they are ready if more intervention is needed.

Gwen

[My Dad - Guy Kenneth Norfolk]

Chris,

You honor your Dad well.

I hope I can be so brave when I walk on the same path as you.

Gwen

[UTI, night sweats and panic attacks. Oh my!]

Dad has been declining but with such great grace, I've had to think that it has been about as good has it can get.

I hate these little things that sneak in and take advantage of the weaknesses that are developing.

[UTI, night sweats and panic attacks. Oh my!]

It's just one damn thing after another for Dad.

He's been so brave, but ...

[unexplained spots/bruising?]

As my Dad gets weaker he bruises more easily. Also he got "splotchy" when his blood chemistry was "off". In his case it was low sodium.

[Health insur cancelled for non-pmt 2 wks after cancer dx]

last night on the news they had a legal support group for people with cancer. I was in the other room and didn't get the name. Maybe if you search through Google or something like it you find support in your area.

Gwen

[Dont' even know where to start...]

About talking to kids:

I went with simple and blunt. No euphimisms. I said, Granddaddy is sick. He has cancer. He may die soon. He loves you. He is glad that he gets to see you now. The children handled it well. My son with Down syndrome knew this was important and kept saying Granddaddy. Chanting it over and over. It tore me up. I had to tell him again and again. But it takes him many reptitions to learn something and he KNEW he had to learn this.

[clever cocktail napkin sayings]

One martini, two martini, three martini, floor

Let me call you sweetheart, 'cause I can't recall your name.

Can anyone add more....

[Clever boat names]

Job site "I can't this weekend. I'll be on "job site"

Assignment "I can't this weekend. I'll be on "assignment"

Rumabout

Fin & Tonic

Can anyone add to these.....

[How do you deal with a martyr 'healthy' parent?]

I'm not in you same boat, but we are tyed up at the same dock. Mom does everything for Dad, even half carried him up the stairs because they were so happy to leave the hospital. They did not let my brother or me know so we could help get Dad home.

They will let me help with tiny things. IE: the mail rubberbands that they save I can take to the post office, pick up some almond extract because Mom is making chocolate mousse for my boys. Maybe it is not the task but the interaction. The maillady knows Dad saves rubberbands and asks about him. The almond extract has a smell that we all love.

There is no changing them, no arguing. I'm sure the offers of help give support. Especially since you are specific and know when the appointments are. Just having you be aware and caring must be a blessing for them.

[Caregiver chest pain]

OK. I'm getting better. Thank you for your concern for me.

I took the dogs for a long walk. (children are in school). Called the collection agency, explained that paypal was aware of the fraud and they needed to call paypal. They said don't tell me what to do. So I said, "Then don't talk to me and don't call here." I had a big sobbing cry and a shower.

I think crying was the thing to do.

Gwen

[Caregiver chest pain]

I have an awful squeezing pain in my chest.

Is this my heart breaking because Daddy is dying?

Is it stress from dealing with this while fighting the school about catagorizing my son with cerebral palsy as cognatively disabled, and now identity theft using a paypal acct. and a relentless collection ageny?

Gwen

[I exposed my mom to strep throat!!!!!]

I would think you Dad is mad about the unfairness of it all. LC is mean and cruel. That horid little bugs, like strep, could use a loving child to make make it even worse is...just wrong.

[I'm whining. Please get cheese and crackers, and a shoulder]

I should add that precious parents, cherished children and heroic husband give me more love than any one whining women deserves.

[FUNNY/ NOT TOO LONG]

I grinned

I sang it twice

You knew it

and made me giggle

[I'm whining. Please get cheese and crackers, and a shoulder]

Dad is getting closer to his end. I helped close the summer house with Mom and Dad. My MATURE Mom is pulling out tree saplings and wants me to help...

Oh man my back hurts from carrying my son, who has cerebral palsy and weighs 77 pounds. So I helped Mom pull tree saplings. And we took out the window A/Cs and all the house closing stuff.

Next week I'll be going to there regular house. Which is closer, but has stairs. It is a raised ranch, so just 6 stairs. The stairs are bad enough for Dad, But with a 77 pound child and the wheelchair; I'm really tired just as soon as I get in the house.

Plus, I have to do battle with the school where it has been decided that because my son has such severe cerebral palsy that he can not talk or write that he is retarded. Now, I know what retarded is because my older son has Down syndrome. His eyes glaze over when the subject gets to hard. My son with CP pays attention. He was studying math, science, geography etc. last year and couldn't do the tests. Why jump back to teaching him colors and shapes this year, when he still can't do the tests???

Sigh. thanks for letting me whine. The shoulder I'm offered should have a towel on it.

[Last Haircut....]

Just back from my parents' summerhouse. Mom says this will be you and your brother's next year...gulp.

Dad is able to get outside some, and Mom wants his hair cut. I do all the haircuts for the my guys.

I cut Dad's hair a little extra short and really carefully. I don't want anyone else to do it. Especially not some stranger at a funeral home.

[my dad]

My suggestion is to tell people around you. And accept their offers for support. Maybe make a list so you can answer when people offer up a vague..if there is anything you need just let me know.

I was a zombie when my Dad was diagnosed in June. It bothers me a little now that I failed to get myself organized to put proper meals on the table. I just gave my boys a sandwich when they complained of hunger. I could have told this to the kind people who offered to help and maybe one of them would have been happy to send a dinner over to my family.

[anyone know about the drug MEGACEES?]

My Dad is taking the megace pill. He has no complant other than it was at one time used for breast and uterine cancer and and he doesn't have either of those. He is gaining weight, and that is what he needs to do.

[What To Expect from Tarceva]

Dad has been on tarceva for one month now. I asked him for the answer to your questions. He started off saying he had no problems, but when I pushed he said: drink water, use vasiline and lotion for dryness. He has had no other problems. He also added that his though his skin is dry, it always has been, but it no longer itches like it had before

[Medicine dosage question]

A pain management team, if available, can consider a wider range of posible ways to control pain. My Dad found considerable relief from morphine tablets.

[How much time is left? What to expect?]

My Dad was diagnosed July 28. pretty much the same as your Dad but urinary tract infection, not lung.

He was at his worst early in June. pain, confusion, couldn't even stand up. Mom told him if he wasn't gonna make it, just die now. The pain was awful. The probablem was low sodium in the blood. Fixed that, he does Ok; than another problem, fix that ...than another; and so it goes. I've heard others call it a roller coaster. The good news is that the pain is controlled and Dad can get some joy out of the time he has now.

I've been able to get info here that helps my Dad a lot. I can't answer your big question, but I've learned here some good ways to deal with the bits and pieces as they crop up.

[God does give us more we can handle]

"I can't do ALL this", I thought as I convinced the hospital schedular to make an appointment for both my boys to see the orthopaedic surgeon at noon on a day we would be at the hospital anyway.

"I can't care for 2 disabled boys, a dying Dad an elderly Mom and a husband with a torn rotator cuff, and the houses and the yards."

I can't do it ALL, but I haven't figured out which parts won't get done.....somehow, having accepted that I can't do it ALL; makes it easier to get things done.