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Nick C

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Everything posted by Nick C

  1. Nick C

    Love You Forever

    You all rock...you get it...it was a long overdue release...it was a feeling of being close to mom...it was a blessing to have Sophie see how much Daddy loved his Mommy...it was meant to be. Happy it happened...totally seen past the sadness.
  2. Nick C

    Love You Forever

    So I had Sophie duty last night. She really likes to pick books for me to read her at bedtime. The picking is the best part for her I think and she actually turns books down..on what basis I have no idea. Well, Sophie picked "Love You Always". This was a new one, she hadn't picked this one for Daddy to read to her, so I began. Well the book is about a Mom who is always sneaks into her sons room and when he is sleeping picks him up and sings to him: "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." Long story short, Mom gets old, son picks up mom and sings a similar song : "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my Mommy you'll be." Well, Sophie couldn't quite make sense out of why Daddy was such a mess. I've been emotional for the last 24 hours actually because of this kid's book. It's been a long time since I cried over Mom. Think about her all the time, but not sobbing. But last night and tonight I am. So here is the comical part, when Keri came home, I got to say, "You didn't warn me about 'Love You Forever.'" Her jaw hit the floor when she realized it was on the shelf and that Sophie had been picking it lately. Apparently it is a family favorite and her Aunt gave it to Sophie and Keri actually said, "Nick can never see this book!" when she opened it. Anywho, it's been a while and I am glad I got to offer Mom some tears the last 24 hours. As long as I'm living my Mommy she will be.
  3. Nick C

    6 yrs. today

    Not much else to say...and at the same time I'm sure there is so much more you could say. So sorry.
  4. Pat, I hope the day passed easily and that all is well.
  5. You know that's a lot of stuff...a resulting funk is understandable. I'm sorry about your friend Frank.
  6. Guardian angels are for real aren't they>?
  7. Melanie, they'll let you know whether it'll be an option given what they see. Just wanted to let you know that surgery isn't (as strange as it sounds) the worst thing when you've joined our little club here. And that there have been amazing advancements. We'll be keeping an eye out for updates.
  8. Melanie, I posted on the other thread too, but you specifically asked about the surgery and the after affects here, so I thought I'd give you more info (at least that I have). I went to a demo in Danbury CT where we watched a doctor perform a VATS lobechtomy. Back in the day I guess the surgery would have been a big incision and would have the discomfort which would come along with that. This doc does this procedure where they do the tiniest incision (2-3 inches if I remember correctly), remove the affected lobe, actually "bag it" in place to and remove the bagged tissue through the tiny incision. This doctor said the majority of his patients take nothing more than tylenol after the procedure to assist with the "pain"...which he said is more mild discomfort than anything. Amazing procedure. Good luck and prayers to you.
  9. Melanie... Only here at LCSC will you hear us say that it is a good thing when they talk surgery. Surgery means your doctors have a very definitive plan for you and your recovery. I've seen some amazing procedures, one doctor who performs the VATS lobechtomy said his patients basically take tylenol for a few days after. This is a great group, we have LOTS of survivors here and we'll be with you on the journey. Please keep us posted on all the details.
  10. Wow Michelle, a lot going on here. Michelle, you bring up your belief in God. Why does God permit suffering? I don't know for sure, but I read The Purpose Driven Life, and the author says the purpose suffering serves is that the suffering let's us know Jesus (as He suffered, we can associate with Him in our suffering)and suffering leads us closer to God. When I have been in my darkest hours, I have turned to God...interesting that even suffering serves its purpose. It isn't a punishment. It is part of our experience as humans on this earth...but none of that makes it suck any less. Regarding guilt. Michelle, cancer is a no win situation. Even if someone is cured, it takes its toll. You don't "win" you survive. You could have done 1,000,000 DIFFERENT things, but they may not have been better, they may not have been worse. But did you do everything you did out of LOVE? Then you did 100% the right things. Michelle, I know you have done a grief counselling meeting. Any chance you can also do a 1 on 1 counselling too? BTW, to this day I wish I had been more of a force in the ER my mom's final 24 hours. They were a bit of a mess and didn't do everything they could have...I could have been forceful, but wasn't. But I have to let it go. I acted in the situation as best I could at the time knowing what I knew. Guilt will do nothing for me now. It will do nothing for you either.
  11. Nick C

