Debi

Every single day I realize I am lucky at life. Don't mean to be dramatic but everything else falls short.

Woooooooo Hoooooooooo Jan!! Congrats and here's to new beginnings!!!

Val, Don't overthink it and measure yourself against her comments. Her writing was cold and callous and clueless. Sometimes people are like that, they have all the answers, until something happens to them. I remember one Fathers Day, I was out to dinner with someone and we were talking about parents and I had a teary eyed moment. The other person asked me what was wrong, and I said, almost apologetically, that I just was feeling the loss of my dad since it was Fathers Day and all (it sort of irked me that I had to point that out, that they weren't already sensitive to the fact that Fathers Day + no dad = sad). To which the other person replied, Really, after 10 years? I would think you would be over it by now. I managed to stammer, "over losing my dad?" and they replied, "well, at least to the point of not crying over it". You don't really have answers for those type of people- to be perfectly honest, they don't really deserve one! Val, as always, you are right where you are supposed to be.

I can't believe I missed it!!! Happy late Birthday Jackie !!!!

So the story goes... I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very provocative clothing and always low cut shirts. She would regularly bend down when she was near me- It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day the 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. I couldn't believe my ears! She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up. I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and ran straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.' And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

OH my GOSH!! I knew I came on here for something tonight, and it is still Monday so I am NOT late in wishing you congratulations! Congratulations on the 5 years Becky! Can you believe it?? We are still here and kickin! And by the way, I second that road trip, and add on a trip to the tatto parlor for some celebratory tattoos!

http://www.scienceagogo.com/news/200600 ... _sys.shtml http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn8549

Wow, amazing Maryanne! Nailed my accent!

I wanted to thank all of you, my friends, for your responses- this month is the 5 year mark for when the 'shadow' in my lung was discovered, although I technically celebrate in June, the month that I had my surgery. Linda, I especially wanted to thank you for posting, what you said about lurking and about some of my posts hitting home for you, really made me feel good. It is so hard sometimes to come here, there is so much pain. Sometimes, I feel judged, almost like I should apologize that I'm still alive while so many others are not. I have posted before how I hate to post my fears and successes sometimes because I was early stage, and there are so many people who have been worse off than me. People think that I should be thankful and lucky and all that. People don't realize that your world goes upside down no matter what stage you are, and how your life is never again the same. It helps to know that survivors like yourself are lurking out there, and that you can relate to some of the stuff I say. We have lost alot of people on this board through the years, but there are alot of survivors still going strong even though it seems like we have gotten alot quieter. Thank you again Linda for reminding me that I'm here for a reason - you have made me feel so much better today! (and I think you are well on your way to your first 5 years)

I wanted to share my gratitude and joy that I am still here to celebrate another New Years (my FIFTH one since diagnosis!!). Every year I spend on this earth is a gift to me, not sure why it was given to me, but I'm okay with that these days. This year was good to me- I had a huge promotion at work, relocated to another state, to one with malls . I got to see my son start THIRD grade, and my daughter just left from a visit this weekend and I was able to hold all 5 grandchildren in my lap for unlimited amounts of time. I added Fred the chihuahua to my family of pets this year, and got a new truck. My work just slowed down last week and then I had to fly to NY on business- I realized flying doesn't terrify me anymore. The fear that crippled me and kept me grounded most of my life, no longer exists. Just a few hours ago I had a chance to go through the 'junk' mail from the last 5 or 6 weeks and I saw there was a Cure magazine. I started leafing through it and the fear came back, whoosh, without warning, leaving me trying to catch my breath. Cancer, the word that I try not to think about anymore, is really just a thought away at all times, just waiting. The Cure magazine just took hold of me, I started questioning all that I have done, all the plans I am making, the projects I'm on, starting to feel silly in thinking that I actually have a life ahead of me. It took about an hour to get myself back. My self-doubt is right there on my coffee table. So my New Years resolution is going to be to cancel Cure magazine. I know that it is there if my cancer comes back, but I just can't have the reminder anymore. I am living and I am well and I will only go back if it drags me back and then I'll read the damn magazine. Right now I'm on strike. Anyway, Happy New Years to my fellow survivors!

