mom2eight

I thought I would let everyone know that my mil passed away on Friday evening. The doctors kept saying she would go in a coma, but she never did. She even seemed a little better during the day, then around 5 she started breathing differently and within 15 minutes she was gone. It was a blessing for all of us, her included as she has suffered horribly these last few months. We are leaving in the morning for Chicago. Lisa mil dxd w/IV lc in August, gave no hope chemo September through December January scan showed cancer in brain Radiation on brain/chest at the end of January February heart raced, wouldn't stop, had to have heart started/stopped 3xs before finding medication to regulate heart rate. New medication for heart lowered blood pressure so she could not start any more chemo Mid-February pain in legs, couldn't stand, scan showed cancer in hips, spine More radiation! stopped all treatment in April as cancer was spreading too fast passed away May 10, 2007

Thank you so much for the support. It is very difficult to go through this. My mil was very much a caretaker of others, so her being in this position is very hard to swallow. I am also at a loss as to the family who live so close and who are not there pitching in. She would have done it for them in a heartbeat. I am dreading calling my fil tomorrow to see what is up. How much longer can a person live who is not eating, drinking, moving and basically in a trance? I just wish my sil would tell her it is okay to go. I think that may be what she is holding on to. Everyone is also mad at my fil again. I guess he was talking about what he is going to do when she is gone and that she is going to be cremated, while she was sitting there in front of her mom and aunt. They don't handle that kind of talk well.

This suffering part is very hard to handle. She can't help anymore when they move her because she can't use her legs. Could this be from the cancer spread in her spine/hips or just lack of use? The one who is going emotionally downhill fast is my fil. He is having such a hard time. The family is also leaving him alone with her all weekend, Fri to Mon. With all of the family members so close, and their financial positions, there is no reason they can't do shifts. I am also completly shocked with my sil, who my inlaws did everything for. She set the stars, the moon and the sun for my mil. She wrote my husband that it won't be long, she is deteriorating so fast, then in the next sentence that she and her boyfriend are going out of state for the weekend to a friend's wedding. Some people!

If you can wait for the vacation, I would wait. I would just really enjoy your father and spend time with him while he is still up and about. Disneyworld will always be there, your dad won't. Can you do any little trips with him? I really think your family is just trying to make you feel better or themselves, by saying the things they are saying. It is not to be cruel or mean, just how they say things. I know everyone was mad at my fil last I heard because he was talking about "when Elizabeth dies" instead of denying it. My mil was also told inoperable, has some chemo but nothing worked, some radiation, but it still spread and she is now at the final stages. She was dx in August and now it is pretty close to the end. Even now, some of the family is denying it, my sil is running away from it, and my fil is breaking from it. I found myself being judgemental, especially about my sil's lack of involvement, but that is something she is going to have to live with. Your dad is putting up a brave front for you!

This seems like it has been going on forever. I hate to say it, but I am waiting for this to be over. I feel really guilty about that, but reality is that she is suffering. I am trying very hard to get my sister in law to accept the inevitable, but she won't. I have told her numerous times to say she will be alright to my mil, but she won't because she feels she is lying. I told her it will take lots of time, but you will eventually be okay. I think she will regret it when it is over. I know my mil is hanging on because of her mother and her daughter, who both are still holding on to miracles. She never wanted treatment but went along with it after a month or so because of their pleas. She said from the start she wanted quality time not to be sick for quantity time. It is so sad to say but she has been sick from September, with very few good days. When she is lucid and kind of shakes from her trance-like state, she says she hates herself now and how she is! She calls out her own name, asking where is Elizabeth, only to be reminded that she is Elizabeth. Then she gets mad about it. It is so heartbreaking. Maybe her putting up such a fight when they try to feed and hydrate her, is her way of regaining some control? So sad... :cry My husband's aunt called the other night wanting him to come home (we live in another state). He went to see his mom in September, when she was still herself. We tried to get back but they refused to hear it. Due to us having 8 children, it is not easy to just pack up and go. Even for just my husband to go, we have to plan it, find a place to stay etc... I have offered numerous times to have my husband go back, but they didn't want him to. We kind of resolved it for ourselves by sending things to my mil, pictures, crafts from the kids, etc... I have had the kids call weekly to talk to my fil. I made a beautiful patchwork quilt for her, with each patch having a picture of one of us sewn on. We decided my husband and I, possibly our two youngest who are under two, will just go to the wake/funeral. I don't know what to say about him not going in right now. I wonder if she would even know him.

My mil is at the end stages lung cancer after being diagnosed last August. She was a smoker, so not sure what kind she has. She has always been very secretive about this disease, didn't know she was stage IV for months! Within the last few weeks, she is sleeping all of the time, when awake is delisional, sees bugs, can't recognize anyone, is basically bedridden. She has started getting very angry all the time. She woke last weekend, only to grab the phone and start dialing 911. Said my mil was deranged and out of control. He went to take the phone and she hit him with it. This week she has refused to eat or drink. Even hospice can't get her to eat or drink. She is fighting with everyone. What is next? How much longer can this go on?