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Nick C

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    My Moms Story (SCLC) - Caregivers Please Please read this

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    It's such a raw deal, to get a lung cancer diagnosis.

    First off, I am so very sorry. I can tell by your post (5 years ago, I could have wrote parts of this myself) that this is still so raw and new for you. Loss is so hard. Cancer just sucks.

    When you are in the midst of the fight, it just doesn't seem right that sometimes there are not alternatives, or at least no good ones.

    No one should be in pain, so why is my loved one in pain and no one can do anything?

    My loved one is a fighter, that should be enough!

    It is so unfair.

    It sounds like your mom was blessed to have you by her side. However, that doesn't make the ordeal and the memory of it any easier for you to digest.

    You'll have a lot of emotions now. When you need to get it out, this is the place to do it.

    It's been almost a year.

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Terry,

    This is the right place to get this all out. This is the place to "say" it.

    People here get it. I've been in it, looked back on it a year later. Looked back on it 5 years later. It's not an easy time losing our loved ones...it isn't.

    But the blessing in this truly sounds like your dad had the most caring team around him and that you got to be part of the giver of that gift...that is love til the end.

    I remember whispeing in my mom's ear at the end too... thinking of it brings tears to my eyes.

    I hope this year anniversary passes as gently as possible, though I understand and remember how very hard it is.

    Hang in there.

    Our 'Geri'

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Even though I read this earlier in the day, I am struck by this loss tonight.

    I am sad for the fact that her friends hurt tonight.

    I am sad that she leaves behind a family who, based on her update from Katie, could probably enjoy her and use her around right now.

    I am sad that she couldn't kick the reeper in the balls just one more time and keep going.

    Sigh....

    Five Years

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    5 years, my goodness. Yes, I understand the so long yet like yesterday. It's hard to have imagined it 5 years ago how it would feel 5 years later.

    I hope you have a blessed holiday season as well.

    Wow...

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Hey Randy, who are you calling old?

    Of course I remember you. I am still in awe that 5 years have passed. But they have. I do still shed tears.

    Charlie Brown Christmas CD is the one that will make me break down...so I get that whole thing.

    We've had a few folks come back the last few days and say hello. I think these mini reunions are special too. I think it shows folks who are earlier in their journey that there is life (different life) after loss. And that our loved ones remain as special as they ever were to us.

    As an update, 5 years ago we had no kids. Today we have a 3 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. Life is wonderful, even though we are missing our Grammy.

    Stay well and please check in again. And when you are haing a bad day, we're here.

    Once Again

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I hope "that time of year" passes as gently as possible. And I really hope this health issue passes. Yikes, I've never heard of that type of pull, but it must suck!

    Where are my allies

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    "Both idiots and NON idiots can get brain cancer."

    Love this!!!

    Katie, I like the

    "Anyone with lungs can get lung cancer.

    435 people die everyday of lung cancer.

    The question should be- Do you care?"

    I will have to use this.

    And I know westport happened (I wish I could have been there). I guess my frustration is not with US...those who are invloved. I know there are people in CT. It's those who I have encountered in my everyday life who have the same link to the disease as I do, but they just don't care. I just don't get it.

    Where are my allies

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I know you are all here...but I need allies where I am physically. At work, in my town, in Connecticut.

    I have my lungevity water bottle with me at work, I always do. One of the folks here (a higher up person) sees it, misreads it, then realizes it says LUNGevity. "Oh what's that about?"

    I get to tell him.

    "Oh so these are a bunch of former smokers?"

    Ugh

    Me: "No, not at all really."

    ""My father died of lung cancer, but he smoked...Pall Malls...so..."

    Me: "So he didn't do anything illegal you know? He didn't deserve Lung cancer"

    "Yeah well...it was really awful actually. He was 57."

    Me: "I'm really sorry. My mom was 56. All the more reason to do something about it right? You know it isn't like the environment is getting any better. We're all subject to this disease."

    "Well I'm all for getting rid of pollution..."

    I GIVE UP!

    Why is it the family members of those who we've lost to this disease don't GIVE A ____. Drives me crazy!

    Insurance battle

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I was going to say, patient advocate at insurance co. Someone may also be tasked with this type of stuff at the cancer center. Finally, insurance is regulated by state board of insurance...contacting them usually makes insurance cos responsive.

    Just Venting

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Gosh...that is so hard.