Bruce, I'm thinking its time for a trip to Dollywood. It may just be Dolly withdrawal you're going through. Seriously, I am hoping you saw your doctor and all is well. Could be that you're gettign closer to that 5 year mark and you got some emotions playing with you. Now why would I think that? tick tock tick tock

Gaylee, When my nodule was first found, it was 10mm. Like you, I had the CT and then the PET done, and they could not find anything definitive. I had a CT done less than 3 months later and it had grown to 13mm and I was sent to a surgeon. He suggested to have it out, and I went to the operating room still unsure if it was cancer, I was told it was a 50/50 chance. It was cancer. I would suggest a compromise - maybe ask the doctor if you can push the CT up a month or so and have it in 2 1/2 or 3 months instead of 4. I had had my first CT in February, and had the 2nd in April where it showed the growth.

Frank was my cheerleader and I miss him. Everything I said or did, he was behind me, cheering me on so many times. A few days before he died he answered some whiny post I had, this man who couldn't even type for more than a few keystrokes because his time was near, took the time to say that he had my back and that everything would be okay. He was genuine and self-less and one of the last of my heroes. I think of him often and hope that Connie is doing okay.

My doctor prescribed Lyrica which I believe is fairly new. I haven't started taking it yet since it is my busy time at work and one of the side effects is loss of concentration. However, I was told by my doctor that it works well.

Hi Brian- I suppose other than the smoking stigma, the one concern that I had, or actually the one thing that was so evident, was the lack of fellow survivors. Luckily I had found this board, but I still was hungry to meet someone in 'real life' or hear of someone who had someone in the family that was a lung cancer survivor. It didn't happen. A little over a year after my surgery, I put together with Katie's help a booth at an arts and crafts fair in town, to raise money for lchelp. I thought for sure that in the 3 days that the fair ran, I would meet someone who was a lung cancer survivor. Other than Bev, who I already 'knew' through Kamataca on this board, there was no one (although meeting Bev was wonderful). But no one came to the booth and said "Hey, me too!" - I did have lots of women say they were breast cancer survivors. So I guess I would have to say besides the stigma of smoking, the complete isolation you feel when diagnosed with lung cancer is the roughest. Feeling alone compounds the fear you feel that no one survives lung cancer. Because that's what I always thought - I had never known anyone that said they were a lung cancer survivor in my entire life. So you sort of have this hopeful expectation that someone will have lung cancer (I don't mean that how it sounds) but after awhile you stop looking around for someone and just keep coming online, grateful that there is a community here, and survivors. I guess that is why I get bitter about pink all over creation every October - in addition to raising all that money, it displays a solidarity and a community that only exists online for us most days out of the year. Again, I don't mean for that to sound wrong, having this is great, but I hope you know what I mean. Sorry for being so long-winded.

The one time I can remember where I used the cancer card was with the IRS. The year I was waiting for my surgery, I didn't file my taxes for the first time ever- I owed money, I was going to be on LOA for a couple months. I needed every penny I could get to pay my rent during the time I was out of work, and besides, I thought for sure, no I KNEW, that by the time they caught up with me I wouldn't be around. The same goes for the following year, I was still sure that the cancer was lurking somewhere in my body, I was recovering from my financial losses when I had to miss work, figured they could take it out of my life insurance when the time came, which of course, in my mind was any day now. Well, the IRS sent me some really official documents and when I stopped sleeping because I thought the government was going to put me in jail any moment, I finally called them in 2005. I had this extremely official woman on the other side of the phone, identified only by her 6 or 8 digit number. She was cold, crisp, professional and very impersonal. At one point, she asked me why I didn't pay my taxes for 2 years. I took a deep breath, told her that I was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2003 and thought I was going to die but go figure, I lived and now I owe the IRS. There was a silence, and then she just started laughing. She became very friendly and helped me work out the best arrangement for me. Whew!!!