    Merry Christmas

    I am thinking of all those this morning for whom this will be an exceptionally hard Christmas. My thoughts are with you. If I can give you a gift it would be to tell you there will be better days ahead. And Christmas celebrations full of good memories...moreso than sadness. Last night Keri an I were talking about how mom loved Christmas, how she made Christmas so great for me growing up. I'm sure many of you have similar thoughts today. I am sorry if the pain you feel today is hard. I am happy if the memories you have make you smile. Whehter sad or filled with good memories, if you celebrate Christmas, the greatest gift you are given today is the gift of the Baby who has given your loved one eternal life and has given it to you as well.
  12. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!!!
  13. Nick C

    question

    Blood thinner is a pretty standard course of action. A friend actually just had a husband who had a clot, theeey inserted a screen to make sure if it broke off the screen would catch it and then they went and performed surgery to remove it a few days later.
  14. It may be the darkest day of the year, but tomorrow the days start getting longer. For mom, this was a very literal celebration, as my mother loved the garden and only the days lengthening would signal that spring was on the way. But I hope this means something to many folks here who are hurting. Today may be the darkest that is gets...and there will certainly be colder days ahead for sure, but the days are getting longer, the sun is shining more...and life will once again return.
  15. I am so sorry. I read you and your husband's journey...so unbelievable. We'll certainly be here.
  16. No one here is going to judge you, if we've learned anything, it is that we all have dealt with this thing called loss differently. I know after mom was diagnosed I stayed away from alcohol completely because I knew it would be too easy for me. I went I think 3 - 4 months without a drop...but during that time I felt EVERY feeling sharply. So I can understand that being hard for a lot of peop...it was hard for me. One thing I did do was the week mom died I found a couselor. I wasn't sitting in a dark place sayng I need help...I did it to head things off at the pass. I didn't want to get stuck in a rut. And it REALLY helped. I think you've done a great job of challenging yourself...getting out when you didn't feel like it. It has still only been 2 months...grief lingers and it sometimes gets very intense after a period where it is not. You aren't experiencing anything abnormal. Things that helped me that I think will help you COUNSELLING - it is great knowing you can talk and say anything you want because it's your dime. COMMUNITY - Church wasn't the biggest support for me at my time of loss, but it wass nice knowing it was there. There are a few folks who I will always remember at the time of my mom's passing. One guy, easily 350lbs when he heard came up to me and gave me a hug that I thought would break me in half (I'm not small so I had never experienced someone bigger and stronger grabbing me) and I will never forget the emotion he conveyed to me through the hug. Another gentleman shared that he lost his mom 18 years earlier, and with a little tear in his eye assured me I would always miss her, but I will be able to live life again. And one woman there prayed with me for mom when she was sick and with me after mom died. I know church isn't for everyone, but I think these are the times to recognize it may have a part to play. PHARMA - Yes, under a docs supervision, you may need the anti anxiety help, but don't undo the doctors orders by including your own perscripttion, easier said than done, but there are other pharma help which may help you stay away from the alchohol. US - keep typing, know that we all live different lives, and maybe not everyone responds, but we hear you and we're on this journey with you and we want you to know we are pulling for you.
  17. How could we forget you So happy to hear your mom is well and that you have transformed into superhealthy Mitchell. And thanks for popping in. It's great to just see old friends pop in and give some encouraging updates. Good luck with school!
  18. Ann, I am sorry I am a day late. I know anniversaries are hard. I hope yesterday passed gently for you.
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