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My mom's obituary. http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/starne ... =145992344 Barbara Kent Fillippeli, 80, passed away Wednesday, October 13, 2010, after a 45 month battle with lung cancer. She was born February 25, 1930, in Greensboro, NC, the youngest daughter of Reese Babb and Oma Kent. She was preceded in death by her parents as well as by all of her brothers and sisters. On November 6, 1954 Barbara married David Fillippeli. Their marriage of almost 56 years was filled with love and laughter. She was a devoted wife and wonderful mother to their two children. Barbara was an active member of Winter Park Presbyterian Church where she served on the Board of Deacons and as an Elder. She was also active in the Presbyterian Women, serving in almost all offices of that organization as well as an Enabler for the Presbytery. In September, 2009 she was awarded an Honorary Life Membership to the Presbyterian Women (U.S.A.) Most recently she was part of a quilting ministry that made and delivered lap quilts to home bound members of her church. She loved sewing the quilts with her friends at church and she loved to see the look of happiness on the faces of the individuals who received the quilts. Barbara is survived by her husband Dave and her two children, Susan Fillippeli of Auburn, AL and David J. Fillippeli, Jr. and wife Christi of Kinston, NC. She was devoted to her two granddaughters Ashley and Bethany Fillippeli of Kinston. The girls loved their grandmother's spaghetti sauce and apple sauce and Grandmother took great delight in cooking those items for them as often as possible. She will be missed by many friends and family members. The family wishes to thank Dr. John W. Anagnost and the staff at Hanover Medical Specialists as well as Jill Finnegan and Wilmington Health for always treating her with compassion and for always listening to her and honoring her wishes. Also, a special thank you to her good friend Nancy McLean for her care and support during Barbara's illness. A Celebration of Life service for Barbara will be held at Winter Park Presbyterian Church at 11:00 am on Saturday, October 16, 2010. A reception will be held immediately following the service in Chadbourn Hall. Visitation will be held Friday evening from 6 to 8 pm at Andrews Mortuary Valley Chapel, 4108 S. College Road, Wilmington. Memorial gifts may be made to Winter Park Presbyterian Church, 4501 Wrightsville Avenue, Wilmington, NC. Online condolences may be made at www.andrewsmortuary.com

Mom passed away on Wednesday at about 11:45 am. She had been in the hospital since Friday with an irregular heartbeat. She had a new set of scans last week and they showed that the cancer had literally exploded inside her. Her right lung was so full of tumor that she could not move air at all through it and was on the outside of the lung. It was also all over her liver and spreading in her bones. She stayed in the hospital for three days and I stayed with her day and night. She came home on Tuesday because it was my father's birthday. We had a family celebration for him and she was clear and lucid. Tuesday night she started having trouble breathing. I had to call the hospice nurse at 2 am Wednesday because every breath she took sounded like she was breathing under water. We finally got her settled around 4 am and she went to sleep. Wednesday morning she wanted to sit with us at the breakfast table so I put her in the wheel chair and brough her into the kitchen. Then she wanted to go into the den and I wheeled her in there and got her situated on the sofa. I could hear the fluid again. And then it just stopped. Dad and I were with her and she just let go. She had asked me the night before how to let go and I guess when she was in her favorite spot on the sofa she got comfortable enough to let go. I will miss her every single day for the rest of my life. Susan

Take care of yourself Ronnie. Get some rest and her healthy! Susan

Thanks everyone. They drained a lot of fluid yesterday and she seems to be breathing better today although she is worn out from the procedure yesterday. She still seems to be determined to do the chemo week after next. I think I am going to try to be there when she has the chemo or just afterwards in case she needs me. I also want to talk with her Onc and maybe go talk to the hospice folks. I keep telling her I want to call so that she will live more comfortably. Judy, I'm going to tell her specifically about your mom's experience. Susan

Thanks Stephanie. I just talked to mom and they are going to drain fluid from her lungs tomorrow. Hopefully she will feel better when she can breathe. Susan

Mom seems to be rapidly losing strength. She is weak, short of breath and increasingly wants to stay in bed all day. For the first time in a very long time, I am frightened. She called the Dr. this morning and he had her come in for blood work. All that seemed to be fine. They are sending her for another chest x-ray this afternoon. Last night I suggested that it might be time to start thinking about hospice. She seems so frustrated by how badly she is feeling and I am thinking that she might feel reassured if someone were coming by the house to check up on her. I think my father would certainly feel better. She didn't say much about the idea. My father tells me that she thinks she is dying and increasingly I think she may be right. She didn't say yes or no to hospice. I may have to call her oncologist to see what he thinks about it, but I think we may be coming to the day I have feared for the last 44 months. It certainly stinks being 500 miles away. Susan

Randy, Deb was so lucky to have you. I know she is smiling down on you now and telling you that she loves you. Susan

Kristen, I hear your frustration. It's ok to be angry that the cancer has changed things. You need to mourn the old normal and learn how to live a new normal. Even if your father is cured the cancer will change things. You don't ever look at life in exactly the same way again. There are many aspect that will be painful, but there can be some positives as well. My prayer for you is that the positive will outweigh the pain. Susan ps come here when you need to vent. It can be a lifesaver.

