starz98

My mother passed away this morning at 10:30, my father was with her and he had just finished saying the rosary for her as they have since she has been sick. He said that toward the end her breathing started to change and that just a few minutes after he completed the rosary she passed away. I am so glad that he was with her. I am also so glad she is no longer suffering, that is where I find my comfort. I feel so empty I can only imagine how my dad feels. A good friend I met on the ACS Boards sent me this wonderful poem after she had heard and I thought I would share it with you. My Mother, My Friend My Mother was my friend The best in all the world She accepted me for what I was, I was her "little girl" She helped me through some lessons Only life can teach She was always there, whenever I would reach. She and I were close, we knew each other well. I knew what she was thinking, Although I'd never tell. The secrets that we shared, the tears that we would cry The magic of those moments, will never die. Although she went to heaven, I'll never be alone She'll always be here with me, in my heart she made her home. O God, it's hard to fact the fact that she is gone. I want her back here with me, Why is that so wrong? I want to hear her voice, to see her lovely smile Just to say, "I love you", and to look at her awhile. But Lord, I know she's with you. She's happyand she's free Just tell her that I love her And tell her, "wait for me".

I just wanted to let everyone know that my wonderful mom passed away this morning at 10:30. Thank you for all your prayers and support. Connie

Hi everyone, I thank you so much for all of your help and kind thoughts and suggestions - they are truly appreciated. Dad just e-mailed me and told me the nurse said probably 48-72 hours. It is so hard to believe she has made it so long. She has not eaten a thing since the beginning of May. She is so tiny and frail. She has survived since May on Minute Maid Lemonade and a very strong will. She has not been able to swallow any lemonade at all since Saturday, she is unable to swallow. I truly don't think my dad can handle the picture idea and with it coming so soon I don't think he will change his mind. I am so worried about him. I know that might sound strange as perhaps my worry should be for mom. But it isn't as I know she isn't scared and I know she is going to a much better place and will no longer be in pain and I know she will be watching over all of us, so my worries are for my dad and how he is really going to cope with this. He won't talk to anyone, Hospice has expressed their concerns as well, but he refuses to speak with anyone there as well. Mom has been his entire life for 46 years. I know he will need his time and I know he has a very strong faith that I hope and pray he will be strong in that and will also lean on his family ...

Hello all - I want to thank you for all the support you have given over these past few months and hopefully months to come. Mom is barely hanging in there and truly I do not know how. She is so terribly frail and weak, she is no longer able to communicate at all or move her body whatsoever. She has not even been able to take any lemonade in 5 days now. I was with her on Saturday and it just kills me to see her this way. I know she knows I am there as she looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes and I know she is just so frustrated because she cannot communicate. I told her how very much she was loved and how thankful I am she was my mother and that I will try to live each and everyday honoring her in how I mother and someday Grandmother as she is the best. See, I consider myself truly lucky because most children are born to whomever there parents are, my mother adopted me when I was an infant so God was truly smiling on me to give me a mother like her. I am really worried about my dad as he talks about just disappearing after mom is gone. I don't want him out of our lives, I know he will need his time that is understandable. But I promised mom that I would make sure he didn't "crawl in a hole" (as she put it) and become depressed. I had asked about putting together a "memory board" of pictures of mom and family, etc. for at visitation and dad put his foot down on that immediately. He said he couldn't handle that, so I didn't say anything else about it. I just thought it would be nice to have all those good memories out to bring smiles and some tears I am sure, plus the cancer has changed her so very much that I know it isn't how mom wants to be remembered. I guess I will just leave it as he was quite firm on it and I can understand in a way as even for me to look at photo's of mom breaks me down every time, I just thought it would be a nice idea for others and for mom's memory. I hate this disease and I pray for everyone who is suffering and fighting it everynight.......and for all of you of course as well. I will let everyone know how things are going, I really think it is just a matter of time now and everytime the phone rings my heart skips a beat. I hate being here while she is there, I just hate it.

