Debi

Five years ago tomorrow, I had the cancerous nodule removed from my lung, along with 2 of my lobes. I NEVER would have thought at the time that I would be celebrating this day, 5 years later. Hell, I didn’t think I would live to celebrate ONE year, let alone FIVE! I have few regrets but one is not letting the fear go earlier on – I lived so in fear – fear that it would come back, fear of not seeing my son grow up, fear of every little ache and pain. I was so fearful, it was hard to live. I am better now, but it took me a long, long time to find my way back from the hell my cancer brought me to and I wasted so much time. I finally can live my life now as unburdened people do, making vacation plans, buying cars, packing Christmas stuff carefully away so that it will be okay for when I unpack it next year. I’ll go for days, sometimes weeks, even a month without thinking about cancer- I am totally amazed that I was able to forget, when I remember. Another regret is that its too hard to come here sometimes, I miss so many, their loss weighs so heavily- those first few years I thought everyone would be around forever. For a long time I have wondered why I am still alive, and so many died- with survival comes its quiet companion, guilt. I have slowly eased into an understanding of sorts this past year- I feel that I am still walking the earth for a reason, I’m not sure what the reason is, but I find great peace and serenity in the fact that there is one- it helps me to accept living easier. I try to appreciate my life every day and never see a beautiful sunset or anything beautiful and awe inspiring without thinking simultaneously of the people who no longer see the things that I can. I have learned how much a gift life is. I need to thank Katie (& Rick) for never thinking of closing the site down even in dark times, and everyone else, past and present for your continued support which has so greatly sustained me these last 5 years. Thank you all.

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts across the room, at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!' The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'Your grandma is good, the best I ever had!' The biker's buddies are starting to get mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it alot!' At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says................... 'Grandpa....... Go home!'

Oh my gosh - I just saw this! Thank you all!!! When I downloaded the picture I thought I looked exactly like my father so your compliments help! And Muriel, what do you mean- I look so young- I AM young! Tina, I have missed you all too- I try to get on when I can - my job eats up alot of my time these days. I try to at least read when I can even if I don't have time to post. Love you guys... (the flattery makes me warm and fuzzy)

Linda, I just spent an hour going through old posts - don't ask me why I just didn't type it up agan , but I wanted to give you this link from a post I had done about a similar type of pain. http://lungevity.org/l_community/viewto ... highlight= Not sure if it is the same thing, but I still get this pain - I twist or bend in a certain way and its almost like my diaphram or lung or something is coming through my rib cage. The pain takes my breath away and then after about 10 seconds it subsides, I can almost feel something roll back, and I am left with a soreness. I can go weeks and months without it happening, and then have it happen several times in one day. There were actually people at my old job who had back and lung surgery that experienced the same sensation and could not get answers. Not sure if this is what is happening to you, but wanted to share- I have had it since about 3 months or so after my surgery.

Great news for you and your mom!

Great news Jamie! Congrats!!!

I had been going to a GP for a dry cough for the longest time and he kept giving me decongestants, etc.- never gave me an xray even though he would talk to me about smoking. Luckily for me, his fiance broke off their engagement and he moved back to his home state. I started getting tired all the time, felt drained as if I were pregnant. Called the dr, found out he was gone and made an appt with the first doctor that was available at the medical clinic. He sent me for blood tests and when I was done with the bloodwork, the nurse told me he also wanted an xray which terrified me because of my smoking history. The rest is history. A shadow showed up on the xray - the doctor sent me for a CT scan which showed an 11M nodule, sent me for a PET that really didn't show anything. 3 months later I had another CT, the nodule was then 13M and I went to surgeon. I couldn't have biopsy or bronchoscopy because the nodule was deep in the lining of my upper right lobe. I actually went into surgery 5 months after original xray, not even knowing if it was cancer or not. I pretty much owe my life to timing and fate and the fact that the one doctor left, this doctor happened to have an opening and for some reason he sent me for an xray. He even told me later he wasn't sure why he sent me for the xray right off the bat - we hadn't discussed the cough or smoking history. Simply what it boils down to - If it wasn't for him impulsively ordering an xray, and a woman changing her mind about a marriage, I never would have been graced with the opportunity I had for recovery. Sometimes, our lives are directed by the simplest of things.

I just have to comment on something that has nothing to do with lung cancer but I was blown away. Imagine selling salad dressing, etc for 25 years and donating 200 million dollars to charity!!! It takes such a special person to do something like that, and to be so low key about it. I wish him much luck in fighting whatever disease he ends up having.

My deepest sympathies.

Ann, this topic is so tempting... but there are SO many to choose from... I don't know where to start.. I thought the strangest was a woman that I used to work with that used blue eyeliner around her lips becasue some guy in a bar had told her it looked good 10 years previously and who wore 2 differnt shoes and 2 different earrings every day. But then I thought of the person who came in to say her aunt was kidnapped by aliens the day before.. then the girl who was late to work and when I asked why, she said she had run into her ex-husband. The police showed up shortly, turns out she had run INTO her ex, multiple times. Then there was the woman who came to work with *itch carved into her stomach upside down and said that she was possessed and someone inside was carving the names. Then there was a manager who hit a deer on the way home and loaded it into a truck because it was still alive and kept it in her utility room overnight, brought it back to life with mouth to mouth 3 times. Same person dropped her grandmother in the storm shelter and broke her collarbone and took 3 days to manage to get her back out. Call centers tend to attract ummmm different people - I could go on and on - its just so hard to pick the strangest.

