sophie06

Last night, after several days of not eating or drinking, God had mercy on my beautiful mother and took her Home. I was blessed to be there with her, holding her hand. She opened her blue eyes for the first time in a week as I told her "I love you, Momma." She said "I love" before she let go of my hand. You all have been a great support for me, and I thank each one of you. Much love, Sophie

Hey everyone, In the last few weeks, my mom has made a HUGE recovery from hip surgery and seizures!!! We didn't think she was going to come back from the last seizure, and the nurses told us that she would probably pass away within a few days. Well, Mom surprised us all. Not only did she come back from the seizure unaffected, but she is even clearer now. Here is the strange part of Mom's recovery, though...I hope I don't sound off the wall here. Ever since the seizures, Mom has somehow been "psychic" if that's possible. She is talking about things that she would not have any way of knowing unless my daughter or I told her. Mom is just right on the mark with things, even knowing about a pet we recently adopted. We were going to tell her that day, but she already knew and asked us how our new gray kitten was. Just bizarre. I'm just wondering if the occipital lobe tumor is responsible for this?? She knows about other personal things, too. Every day, Mom starts the conversation with what WE were going to tell her. I asked my dad and he said the same thing - she knew what he had been doing & it sort of freaked him out a little. There has to be a logical explanation for this?? Has anyone else experienced this type of development?? Well, I just wanted to post some good news - my mom is a true fighter, and she is actually walking a few steps now!! She was previously in a wheelchair, unable to even take a step unassisted. Miracles happen..... The oncologist stopped all treatment a month ago - said we should prepare ourselves for a rapid decline, but Mom is proving him wrong. Thank you for all your prayers & support! Love, Sophie

Jane, Your situation with your Mom is mirroring my own. My mom (diagnosed in 2005 with brain mets) started behaving the same exact way. She just turned 69 last month. We hired an aide because she would try to get out of bed, walk, etc. on her own and would end up falling. We just couldn't leave her alone anymore. She started talking about "thieves" and other irrational things. She became incontinent and had to wear Depends about 3 months ago. She fought that so hard, but ended up using them. Unfortunately, 2 weeks ago, Mom fell in the bathroom despite having an aide at her side and broke her hip. All the specialists agreed she HAD to have surgery to repair it. Last week, she really started hallucinating - talked more about friends and family who were deceased, she saw our first dog we ever owned and said he had slept in her bed all night, among other things. Then she told me what a beautiful place she was going to. She had asked me last week during a few rare moments of lucid thinking if there was anything she "had left to do" - and I said no, Mom, you've managed everything so well, and we are going to be okay because you made sure of that. I believe that was the last conversation I will have with my Mom because over the weekend, she had a seizure in the hospital and is now in ICU on Dilantin and Decadron. Mom is not responsive except for a few minutes at a time, when she opens her eyes and looks at us, and then goes back to sleep. The PET scan they did showed nothing new in the brain, but the CT scan did. It showed the occipital tumor has spread, despite several rounds of Gemzar. We are preparing ourselves for the worst as the nurses have told us she is declining rapidly. Oddly enough, Mom is not requiring any oxygen but her respirations are very low. She is not able to eat, and I have to make the most difficult decisions this week. She is only taking the Dilantin and Decadron, plus she was on Tylenol #3 twice per day. She has just never required any heavy pain medication, but I did throw a fit at the doctors after her hip surgery because they didn't leave standing orders for anything and she was so uncomfortable for 2 days. (That's another thread, though.) I'll be thinking about you & praying for your mom, and everyone here. God bless, Sophie

Mom has suggested we move in with her - she loves her home, her gardens, etc. - and so we are seriously considering it. I think all of the prayers from everyone have helped - I feel much stronger today and more at peace. My standard reply to Dad & my sisters is going to be, "This is what Mom wants and I'm following her wishes." I'm so grateful to have found this forum & for the support. Thank you everyone

Thank you so much, Treeby & Grace!! Yes, I was designated POA for my mom when my parents divorced, and my mom has kept me as POA for healthcare, as well as for financial matters, too. Mom has been having periodic episodes of confusion in the last few weeks, but for the most part, she is clear-minded. She is so hurt by all of this, but especially my dad's hostility toward her when it comes to my sisters. She actually has mentioned moving into a smaller place, and there have been times when she hints around that she regrets getting remarried to Dad. I know I will keep fighting for her, for as long as she wants. Well, it's just been a bad few weeks dealing with my sisters' and dad's attitudes. I'm so grateful for your replies - thank you for listening & for your advice. It really means the world to me.

