Jump to content

MichelleZP

Members
  • Posts

    31
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by MichelleZP

  1. Hi everyone, On Sunday, August 10th (my son's birthday) at 1:00 pm, my Bob lost his battle. His last words were, "I see something." I held him as he took his last breath. Bob was SOOOOOOOOO strong - he is THE strongest person I know, both physically and in his mind. He fought a damn good fight - all the way to the end. God Bless him. Thank You for the support I received here and God Bless you all, ~ Michelle
  2. Well my Bob fought a good fight, but he is too weak to fight any longer. Hospice said it won't be much longer. Bob is NOT suffering at all. He is on morphine and ativan. He doesn't move anymore...and he barely recognizes even ME. I am so sad watching the man I planned on growing old with die...but he is at home, I had the priest out and he is at peace and ready to let go. Please keep Bob in your prayers, for a peaceful passing. Thank You.
  3. I am a smoker and I tried my best to quit, but I am not ready. I sure hate it that I smoke seeing as how my husband has LC. I feel so guilty and so ashamed. I am 35 and my husband is 48, but I know age has nothing to do w/it. I sure can get LC and I sure hope I don't, yet I am having a cigarette right now as I type this. Gosh I am just plain ashamed. I don't smoke around my husband, and my husband quit when he was Dx. If Bob would have opted to smoke during chemo, I don't know that I could have stayed around either. He can smoke now as treatment has stopped, but he chooses not to. I am SO PROUD of him!! His onc. told him it is up to him now if he wants to smoke or not and Bob said, "Why would I smoke? I quit over a year ago and I am still going to fight, even w/no more chemo/rad." GOOD FOR BOB. He coughs a lot and he would just be too sick to smoke he said. I feel for you. I hope your husband chooses not to smoke. Take care,
  4. Hi, I found myself ignoring my own health as I was more worried about my husband, after all, he is the one w/the cancer and cancer is much more important than my little aches...WRONG I was. It turns out the cavity I needed a filling on turned into a massive abscess and I almost had to be hospitalized for IV anitbiotics before they could work on that tooth!! I never had pain like that before in my entire life! I have two children and I had natural childbirth w/both - the pain in my abscessed tooth WAS WORSE than labor pains! So, I was lucky in that the oral antibiotic worked, I had my root canal, and I get my crown on Thursday. I also neglected my fibroid issue. I have fibroids and each year I am to have ultrasounds to be sure they are not getting too large. Well, I FINALLY went in just last month - 6 months late - and I got bad news. The one that was the size of a quarter is now the size of a grapefruit and it is causing my bladder to be out of place and incontinence. I also have a very large fibroid inside the wall of my uterus and I need a hysterectomy! Well, I am lucky in that I do have a few months...I cannot go in NOW - hospice just started for us TODAY. They say they feel Bob has about a month. I heard they are excellent at predicting when the patient will go so the family can be here and we can surround him w/love. I do not want to go now for my surgery, but then again, I won't be in ANY emotional condition to have major surgery when my husband passes so I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I eat well, I take a vitamin a day, I make my crafts and I exercise. I try to get out and do something for myself at least every other day. Yesterday I went shopping and I am going again tomorrow. IT HELPS. I also talk to my friends and they have been WONDERFUL for support. I bought the book, "Final Gifts"...written by two hospice nurses and I have been reading it...and it is comforting. We sure do need to take care of ourselves here too. We might not have cancer, but we have a human body that has needs. I find myself always tired...as I try to be superwoman and do EVERYTHING perfectly and I keep myself so busy, perhaps in an attempt to not think so much...and I am just always so tired. Take care,
