lenr8

Thank you so much for all of your comforting responses. I knew that you all would help me feel better. You really gave me some things to think about and I know it will help me deal with the pain when it overwhelms me. I just keep reading your responses and I am amazed at the incredible amount of strength, faith, and compassion that you all have. I really feel that you all took me in your arms and gave me the biggest hug ever. Thank you for that. Lori

I lost my husband, Lenny, on December 4th of this year. A little over four weeks ago. We both knew that death from this horrible disease could be a possibility some day. But we always had so much hope and fought so hard to beat it. Up until the very end. His dealth was sudden. He went into the hospital for pneumonia and before I knew it, he was gone - in only a little over two weeks. He had even worked up to the day he went into the hospital. I seem to be getting worse as time goes on, not better. I am crying now more than I ever have. I feel consumed by sadness. Everything that I do reminds me of him. Even a trip to the grocery store. I still can't believe that he is gone. When I think about the reality of him never coming back to us I feel terrified. There is a part of me, of my heart, that is gone forever. I feel so very lost and alone. I have so many wonderful and supportive friends and family members surrounding me but I still feel so alone. As hard as they try, they can never understand the pain I am going through. I am angry that he was taken from us. He wanted to live so badly. He had so much to live for. He was only 32 years old. I find myself getting angry and jealous when I see families now - with a mom and a dad. My heart breaks every time I have to tell my 2 year old son that "Daddy is in heaven now" when he wants to know why daddy isn't home. My heart breaks when my 7 year old son says things like, "Why couldn't we have had just one more family bike ride?" as tears fall from his eyes. They are the reason I have to be strong and go on. But, it is so hard. It is hard for me to explain to them why he is gone when I don't understand it myself. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I have not been there for over 6 weeks now. I don't want to go back but I have to. I think that we need to get back to some sort of routine but I also don't want to do it without him. Like I'm waiting for him to come back even though I know this is not possible. I feel as if time has stopped since his death and I don't want it to start again until he is back with us. I honestly don't know how I will get through this. Birthdays, holidays, etc.. are all so painful. Does anyone have any suggestions to help me and my children get through this? Thank you. Lori

I wanted to let everyone know that Lenny is at peace now. He passed away at around 7:00 p.m. this evening at the hospital. He had been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. He initially went in for pnuemonia but then other things developed. He was really suffering towards the end today. He was fighting for every breath. I went in and told him that it was okay to let go and then he did. He fought this disease with everything that he had. He put up a good fight. He was only 32 years old. This is so not fair. I did not want to leave him at the hospital but I had to. I am so overwhelmed with grief and I think that I am still in shock. I have to be strong though for our two children ages 2 and 7. All I know is that he got a great deal of support from all of you. He had wanted me to tell all of you today that he was in the hospital but fighting like Hell...but he was gone before I had a chance to tell you. Thank you everyone for all of your support that you gave to my husband. I know that you all helped him deal with this so much better. Lori

Did someone say they broke a rib from coughing? When they switched me to Prednisone from solumedrol dose pak, things got got much worse. Breathing got worse and I couldn't stop coughing and now they think I have broken a rib or two. They put me back on Solumedrol dose pack but if I have to cough its the worse pain of my life. I am going to go Disney World next week and nothing with stop me from that.

Ray I feel the same way that you do. My onc wants to put me on Iressa and I am resistant to that because it feels like a last resort. I finished radiation and now he wants to do Iressa. We are going to get a seconcd opinion because taking iressa qill eliminate you from some clinical trials. But there are many reasons you can be eliminated, but I don't want to possibly miss out on any. Its a tough decision.

I finished up brain radiation around the same time and have no new hair growth. I managed to save some hair on the top of my head but its not much. theysaid it could take 3-6-9 months to grow back. i am very impatient for this to happen!

There really shouldn't be any pain because when I had the gamma knife they gave me a local in each spot. I didn't feel the screw just the pressure.

