donnalee
-
Posts
20 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Downloads
Store
Profiles
Forums
Gallery
Blogs
Events
Posts posted by donnalee
-
-
You should talk to your husband's employer about what benefits he is entitled to as far as health insurance before medicare starts and any short or long term disability payable through the company.
-
I was talking to my daughter today about this post. She has a 1 year old daughter that will not remember her grandfather who died 3 months ago. My daughter was adamant that she would not want Ali to call any other man that might come into my life "grandpa". I can understand why. I think that those titles should be reserved for biological (or through adoption) family. If I ever do remarry, my husband will be just that. He will not be my daughter's stepfather or my granddaughter's grandfather. Hopefully, that will be enough for him.
-
My only advice is to not have your dad make promises he can't keep. It's not fair to him. Don't abandon your family now. Trust your mom and dad to know what is right for them.
-
Should a sitting president resign if his/her spouse is diagnosed with a serious illness?
-
The leg weakness, particularly stair climbing, can be a side effect of decadron. With a history of brain mets and surgery I'm sure she was, and might still be, taking it.
-
-
I mispoke in my earlier post. The waiting time for medicare is 24 months after being declared disabled and as far as I know there are no exceptions for cancer patients - just people with kidney disease and ALS.
I've been trying to think of some suggestions to help your Mom, but unfortunately the health care system doesn't provide for much in the way of outpatient caregiving - even if he did have medicare or medicaid.
Could your Mom take Family Leave time from her job?
-
Although it may not seem like it, the hospice facility your Dad is in might be the best for everyone. It doesn't mean that everyone has given up on him. Hospice care can make the time your Dad has left more comfortable and help your Mom as well. You should talk with a social worker at the facility so that they can explain what hospice is all about.
If your Dad is receiving Social Security Disability, then Medicare will start 5 months after he was declared disabled.
I know how hard it is to deal with all of this.
-
Grace,
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Our stories are so similar. Let me know if I can be of any help.
Donna
-
Snowflake,
I read your profile and I am truly happy that you are a 4 year survivor and look to have many, many years ahead of you. And I never intended to imply that only smokers get lung cancer. My father was a nonsmoker and died of pulmonary fibrosis so I know that there are no simple answers as to how and why any disease (including cancer) progresses. And I certainly don't think my husband "deserved" to die.
But, the link between smoking and lung cancer is scientifically proven. It's even mentioned on my husband's death certificate.
My hope would be that funding for lung cancer research be increased and that the number of cases decreases because the next generation won't ever start smoking to begin with. But if we try to blur the lines between smoking and disease we're playing right into the hands of the tobacco companies.
-
I don't want to start a controversy, but I don't think ignoring the link between smoking and cancer is in anyone's best interest. You're right that no one deserves lung cancer and that blaming the victim is cruel. However, in the same way that alcoholics and drug abusers increase their risk of liver disease and having unprotected sex increases the risk of STD's, smoking does, in fact, increase the risk of lung cancer, COPD, and heart disease.
My husband was a smoker for 40 years. I tried for many years to get him to quit. I finally realized that it was his decision to make and he chose smoking. Early in our marriage of 31 years I told him that I would never mention smoking again, but that if he got lung cancer I would not stick around and watch him die. Of course, that turned out to be an empty threat. I did watch him suffer for 14 months and held him as he died.
During his illness I never brought up smoking, but he did repeatedly. He was haunted by the fact that he did this to himself. He blamed himself for putting me and our daughter through hell. He wished he had quit when he was young. His final days were spent apologizing for everything that had happened and for being so "hard headed". He cried knowing he would not get to see our granddaughter grow up and that she would not remember him. And even though I kept telling him that it wasn't his fault he took full responsibility for his choices.
I wish he could have denied it, or rationalized it or told himself that something else was to blame because by then it really didn't matter what caused his cancer.
If we want to prevent as many cases of lung cancer as possible, we have to acknowledge the link to smoking. Not doing so is irresponsible.
Jim was the bravest, most honorable person I have ever known and I'll always admire the way he handled this disease and the way he died.
-
It was less than a month ago that I posted here for the first time about my husband's diagnosis. I never imagined that I would be posting about his death this soon. Jim died this evening after spending just 5 days in the hospital and less than 2 days under hospice care. Last Friday he developed a severe pain in his side and chest and was admitted to the hospital. Many tests and several days later it was determined that he had a hole in his esophagus that couldn't be repaired and an infection in his mediastinum. He spent the next 4 days heavily medicated, but still able to walk to the bathroom, sit up and communicate coherently. His last 24 hours were spent sleeping comfortably thanks to a morphine drip. His death was peaceful and pain free, but I can't believe he's gone.
-
When my husband initially was diagnosed with limited SCLC, he had chemo and concurrent radiation with the intent to "cure". After developing brain mets and now adrenal mets he is being treated only with radiation(cyberknife). I am somewhat surprised that his medical oncologist has not recommended more chemo, but he says that if the disease is in a localized area, then there is no need for systemic treatment.
This seems to be a different approach than what many here are doing. It seems like most of you have had second and third lines of chemo. It's hard to know what is the right thing to do. His original oncologist (we moved to a new town a few months ago) had talked about starting him on Tarceva or Taxotere at some point. Personally, I think cyberknife is easier on the body than chemo and am happy with this approach. I just hope it works.
-
My husband's radiation oncologist told him that WBR can cause ear wax to harden. Maybe that is what he is feeling. Try an OTC ear wax softener and see if that helps.
-
My husband had cyberknife on his lung tumor and the bill to his insurance company was over $40,000. And that didn't include the fiducial placement and other associated doctor visits. It's quite expensive, but so far his lung tumor seems to be controlled.
-
Thanks for all of the welcoming words. I also received a PM that I would like to reply to, but I'm not sure how to do that privately. It was about the change in diagnosis from SCLC to Adenocarcinoma. I think the biggest revelation in all of our recent dealings with the medical community is just how subjective most of the diagnosing is. The original biopsy was never really definitive for SCLC, but the doctors had a meeting and "decided" that it "probably" was. All of his initial treatments were based on that decision. (His oncologist said later that the treatment would have been the same, but who really knows)
So, other than having all of your slides read by two or more pathologists - not a possibility with most insurance - I guess we just have to trust the doctors. As my mother says "Why do you think they call it 'practicing' medicine".
-
This is my first time to post although I've been coming here to read for over a year. My husband was diagnosed with SCLC in November of 05 and has had his share of complication, but all in all is doing O.K. I guess the one year anniversary of his diagnosis, while a good thing, also tends to cause anxiety since the median survival is less than two years. I understand that these are statistics and that there are people who beat the odds, but with brain mets and adrenal mets I fear he won't be one of them.
I'm hoping by joining in on the discussion that I can learn to cope better.
Need advice on "Dad Talk" - UPDATED
in GRIEF
Posted
I don't want to be the bad guy here, but I don't understand what your dad has done to deserve this "intervention". He has agreed to give you and your siblings all of the heirlooms. And it sounds like he intends to keep the lakehouse.
I think you're upset that he is dating again and imagining the worst case scenario of what might happen in the future.
If he remarries, then you might want to talk about how his assets would be divided. But right now that seems premature.
Being a widower can be very lonely. I should think that you would be happy for him if he has found someone to enjoy life with. I'm sure he would wish the same for you.