  5. Zoloft can cause nausea. It is one of the main side effects when beginning it. I am on another SSRI, Paxil, and, like Zoloft - it caused me nausea in the beginning. Call your pharmacist and ask and ask the doctor. It may very well be the Zoloft. A few teaspoons of Coke syrup poured over an ice cube helped me. You can get that at the pharmacy. Take care,
  6. We saw the oncologist today and he said he cannot paint a pretty picture any longer. The Iressa failed. My husband's latest scans showed the cancer to have grown in its orginating lung and around his heart. I knew how sick he was as I see it 24/7. This is a man that a mere four months ago was out there, on chemo, but fighting and winning. It all just seemed to crumble so fast right before our eyes. Bob can barely keep food down, he lost weight, and today he was told he is not going to get any better and hospice is the way to go. Bob refused hospice and I must say I am quite upset as "I" NEED THEM too! We have home health now - a Bridge program - the step before hospice. I just hate this...I am sad and scared and it kills my heart to see my husband lying there fighting to hold food in so he does not dwindle down to nothing! He is sick all the time and he has accepted that there is nothing more the doctors can do, but he still thinks a miracle might come along and perhaps it will...one never knows. (sigh) The appointment today was for the family as his Mom refuses to believe any of this. SHE STILL WON'T accept it. I am talking to my husband about his last wishes and if he wants to be cremated as the social worker instructed us to do to "get it over with"...and his Mom calls and says he is going to recover 100% and go back to work full time. I hate it that his family is not on the same page with me. I feel like the "bearer of bad news" but I only report what the doctors/nurses tell me. I don't want to lose my husband! I would give up my legs if it would buy us more time! I HATE CANCER.
  7. Hi, My husband has been vomiting - even his water. He is on a feeding tube and this continuous vomiting is causing his weight to drop. Is this vomiting common w/lung cancer? Could it be the Iressa he began in June? I am very concerned. He was a bit dehydrated this evening and I was going to take him to the ER but I called the Bridge nurse first and she said to give him 60 cc's of water each hour so I did. The tenting of his skin did improve, but he vomited again. I found some anti-nausea suppositories he had from when he was on IV chemo - so I gave him one of those and he is sleeping now. He has got to gain weight. He has recently lost SOOOOOO much weight. We see the doctor Wednesday and he, the doctor, requested the entire family come. I have a hunch what this means. The Bridge nurse told me this afternoon after she examined my husband that I need to consider hospice now for Bob. She told me to start preparing him for death. She feels he is holding on as he doesn't want any of us (his family) to suffer. She wants me to let him know I will be OK...that is HARD. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I had a root canal right after that and I was a wreck there and I started crying to the endodontist's nurse! Luckily she held my hand, gave me a hug, and showed me support and compassion. Is this the standard way they prepare us? I never knew "I" had to be the initiator here...I thought they did this. Thank You,
  8. Thank You all for the info. It is much appreciated! My husband started in June and he too has a three month supply. This medicine is $2000.00 a month! Thank GOD for his Medicaid covering it. WHEW. Take care all,
  9. Hi Ada, I see you as a very strong person and a true fighter! Keep fighting! This is what I tell my husband and it seems to work!! I hope you feel better soon! Cuddle up w/a good book and your favorite jammies. I do this and it feels like total pampering and it makes me feel better.
  10. Hello, I am making a list of questions for this appointment on Wed. and so I will ask about this. Thank You.
  11. Don and Lucie, My prayers are with you both. Take slow, deep breaths and take it a moment at a time. That is what works for us. Blessings,
  12. Hi Becky, My husband had that too and when we went to the ER they assumed it was a blood clot and they did a test and it was NOT. It is better to have it checked out to be safe and for peace of mind. I hope you feel better soon.
