debbie412

my mom is still hanging in there on hospice, but in so much pain. my dad is taking excellent care of her, but does not want to let go. she is mostly in a different world but when they move her to clean her she screams and cries. they think the cancer has spread to the bones and brain. i was able to visit her with my kids up until yesterday. now it is too hard. my 3 year old twins just stare at her and get scared. it is so hard to watch. i wish that god would just stop all of her suffering and take her to a better place. they keep changing her pain meds to get it under control, but i would rather see them put her out. i know she would feel the same way, but my dad wants her to hang on. my sister is coming from florida on saturday and i think she is trying to hang on. today i promised her that nobody is going to move her ever again and that i will take care of my dad. i had just moved into a new house when my mom first came home on hospice, and my mom wanted to see it so bad. at first hospice was against her going anywhere because she is completely numb from the breast down to her feet. my dad and i agreed that it was more important for her to reach her goals than to stop herself from doing anything and we did get her here. it was alot of work but i am so thankful that we got to spend that day all together in my house. i have so many good memories of quality time well spent and do not want to lose her, but this suffering is unbearable to watch. please say a prayer for my mom. i still pray for everybody daily.

I am so sorry to hear this news. I hate this disease. please know that if you ever want to talk i am here.

anne, i am so sorry to hear about your mom. i am going through the exact same thing right now. my mom is on hospice and went from good to terrible really quick. it is so hard watching them go through this and many times i had the exact same feelings as you. we dont want to watch them suffer. i have to say that hospice is wonderful and my mom looks forward to them. my mom was really out of it for awhile but since hospice came she is totally coherent but lost complete function of her leggs and only has use of one arm. she walked in the hospital and came out on a bed in diapers. just try to make everyday special. please email me anytime. we can vent to each other. i will pray for your mom.

my mom has been in the hospital for one week and 3 days and has gotten worse every day. first her right arm was completely numb, and now she has no feeling from her chest down. the tumor is pressing on her spinal cord and the damage is permanent. her onc told her that if she goes home she will be on hospice care. my dad thinks and wants to take care of her. her mind is really going. i dont know if it is all the meds or brain mets. before she went to the hospital we promised her that she would come home. i am so scared. i dont want her to suffer any more. i know that she would not want to be like this. this was her worst fear. i miss her so much already and she is not even gone.

last thursday my mom was admitted into the hospital because she was short of breath and loss complete function of her right arm. she had a ct scan and an mri and discovered that the same tumor on her upper right lobe has gotten much bigger and is pressing against her spinal cord. the next day her walking was wobbly and the next day she lost complete function of both legs. she cannot feel the urge to urinate and is constipated. she is so depressed. she is now getting 10 radiation treatments and 3 imrt treatments. the dr told me and my dad that these treatments may help relieve a little but not guaranteed. she has been rejecting the last 3 chemos and does not think any will take. he also said that most patients with sclc live 7-11 months and she is at 1 and 1/2 years. basically we are praying for a miracle. i feel so helpless and cannot stand watching her go down sooooo fast. i am so scared. thanx for letting me vent. it really does help to type . i go from the hospital to the computer every day. i am praying for everybody.

thanx again for all of the responses. i went over my moms today to clean and do laundry. she seemed a little better emotionally but a little worse physically. she gets so out of breath so fast. i asked the dr about anti depressants and my mom quickly denied them. she hates taking medication as it is. she is starting to say she doesnt want to be alone. my dad has to work 3 days out of 5 in order to keep his health insurance. i will go over the other 2 and make sure she eats and is taken care of. she said she does not want any outside help. she is due back for chemo on thursday, but the chemo she is on is not working. i wonder if there are any others to try. she already had 4 different ones. palves - we are very close actually. my mom lives in colonia,and i currently live in carteret, but am moving in 2 weeks to spotswood. how is your dad?