Hi everyone, Well, I really think I'm at the end of my rope trying to deal with my dad and sisters. Our situation is complicated, but I'll try to put it in a nutshell. When Mom was diagnosed in Dec '05 with NSCLC, neither one of my older sisters called, visited, etc. They have been estranged from her for years due to a matter of my grandparents' estate and being left out of their will. They resented my mom for it, (she was an only child), and blamed her for not passing along a sizeable inheritance to them. Two years later, Mom divorced Dad due to his alcoholism, and this caused an even bigger split between my mom and sisters. They thought she was wrong to divorce him. They sided with Dad, and to this day, they still keep in touch with him only. Dad eventually went into treatment and my parents remarried a few years ago. Things with my sisters never got resolved. They still only speak to Dad, and he has done nothing to remedy this. So here we all are today - my oldest sister has written Dad letters, saying Mom deserved the cancer. My middle sister echoes the same sentiment. Dad is nothing but a roommate for my mom - he cooks and grocery shops, and drives her to her appointments. He refuses to sleep in the same bedroom with her. I finally hired a cleaning lady to take care of the house, and I do Mom's hair, nails, errands, etc. every day. I work full time and take care of my teenage daughter, otherwise I'd be available more to her. Yesterday, I told my dad that Mom wanted me to look into preplanning funeral arrangements, and he basically lost it - yelled at me for even considering planning a funeral service for her. He thought she would be cremated and "that would be it." Mom has told me her wishes - a private funeral service with interrment at the cemetery - maybe a few hymns, too - and he rolled his eyes. I wanted to yell at him so badly, what is wrong with you?? Doesn't your wife deserve a service?? His big complaint is that she has been a "poor mother" to my sisters - it's all her fault - and now he keeps asking the doctor for a timeline. He doesn't want Mom to continue any more chemo, but Mom wants to keep fighting. I'm at the end of my rope here. My dad is taking out his anger on me - and I'm in the middle. My sisters don't speak to me, either. They have done everything possible to belittle me all my life and now my dad is supporting them and their views. I'm so tired of this! Sorry to ramble on and on, but I can't handle this anymore. I just want to tell my dad to leave. Mom is so lonely at night, and I'm ready to take an air mattress out there and sleep on her bedroom floor. I am legally her POA for healthcare and finances, so Dad can't tell the doctors to stop treatment, thank God. This family is a mess, and I know I can't fix it. My mom deserves so much more than this cruel treatment from my dad and sisters. I'm so angry I can't even think straight. I'm having anxiety attacks every day now, and it's all I can do to put a smile on my face for my mom. I'm trying, I really am trying hard to keep Mom's spirits up, but it feels like I am falling apart. Please, anyone, I'm needing advice really, really badly right now. Thank you!!

Hi everyone, It's been awhile since I first posted. Mom is finishing up her last chemo treatment next week (Alimta) for stage IV lung cancer. All of the CT scans and MRIs show little change in her lung tumors and the diaphragm except that the tumor in her liver has responded - so for that little bit of good news, we are very thankful. The occipital tumor is the same since the gamma knife radiation last year. I'm wondering if anyone can give me advice regarding the following - Mom keeps minimizing her symptoms whenever she & Dad see the oncologist. Mom has been having urinary incontinency problems, especially at night, and during the last couple of months, she has been sleeping 12+ hours every night. She does use her walker, but her gait is getting worse re. the shuffling. Her mood swings are awful - a lot of anger toward everyone - her memory is slipping, and I know she is suffering with anxiety. She has headaches, complains of dizziness, and has daily episodes of shakiness. She is suffering so much, but she just won't be honest with the specialists. Dad tries to interject his perspective at their appointments but Mom insists he is "exaggerating." She does not want anyone but Dad to accompany her to the oncologist appointments. The only medication the oncologist is giving her is Tylenol #3, dexamethasone, and folic acid. I don't understand why the specialist isn't at least offering her something for her anxiety, but like I said, she is very convincing when it comes to minimizing her symptoms and making Dad sound like he is an alarmist or something. Sorry to keep rambling here, but the other thing that concerns me is on her latest CT scan, the radiologist noted normal pressure hydrocephalus. I did some searching about NPH, and the symptoms match up with Mom's. The oncologist, however, dismissed them and instead is now recommending physical therapy. (?!) I don't get it. She can barely stand up without help, so Dad and I are wondering what a physical therapist is going to be able to do?? If anyone has any suggestions I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much. -Sophie

Hi everyone - I found this forum last month but didn't have a chance to post then. I was doing research for my mom, who was diagnosed last Christmas Eve day with metastatic nonsmall cell lung cancer. She was first diagnosed with a tumor in the occipital lobe, then they found tumors in her diaphragm and liver. Today we found out that it has spread to the adrenal glands and her creatinine level is too low. Since last January, she's been through gamma knife radiation, and today started her first chemo (Alimta). She has "spells" as she calls them - shaking & passing out - just about every day. At first the oncologist & neurospecialist thought it was due to the brain tumor, or epileptic seizures, etc., but now they have admitted that the gamma knife radiation actually did some neurologic damage. Talk about a trade off. I have tried to stay strong for her, but lately it's been hard to keep it together. I'm not handling this very well at all. She's been my best friend, my rock. My feelings vary between anger and sadness, sometimes overwhelming grief, for my beautiful mother and the suffering she is enduring. I'm glad I found this forum - thank you for all of the information you've shared & your personal stories. It really has helped us.