Nutbar

I'm so sorry, Debbie. I lost my boodog to cancer in September. He was my best friend and gave me so much comfort. I still sleep with his blanket. xx Tammi

Dawn, I am so sorry for your loss and I totally understand. My mom passed away on Thursday night. My dad is a wreck as well and I have been there for him for the last few days but I still worry about him and his health. We now have the visitation and memorial service behind us but I think the hard part is just beginning. I have been too distracted and busy to really think too much. Make sure you get as much rest as you can because the next few days are going to be unbelievably exhausting. Take care of your dad but don't forget that you need to take care of yourself too. I will be thinking of you. xx

Mom is gone. The cancer took her 37 hours ago. I'm not sure how to feel. It's been such a long road for everyone, including her, and right now I sort of feel relieved. I feel bad saying that and I'm crying as I write this but I can't help the way I feel. She hasn't been my mom for months now, since the cancer started affecting her brain so badly. I mean, yes she was still my mom and I loved her but it wasn't the mom I knew. I couldn't talk to her or make any sense of what she was saying. The last week she didn't wake up hardly at all. A couple of times a day her eyes would half open for a few seconds but she didn't really seem like she was there. Three days before she died, when I was saying goodnight to her, she pucker up her lips to give me a kiss and after I kissed her she smiled. She never opened her eyes but I know she was aware. It was the last response she gave anyone. Tonight is visitation at the funeral home and tomorrow is the memorial service. I wanted to get this out before I went because I have to be strong for my dad. xx Nutbar

I was being too sensitive. I spoke to my boss and told him I would cancel my appointment and figure out something else and he said he was only joking and by all means I should go. Sorry, everyone. I feel like a mental case!

Shelly, You are not alone and I totally understand how you feel. No, I didn't lose my entire family to cancer but I've been kicked a lot lately and have had way too many losses in the last few months. People I thought I could count on have deserted me and I feel like this just isn't fair at all. I'm sure your husband loves you very much and you should try to let him help you. Have you talked to anyone about this? Maybe you even should talk to your Dr. Nobody can deal with all of that on their own. I hope you see a little light soon. hugs, Nutbar

I sent an internal email to my boss requesting that I leave an hour early so I could talk to a therapist about what is going on in my life. My boss is well aware of my situation. I take less time off than anyone in the whole company does. I rarely ever take any time off, not even vacation!!! I explained to him that I didn't like to take time from my job for this but that it was something I really needed to do and they didn't schedule after hour appointments. His response to me was, "fine, take the time, we will just have to unplug the phones." I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive right now but I am very hurt. I feel like leaving.

Hi Beat It. I have read that cancer feeds on sugar but my Mom hasn't eaten a lot in the last 3 months. She is down to 97 lbs. Sometimes she will eat cake, fudge, chocolate and chips so I give them to her. I figure anything is better than starving to death. She will eat veggies and dip sometimes or grapes on occasion. I get her to eat as much of the veggies as I can but when she only wants junk, I give it to her. It's funny too because my Mom was never a big junk food eater.

I felt so much better after reading all of the wonderful posts of encouragement to me. I can't tell you how much you have all helped me. I feel like I might just get through this today. My peptic ulcer is killing me but at least I don't feel like jumping off a bridge so much. My Mom was asleep the whole time I was with her last night. She opened her eyes a couple of times but she didn't say anything or respond to me. My Dad said she talked about me all morning. That made me feel good because sometimes I don't feel like my Mom wants me around. Anyway...I just wanted to tell you all that I am doing a little better today and hopefully as each day goes by I will gain back some of my strength. Yes, I will go and talk to someone. I already did last week and I will again. Thank you all.[/b]

Thank you so much everyone for your words of kindness. You have no idea how much they mean to me at a time when I feel so alone.

I feel like I can barely breath. My mom is dying in the hospital where she has been for the last 3 and a half months. I go there everyday and I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My dog who was like my child and my best friend all rolled into one, died a few weeks ago of cancer. I have been having such a difficult time dealing with all of this and now... My boyfriend who I loved dearly moved about 4 hours away 3 months ago. We decided we didn't want to end the relationship and we would keep seeing each other on weekends and when we could. Well obviously we haven't seen a great deal of each other because I have not been able to get away from the hospital and he has been fairly busy with a new job and travelling for that. Yesterday he dumped me. After I told him just two days ago that I felt so down I could barely move. He says I'm better off because he can't give me the support I need right now. Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night right? Now...how do I go on from this? I mean how much is one person supposed to be able to deal with? There is just too much loss in my life and I feel like I have nothing left. No reason to keep going. Please can anyone help me?

Hi Shirley. Twice now my Mom has gone into an almost coma like state. She would sleep for 2 or 3 days barely waking up at all and not eating or drinking anything. Both times we thought this was it. Both times she rallied and came back from it. I will say though that mentally she is getting worse and worse. More often she doesn't make sense than does because the brain mets are getting worse. It's a long hard road for everyone. My prayers are with you Shirley.

Hi Chris. I totally get what you are saying. I feel exactly the same way. I want to hide somewhere where I don't have to deal with any of this and just sleep until things are normal again. My mom is only 62 and she is a young 62 at that. Sometimes I selfishly wish that I did live far away because it's not easy being with her and watching her deteriorate every day. She has been in the hospital now for 16 weeks and it is very tiring for everyone. I hope your doctor can help you. I was planning on calling my doctor today as well. We sound like we have very similar circumstances, the only difference being that you are far away and I am close. Take care and good luck

My mom was diagnosed with SCLC that was metastasized to her brain one year ago. She took radiation and chemo and was doing fairly well. About 4 months ago the CAT scan showed that the brain tumors were increasing. She took radiation again. While she was taking radiation her bowel ruptured (nothing to do with the cancer) and was hospitalized. They told us she wouldn't make it through the night. Well she did and about 8 weeks later they operated on her bowel. Yes, 8 weeks. She was getting better and they kept postponing the operation because they didn't want to put her through it unnecessarily especially since they didn't really think she had a lot of time left because of the cancer. A week after the surgery she had a seizure from her brain tumors. She quickly got worse over the next few days and they decided to move her down to the palliative care unit. She could no longer talk and she stopped eating completly. After a week like this she started talking and eating again. She is totally bedridden because she does not have the stregth or muscle tone to even stand up (she only weighs 98 lbs). She only gets up with the help of a lift machine. We are now going on week 16. She is talking and eating but she doesn't always make sense. She does things that are totally out of character for her and sometimes she sees things that aren't there. How long can I expect this to go on? I have no idea what to expect in the future. Does anyone have any info they can share with me. I know that no one can tell me how much longer my mother will be here but can anyone help me to know what I should expect? Any comments would be greatly appreciated.