AnneBurris

elaine, That is such a great question. I just lost my mom in December and I was 29. I wish so much that she had either written something, said something, or video taped something for me. I can understand (especially now that you've said it) that it was probably not something she wanted to face and that's why she didn't, but it left me feeling insignificant. I have a 10 month old son, and I feel like if I had a terminal illness, there is so much that I would want to say to him, lasting words. Anyhow, it's good that you asked because I am sure your children, no matter what their ages, would cherish it. I wish you courage and peace. Take care, Anne

Dear Mouse, That was such a heart-wrenching story. You asked for advice, of which I don't have much that's going to help, nothing will seem to help you right away. However, the responsibility of taking care of a baby as you know is a big one and can be overwhelming. Not having your husband there to help will of course be difficult. Do you have any friends that will volunteer to help out once in a while? Do you belong to a church? I know the girlfriends I have at church are always so willing to help other girls/ladies - especially for those in grief and need. I'll say a pray for you now. Much love, anne

Dear Mouse, That was such a heart-wrenching story. You asked for advice, of which I don't have much that's going to help, nothing will seem to help you right away. However, the responsibility of taking care of a baby as you know is a big one and can be overwhelming. Not having your husband there to help will of course be difficult. Do you have any friends that will volunteer to help out once in a while? Do you belong to a church? I know the girlfriends I have at church are always so willing to help other girls/ladies - especially for those in grief and need. I'll say a pray for you now. Much love, anne

Hi Larry - (and other's from Wichita) I am also from Wichita and noticed people posting about advice about choosing oncologists. My mother passed away from SCLC on December 13th and was under the care of Dr. Dennis Moore with the Cancer Center of Kansas located there across the street from St. Francis. He was a VERY BUSY oncologist who spent very little time with my mother and really doused any flames of hope that she had so I recommend not using him. However, I do know that the nurses there are very nice and my mother really liked them. There are 5 or 6 oncologists with that group and they could probably be more helpful than the onc that I mentioned. In my opinion the best oncologist is one that takes time and shows that he/she cares. My best wishes for you and your family. Anne

I agree with Betty when she said you are obliged to honor your father but not obliged to love him. I lost my mother in December and although my father was great at the end of her days, I thought they treated eachother terribly for the 7 months that she lived after her diagnosis. They nit-picked eachother constantly and said mean things to eachother. I knew they would regret it, and now he does, he feels so guilty for having lost his temper over the small things. Your dad sounds like a real jerk but I do want to give him the benefit of the doubt on a couple of the things you mentioned. You said he sat on the porch crying while looking at her picture instead of being inside with her in the living room - that sounds like he did love her and just couldn't bare to see her slipping away. Also, you said that he said awful things like "I wish she would die already so this was over". That sounds so terrible, but I have to say that even I said that when my mother was sick. One morning about 6 days after she was bed-ridden and we had gone on nearly no sleep in caring for her and watching her suffer, I said the same thing because it was exhausting watching her suffer, I so desperately wanted her to pass on so that she could have peace. I said it out of love, if he said it with a nasty tone then I can understand your anger. The comment about the letters and being put out about moving the bed was totally crappy, and I can't seem to find anything positive about that. Maybe that was his way of lashing out about losing his love. If he were my dad I probably wouldn't be droppin' to many lines to him. Has he been like this all his life? If not, maybe you can forgive him. Take care, Anne

Peg, I am so sorry for your loss, it hurts so much to see our friends and family members here go. Anne

Carleen, I think of you and Keith often and am always glad to see your posts. You and Keith have a special love. It's great that you guys are making plans for the future, after all life has not stopped, and making plans gives you hope for the future and goals to strive for. I wish you all the best. Take care, Anne

Andrea, Sorry I'm am late in posting, just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you. Anne

