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crystleshoe

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  1. Katie this is a great idea. Since my Mom has been gone I decorate in rememberence of her. I have a white christmas tree and use purple and white ornaments and white ribbons and I place a photo of her at the top of the tree so she can still "see" us and I can see her". I miss her so much and it hard to believe that another year has almost passed.
  2. crystleshoe

    I miss...

    I miss the sound of my Mom's voice and her silly laughter.
  3. I understand how you are feeling. I also have times when I will remember something and it will just make me ball my eyes out. There have been a few times when I have had to pull over on the side of the road cuz I couldnt see to drive. I am also out of state and only get to the cemetary every few months or so. My sister actually lives within walking distance and cant seem to make it there to water the flowers that I bring. I also feel like everyone else in my family has had an easier time dealing with my moms death and they all seem to be ok and I feel like my whole life has been stopped and I dont know who I am and where I belong. Everthing just seems to be "wrong". I guess we wouldnt feel this pain so deeply if we didnt love them so deeply. Like you I kinda dropped off here because i found it too painful and I have been crying enuff so I try to avoid it. Hang in there and stay stong. Being a mom myself I know thats what I would want my daughter to do. Just know that you are not alone.
  4. I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  5. crystleshoe

    Bye, Bye

    jsut saw that and cried through it. Thanks
  6. Katie I know the feeling of thinking I should have been able to save my mom. there are so many "if only's " going on in my head some days that some days theres no room for anything else. (if only she quit smoking,if only I insisted on another doctor, if only I had been a better daughter to her and the list could go on forever). But I did learn alot during her illness and I will never let ???? go unanswerd again. This past week I have had to use some of those lessons. My Dad has been in the hospital for the past 10 days. I have been worried about lung cancer with him. He has had three bouts of pneumonia since my mom passed away and each time they said every thing was fine. Well it turns out he has COPD and CHF. I had to fight with the doctor to give him a Ct scan and now its like the nurses see me coming and get ready to run cuz they know I'll have a million ??? and they better have the answers. I think we all have a bad case of the woulda coulda shoulda's. (I wish they had a cure for that) I have decided that I am going to be the best person I can be and to hell with any one who doesnt like it. I think that our parents know what is going on in our lives even though they are not with us and I am sure your Mom knows all that has taken place . Remember what goes around comes around and you have so much good coming round to you.[/i]
  7. kelly i am right there with you. i am so short on patience these days. it seems like i am always mad about something. i am glad that you wrote this because i have been thinking that i was going crazy. my sisters and i took my dad out for dinner last week...it was my parents aniversary.. and no one even mentioned my mom. i wanted to stop at the cemetery and bring flowers and balloons but we were running late and they thought we didnt have time. i was so pi//ed off. it seems like not a day goes by that i dont cry or fly off the handle. there are so many things i am mad about. i am mad that the world goes on without my mom. and i am mad that i cant seem to come to terms with it all. and i am mad that my sister lives around the corner from the cemetery and cant ever make it there to bring flowers to our mom. i am mad that we still dont have her headstone yet. i am mad that all my thoughts of my mom are ruined by memories of the last 4 months of her life and that everything is tainted by the bad times and not rememberd for the good times. i am mad that 15 months after her death i am still missing her so much that i cant think about her without crying. i dont know if its part of the process or what but i am so tired of being mad and sad. i dont know how to make it better either but if i figure ou something i will shout it for all to hear. and now i am mad that my shift key seems to be broken so this will look really weird.
  8. Im like Sharyn and usually say that I "lost" my Mom to lung Cancer. Even after 15 months I cant really say that she died. i guess it seems too final. I dont really like that term though cuz it seems like she is a missing sock or something that I cant find. Sometimes i will say that my Mom was "stolen by lung cancer but that seems odd too. I guess there is not really a good term to use.
  9. Jackie I am also grateful for the sunshine. The winter has bee way too long and way too snowy
  10. crystleshoe

    She's here

    Im sorry I missed this but Congratulations. She is beeeautiful!
  11. beautifully said Lily and so true
  12. keep holding on by Avril Lavigne. I cant hear that song without crying.
  13. Randy I hope the day was filled with good memories.
  14. I have found that when conversations are heading in a direction that I cant handle at the time If I tell the person that I am not in the mindframe to talk about it they will back off. I think you should tell her that your feelings and emotions are so raw right now that maybe cancer should be a topic that isnt discussed till you are ready. Dont feel stupid you have been thru an awful thing and until someone is there and has dealt with it then they have no idea how it is.
  15. blueeye I will be thinking of you today. I hope you can make some progress. I was thinking that maybe you could check with a local hospital or nursing home to see if they have any ideas on what to do with your Moms clothes. My daughter is a nurse at a nursing home and she tells me the little old ladies love new clothes. Maybe someone could arrange a "shopping" day for them and they can pick what they like. I hate that any of us ever have to deal with this. Wishing you luck.
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