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Everything posted by Flowergirlie

  1. I am so sorry Teri! You are always in my thoughts. Love...Melinda
  2. I am so sorry for your loss Jill. Grief is such a personal journey. There are no particular boundaries for which you will greive but know that your mixed emotions and deep depths of sorrow are part of it and no one should try to define what you should be feeling or doing at any time. I am sending you thoughts of comfort and peace. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  3. I am so sorry to read this! It has the same devastating impact each time one of us loses the ones we love. My sincere condolences. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  4. I am so sorry you are feeling all of these unbearable feelings. It is interesting to read because we are about to do something similar, only it is the trip our family was planning, with hubby, and hubby did not make it. He passed the day after we were supposed to leave. We are having his memorial while we are taking this trip, in his honor. I feel scared and apprehensive, like you. I am trying to maintain the mindset that the intentions are to have as good of a time as we can, like he would want, but with no pressure on ourselves or expectations. I hope you can embrace peaceful reflection while you are on this trip. Peace...Flowergirlie
  5. and feeling quite alone on this unbearable journey. I go through the daily motions, expecting something to revive some sort of hopeful view towards the future, but it is really hard to see any light anymore. All the years of our delightful companionship, the inside jokes that are not funny anymore, the favorite songs that have lost their meaning, the depth of my loss is never ending. Not only do I feel this tremendous sense of emptiness but everything I do seems pointless. To what did I owe this great debt, to take my husband away? I go back and forth replaying the events of the past year, from diagnosis, to treatment, to bargaining with his fate, to waiting on more test results, to the dying process, to death, to today. There is nothing I can do to change this, I can only try to keep from drowning in my sorrow. Flowergirlie
  6. Honestly I wasn't going to respond because I am not a bundle of joy right now BUT...I LOVE what you said your mom said to you...it touched my soul and made me smile (and cry). These are sweet moments to cherish forever. All my best! Hugs...Flowergirlie
  7. I am so happy to hear things are going in the right direction. What could be better than a vacation on top of good news? I am sending positive thoughts that things will continue to go well. I love the photo of your mom. She has such a contagious and beautiful smile! Peace...Flowergirlie
  8. Flowergirlie

    This Sucks

    I am so sorry Anne! There is just nothing easy about losing the love of your life. You described it so well with kind of going through the emotions with your girls and trying to act happy, and even though you love them so much, you are just not happy right now. There will be few who can understand the depth of a loss so great, including your own children. They feel the loss too, and will grieve too, in their own way and it is very difficult to be able to grieve your deep sorrow and be supportive to your children's grief journey too. It is a delicate balance and it hit me square in the nose about a month after my hubby died that my kids needed me more than I was able to give. It can be overwhelming and if you have support, maybe that will help through some of the more difficult times. My thoughts are with you! I am so sorry! I am here if you need. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  9. I am so sorry Cindy, again. The one thing I have learned during my grief process is that you must feel what needs to be felt, in your own way and time. Our feelings are going to present themselves as we allow them. It will probably remain surreal for a while. Be gentle on yourself and do what feels right for you. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  10. I am so sorry for your loss and your deep sorrow. As time goes by, it seems like it becomes more intense, instead of easing. It is hard to be so young and to lose the love of your life. There are so few that can understand. I think the only thing that ever helps me through some days is something someone said, which is, "You will never be better but sometime maybe, you will be OK." I never expected to be 'better' or 'over it' but often wonder if I will ever be OK again and for whatever reason, I find comfort in knowing that I am not supposed to be different than what I am right now, where I am at in my grief journey. It hurts so terribly, but for some reason, we are going through this anyway. Sometimes I have to just be thankful for the time we did have and the depth of our exchange that we were able to share, even though it was too short, knowing that I would do it all again, if only. My thoughts are with you. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  11. Flowergirlie