  13. Hi Carol, WOW, good for you for getting Gene the care he deserves and getting the medical team on the same page! I have been there too. I swear people who have no one to be their voice are left to the mercy of incompetent care and that is plain SAD. The oncologist that was taking over my husband's onc. patients while my husband's onc. was on vacation was quick to say "hospice" too. No clinical trails were offered and when my husband asked, the onc. said, "There are none available." PUH-LEEEEEAZZZE! You know what my husband said...he said the onc. looked at him as if he was dead already! How utterly SAD. There is more to this and I DID report him!!!!! We have a program here now called, "Bridge". It is the step before hospice. My husband is on Iressa, still fighting. I am right here w/him - fighting too. I am prepared for whatever happens...but I still have my hope and so does my husband! Some days are good and some are bad...today is a bad day. My husband coughs and shakes when he coughs as the coughing is so very violent. He brings up so much phlegm. Bob is on a feeding tube from radiation therapy damage. He longs to eat - to taste food. He also lost his voice, from radiation therapy damage. When one gets radiation to the area near the voice box, one needs to be made aware of the risks - and we never were. Well I am rambling now. I just wanted to say you and Gene are in our prayers and I think what you did for Gene was so wonderful! It is sad how we must act as such to get the 'job' done for our loved ones...but we do what we need to do. I went from Dept. to Dept. and had to practically scream to get my husband the care he needed when he was in the hospital! I call it playing, "A Shirley MacClain". I am not so sure I spelled her last name right. Remember the movie, "Terms of Endearment"? Remember when Shirley screams to the nurses, "GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT." Well, when they are neglecting my husband, I excuse myself, saying, "I need to go play a Shirley McClain". And, it always works. It is sad though. Take care,
  14. Hi again, Does anyone here take continuous antibiotics for infection prevention? I ask as my husband is currently on his last day of antibiotics for a lung infection, and he seems to do so much better when he is ON antibiotics. I was thinking of asking his onc. on Wed. if he can prescribe a low dose of an antibiotic for infection prevention and so my husband feels better. Is this off the wall, , or is this indeed something that is done? Thank You.
  15. Hi all, I hope everyone is having a good day today filled w/soothing thoughts and comfort. My husband started Iressa in June. I am wondering if anyone else here is taking Iressa? Also, how long can one take Iressa? Is there a time limit on it, such as w/course of IV chemo; 3 weeks and so on? Thank You,
  16. Hi all, I was just reading through the posts and they sure comfort me. I love the positive attitudes here. Way to go!! My husband was released today. He is now resting comfortably. His oncologist is on vacation this week so another onc. from the cancer center saw my husband. The social worker called to tell me the doctor asked her to accompany him in to see my husband to discuss hospice. Well, my husband was in SHOCK I was told. The social worker called me back and told me my husband just will not accept the doctor's prognosis. (good for my husband for continuing to FIGHT for his life!!!!). So, the social worker said instead of hospice, there is a program called Bridge - it is just like hospice, but not hospice. Has anyone here ever heard of this program? I guess I will have an RN come daily to check on my husband and social workers/counselors are available for my husband and all of us. When the time for hospice comes, the transition is made w/the same people. It is confusing... Well, my husband grabbed me and said he needed to talk to me. He said the oncologist was VERY MEAN to him. He said the onc. said, "Bob, there is nothing more we can do for you. You have to accept this. Why do you keep coming back to the hospital? You need to be in the care of hospice." WHY ON EARTH is that DOCTOR so COLD? I am calling tomorrow and reporting him!!!!!! We will tell his onc. when we see him on Monday what happened as Dr. W would NEVER be that COLD. Oh I am mad!! Now, my husband told me he asked for clinical trials and the doctor said he is too weak and the cancer is too advanced? Is this true? I thought people who were advanced went to clinical trials when chemo stopped working? Am I wrong? The Iressa did not work, but my husband is still on it. I don't know why, but perhaps it will extend his life. My husband's CAT scan showed a spread to the right side. We had a hunch it would. He never did have pneumonia. The MRI