CONGRATULATIONS

That is the best news ever! Lori and I are very excited and happy for you. Go hoosiers

We're praying for good news

Jay, I had the gamma knife in July. They may give you a video to watch to explain the procedure. Basically they screw a head frame into the skin, its tight but not into the skull, it does leave 4 small indentations two in front and 2 in back that are permanent. The frame feels tight but doesn't really hurt. The give you local anesthetic when the screw it in. You'll have on for several hours. The actual gamma knife is relatively short mine was 45 min. You don't feel any thing and won't lose you hair. Then they take it off and you leave I went to work the next day. Your forehead will probably swell up for a couple of days. Just remember all this is better than surgery. Hope this helps

Jay This is not the end of the world. I have a brain met that was treated with gamma knife and whole brain radiation, and so far nothing new is up there. It sometimes seems those are more easily treated than what is in our chests. You definitely have to put your game face on now, you have to have a positive attitude to keep your sanity through this crap.

Carleen No progression is good news. Now is the time for and 2nd and 3rd opinion and looking for clinical trials. I have have had three different scans in two weeks all which showed no change. To me that is good news. But it is time for me also to get a second opinion. Now is not the time for you or Keith to give. He is not a goner he's still in the middle of his fight. Drop this onc like a hot potatoe!

AMEN

I think all you can do is hope for the best. I get my results today after raidiation to see if the radiation worked. I will take the news I get good or bad and try to be positive about it. i hope you can do that too.

Ray I finish head radiation tomorrow. It wasn't too bad except for the last coupke of days. The nausea and vomiting were terrible and I got real dehrdrated. I am pretty tired also. The other thing that bothers me is that I feel like I'm in cocoon. I feel kind of blunted. They say that will go away on a couple of weeks. So hang in there.

I wish I had better news to post, but its not horrible. I was in the hospital for a couple pf days because of dehydration and a little pneumonia. The head radaition is causing terrible vomiting and I couldn't stop and got real dehydrated. But some IV fluid and I was out in 2 days not a major setback. Istill have 2-3 more days of head radiation so hopefully things will settle down after that. Then I still have 2 weeks of chest radiation left. But that hasn't beeen so bad yet. Had to miss a couple days of work and I hate to do that. My chief died this morning of lung cancer. He was diagnosed a couple months before me but he just accepted it. I don't! KatieB and tim, I'm thinkingof you and hoping for the best.

How long Do I Have? Does not apply to me. I have never asked that question about me. I have as long as I want and as long as I need. I have 2 boys to raise and a beautiful wife who likes to nag at me. No one can tell me how long I have that's up to me! How long do I have? -I have til the cows come home. -til pigs fly -til hell freezes over I have as long as I say I have! I have the strength to overcome that which threatens me! I have the strength to overcome the thing we all fear. It can't beat me! Lenny Retske

I know how you feel. I am in the middle of radiation to my head and chest and it is definitley wearing on a person. I don't want to eat but I do so everyone will get off my back. My attitude seems to be pretty bad also.

Connie Great attitiude and like you you've been telling others you can beat with that attitude. we're pulling for you

Thank you for everyone's support. So far it hasn't been too bad hope it stays that way

When I was on decadron I felt like I could someone, anyone, in the head for no reason. So mare than likely its the decadron I was very short tempered with my family too. Its nasty stuff

Great news ray!

I start whole brain radiation today and I'm a little nervous. Can anyone tell if they had any side effects and what kind. I also start chest radiation this week plus chemo so I have a lot going on. I am nervous it will be too much.

Well after two rounds of chemo carbo/gemzar there was really no changes inthe the scans, good news is that there was no progression. they changes my chemo to carbo/taxol and start whole head and chest radiation this week. I was a little anemic too so they gave me arenesp. I didn't notice it I haven't felt more tired thatn usual after chasing two kids around all day and working. Not great news but not bad news either.