    Dear Tanner...we share a similar loss, although one will never quite understand anothers sorrow, it is with my compassionate intention to gently support you during this most difficult time. May you have the gift of comfort and peace. My sincere heartfelt condolences to you and the kids. Hugs...Melinda
  12. My grandma passed away and I am headed out for her funeral. It has opened the floodgates because not only do I have the loss of my hubby and best friend and soulmate, all in one wonderful being, it feels so devastating to lose someone else and he is not here to hold me and comfort me this time. As if there are not enough concepts for me to be dealing with already, another loss seems overwhelming to have to absorb. It is a harsh reality but I suppose that is how life is. Peace...Flowergirlie
  13. Your sentiments are so sweet and thoughtful. Thank you for the pure point of view, rather than the one I have assumed this past week. Have a good birthday, maybe you can celebrate your dad for a moment on Father's Day...I read recently about focusing not on what you do not have anymore but how special they were when they were with you. Each relationship is a gift, one that we do not possess and does not possess us...it is hard to be thankful for our loss but maybe it is easier to be thankful for the gift we had while they were in our lives... Peace and Comfort and as Happy as can be Birthday's!...Flowergirlie
  14. I agree, a good cry is good for the soul. My cousin stars in that play; however, not the one you saw since she is out of town right now. What a wondeful line that is...it is so true...the impact from someone we love does forever put a handprint on our hearts. Peace and Comfort...Flowergirlie
  15. Sending hugs to you and David today. Wishing peace and comfort to you during this difficult time. I think a positive attitude makes a vital contribution to cancer treatment and envisioning the best possible success. Flowergirlie
  16. Hoping today will be positively extraordinary! Hugs...Flowergirlie
  17. I love how you have described the fish biting now and attributing it to Gerald. I do that too with other things. I just know they are looking out for us and the old friends! Thank you for your positive outlook today because it has been a rough start... Peace...Flowergirlie
  18. I am so sorry for the deep emptiness you are feeling. My thoughts are with you. I am sure your mom watches over you all the time. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  19. Today would be his 42nd birthday. It is such a shame that he be taken so young and so quickly and we are all here missing him. It is yet another reminder of how nothing will ever be the same again. Our birthdays were super celebrations and nothing we took lightly. I feel so empty without him here. We have had two birthdays in the house since he passed already and then my birthday will come and go soon too and it will not even be worth celebrating. We always loved slaving over a yummy dinner and homemade cake while the other lazily watched the process, spoiled as should be. I can't figure out why life has to be so hard all the time! My heart just feels so tragically and irreparably broken. The boys and I are going to have a cake in his honor anyway. Maybe that will help soften the sorrow and grief some. Flowergirlie
  20. I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I wish you and your family comfort and peace during this most difficult time. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  21. Just sending hugs and support for you and to your mom. I hope your mom will have a new sense of comfort and peace. I know it is so hard. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  22. That was so nice of you to share (((Missy))) Hugs...Flowergirlie
  23. Thank you for sharing your story and tears. It is OK to feel sad and miss your dad. I know it is so hard. It is a special gift when someone you love who's passed sends something to give you comfort. Mine is a dragonfly. I am glad it was a beautiful day to celebrate and respect your dad. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  24. I PM'd you earlier before I realized you had posted. You were on my mind and it may have come across inappropriate, I hope not and sorry if so. Anyway, I really wish in our experience we had called hospice earlier, personally. The doctor will not recommend hospice until they believe the life expectancy to be less than 6 months. Hospice can help to the degree you want and need...no more and no less. Hospice can be a positive thing because with no longer needing to go to the office for treatments, your medicine can be delivered to your home, if you need equipment in your home, they will deliver it to you, if you have an emergency any time, they will be there. I think some people think that a hospice team moves in with you and takes over the house and anxiously awaits ones demise but it was not that experience for us. In fact, one of the nurses was so kind and informative that she explained things that were happening indicating what part of the final process we were at and it was helpful to me in order to help him. He felt comforted knowing that what was happening was normal and I would have never known otherwise and it allowed us to be more peaceful and comforted. Well, I am sad that you are feeling pressure to make a decision right now, not like you don't have plenty on your plate, and I am sorry for that. We would have had hospice earlier if we would have stuck to our decision and listened to ourselves instead of the doctors, nurses and other medical circus performers. My thoughts are with you, hubby and family during this most difficult time. Hugs...Flowergirlie
  25. I am so sorry about your mom's recent diagnosis. I know how hard it is to swallow such news. I hope the treatments knock the wind right out of the sails of the cancer. We are here as a support all the time. Peace...Flowergirlie
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