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Jassen, I'm sorry to hear of your mother's situation. Having recently been in your shoes I will tell you all you can do is all you can do. Ned's advice is good. Get away somewhere and scream, cry and let your emotions out. You have to take care of yourself in order to function for your mother and your family. We are here for you when you need us. Susan

Oh no. Rest in peace, far from the reach of the cancer Lilly. My prayers go out to her family and friends, especially her children. Susan

Jassen, I'm sorry to read about your mother's dx, but so glad you have found us. I've been where you are. The shock and pain at the new dx is normal. You've gotten good responses from others about the side effects of the radiation. The good thing is that many of the side effects are temporary. The fatigue is certainly one that should get better once the radiation is complete. We are here for you. Not just for information about your mom, but to help you as well. Come here with any questions or just to vent. We understand. Susan

Ronnie, Maybe those of us who are coming up to our first holidays without out loved ones can help each other through. We have Thanksgiving over here next Thursday and then Christmas. I was just thinking how hard the next month or so will be. Susan

Ronnie, Saturday morning I poured myself a cup of coffee and then realized that on Saturdays I would pour myself a cup and call mom for a long conversation. Needless to say, I lost it then and pratty much bawled my way through the morning. You are not alone. Susan

Katy, After watching my mom's final days and hours, it is comforting to know that she is now beyond the reach of cancer. I hope you find it comforting as well. How are you doing? Susan

Sandi, It sounds like you are doing really well. Chemo is never fun, but when you find out it is manageable, it becomes a lot less scary. Keep us posted. Susan

Ronnie, As others have let you know, you are not alone in this. I've been grieving less than a month, but some days all I can think about is mom's last night and morning. You are not alone. Susan

Tony--not the best news, but we have many long-term stage IV survivors. Radiation then chemo is a good plan. Radiation help get those nasty mets and then the chemo comes in for the rest. Attitude is half the battle and I'd say you've won that half already! Susan

Kristin, I'm so sorry to read this news. It is so hard to lose a parent. I'm right here with you. Susan

Katy, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Susan

Hi Smitti I see you've gotten lots of responses and hopefully you are feeling reassured that being tired and forgetful goes hand-inhand with cancer and treatment. Susan

Sandi--good luck with the chemo. Let us know how it goes. Susan

Hi Tony! So sorry to hear about your dx, but glad you found us. We will do our best to help you with treatments and to answer your questions. In the beginning it can be tough to deal with the shock and all of the information you have to process. Susan

I thought I was prepared for mom's death. I mean, she was 80 and we had known that at some point she would go. But I now realize that while I was prepared for the idea of her death, I was not prepared for the reality of it. I suspect that is the way it is for most of us if not for all of us. Susan

Michelle--you go girl! I hope this brings you a sense of fullfillment and peace. Susan

Hi Liz, Welcome to our little corner of the internet. There is much to learn here. I remember when my mom was first diagnosed, this was the first place that gave me any hope. We have many, many long term survivors and caregivers for long term survivors. We are all happy to answer questions and share our experiences. Susan

Ok, despite having been a caregiver for almost 4 years and being a moderator on this thread devoted to family members/caregivers, I didn't appreciate how hard that role is until last week. I've been very involved in mom's care, but I live 500 miles away so I've been researching and advocating and offering support by phone and visiting as frequently as I can. But that's different than the hands-on 24/7 caregiving I discovered her last week of life. We were fortunate in that mom didn't need 24/7 care until the end. When I got the NC at 2:30 am on Saturday morning I got a few hours of sleep and went to the hospital to see her. I pretty much didn't leave, except to come home to shower, change and take delivery of the hospice equipment for three and one-half days. If she slept, I got a little sleep, but she didn't sleep much. The last night it seemed like every time I laid down she needed something. She wan't being difficult, she truly needed me to help her. But I don't see how one person does this for more than a few days. After 5 days I was about to cry I was so tired and so frightened. So all of you hands-on caregivers out there have my complete admiration. Remember that this forum is a place where we can ask advice, share experiences or just come and vent when we think we can't take it any more. Trust me. Any of us who have been there will understand the need to vent and won't think any less of you for it. Susan

Hi Mandy, We would love to hear about your dad. This place is as good as any. We are also here to provide support for you. Tell us your story too. Susan

Welcome Sandi, Either of those chemo combinations would probably be fine. Looks like the trial is trying to determine which would be better as a first line treatment. If you did not respond to one you would still have the options of the other once you go off the trial. I don't see a down side as you will be getting treatments that have about the same level of effectiveness either way. You can ask the physicians at www.cancergrace.org. I cannot imagine having gone through this journey with my mom with out the support from the Lung Cancer Support Community (this message board) and GRACE. God bless you, Susan

Hello and welcome. There are many here (unfortunately too many) who have walked your journey and can pass along their wisdome and support. I lost my mom on October 13 so am myself dealing with fresh grief, though not for a spouse. A little farther down on the main discussion board is a thread dedicated to those of us who are grieving. You are welcome to post anywhere you think appropriate, but I wanted to point you to that because that is where you will find many people who have also lost spouses and can offer their love and support. Trust me though, post where you feel like it and we will find you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Susan

Thank you everyone. Rest assured I will continue to be here and will continue to advocate--more strongly than ever. I am spending a little time with my dad right now and will be back more regularly when I get home next week. I love you all, Susan

Thank you everyone. She was a very special lady and I'm so grateful to have had her as my mom. We got a lot longer with her than I though we should when she was first diagnosed. I am trying to concentrate on being grateful for all that time and all those wonderful memories. Susan

Judy, I was with my father at the Dr. office earlier and had to stop before I was finished. I think taxable income is what they use and the threshold, if I remember correctly was pretty significact to qualify for assistance. Mom and dad didn't have any trouble meeting it on their combined SSI and small pension. Having been self-employed myself I understand the difference between the amount of money that comes in and the amount that is taxable. When the money to run the business is deducted the taxable number is much, much smaller. One other thing to keep in mind is that in the new year, I belive the cost for brand name drugs in the medicare part d doughnut hole will be reduced by 50%, so that should also help some. You will also get a $250.00 rebate for hitting the doughnut hole this year if you haven't already. Mom got a very severe rash but also had a very significant response. They cut her dosage back to 1/2 and the rash went away and she stayed stable with the best quality of life she had since her dx for 8 months. I hope you get 8 years or more! Susan

Judy, once the initial rash subsided mom found Tarceva very easy to Tjardes. She was given a list of foods to avoid and had little trouble with diarrhea. Her Medicare part d covered it as a tier 4 drug meaning she paid one third till she hit the doughnut hole then full cost for one month and about $285for the rest of the year. But she got a grant and paid only a $25 copay and the grant covered the rest. Susan