Hello all, it has been a bit since I have been here, but I had a really bad weekend. Went to see mom and I guess I just wasn't ready for what was waiting for me. Dad had said mom was quieter now and no longer praying as she has been for months. But he didn't tell me that she could not speak. She is so weak, it was horrible. She is still taking sips of her minute maid lemonade, my dad drops bits in and she somehow gets it down, as she really cannot swallow. I am so angry at this damn disease, seeing what it is doing to my dear mother who was always so strong. I really don't think it will be much longer and that makes me so sad on one hand but on the other I don't like seeing this disease do this to mom, she needs to be at peace and out of pain. I love her so. Thanks for letting me get this out here, my eyes have been close to swollen shut since yesterday all I could do was cry. I sat beside my moms bed and held her hand and just laid my head down beside hers all day.

Hi, Saturday we spent the day over at my mom and dad's. I left feeling so positive and so thankful we were there. Mom was so alert, she was still saying her rosary non stop but was stopping and communicating much more. She even asked me to play some Elvis for her, so I broke out her cd's and let him rip. She was loving it, she was even moving her good hand to the music. My husband Brian was singing along with some of his tunes and Mom was loving every minute of it. She even gave him a smooch before we left and called him "her singing Elvis". I left feeling so good and really kind of positive. Dad e-mailed yesterday morning and said mom was much quieter again and looking even more frail ( I don't know how that is possible). I e-mailed him this morning and said we were going to come over tomorrow and spend the day. He just responded and said he was glad that we were coming tomorrow that Mom has really taken a change. The Priest was there this morning and said mass for the 2 of them, Dad said mom was very quiet and that she has been unable to swallow anything since yesterday after the nurse had left. I hope to make it there tomorrow while the nurse is still there. Even though mom has made it for longer than expected I am not ready to see her go and I guess maybe I was kidding myself after Saturday's visit that maybe everything would be okay. I can say though that I am glad that we had Saturday and that the girls were there as well. Will let you know how things go tomorrow. Thanks for listening there was nobody around and I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

Congratulations Don, you have responded to each and everyone of my posts and I feel selfish because I haven't posted a lot of responses for people. That is such great news and thanks again for always being there for me and everyone else.

Dear Rana, I am so sorry for your loss. I had just PM'd you as I had no idea and had not seen your post first. I now understand why I hadn't heard from you. I really am sorry and I will continue to pray for you and your family as I know you could use the strength. I truly am sorry that I didn't see your post before I had sent you a PM. Connie

I know that my dad thinks he is helping Mom, that is what is so hard, he just breaks down at her side and cries. I know how very much he loves her and doesn't want to be without her and I can absolutely understand that. But you are correct, she definetly is in the dying process and that is why I fear what his doing (with good intentions) is truly causing her more pain.

Hello all, I have tried to keep you updated on my mother. We have been going day to day for quite awhile now. My dad has been doing such a good job and I don't know if he just over tired or what...but he has gone back to the slim fast with mom again. She tells him no and even tried clenching her teeth so he won't give it to her or spitting it out but he forces it on her and is now making her drink a can of it a day, he has also decided that she doesn't need the Roxanol anymore and has stopped giving her that as well, he says she is more alert when she doesn't take it! I tried to explain to him again today that slim fast is loaded with fibers, etc. and that mom has not eaten in over 2 months and lately doesn't even want to drink her lemonade and he is forcing that down her too. Mom tells him no, or sometimes she will drink a little lemonade and then she will say okay and he will say - no you have to finish the whole glass. I don't know what to do, I know that what he is doing isn't good for mom and can actually make her more uncomfortable. It is like all of the sudden he thinks he can make her better. It hurts me to see him doing this to her and when he is forcing the slim fast down her she has even started crying! I don't know what to do and it is tearing me up inside.