thank you for all of your replies. the dr did not recommend a brain scan because all of her symptoms are pointing toward nerve damage. it is all on her right side (where the tumor is) they thought she could have pneumonia but the xray showed it is from tumor growing. it is so hard. she keeps saying she is dying. i dont want to see her suffer anymore. she was doing so well, then when it took a turn for the worst it turned fast. i cant believe how every day is worse and worse. i am going there tomorrow to clean and fold clothes and make sure she eats. you dont realize how much you need your right arm and hand. my dad is doing his best to take care of her, but i think she needs a woman's touch!!

i am very scared and feel helpless. my mom has lost complete feeling in her right arm and hand. she was dx in july 2002. she had 8 cycles of cis platin cpt11, radiation, etoposide, adreamycin w/vincristine, and currently on topotocan. nothing has shrunk her tumor since the cisplatin. she is getting worse daily. she is coughing pretty bad, looking really pale, and crying all of the time. my dad is with her right now. i take her to all of her treatments and now she keeps saying she does not want me to see her like this. every time i want to go there she says she is tired and not to come. i have twin 3 yr olds and a 1 yr old so it is very busy. my dad said that she is saying things like "i am going to die tonight" she says she wants to go to the hospital, then changes her mind. i feel like somebody is ripping my heart out of my chest and stepping on it. i am so helpless and dont know what else to do for her. thank you for listening and i am praying for everybody.

my mom is currently on topotocan and the good news is the side effects are minimal. she had 8 rounds of cisplatin and cpt11, then etoposide, then adreamyecin and vincristine, and now topotocan. i am praying for a miracle. i will pray for your husband.

my mom is complaining of the shakes. she is on avinza, duralgesic, and cough medicine w/ codeine. she is also on topotocan. she just went to the dr because of coughing and spitting up rust colored phlem. he said it is because of the tumor and he has to treat it like an infection and prescribed antibiotics. to get information from my mom on how she is feeling is like pulling teeth. she tries to be so brave. does anybody know if the shakes could be from the combination of meds or is it a sign of mets. i am really scared.

please get the port, it will make your life so much easier. My mom tried to fight getting the port until they stuck her seven times and still did not find a vein. now she has the port and said if she ever got dx again she would get the port first. it is a quick in and out procedure. no pain whatso ever. no matter what you do eventually your veins will give out. it is also a good thing to have because in case of a real emergency it is a guaranteed and easy way to get iv in. good luck with the scans. i pray for everybody.

thank you all so much for your replies. i called the onc this morning and he prescribed a morphine pill for pain. we are do back for chemo tomorrow and i hope her bloodwork is ok. my sister lives out of state, so it is basically me and my father taking care of her. i have twin 2 and 1/2 year olds and a 1 year old son so it can be very tough at times. although, i dont really have time to get depressed!! please pray for my mom and i will do the same for everyone out there.

i have been browsing but not posting lately. my mom is not doing so hot. she originally had cis-platin and cpt 11 (8 cycles) then radiation. the tumor never went away, but shrunk significantly. after a 2 month break it started growing again and she was on 2 cycles of etoposide. it did not work. then she had 2 cycles of adreomyecin and vincristine and that did not work. now she was switched to topotican and the pain is still so bad and she basically sleeps most of the day. what next? how much can she take? i am so scared. thank you for listening, and i pray for everyone daily.

thank you for all your replies. the reason why the dr is only giving etoposide is because she just finished cis-platin and cpt-11 5 months ago. he says this is borderline time to be off and on. this is a maintenance type of treatment. he cannot give a combination chemo unless a patient has been off chemo for a certain amount of time. i am just realizing that this is just a maintenance chemo and not a real fight to try and kill the whole tumor. this is to keep her out of pain.

i am so happy to hear some GREAT news. now you can go have your beautiful baby without all the worry. I was in your shoes 8 months ago and let me tell you, grandchildren are the best medicine. your mom and yourself will have something else to focus on for change. good luck and please find time to post all the particulars! (do you know the sex of the baby?)