Debi

I don't know how I missed this before, I have been thinking of you Bruce. It's about time you got yourself back on here. I think that Ry needs to fine your butt for staying away so long... Glad to see that you are doing well. And don't forget Bruce, think ocean, not Dolly. Tina, don't encourage him!!!

Thanks all for your replies-I'm glad I'm not alone in my total ignorance of my own body ! And Rochelle -that's the first thing I thought of, how I'm losing an entire litany of work excuses/jokes. You know me too well!! I have to admit, I'm more amazed today than I was yesterday. I wish I could get it on a sonogram, like when you're pregnant, and you carry the pic around in your wallet. I'd be showing everyone, whether they liked it or not!!! This explains why when I had an xray at the ER a couple of times with bronchitis, the doctors asked which side my lobectomy was on - I just assumed they were idiots . On a side note, Jan, I had one of those once too. Hang on, as soon as she turns 19 the aliens will release her and she'll be back to normal...

Holy crap! I went to the Pulmonary Specialist today and it is the first time that I actually got to see my chest xray since surgery. SO, I'm looking at what looks like a normal everyday xray of someone with 2 lungs and I said to him, Doctor- are you sure this is my xray? And he said yes, its yours. I said to him, "but I only have my bottom lobe, this looks normal" and then he told me that your lung tends to expand and take over whatever room there is in the chest cavity. All along, I'm walking around thinking I have this little bitty bottom lobe and all this empty space and I have NO empty space. If I got in a pool I could actually float on my back without listing to one side. I look like a 2 lunged woman with 2 whole lungs. Is that awesome or what? So I tell my son,just to make conversation, just because I thought he would think it wierd. Immediately his eyes light up, and he can't stop smiling. He had this air of wonder, his excitement totally blew me away, he couldn't believe that it had filled up the space, he was so relieved. He said he was so happy my lung came back, and he didn't even have to worry anymore and protect me from other people's smoke because my lung came back and my cancer was gone. It didn't stop there of course. He proceeded to tell anyone that crossed his path, with the same excitement as if he had just seen Santa Clause, that his mom's lung grew back (of course this drew some strange looks). Seriously though, I am just shocked. I don't talk about my cancer every day or about my lung. So for those of you that don't want to speak to your children about certain things, just a reminder, they already think about them. And also, how come I didn't already know this about my lung? Jeesh. And a question. Does this mean that my lung is functioning like a whole lung now?? OR is it just minimally functioning as a lower lobe that just took up more room??? I know I should have asked the doctor more but I sensed I had reached that unspoken limit of questions line and I stopped (don't ask me why) . Anyway, does anyone know what happens when it does this?

Cindi, What great news!! Way to go woman!!!

A WELL PLANNED LIFE???? Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, Did you manage to live a well planned life? " "Yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker." Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?" "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Interesting fact LAS VEGAS... This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN C ASINOS. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at sunday services will give c asino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different c asinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Fransiscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the c asinos of origin and cashed in. THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS. YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING, DID YOU?

Thank you Katie and Rick - it was a great party and so great to meet so many people!!! Thank you both for the opportunity. Umm and Don, in case you're counting, this is my 1245th post.

Rich, My Pulmonary Specialist did give me a specific exercise to do after surgery. He had told me to stand in front of a wall and 'walk' my fingers up the wall so that I would get more of a range of movement. Funny now, thinking back, this seemed like such a difficult thing to do at the time.... That's about it though, besides blowing in that thingy. Spirometer???

Some more pics - http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/okdebi/al ... as,1%3af,0