Hello I just got back from mom's and I just thought I would let you all know she is still hanging in there. She is still reciting her rosary non-stop, but it seems a bit slower and quieter now, she seems to be more weak and is sleeping more. For awhile there she was too scared to sleep. Our daughter went along today she had not seen mom since May, it was very hard for her at first but then she was glad to be with her Grandma again and I could tell that Mom was so happy she was there with her. Mom seems to really be winding down, but yet the hospice nurse today said her vitals were still doing good and her breathing was actually better. She did tell Jen (our daughter) that she wasn't scared anymore and that she wanted all this to be over. As much as I love my mom with all my heart I wish it over for her as well, the suffering is just too much and she seems so very tired. Thanks all for listening and I hope everyone is hanging in there. Hugs, Connie

I know holidays can be hard for all of who are members of this site. But try to enjoy the day with your loved one's and make memories that will last a lifetime. For those of us without our loved ones find comfort in the memories of days like today and everyday. God Bless you all - Happy 4th.

Hello everyone, I just wanted to give you an update on my mom. I was able to get through to my dad about the slimfast. With a little help from mom too. I know she heard me talking to dad about not giving that to her and when he attempted to again, she shut her lips tight! He went back to lemonade and Mom seems good with that, that is what she has lived on for the past 2 months and all she wants. Hospice told Dad on Friday that they didn't believe that Mom would make it through the weekend. Guess what.......once again she has proved them wrong. She is still stable and her vitals have remained the same. She has been doing more of the Cheyne-Stroke breathing but it seems to come and go. Hospice told my dad on Monday when they returned that they just cannot get over mom's resiliency (sp?) in May they told us less than 2 weeks and it is July 1, although we are so glad she is still with us, it is also very hard to see her suffering and in the condition she is in. I honestly don't think she is ready to leave dad. I have noticed that everytime he sits beside her or holds her hand or gives her a kiss she begins to cry. The love that the 2 of them have for eachother for 46 years and still strong is awesome. Thanks everyone for your responses and thanks to Fresca for chatting with me on Friday. Connie

Hello everyone, I just wanted to give you an update on my mom. I was able to get through to my dad about the slimfast. With a little help from mom too. I know she heard me talking to dad about not giving that to her and when he attempted to again, she shut her lips tight! He went back to lemonade and Mom seems good with that, that is what she has lived on for the past 2 months and all she wants. Hospice told Dad on Friday that they didn't believe that Mom would make it through the weekend. Guess what.......once again she has proved them wrong. She is still stable and her vitals have remained the same. She has been doing more of the Cheyne-Stroke breathing but it seems to come and go. Hospice told my dad on Monday when they returned that they just cannot get over mom's resiliency (sp?) in May they told us less than 2 weeks and it is July 1, although we are so glad she is still with us, it is also very hard to see her suffering and in the condition she is in. I honestly don't think she is ready to leave dad. I have noticed that everytime he sits beside her or holds her hand or gives her a kiss she begins to cry. The love that the 2 of them have for eachother for 46 years and still strong is awesome. Thanks everyone for your responses and thanks to Fresca for chatting with me on Friday. Connie

Thank you to all that have responded. Crossingthecreek.com is an excellent site. I couldn't get over how much it all related to my mother's case and even found she was saying some of the things that were mentioned. I absolutely know that my dad is not trying to harm my mother. He loves her so and has been a wonderful caregiver, it just seems like it has suddenly turned from acceptance from what is happening to trying to stop it from happening. I can understand that also. As mentioned below...he does not want to be without her and I honestly don't know how he will go on without her. He just sits beside her bed at times and cries. I didn't mean to give anyone the impression that I thought he would intentionally harm her. I just know that she needs her pain relief and that I too have read that once the body begins its process of shutting down that it doesn't want food because it doesn't need it and forcing it can actually cause more discomfort. That was my biggest concern - not too add to the discomfort that mom is already in. I cannot be there during the week, but we go there every weekend and this weekend I am going to try to talk to dad. I have sent him some clips from crossingthecreek.com and perhaps I should send him the one about food and the body shutting down. Thanks again.