Berisa, Such great news, I'm sure that brings you much peace and joy. Anne

Berisa, Such great news, I'm sure that brings you much peace and joy. Anne

Berisa, Such great news, I'm sure that brings you much peace and joy. Anne

So glad to here your mom's scans returned well! She's really defied those timelines that doctors encourage sclc patients with. Hope you find time to take that special vacation with your parents. My mom had a number of places she wanted to go but never went, I think she thought she had more time. Sadly we never got to take that vacation we wanted to Again, so glad to hear about your mom's good results! Take care, Anne

Karen, I will add you to my prayer log. Hoping you have a speedy recovery. Take care, Anne

Karen, I will add you to my prayer log. Hoping you have a speedy recovery. Take care, Anne

Dusty, I would be so sad if I lost my sister even though we aren't extremely close. Your post makes me want to tell her how much I love her. Anne

Angie, I'm sorry to hear that your dad is sick. My mom had some nausea with her chemo but never actually vomitted. Then when there was recurrence of cancer in the liver she had some vomitting and the doctor said that the cancer in the liver could have actually caused that rather than the Gleevec (clinical trial pill) that she was taking. Of course we did not know which was the case but it may be the mets to the liver that's making him ill. Hopefully by the time you read this post his vomitting has gone. There are some anti-nausea pills that can really help that. Have you check into that? Take care, Anne

Darn, I just sent you a pm to thank you for the card! Hope it gets fixed soon, Take care Anne

I heard the testimony today of a man named Vance in his 30's who is married with 4 children who was diagnosed in August 2003 with the last stage of colon cancer and was given 6 months to live. The cancer metasticised to his liver and his lungs. He underwent chemotherapy as well as some other vitamin therapies, but attributes his full remission to prayer. He had many, many people praying for him, was also prayed over by the elders of the church. This March after viewing his recent scans, his oncologist said he was amazed and simply could not explain the wonderous disappearance of all his cancer. Vance of course, told the doctor that he attributed it to prayer and the doctor said, "I can not argue with that, it is not the first time that I haven't been able to explain something with science and that someone has attributed their healing to prayer". I know you've heard stories like this before, but it never hurts to have a new inspiration and to let you know that prayer changes things. Why God heals some and not others, I won't know until I get to heaven to ask Him. Even if you don't receive your miraculous healing, there is something more important than clinging to your life on this earth, and that is to cling onto eternal life. April 11th, I'll celebrate the resurrection of Jesus who died for my sins so that if I ask for forgiveness of my sins and follow him, I may inherit eternal life. I hope you have or will do the same, it makes life on this earth so much easier. If you haven't just pray a simple prayer asking God to show you the way. I pray that you all find peace through Jesus the Christ. Anne

Thanks so much Tee Taa, I hadn't seen your previous post about that book. I'm gonna go to Amazon and see if they have it. Anne

What a looser!!!

I appreciate your posts, I have another question: My mom didn't drink water for 3 days before she died. At one point I even wondered, are we sedating her so much that she can't even drink water? Did your loved ones stop drinking water for a time before they passed on? Anne

I always forget to log in , that was me.

To the guest whom I frightened, I'm sorry you are frightened by my post. I didn't mean to say that the details of my mother's death were horrifying, what was "horrifying" was having to watch my mother die, if you understand what I mean by that. Maybe we can't speak too candidly here because people are going to read disturbing posts even if they know it will bother them. Perhaps some things are better left unsaid and some other grieving message board should be visited for those of us who want to talk about our issued with our loved one's death.

that last reply was me, i didn't log in

Stephanie, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, she is such a lovely lady. Good to hear though that hospice will be helping, because they are such a HUGE help, they will do anything you ask, they even brought us chocolate chip cookies when we were taking care of our mother at home. I had the same fears for my mother that you have about your mother. My biggest fear was that she was scared and knew she was dying. Through it all I just never wanted her to be scared. The good thing was that she never did seem scared at the end. She slept a lot. Oddly she would have spurts of energy where she would sit up and say something silly. Soon everything will be better. Take care, Anne