Tami, your son is in my prayers. I hear every word you are saying. I have a son that had a very similar and rough adolescence, to the point where I literally felt desperate and hopeless about helping him. However, as a Mom, I never, ever gave up. Long story short: without my knowledge, he went off his anti-depressants and joined the Army in 2002. At first, I was very upset...certain that he could not succeed under the circumstances. I was convinced that disaster would ensue.
He not only succeeded, he thrived. Today, he is 24 years old, a Staff Sergeant in the Army, has had one year in Iraq, and is doing wonderfully. He looks, sounds, and acts like an entirely different person. He is loving and responsible.
I am not telling you that the military is the answer - I am telling you that many times, in the most unexpected ways, kids can find ways to turn themselves around. Much of it probably has to do with maturing past mid-adolescence. I believe that
as long as you continue to love him and nurture him (and you no doubt will), that seed will somehow germinate at some point and he will become the man he is intended to be. Stay strong - I know what you are going through.