bware21
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Posts posted by bware21
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Any time is good for me.
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No doubt in my mind that death is hereditary.
But so is life, so be happy with it and don't be looking for reasons to die.
Still having a great time at my end. Hope you guys are too.
Bill
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Hey Maryanne,
Let me know if you'd like me to make you a copy of Season 5 -- easy to do. And I doubt anyone here would give away the plot.
Bill
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My daughter's always about a week or so behind us, so I'm constantly threatening her that I'll spill the beans on the story. Sent her an email last week with the following title:
"What Happens on the Next Episode of 24"
Never did get a reply.
Bill
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So, you still have the fifth season to get through, which will make you even sadder.
We're watching the current season (#6), usually a couple of days after it airs so we can skip through those annoying commercials.You got a ways to go.
Bill
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Hey Jen,
The great thing about 24 is it doesn't require any effort -- just sit back and enjoy the ride. Storylines are always laughable and we wouldn't miss it. Can't watch it live because of all the commercials. We saw the last season on DVD and calculated about 23 minutes of commercials for each episode (about 4 minutes each segment). What a joke.
Our daughter back in England simply loves it, and lucky for her a friend of ours who visits the set in Chatsworth managed to get her a signed photo from Sutherland (can't spell his first name, so I ain't going to bother). I haven't seen it yet, but I'm hoping he took the time to sign her name.
If you haven't seen the latest season I won't say anything, but it had me in fits of laughter after the fourth hour -- you'll see what I mean when Valencia comes into the picture (we have friends there). Interesting to us because we live just down the road, but the series seldom moves beyond the Valley here -- they never venture into Hollywood or downtown ... and that's a refreshing change.
They struck a goldmine with that concept.
Bill
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Super Bowl?
That would be that American rugby game they call football, right?
Bill
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One last thing before I go down for my lamb chops and an episode of 24 (one of my weaknesses is that I don't think long enough, otherwise I wouldn't need to keep re-posting).
Snowflake,
It really bugs me that you don't think you've got your life back. If you say you don't, then you don't, and I'm not going to question that. But from everything I've read of yours, I picture a really fiesty lady who I personally wouldn't want to tackle in a dark alley.
Bill
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Ooops -- before everyone jumps on my case about "shutting the process down," let me clarify that I don't mean recklessly. I just have an abundance of faith in a few things:
1. God exists, even though Darwin has a point or two.
2. Science is man's excuse for his own ignorance, even though science itself has a point or two.
3. The mysteries of our existence will not and cannot ever be solved.
4. My cancer could vanish tomorrow and never come back, and I'd never know why.
You're probably getting bored with my Oscar Wilde quotes, but the guy was a mental athlete. I don't pull these quotes out of my head, by the way. I have all his quotes and all his letters. And here's a good one, that again has no bearing on this discussion:
"I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing."
Bill
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Hey Guys,
I tried to think of one sentence that would sum up what I was trying to get at, and the best I can come up with is this:
For me personally, I had to stare death in the face and acknowledge it before I could walk away.
And Snowflake, that doesn't mean my life is going to be exactly the same as it was. It just means I'm not going to be spending much more time thinking about dying, health insurance, and all the other garbage that this disease throws my way. When I say I got my life back it means I can get back on with living, which unfortunately means work and all that other mundane stuff. Yep, I'll do whatever treatment I need as long as it's working -- but I won't be held hostage by the treatment, and there may well come a day when I shut that process down (depends on how it's going and how I feel about it at the time). The key to my freedom is in my mind, not my lungs.
Life is just too damn good to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else having all the fun.
You guys continue to be an inspiration to me, otherwise I wouldn't be in the place I am right now. And wild horses couldn't drag me away.
Bill
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Jackie,
Actually I wasn't down at all. On the contrary, I was (and am) very much "up."
That some people found my post depressing is where the disconnect lies. All I said was that I now understand why they thought that way -- not that I thought that way myself.
Glad you're having a good day ... and you can always rely on Oscar Wilde to brng you up or down, however you like.
Bill
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Jen,
While I have my trusty Oscar Wilde book out, and from Dorian Gray:
"Something seemed to tell me that I was on the verge of a terrible crisis in my life. I had a strange feeling that Fate had in store for me exquisite joys and exquisite sorrows."
And:
"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul."
Your feelings are true. You own them so embrace them. Tomorrow is a different day and they may be lost to you forever. And just imagine the score if you didn't love your Dad -- you wouldn't be having the feelings you're having. They'd be something quite different and quite ugly. The price we pay for our feelings.
