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AnnT

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Everything posted by AnnT

  1. Excellent advice, Wendy! I'm amazed that i didn't snap at her when she said that about my sister, it really was a "bite your tongue" moment. I told my sister what she said, and she was horribly upset; I debated about it, but I figure the three of us need to be straight with each other. So. The oncologist (a lovely man, Mum liked him, which is a blessing!), has offered one, maybe two, radiation treatments to reduce the tumour enough to help her breathing, which is, and has been for about six months, very laboured. She has an MRI scan i 10 days to see if the pain in her hip is secondary cancer. He has given her painkillers, the first ones she has been offered apart from paracetamol. They have a cancer specialist nurse at the hospital who has come to all but one of her appointments at the hospital to be with her either in consultations or the treatments - Mum likes her too. Mum is acutally from Ireland, came to the UK in the 1940's, and this nurse is from the next County, so Mum really likes that. Mum doesn't want to know timescales. But my sister asked when Mum was out of earshot - the cancer nurse says a couple of months. Thanks for listening. I really like this site! I can talk to my husband, but he hasn't been through this, he knows the difficult relationship I have with my Mum and it clouds his sympathy. There is a line in one of my favourite films, "French Kiss" with Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline, that I think of often ..... "Even people who hate their mothers love their mothers". AnnT
  2. Teeny update - the consultant she saw last week has said it is a fast growing large cell cancer, almost completely over one lung and partly into the other. They did a scan on Monday to see if the pain in her hip is related, and she has the oncologist tomorrow. The speed that all these tests have been set up is remarkable. We, here in the UK, have the National Health Service, crippled by budgeting costs, but they've been great with Mum. Tonight Mum has said she doesn't want treatment because it means my sister taking time off work to take her to the hospital and she doesn't want to be a burden ... and that when she told my sister that she didn't want treatment my sister agreed that would be a wise move. Of course, what my sister meant was she doesn't want Mum having chemotherepy and getting weak and sickly. Mum, natch, saw it as a declaration of "I can't be bothered". Oh, my, praying for patience! I'm off to thead the posts I've missed. Ann
  3. Hi Wendy! Thanks for your kind reply (and all the other supportive posts). It is kind of you all. Wendy - you know, I felt like I was almost betraying my Mum by using the words "difficult"; so many of my friends have great relationships with their mothers - I've told some of them *some* of her little gems, I'm sure they don't believe me. She doesn't like my sisters and I communicating between each other, she has always liked to be the one giving out the information (and usually playing us off against each other). Seriously, it is only in the last four or five years that my sisters and I have really "got on"; she put barriers between us. Well, I'm a better mum for having her as an example, I guess. She finds out tomorrow the results of all her tests, and then we can start to plan. I've been thinking about our original plan of her moving into my elder sisters, and then into mine as her condition worsens, and I don't think it will work. My sister stayed with her last week, for five days, and they were on the point of a massive row when my sister went home. I'm thinking of suggesting that maybe during the week she stay at my sisters (my sister works nights in a care home for the elderly), and weekends with me - in order to preserve both our marriages and our sanity! As much as she drives me crazy, I don't want to see her frightend, as she is at the moment, or in pain. Thanks all for the support! AnnT
  4. Thanks for the posts, it is good to know that this site is here!!! Blessings of the web, eh? My Mum got a letter today from the hospital and has another test on Monday - from what she has told me today it sounds like a "PET" scan (can you tell I've been all over the Cancerbackup site)? Her hospital, Eastbourne on the south coast, are really lining up the tests for her! She is back to the the consultant on Thursday, incidentally, it will be her 82nd birthday that day. My elder sister, who also lives in London, has stayed with her for the last few days, Mum has already said she doesn't want any treatment - as they are going to make her ill, because at the moment she feels really well. I can't see her until next week due to work commitments - yeah, as crazy as that sounds, my husband lost his job three weeks ago, and at the moment I am the sole breadwinner. He was out of work for over seven months before he got that job, and I need to keep the income coming in; work is massivly busy and at this moment I've 20 days straight without a day off. I'm mentally and pysically *done*. My big sis and I have discussed tonight the plan of, once all the hospital tests are done and we know what we are looking at, Mum will stay with big sis until she can't manage the stairs, and then stay with me; I have a ground floor bathroom / bedroom set-up. So I may need to keep my employers sweet for the time being. Oh, man, this is hard! My Dad died six weeks after we had a family party to celebrate his 80th birthday - woke up one beautiful spring morning, had a cup of tea in bed and collapsed, died within an hour. I said to my Mum at the time - that is the sort of death I would wish for everyone I love. Ok, deep breath. Sorry this is so long - it is actually thereputic to put all the thoughts spinning around in my head into words! OK, gonna leave you all in peace. Thanks to those of you who stayed until the end of the post!
  5. Hi Guys. My 82 year old mother was told today that she has lung cancer. She was in pain last month, but it wasn't until my younger sister pushed that she saw her doctor; bless him, he lined up a course of tests over the last three weeks, today a broncoscopy (sp?), and my sister had the call that it is lung cancer, they've taken a sample to see how fast it is growing. So, of course, as you would, I'm straight to the net to get more info. She won't get results until next week, but I want to be prepared, and quite frankly, I'm terrified! She is a difficult, difficult woman, my sisters and I (53, 47 (me) and 45) are, quite frankly, scared of her. I've spent two hours reading through the posts on here, and the medical terms and the prognosis, and I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I'm glad I've found this board. I hope you guys, who have "been there, done that" won't mind me hanging around here. So, I'm on information overload, and need to go off and have a sob. Sorry if I've gone on a bit. AnnT
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