perplexed

Hi there, again I'm very glad to see that you're there and even though you've not known me, you 've wanted to be with us...I hope that you'd known how it's amazing to me to feel that i was not alone.... My sister and my mother... My mother she's through the stroke, and disabled... It's been 6+ years now. My sister went along the way with my mother and she was caring her, and it was ironic that she had to be diagnosed with SCLC... I'm the youngest one of six siblings.. I had no choice than to persevere and keep my patience and good intentions for anyone of us... Now i'm faced with the decision to make if I'm more concerned with my mother's care or my sister's care... I refuse to make a choise like that... Because I believe that such a decision is not my burden, I hope the God will lead me to the path with the help of yours.. I believe in that; i have to keep my faith and my good intentons along the way... I believe that, that's all I can do, and God will show us the path... I've read a lot of posts... Particularly of a woman who said that she wished to had lc instead of her mother... I've read that she wasn't very wellcome... Let me express myself, when I heard the diagnosis of my sister's, I wished the same thing. I thought that, she has children and a family life which I couldn't experienced, and I thought that it should be me to have diagnosed with SCLC than her, because I'm living such an existentialist way of life, though I can't keep my self to wish anyone to be happy more than me... I thought that she would do more of this life than me, and sure enough to know that she deserved to live more than me... If it was me to pursue to living more, than that would be waste of a lifetime. I have to admit and thank that, from the beginning of early diagnosis to that far, God has helped us... Pathologist, chest surgeon etc.. they've all helped us to find our path to heme... My sister's radiation onchologist was once in Pitsburgh, he was there, and he is very helpful to us... So I want to thank you that your people, US citizens helped us, though indirectly... I don't know the future, I can't figure it out if it will be bright or dark. Whatever the God's will, I'll have to keep it with my good intentions along the way... I'm still trying, and will try to keep it going.. I hope that my mother with a stroke related disabling, and my sister with a SCLC diagnosis and easyly can be full of fear, and me, trying to keep of all of my good intentions in my heart, we will try, we will try to cope the evil, even the evil comes from the very near of our own genes, like siblings or family relatives... This is the second time that I've shared my life experiences, and the next time I hope that I can share my scientific references like; when it's come to be faith healing, or should we be safe to keep away when our treatments going along with Saint John's Wort etc.. Now I'm listening this : Coldplay, Fix You; When you try your best but you don’t succeed When you get what you want but not what you need When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can’t replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you’re too in love to let it go But if you never try you’ll never know Just what you’re worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And i… Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And i… Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you ___________ I'm very inspired with the lyrics: "Lights will guide you home" I hope, we all find our paths to our home... I'm with you...

Hi, first of all I want to try to introduce myself... Once i was in Manhattan, i went into a gift store, there was a Chinese lady, she asked me where i was from and i replied, Turkey... She told me that we're almost neighbours... I felt like i was home, though it was far from it... At the same trip, i visited Ellis Island, though it was a strange coincidence, I still couldn't help to forget the scene... There was a women telling me that: It's been 8 months that i was reading posts in this forum, but couldn't find the courage to say "Hi there, we're together and we're trying to keep our hopes and still praying to God, for being mercifull to all of us, and giving health to all of us, and shoving the right paths to follow (whether it leads to health or not, we just need guidence in the mercy of God, if you don't believe in God my wish would be that you would reach the peaceful state in your heart)... We're shocked when we heard the diagnosis. But we had no luxury of time to spent for undertanding the feelings of our own. We had to act quickly because it was SCLC. My sister, she is 45 years old, got 4 rounds of chemo and thoracic radiatin and pci. Now, I know it's hard to know which one is worse than the other; to be in the initial state of diagnosis, to be in the treatment stage, or to be in the controlling period. At the end of this month, we will be in the second control period... I know I cannot change almost anything in this world but I can pray and insist on keeping my good intentions... I wish, each and every path that we follow would be the right ones for each of us... Thank you for being there, long before i was there, to help me to find my way home... I just wanted to thank you...