    This is totaly the place to get the weight of all of this somewhat off your mind/shoulders or what ever.

    I don't have this experience...at all. But I did go to a friend of my mother's son's wake about a month ago.

    She didn't recognize me at first, but when she did she was very happy to see me. I could not offer her words that would help her about the loss of her son. But my "gift", if you can call it that, was just being there, because that is what I could do.

    You are there...you are not expectd to have answers. I know it looks or feels like they are looking to you for answers. They aren't. They are looking ANYWHERE for answers.

    How did any and all of us stumble upon this place? We were looking for answers. Most of us still haven't gotten the answers we came here looking for, many of us haven't provided all the answers to the questions that are asked...but I think we are all grateful for the fact that each of us is here.

    Hang in there.

    Pink

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I think I'm jealous.

    I'm jealous that people love to rally around pink. I'm jealous they picked a month with 31 days. I'm jealous they don't have to deal with stigma.

    At the same time I'm scared. I'm scared I've identified the wrong enemy. I'm scared that I've forgotten that at one point in my life, the pink one was the only one that REALLY affected me, and even then, it didn't affect me like "ours" has. I'm afraid that with the pink one in my family that my daughter may be affected.

    At the same time, I'm annoyed. People wear pink and they think that is enough. You didn't treat, prevent or cure anything. It seems so shallow. It's an easy way for folks to feel like they did something, when they didn't.

    At the same time, I feel a little unfaithful. Tomorrow my team presents to the board, and we have color coordinated our wadrobes before (it's accounting people and it isn't that exciting, so don't judge!). We decided as a team we'd do pink. One of our team members has a mother going through treatments, my mother was a breast cancer survivor and fact is, it isn't something we can bury our heads in the sand over even though we are accutely aware of the "other" big cancer. But at the same time, it just doesn't feel terribly right to me.

    So tomorrow, I'm wearing pink. Is it a victimless crime to do so?

    I'll give you one!

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I'm a little more forgiving of the "did she smoke" question. However this weekend I was pushed.

    Someone at the church asked how may golf tourney went. Which I appreciate. Here's how it went post golf chat:

    Person-This was your dad?

    Me-No my mom

    Person - Well did she do something that led to her getting lung cancer (already accusatory in tone, versus the typical inquisitive "did she smoke" question.)

    Me - Well, no one asks for lung cancer you know.

    Person - Well you aren't answering my question (oh but I did, but I'll give you what you want).

    Me - Well, as a woman born in 1950, yes she smoked like so many women of that era...she also lived in a house that was over the top in radon readings so who knows. Either way, no one did anything illegal.

    Person - Well wouldn't it just be better to use the money you raise to get people to quit smoking? (Wow, let's push this further) After all as I understand it once you have lung cancer you're dead anyway. (OK, and now we can all see public perception and lack of understanding of the science not to mention lack of soft skills).

    Me - Well, how many people a year do you think are non smokers ....(I go through the stats and explain how if you catch this cancer like other cancers early things are treatable, and then I get to the point with "person"). But don't you see what you have done...you didn't care to even imagine that this was a treatable cancer, because you think of it as the cancer you ask for. That's why we raise money, because of misunderstanding like you just showed about this disease.

    We talked a little further, but it set me off a bit. I've only encountered this a couple of times I can recall where people didn't automatically get the "no one asks for lung cancer" type response. Usually people see that their thinking could be not quite developed on the LC topic. But a few just don't see it.

    I was again reminded of what someone here once said. When saying that their loved one died of lung cancer, the person they were talking to said, "Oh, well what was he like?" That is the best follow up question you can ask.

    5 years

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    5 years ago I couldn't have been reassured that I'd be sitting here today as I am.

    Some of you early in your grief feel like there just isn't comfort to be had. I get it.

    But I can tell you this. I have missed my mother every day for the last 5 years...and I have felt lonely and like I'm missing something without her here...BUT I have also felt like she's been with me this whole time.

    I guess I can best explain it like this: I wrote a little less than 5 years ago I was afraid that every day would be like driving a car away from my mom and she'd get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror.

    It hasn't been like that. It's like I am alone in the car. She's not with me...and I am driving. But when I look in the mirror, it's like she is right there, sitting in the back seat when I look in the mirror.

    I'm alone in the car...but she's there. She's not more distant...5 years later, she's still with me.

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