showed the brain to be clear! The sunken eye, they concluded, is from radiation therapy damage. My husband lost his voice from radiation therapy, he is on a feeding tube from radiation damage, and now his poor eyeball is sunken in. I was so upset today I could not even drive! My in-laws picked my husband up and brought him home for me. None of us are on the same page. My MIL thinks Bob will beat this and be cured, my FIL is not sure, my SIL sides w/her parents yet pretends to understand. I try to share what the doctor/nurses tell me and I think they think I am lying!! I don't know why they feel as such as I am no liar - never have been, never would be. The social worker wants US ALL to be at the Monday appointment w/my husband's onc. so his parents and his sister can be told straight up what is going on as they don't believe me. I wish this weren't so, but it is. I am praying for time for my husband and for a good quality of life - no suffering. Please keep us all in your prayers - we sure need it! How do I get my husband to accept all of this? He too is on the mindset that he will be cured...and the doctor said there is nothing more they can do and the social worker said he is dying. The social worker said it would benefit my husband to accept this vs. fighting this so he can let go, when the time comes, peacefully. Take care,
  17. Christina871, What was the Dx they gave to you and your husband? Was it the spread of cancer that masked as pneumonia? Hi all, Thank you for the replies. I really appreciate this board being here. I feel understood here. I have been so supportive and so positive all through my husband's cancer, despite his onc. telling me he was only treating him for palliative care - I chose hope, I believed in miracles. I guess there comes a point where you can just tell when being realistic must take over, and I am at that point now. I STILL believe in miracles, and I always will. I refuse to grieve now as this is not the time to grieve, this is the time to LIVE. People ask me how I can cope with this - how I can work, shop, eat, carry on, well, simply put - I refuse to grieve RIGHT NOW. My husband is still w/us. Well I just spoke to the doctor on call for my husband's onc. and he said they are doing an MRI in the morning as one of my husband's eyeballs is sunken in and he is not dehydrated. They feel a recurrence of the brain cancer is what that is all about. My husband had mets to his brain but three weeks of radiation therapy took care of that - but that was over a year ago. He also needs a CAT scan of his chest in the morning to see if this "pneumonia" is indeed "pneumonia" or mets to the right lung masking as pneumonia. The onc. feels it IS cancer, but a CAT scan will tell us if this is so. (sigh) I also TOLD THEM, I didn't ask, I TOLD THEM I want my husband to eat FOOD...he is still on that feeding tube as they said he can die from silent aspiration if he attempted to eat/drink by mouth. WELL I asked about the chin tuck (thanks norme for telling me about this) technique and they said they will look into it. They said when he has hospice he will be able to eat if he chooses to eat, for pleasure. If he can have puree food that is better than nothing - he longs to taste food. He is over the 8 cans of Ultracal and/or Boost via his tube per day. So, that is what I know now. Tomorrow is a new day w/more answers. Thank you all for the support, the info, and the prayers.
  18. Well last night he could not breathe or quit coughing so we took him in and he was admitted for pneumonia. This is his third time in the hospital in that past 6 weeks. He is so thin, so fraile... What are the stats on patients w/stage four NSCLC fighting pneumonia and winning the fight? I just worry this is what is going to do him in! I don't know if he is strong enough to fight.
  19. Well my husband has tired. He is so weak now he cannot move. His cancer is taking over like wildfire. It is very sad. He fought a darn good fight - and he just is too weak to fight anymore. His lymph nodes on the other side are now as big as grapes. It was the lymph nodes on the side w/the originating tumor that he had the radiation therapy for - which damaged his voice permanently and caused him dysphagia - which requires a feeding tube. I doubt he will ever taste food again. I have been in contact w/hospice. It is time now... (sigh) God Bless you all - keep fighting!
  20. My husband has this too. He has tons of phlegm in his throat which he coughs up and at times he vomits from coughing so much. No matter what we have tried, the phlegm is still there. I do give him Robitussin DM, which seems to help a TEENY bit...he gets that in his feeding tube - ALL meds go in that way, along w/water and food. Hang in there - this board saves my sanity too!!