Connie, Good idea for a post, and I can relate to all the answers.. I have so many fears, and I have never been quiet about them. My primary fears are connected to my son, and leaving my little guy at 7 years old (he was 3 when I first found out!). Like Snow so gracefully put it, if something happened to me, my son would have a total lifestyle change. I'm afraid that he wouldn't grow up the best way, and end up being less of a man than he could be. That fear is with me daily. Every year that I live is a bonus, I hope that I will last longer in his memory, and even if I'm not here, he'll remember a piece of me and who I was. I know this sounds silly maybe but another real life fear is finally finding another job and losing my life insurance which is through my employer. It's a fairly substantial amount that I have had since pre-cancer, and I imagine leaving my job and a week later being diagnosed with a recurrence. I need to have it for my children, with me not here it is the only security I can provide for them, and it's important to me. My daughter could buy her house, my son would have it to start life with when he's older. I want to know that even if I am not here, they are 'set'. So I guess my fear is that I am trapped in this job by one more thing, and my fear is that if I do walk away from it, I will have made the wrong decision. And of course, the fear that the cancer is back. I posted once before that I think of my cancer as a serial killer that leaves you for dead, broken and destroyed, in the middle of nowhere. I spend many of my days, holding my breath, listening for the car engine, the tires creeping along the dirt, some quiet killer looking for me, coming back to make sure I am dead. That's the level of fear I feel at any given time if I let myself. That is my cancer. Ted Bundy making a u-turn in a Volkswagon with no inside door handles. The other fears I have are various boogeymen. Every holiday I put away the seasonal decorations with care, thinking that maybe I won't be aroudn next year. I also worry, like Ursol, that my daughter won't get what she needs to get from the house, that my son's father will end up having a giant garage sale with all my belongings. I worry about who will take care of me if it comes back, and who will take care of my son during it. My daughter has 5 children, all under 8, and lives in a tiny house. And I want to die at my house, not as a houseguest somewhere, I want to die surrounded by my stuff (the pre-garage sale stuff ). I think of buying a gun, so that I don't have to worry about who will take care of me, when and if the time comes. But, of course, my insurance has a suicide clause. I have a collection of possible scenarios as far as a recurrence. I remember folks from here, and the various ways that they ended up leaving us. Sometimes, when I have to cough and cover my mouth, I have a second where I'm afraid to look at my hand, afraid that something happened somewhere, and its filled with blood. If I get heartburn, I wonder if its actually a tumour, silently eating away at my esophagus. A headache is instantly a brain met. I remember Bobmc, who went in an instant from a smiling survivor on that damn rope bridge in Costa Rica to a dying man. I will always have that picture of him on the bridge in my head, its somehow imprinted on my eyelids. I remember all the others, some friends, some acquaintances, I remember them and smile mostly, but on dark days, remember the way they left and sometimes, the absolute suddenness of it. All that said, the fears really have gotten better, I don't want to leave the impression that my every day is spent with all of the above. The fears are there, they just lay dormant most of the time, until they find a reason to come out (like this damn post! ). I am lucky that, at least for now, these are fears of something that could happen. And about the birds - yeah, sometimes you have to rest your brain and marveling at life is a good way to do it. Sometimes, watching something as simple as a bird, makes you feel that there are more important things in life than yourself, and that there still is beauty in this place. I know myself, that there are days that I find wonder in simple things that I have seen my whole life. It's not something you talk about, it just happens. Anyway, sorry for the length Connie, but you asked!

Carleen, My sympathy in the loss of your Keith. I hope the support of family and your friends here help to carry you through your pain.

I have bouts of bad sleeping. Usually I just lie there, tossing and turning, but sometimes I'll get up and go on the computer. I heard something once that if you lie awake for more than 15 minutes, you need to get up and do housework or something, because your not going back to sleep right away anyway. At least, not without prescription help.

I think I would rather be tromped by elephants, it seems a little quicker than being eaten by gators, and somehow, a bit less traumatic. Which is worse: Noticing that your about to run out of gas when your lost and on a desolate country road OR Noticing that there is smoke coming from the hood of your car on a busy freeway during rush hour.

Okay, I'm with the room service group. I can appreciate the idea of camping, but it ends there.

Lisa, You have all my wishes that this chemo regiment does the trick for your mom. I am also sorry that you haven't been well, but glad that your on your way back to good health again. So glad you got your sponsor, the website looks wonderful. You have worked so hard on it Lisa. I'm glad you posted- was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were doing. Don't be a stranger!!

Hello Agnes - Glad you found us and glad you posted!! Welcome!!!!!!

Easy one for me.. I am NOT a morning person, so having to get up earlier than usual. The one weekend I work a month, they need one person to come in at 7 and because of my whining, they don't even ask me if I can anymore, they just skip me and put me in at 8 which is about 8:20 Debi time. Which is worse.. Locking your car keys in your car OR locking your house keys in your house??

I would go back to Thanksgiving Day, 1992 just so I could spend his last holiday with my dad again. Historically, I would go back to April 10, 1912, so that I could board the Titanic. My whole life I have felt drawn to stories about the Titanic, and by going back, maybe I could fulfill some sort of reverse destiny. Either that or simply drown.

New shoes, on the other hand, are rarely comfortable and fit best when worn.

Name 13 Robert DiNiro Movies 1. Taxi Driver 2. Raging Bull 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.

I'm here with you Beck - not getting enough sleep. I would give my arm to get too much sleep these days... What's worse - Having to break up with someone OR having someone break up with you.

What a loaded question!! - In my opinion, having cancer yourself. As much as I would hate to have a loved one afflicted with cancer ~ I don't want to have this. This disease really sucks all around, in all aspects, but it really really sucks to be the one that has it and to know that there's a possiblity you won't be here for your children. That's the heartbreaker for me. Anyway... Which is worse - Having your child drop out of school OR Finding out your parents are getting a divorce?

Welcome! I read your answer to my tattoo post and then found your post here!! I too, am sorry for the losses of your sisters. If anyone were 'due' to beat their cancer, it is certainly you- it seems like cancer has taken enough from your family. I know it must be scary to you to have to go through this, it was for all of us and the history in your family must compound it. But please know that lung cancer IS survivable. I am living proof, 3 years this month. Although it doesn't feel like it I'm sure, it is lucky that you are a candidate for surgery. Good luck with your operation, and please keep coming back to let us know what's going on with you.

Invisible here also. I would love the feeling of flying, but I am too afraid of heights to attempt it.

Oh geesh - I'm a Corvette also!!!