Doesn't reflect my cooking skills but I had a memory to share... In my early 30s, I invited several work friends over for dinner- I had just finished a relationship and it was the first time I had people over as a 'single' person. I made a huge tray of lasagna and had it sitting on the counter. My cat, who was almost a year at the time, took interest in the overhead fan that I had put on in the dining area for the first time that spring. Before I knew it, I heard a noise and there was Casey hanging on one of the ceiling fan blades with his front paws, body at a 45 degree angle, spinnign around and around like he was on that giant swing at an amusement park. I panicked - I didn't know whether to shut the fan or try to grab him as he rotated by, but he was going too fast. Well, before I could decide how to help him, in what seemed like slow motion, I saw him flying through the air and yes, you guessed it, he landed smack in the middle of the lasagna like a pole vaulter landing in a sand pit. He was fine, other than covered with sauce, but before I could even figure out how long it would take to smooth out an impression of a cat in a pan of lasagna with a spatula , I heard footsteps on the stairs. Needless to say, we had pizza delivered.

How cool is that? Congratulations!

Nancy, I have no answers to your question, but count me in as one of those people that think of you often. I have no doubt that you can do anything you set your mind to - and I know that you will be there at your son's wedding also. You are one of the strongest women that I know. Keep putting one foot in front of the other Nancy - you have a lot of cheerleaders behind you.

Linda, I am soooooo happy that your scans came back great, I knew they would!!! No thanks are necessary Linda- I appreciate any time that I can help anyone feel even a tiny bit better - I don't have much free time these days and your reaching out to me makes me feel that I can at least help in a small way. Besides, I think you ended up helping me just as much. Again, I am ecstatic for you !!! Go celebrate!!!!!

What great news! Congratulations!

Jen, I'm late to post, but still happy for both you and your dad!! Congrats- you have been so part of this journey with him- thrilled for you both.

Cindy! I am so sorry I missed this and am late!! I am SO happy that you are here, and that you made 5 years, and that I met you and that we have had 5 years of sharing our 'separated at birth' stories!! And yes, as Katie said, you are solely responsible for educating me as to how Chloe is spelled!! Who knew? Except Katie and the rest of the world..... Cindy, congratulations and breathe easier girlfriend- 5 years! Can you believe it?

Renate, I have no answers for you but I so relate to the pain of neuropathy. I never have had chemo and am not diabetic but for some mystery reason, I have had neuropathy since my surgery. The doctors can't figure it out - I opt for either something going wrong with the epidural I had for the pain pump, or the nerves cut during surgery. It has to be connected - I never had it before they operated on me. I have tried both neurotin and lyrica but neither really help. Recently my feet have been bothering me even more, the burning seems to worsen in the spring and last night it kept waking me up- that and the random pains shooting in my toes. My hands bother me also, but not the same - its pretty much a numbness where I keep dropping things and it is difficult for me to hold a pen for very long. I think the feet are worse because I dare to put socks and sneakers on them, etc. I want to walk to exercise and sometimes I grit my teeth, lumber on, and pay later. Funny story (or maybe not!) - about 3 months ago I was in my chair typing on my laptop with my feet on the ottoman. The cat must have playfully clawed my toe, near my cuticle, but of course I didnt' feel it. When I went to get up, I looked down and my foot was just covered in blood- it looked like a horror movie foot!- I hadn't even felt a thing! ( I always knew that cat wanted me dead! ) Anyway, no answers for you, I wish I had them but instead send wishes for relief.

Good for you!!

I'm thrilled for you Sharon - what good news!!

Alisa, Wow, that is so awesome - congrats - 8 YEARS!!! I know exactly how you feel, that amazement, that here you are and your boys are graduating college!! Amazing stuff - this surviving!!! Wish you the best!!

Rich, You are truly amazing and have given so much to so many.... Congrats on the 6 year mark!

Jackie, One word - Lots of Pillows - (okay, 3 words!) I actually sent a friend and my daughter out to the store to buy about 6 pillows - I could not lay on my back in bed without about 6 pillows propped up around me. I was in hospital for 6 days - back to work in 9 weeks. Take pain meds as prescribed, in hospital use pain pump regularly - don't be a hero! Use torture thing that you breathe into often (spiro something or other). As far as the girls - I couldn't wear anythign for months, so I layered. At about 6 months I was able to wear sports bras about 2 sizes too big, and after 2 years was finally able to get back into a bra - although underwire is a thing of the past. I always say that they should throw a boob job in free with thoracic surgery- then who cares if you can't wear a bra?

Get someone to kill it or with a lot of false starts, kill it myself.