Two more penny stories... My middle grandchild was cranky and hardly took any breast milk for several days. Doctor said that he had some bug - a week later it was discovered he had a penny lodged in his throat, barely leaving room for the milk to trickle through. My daughter couldnt figure out where the penny came from. He had to have surgery like the Jillinator.. Youngest grandson had to have surgery about 6 months ago, same thing, except I think it might have been in his stomach, I lost track. There are 5 kids total so, at this point, who knows where the penny came from. Hoping that the one penny was it- I think it would be very unusual for the baby to have swallowed more than one.

I just love the good news section!! Congrats Carol!!! How awesome is THAT????

hot apple cider, hot cocoa, hot anything!

test result

Yes, I did have a 'thing' with a street musician who actually played drums on upside down trash cans. I would take the LIRR from suburbia every Friday night after leaving my job and become a weekend freak with a park full of wannabe hippies. I never mowed a lawn - I am allergic to grass, plus my father used to fix lawnmowers and was constantly coming home wiht stories about people losing their toes, etc. And who said being neurotic isn't hereditary?? Lastly, I actually have 4 pets (thank you Muriel for introducing me to that word ). I have 2 cats and 2 dogs. I don't know what I was thinking...

Okay Bruce, I know your not a bachelor unless of course, Dolly Parton is asking... Also Muriel, I know you love dogs and that at least 2 of your sons live in big cities.. so it must be the farm in Minnesota (although I thought that one was true also) The rest of the posts I can't even guess at. Mine: 1. I once fell in love with a homeless street musician and spent my weekends sleeping in Washington Square Park in Greenwich Village. 2. I've never mowed a lawn. 3. I have 3 animals.

I don't think I will be out of line by adding something to this post. I was at Johns' service and it was very clear that our sadness is shared by many. The funeral director had to keep adding rows and rows of chairs - the amount of people at John's service is a true testament to how much people thought of him, and of Rochelle and her children. The clergyman actually said that more people shared stories at John's service than at any other service he had ever presided at. The memorial was a wonderful tribute to John -I left wishing that I had known him better.

Pat, So good to see you - don't be a stranger, okay? I hope that you are doing well- it is great to see the avatar of you and Brian again.

Jim, You sound exactly like I did when I found out that I had to have surgery, the floor is sort of pulled out from under you, isn't it? If it feels any better, you are right where you should be, there is no easy way to get your head around something like this. All you can really do is put one foot in front of the other and get to where you have to go. I never had had any surgery to speak of either until the lung surgery. Apparently, we go big. I was terrified of the epidural, the surgery, etc and the truth is, it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and I ended up having both my upper and mid right lung removed. I'm not going to say it was a walk in the park, but my fear had become greater than the surgery itself, it was a relief when it was over. Someone on this board at the time had compared the recovery to having been hit by a fleet of 18 wheelers, but every day there was one one less truck. So every day of my recovery, I looked forward to the next day, and that one less truck. In the meantime, you make use of the pain pump - chances are they will offer you an epidural pain pump- and make sure that you push the button before the pain rolls in. I am the worst baby in the world Jim, and the surgery and recovery was physically very doable for me. Having surgery means that you are one of the 'lucky' ones - yeah that's pretty funny right about now, I know - but being able to have your nodules removed makes you lucky. By the way, having 2 of my 3 lobes removed, I can't even tell most of the time. I actually breathe better it seems than I did before. So don't worry about this type of stuff, I know that's easier said than done. Keep posting on here, alot of us have been exactly where you are. I was so convinced that lung cancer was a death sentence, and look at me - it's 4 years, almost 5 months since my surgery, 4 years, 10 months since they first saw a 'shadow' on my lung and I'm still here without any reoccurences, etc (looking for wood to knock on!). Best of wishes on your upcoming surgery and welcome to the board.