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  1. I also have a history of depression and sometimes find it difficult to know where grief ends and depression begins. Grief is hard enough on its own and wanted to be sure that I wasn't sinking into another depression. I recently decided to seek out a psychologist. I knew she would be qualified enough to help me make the distinction between "normal grief" and a real problem. I've only seen her twice, but so far it seems that what I'm going through is "normal". Just hearing that has helped me to feel better. I suggest that if you have any doubts that you take the step to see someone soon. Grief is painful enough alone. Don't let it get to the point that you also have to dig yourself out of a depression too.
  2. nyka69

    It's strange

    I read this and it made me cry. I hope some day I can find the balance that this man has found. He has continued on in his life, yet has kept his wife a part of it. Somehow I equate moving forward with moving away. That thinking has really been a hinderance and a source of guilt. Teri, thank you for sharing and thanks for starting this thread.
  3. nyka69

    It's strange

    In the very first days of my grief, when I was in that thick, protective fog that doesn't let you really feel anything, I began parting with some of Joe's things. There are some things that I now regret. I had decided to donate all of his clothes. My step-father was going to take care of it for me. I bagged everything up then, thankfully, it took some time for my SF to actually take the clothes. I went back through them and kept at least two bags of clothes. I still wear his t-shirts, sweatshirts, pajamas, and his favorite sweater. I was devastated that none of them smelled like him though. I've had to move since Joe passed. It forced me to go through everything he owned. I moved to a much smaller place, so I was forced to part with a lot of things. But there are some silly things that I had to hold onto. I even kept a bottle of his favorite iced tea. I love looking at his pictures. I go through phases where I need to see him on video and others where I can't bear to watch. I can't listen to music at all. I feel very much like I take two steps forward and three steps back. I have a week where I almost feel normal, then the next I am on the verge of tears all day, every day. I have a history of depression, so I've been a little concerned. I have my first appointment tonight for grief counseling. I'm sorry that so many of us are struggling, but feel better knowing that I'm not alone and a lot of what I'm going through is 'normal'. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.
  4. I use Outlook to manage all of the tasks that I need to accomplish. With "widow brain,” it is very easy for me to lose track of things. So each time another task pops in my head, I add it to my Outlook tasks. I try to stagger the tasks in order of importance, so I don't have 25 reminders every day. If a task pops up on a day that I'm not emotionally prepared to deal with it, I "snooze" it for a day. This has helped me to keep things manageable. I still have a few things to take care of, but I feel a sense of accomplishment every time I'm able to check something off the list. Some days I need that little boost to remind myself that I'm not doing so bad after all.
  5. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran
  6. A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender." The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please." The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender. The bartender says, "What, no drink for me?" "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink." Thank you all for understanding that I need to take a little time out for me. Thank you all for the many laughs that have gotten me through the very darkest days. I wish you all peace in your journeys. We're all walking different paths, but I'm glad we can do it together. I'll be back...
  7. nyka69

    Missing You Guys

    Sorry guys. I guess I should have requested a hall pass. Someone told me there was an alarm out for me. As much as I care for all of you, I think I need a little break from the board. Visiting here is difficult for me right now. I'm trying to figure out what shape my life should be taking, and in many respects, this is part of my life is 'before'. Right now, I'm trying to figure out the after. It is painful, but something I must face. Patti, I'm sorry I missed your PM. I hope you both are well. I will be back someday, but today just isn't that day yet. Thank you for thinking of me. I will promptly go and request a hall pass now.
  8. Sounds like a disaster to me! LOL! But I'll say casserole because I define casserole as throwing a bunch of stuff in a pot and cooking it. Hmmm...but now that I think of it, the noodles do have to be cooked separately, so I'm changing my mind. I say hot dish. I'll continue with the winter theme: Q: Sled, tobagan, or snow tube?
  9. 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be 10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible. Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
  10. Well isn't Welthy a friggin smarty pants with her level 43! I finally went as far as the game would allow me...4400 grains of rice with level 40. Guess I'm not the brightest crayon in the box.
  11. Nope! Not allergic to anything except actually COOKING the food. PREDICTION: The next person cannot wiggle their ears.
  12. Over-easy if someone else is making them. Scrambled if I am making them. I am culinarily challenged. Q: Hat or earmuffs? (Wise guys in warm states need not respond, thank you very much!)
  13. nyka69

    Bad Dream

    (((Teri))) I avoid all medical shows (even the farses like Scrubs). They bring back too many painful memories. I haven't had a dream like this, but do get bouts of the "what ifs". What if I had done X,Y,Z differently when he was sick? Then, why did he have to get sick at all? I think we work out our stress in dreams sometimes. Being widowed leaves us plenty of reason to be angry and/or insecure. I'm glad you had the opportunity to spend time today face-to-face with someone who "gets it". Keeping you in my thoughts.
  14. I got tired at 1260 grains of rice with a best level of 40. I can't seem to focus tonight. I'll try again tomorrow.
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