  21. Thank you all for the prayers! I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. I go to all the message boards I belong to and ask for prayers for Bob and I really feel that it has helped him a lot. Things are going well, considering the circumstances. Bob looked wonderful today - he has good color, his spirits are way up, he was joking around and playing tricks on us all, and he is starving - having that appetite is a good sign. The gastro doctor saw him last night at 9:00 pm. It turns out Bob's PEG (feeding tube in his belly) was twisted and kinked. So, the doctor fixed that immediately (he should have, after all, he was the one who inserted it and made it too tight ), and Bob said it was INSTANT relief! Bob has not even wanted any morphine or even a milder pain med since the doctor fixed his PEG. I am so happy he is not in pain anymore!!!!! Bob's CAT scan was fine - no spread of his cancer to his pancreas. He does have pancreatitis and he is on IV antibiotics and a pancreas rest. The poor man has not had anything in his stomach for a few days now. He is starving. The doctor said maybe tomorrow he can try a tube feeding and see how it goes. That is all I know today. I am exhausted. I have barely slept during this as I was just extra worried this time. I have the new puppy now and I am training him and holding down the fort here, and WHEW - I could use 24 hours of straight sleep. Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for the prayers, it is MUCH appreciated.
  22. Hi all, Well I took my husband to the ER at 12:30 am for severe abdominal pain and after his blood work came back they said they had to admit him as his pancreatic enzymes were off. The amylase (carbohydrate digesting) was fine but the lipase (fat digesting) was WAY HIGH. He was Dx w/pancreitis. His oncologist feels this is not from the cancer, but rather, all gastric in nature so his gasro doctor ordered a CAT scan and when he reads the results we will know how to proceed. It might be from his PEG (feeding tube), as he did have an infection in that area...so we are unsure at this point if the PEG will have to come out and be placed elsewhere or what. My husband still cannot have a thing by mouth due to his dysphagia...so he NEEDS a way to eat!! I am very worried. My husband seems scared, yet strong - and unsure. I am confused as all heck. He was just released a few weeks ago after a 1.5 week stay at the hospital. WE JUST SAW his oncologist the day he was admited and he got a good report, considering the circumstances. Has anyone else ever been through anything like this w/the pancreatic enzymes being elevated? If so, what does this mean - and what is the treatment? I read it is NOTHING TO FOOL WITH. Please keep my husband in your prayers. Thank You.
  23. Hi, My husband was Dx w/stage four NSCLC in April 02 during a bout w/pneumonia and emergency surgery to save his life. He has mets to the brain, lymph nodes, heart sacs, lung's pleura, and adrenal gland. He had radiation therapy in April/May 02 for three weeks to the brain. It worked. He had three rounds of chemo - in August/September 02 he was in a brief remission. Well in March 03 he had radiation therapy for three weeks to the area next to the voice box. The goal of radiation was to shrink the lymph nodes as they were HUGE - well it shrunk them alright, but my husband lost his voice. We were told that was common and that is would pass within 10 days of completing treatment. It has almost been four months and my poor husband still does NOT HAVE A VOICE!! Also, if my husband attempted to eat or drink even mere water, he would vomit profusely. Well he ended up in the hospital in the beginning of the month and he was in for a week and a half. He had every test known to man performed. They found a blockage in his heart and he takes one aspirin a day for that. They found via a barium swallow that the little flap that closes to protect the airway does NOT close hence his aspirating food/fluid in his lungs so they inserted a feeding tube via his stomach. He is not allowed A THING by mouth - NOTHING. He is thirsty and longing to eat!! He gets Ultracal, water, Boost, and medications in his feeding tube. He is supposed to have 8 cans a day of the Ultracal, but he cannot "stomach" that much - and he tries to listen to the nutritionist and the doctor, but if he goes over 6 cans he vomits profusely. (sigh) Now, it is bad enough this young 47 year old man has stage FOUR lung cancer - but now, he has NO VOICE and he cannot drink or eat by mouth!!!!!! Now this poor man has no decent quality of life. He has been so strong and fought such a good fight all this time, but he is