Lisa, Let us know what you find out from the PET scan. I'm sure you will have lots more questions and we will do our best to help answer them. Susan

Ronnie, I'm so sorry. I hope that it will give you some peace to know that Pat and her beloved pet are together again. I can only imagine how hard this is for you since not only was the jackal a companian for you but also a connection to Pat. ((((Ronnie)))) Susan

Eric, Glad to hear that things are finally moving forward. With a plan of attack in place you will feel like you are fighting! Susan

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. LC is always stressful, but to be pregnant and diagnosed with it is beyond awful. Let us know how we can help. Susan

((((Ronnie))))

Eric--Let us know what you find out in Tulsa. We are rooting for you and Susan! Susan

I am sorry you are having a rough time, but so glad to hear that the primary is stable. My mom was on Alimta this time last year and it made her short of breath and very fatigued. Many folks find Alimta very tolerable and stay on it a long time. Susan

Hi Lisa--you've already gotten some good advice and from your description it sounds like you are doing all the right things. being informed so you can be an effective advocate for your dad is the single best thing you can do for him right now. In the beginning it seems like it takes forever to get definitive answers and to decide on a course of treatment. Once you have a treatment plan and you feel like you are doing something it becomes a little better. Once you know what kind of cancer it is and what stage they will have some ideas on how to treat. Don't pay attention to the statistics. Your dad is not a statistic and many, many people significantly outperform the statictics. Many people decide against treatment because they are afraid of it. My mom was terrified of chemo but found it much easier to tolerate than she expected. It's not fun, but it wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be. The same was true of radiation. When you have a course of treatment we can help you know what to prepare for and what to expect. Till then, we can just wait with you until you have more information. The waiting part stinks. Susan

Kim, I am so sorry you have to be back here. You asked about stage IV survivors. . .my mom was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer a little over 3 1/2 years ago. She had mets to the spine at the time of diagnosis. She has done radiation (three courses), chemo (three courses) and for the last 9 months has been on Tarceva. Last summer her tumors had spread to her liver and other lung, but after three months on Tarceva those spots disappeared. So mom is a 45 month and counting survivor! Susan

Hi Stephanie, I'm so sorry about your father. It is even worse that you are now frightened for your mother. A 10mm nodule is very small and it is often the case that small nodules are not concerous and will never become cancerous. The fact that they know it is there means they can watch to see if it is a harmless nodule or something they need to be conerned about. If it grows then they have most likely caught it early eough to remove it surgically. Still, it has to be hard knowing it is there--especially after losing your father to LC. I'm glad you found us. The "Grief" section of his board is a place to find comfort from folks who have and are coping with the loss of someone they love from lung cancer. Sometimes it just helps to talk with people who have been where you are. Susan

Kristen, Actually reviewing the findings and making sure the treatment is appropriate for the type of malignancy your father has is a very wise thing to do. You don't want it to take too long, but in this case being right is probably better than being fast. I remember how hard it was to wait before knowing how my mom would be treated. She was so frustrated and kept saying "I want to be fighting this." In a lot of ways, this is the hard part. Once you have a treatment plan and get started you feel like you are doing something and it is a little easier. Susan

Welcome Eric. Yup--hang out with us here. We have all been where you are. You will need a biopsy to confirm and you probably want to make sure they have tissue that can be analyzed for markers and other specifics that may suggest the appropriateness of targeted tumors. Until you know (1) for sure that it is cancerous and it it is (2) what type and (3) what stage, then you can make yourself crazy. Ignore all the statistics--they are old and they don't apply to individuals. Until you have more info you can talk about your fears here or vent or just come hang out. We understand. Susan

Steph--glad to hear that the chemo is going well. be sure to get plenty of rest and drink lots of water. That will help to keep energy levels up and constipation under control. Susan

Katy, I am so sorry to hear this news. I hope they can relieve his pain and perhaps the Tarceva will help. I know my mom was declining pretty quickly and the Tarceva turned her around completely. I pray for the same response for your husband. Susan

Steph--those chemo combinations are both standard first line treatments. Mom did the carbo/taxol (one treatment every three weeks) for her first line and handled it very well. Her primary shrunk significantly and went to sleep for 18 months! She did four threatments and didn't have any more chemo for 18 months. She felt great on the day of the treatment and pratty good the day after. Then days 3,4,5, would be the days she felt very tired and achy. She didn't have any problems with nausea, but did lose her hair (that's the taxol). That was probably harder on her than the physical effects of the chemo. It's a good idea to get a wig before you lose your hair so you can have the best chance at matching color and style. Most people had no idea she was wearing a wig until she told them. One thing you might want to explore, especially if you do the weekly treatments. It is possible to see the doctors at UAB for your scans and follow-ups but have the chemo treatments in Montgomery. Let us know what you find from the additional scans. Susan

Congratulations on reaching this milestone with your wife! I hope she has a great year with the 5th graders who are very lucky to have her as their teacher. Susan

Bare Excentuals has introduced a limited edition eye shadow color with proceeds going to the Lung Cancer Alliance. It's not Lungevity, but I am grateful for all of the folks out there advocating for victims of lung cancer. http://bareescentuals.com/BE%20Cares%20 ... andingPage Susan