You'll always worry somewhat, and that's okay.
Bill
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Hey Danielle,
It makes you mad, doesn't it? And that's an understatement.
Had a similar thing happen to us when an assistant oncologist told us my PET scan was showing limited SCLC ... only to be told later (after we'd told the kids the good news) that he'd made a mistake. These are the kinds of mistakes that I find unforgiveable, but they *do* happen, and with more frequency than people realize.
Stay strong, and let it go when you're ready.
Bill
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By the way, when I use the word criticism I'm using it in its truest form -- an observation, not an attack. I don't ever feel attacked here.
Clarification, that's all. Have a great day.
Bill
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Welthy,
Sounds to me like you guys have got the right plan in place. And a bit of running amok is what's needed sometimes.
Enjoy your retirement -- you've earned it !!
Bill
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Snowflake,
You're a pain in the *ss -- just kidding.
You're a winner.
Bill
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Hmmm?
It isn't about getting responses or about whether people agree or disagree. Disagreements are healthy, and Teri would be the first person to tell you that I'll argue with anyone and have a thoroughly good time doing it. But this board absolutely isn't the place for heated arguments of any kind, nomatter who might be right or who might be wrong.
As for responses -- if they're supportive they always make me a tad uncomfortable, and I'd prefer it if those responses didn't exist. For example, when I've read through a thread I start to think, "Who the hell does this guy think he is?" And that's *me* I'm talking about.
Negative responses, on the other hand, are extremely important, otherwise how would you know if what you were saying was causing damage to someone? Also, if you don't get criticized you'll never be forced to think outside of your own safety zone. Many times, and probably more often than not, it's the criticism that makes me understand something I didn't understand before. This thread is a case in point.
The whole dynamic is just very tricky and I know I'm not the first person to cause disruption. Nor will I be the last. That's life, as they say.
And you're right, my original post in this thread is rather depressing ... just not for me. I re-read it after I posted it and I didn't see it. Then I read it again after Snowflake's response, and I still didn't see it. I read it again this morning, and finally I saw it -- but I had to put myself in someone else's shoes for that. Ah well.
The rationale behind my posts was always to help me personally by expressing what's been gong on inside as I come to grips with my own reality. I thought that by posting these feelings one or two people might be able to relate. But there are a lot of folks using this board who are coming from totally different places (some good places, some not-so-good places). I'll try not to forget that in future, but I dare say I might.
The following quote from my old favourite, Oscar Wilde, has absolutely nothing to do with this discussion, but it's a funny quote. And *funny* is what's needed:
"I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself."
Bill
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Hey Guys,
For those that think this was too depressing -- I can understand how you'd see it that way. I don't see it that way at all, but then I guess we're all different and we're all in different places.
Maybe I've been a bit selfish here? Thinking about it, when I was down I caused a bit of a storm here when I saw things that were depressing to me. I didn't give a second thought to everyone else who might not be in the same place. As a consequence, some people got mighty upset. Of course, when I realized that little fact it was too late -- the damage was already done.
Now I'm feeling pretty good and same problem. People are just all over the place emotionally, and that's no surprise. Perhaps I need to think twice or thrice before I post anything else -- no good if I get out of it what I need and leave a trail of misery behind. I suspect there's no solution to this. It's the differences that make us unique.
For what it's worth, I'm having a great day.
Bill
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Jen,
Any better now, or still the same?
Bill
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Hey Ernie,
Thanks for the words of encouragement ... but the thought of being in my eighties is more than a little depressing (there's just no winning). That was meant to be funny, by the way -- so anyone in their eighties, please disregard.
Great job with the marathon, though no idea how you managed it.
Bill
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Don M,
I've always considered your profile and your posts as an INCREDIBLE window into survial. Simply amazing.
Bill
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Alisa,
Rock on, girl. These posts are SO important.
Bill
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Karen,
I have to say, that really made me laugh:
"... and people will remember that about you when you are gone."
That's as far as I got before my heart skipped a beat. Thanks for not ending your thought there.
Bill
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Heather,
As introspective as we might get, there's always room for hope, and good news might just be lurking around the corner. Don't ever give up, and I expect you guys to join us in our next collective prayer meeting. Teri and I will be saying a prayer for you regardless.
How's Gerry doing right now? Is he still painting?
Bill
Sister's CT scan results
in SCLC GROUP
Posted
BOBBY,
Is an asteroid going to hit the Earth? Absolutely. Are you going to worry about that? No.
When you get good news, accept it -- it's really that simple.
Great news for your sister.
Bill