losing his fight due to depression. If you saw my husband - he looks SO GOOD - he has color, he looks so healthy - he is thin but he is gaining weight! The fact that he cannot use his voice has got him down the most, so I did some research and decided an electronic larynges is the way to go for him as w/this device - at least he will be able to communicate again. He loves to talk to people on the phone and when they come over to visit. He is so down since he has no more than a scratchy whisper when he tries to talk. THEY NEVER TOLD HIM THIS COULD HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF THAT RADIATION THERAPY he had. He never signed a consent form stating the risks either! The risks were never even DISCUSSED W/HIM. Is there anything I can do? I feel for the sake of future patients they have the absolute right to know what MAY happen and know all the facts before making that decision if the radiation therapy is the right choice for them and their situation. Should I call the radiation dept. and suggest this? My husband goes to the Ireland Cancer Center here in good ol' Cleveland, Ohio. Do you know we see commercials for that place DAILY and they just won some sort of major award for their GOOD CARE?????? I am mad as a hornet about this. I told his oncologist this, briefly, via the phone and he said we will discuss it at the next appointment and he told me my husband is being made comfortable so he will have the rest of his life to live content and not suffering - I asked if I need to call hospice - he said no as my husband is on Iressa and is still being TREATED, so no hospice at this time and THANK GOD for that. Now what irks me is the way they speak about my husband to me - they speak about him as if he is half dead!! I am sad as my husband is NOT DYING FROM LUNG CANCER - he is a man LIVING WITH lung cancer. UGGG I get so upset. Did this happen to anyone here or someone you know? Has anyone here used the electronic larygenes for speech? Another thing that irks me is this was not even suggested for my husband. How can they just expect him to live w/no communication? Sure we talk to him and he has an erase board but his hand is getting carpel tunnel from all the writing he has done. I had NO IDEA this device existed, it was my best friend who thought of this for us and God Bless her as my husband cannot wait to get this! I just need to call the speech therapy dept. and see where to purchase one and get it ASAP. I called today but they were closed. I just feel so bad for my husband... (sigh) Thank You. Choosing Hope,
  24. Thank you all for the replies. My husband had his endoscopy procedure to insert his feeding tube just this evening at 7:30 pm and he was back in his hospital room at 8:40 pm. They did a twilight sleep, no general anesthesia. He handled it WELL. He was in pain when he woke up and they gave him some pain medication. I need to learn how to feed him w/this so they will be teaching us in the next day or so. He is probably going to be released Sat., but most likely Sunday I was told. His pulse ox is only 90 off oxygen, and 95 on oxygen so I am unsure at this point if he will need oxygen here. The CAT scan showed NO mets to his throat. WHEW. The originating tumor in his left lung grew, but he has already had three rounds of chemo and he is too weak for more, so, they doctor put him on Iressa. Does anyone know how much Iressa costs? I heard it is quite expensive. My husband gets SSD, food stamps, and Medicaid spend-down - we pay the first $245.00 worth of medical bills and then Medicaid kicks in and covers the rest for the month. It has been hard on us financially since my husband has been unable to work. We get by though, but GEEESH it is tough. I am not acustomed to living this way as he had a wonderful job prior to his diagnosis and our lives changed from this cancer - all aspects. I work out of my home as I have a small candle company but I want to work full time and do my candles/air fresheners part time but now is not the time to go back to my full time job as I want to be here w/my husband. Sorry to ramble...just an update. Thank you all for the support.
  25. Hi, My husband quit the day he was diagnosed too. He did take a few puffs off of ONE cigarette a few days after they released him from the hospital in April 02, he got sick from the taste and the smell, and he has not had a cigarette since! I would just tell his oncologist to nag him since you don't feel like it is your place to do so, but I would nag him if I were you - you might be saving his life and/or extending it. In circumstances as such - nag away. JMO.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.