rinksgal

Deb and Shelli Thanks for your support!!! I'm still a basket case, especially since his doctor called a little bit ago and wants us to come into his office at 2:45pm today to go over the results of the test with us. I just know this means bad news!! I was so hoping that they had got his lung cancer early enough so that it wouldn't spread. It wasn't even in his nodes, the ones they checked were clear. I knew it could spread through the blood without ever getting into the nodes. But I was just hoping this wasn't true!! I know I'm jumping the gun here, but I know Doctors give results over the phone everyday unless its something bad!! I will pray for mom today to shelli!! My thoughts and prayers are with all of you on this site!!!!!!!! Sometimes its nice to come here and express what I'm feeling, because sometimes I just can't talk to others about what I'm feeling and going through inside!!!! Its a Living HE__!!! I'm also keeping a journal, it helps me get some of my feelings out!! I've got to finished getting ready so I'm gonna go... I will let you guys know what we find out!!! God Please don't let it be back!!!!! Pleaseeee!!!!

Shelli, The doctor called us about 30 minutes ago and said he wants us to come into the office at 2:45 today. He wants to go over the test results with us. This tells me that its not good!!! Other wise he would tell us on the phone, if it was clear? Right????? I don't want to read something into it but thats what it tells me. A good friend told me well maybe they didn't find anything but he just wants to do some more blood work and look for something else. But I still don't think so, because he would have relieved our minds and then told us that he wanted to do some more checking... I just know the news is bad. I've been trying to psych myself up for this today, to be prepared so that I don't fall apart!!! I hope I can do this!! I will be thinking about you and your mother today, please let me know what you find out!!! I will also pray for your mother!!!! May God be with all of us today!

I'm just about to go nuts today. My boyfriend had his pet scan today and its all I could barely do to keep from loosing it totaly!! If his cancer has returned I don't think I can handle it!!! I swear its almost 3am here and all I can think about is that his cancer might be back!!! I so da_ _ scared to even wake up tomorrow. I feel like if I don't go to bed that maybe tomorrow won't come!!! I know I sound crazy!! I'm just so scared and soooo da_ _ afraid I won't be able to handle it!!! What if we get bad news and his cancer has spread. Won't that move him to a stage 4??? I heard any metastsis is a stage 4. I don't want to watch him dwindle down to nothing!! I don't think I can handle it!! But I can't leave him to deal with it alone either!!! I have to find strengthen somewhere!! Everyone tells me I can do it, and a good friend says I will find strengthen that I didn't know that I even had!! I don't see how!! I feel so torn right now. I just have this bad feeling about all of this!! I can't tell him how I feel, because I try to be strong for him. I try to encourage him, and to make him think I'm strong and that we will face it all head on and together!! But inside I don't feel that strong, what if I lose it?? I have to be his strengthen, I have to have enough for both of us!!! When inside I don't even think I can survive this night!!!! I know I sound crazy, but I'm scared to death!!!! Tonight he told me that he can handle anything, that as long as they can get rid of his fever, nothing can make him feel that bad!! Even if his cancer is back, he just wants his fever gone!! Its getting higher again, every day... He needs to start switching on and off again with tylenol 625mg, and ibruprphen 800mg, alternating every 4 hours between the 2. Thats what he had to do before they found his lung cancer... now that da_ _ fever is messing him up again..... I feel inside, he thinks the fever is bad, but I'm scared that this might be the best he ever feels!!! What if everything only goes down hill!! I'm sorry but what and how do I handle it if that da_ _ cancer is back!!!!!!!!!!! I can be possitive for him, almost all the time, but inside I will die everytime I see him suffer or go through any pain!!!!! I don't know if I"m ready for this, I know no one can ever be ready to watch someone they love suffer!!!!!!!! I pray to god that its not the cancer. Maybe the fever comes from something they haven't found!!! But hes just like he was before the first surgery, and now the sweats and fever is back, and he doesn't look good!! Hes always been the most possitive person and active person I've known, probably in my whole life!!!!!!!! and now he sleeps all the time again, and he feels bad all the time!!!!!! Please God help me get through this, please let him be ok, don't take my baby away from me!! I'm not ready for this battle!!!!!!!! I'm sorry I'm babbling, and tomorrow I will probably be embarssed for what I wrote, but tonight I'm just scared to death!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe they will know tomorrow about the results of his pet scan he had today....... I didn't think we'd know that soon!!! I don't think I will sleep a wink all night!!!!!!!!!! If its back, I don't know what Iwill do or how I will be able to cope!!!!!!!!! I feel if god is listening he won't let it come back!!!!!!!!! _________________

I'm just about to go nuts today. My boyfriend had his pet scan today and its all I could barely do to keep from loosing it totaly!! If his cancer has returned I don't think I can handle it!!! I swear its almost 3am here and all I can think about is that his cancer might be back!!! I so damn scared to even wake up tomorrow. I feel like if I don't go to bed that maybe tomorrow won't come!!! I know I sound crazy!! I'm just so scared and soooo damn afraid I won't be able to handle it!!! What if we get bad news and his cancer has spread. Won't that move him to a stage 4??? I heard any metastsis is a stage 4. I don't want to watch him dwindle down to nothing!! I don't think I can handle it!! But I can't leave him to deal with it alone either!!! I have to find strengthen somewhere!! Everyone tells me I can do it, and a good friend says I will find strengthen that I didn't know that I even had!! I don't see how!! I feel so torn right now. I just have this bad feeling about all of this!! I can't tell him how I feel, because I try to be strong for him. I try to encourage him, and to make him think I'm strong and that we will face it all head on and together!! But inside I don't feel that strong, what if I lose it?? I have to be his strengthen, I have to have enough for both of us!!! When inside I don't even think I can survive this night!!!! I know I sound crazy, but I'm scared to death!!!! Tonight he told me that he can handle anything, that as long as they can get rid of his fever, nothing can make him feel that bad!! Even if his cancer is back, he just wants his fever gone!! Its getting higher again, every day... He needs to start switching on and off again with tylenol 625mg, and ibruprphen 800mg, alternating every 4 hours between the 2. Thats what he had to do before they found his lung cancer... now that damn fever is messing him up again..... I feel inside, he thinks the fever is bad, but I'm scared that this might be the best he ever feels!!! What if everything only goes down hill!! I'm sorry but what and how do I handle it if that damn cancer is back!!!!!!!!!!! I can be possitive for him, almost all the time, but inside I will die everytime I see him suffer or go through any pain!!!!! I don't know if I"m ready for this, I know no one can ever be ready to watch someone they love suffer!!!!!!!! I pray to god that its not the cancer. Maybe the fever comes from something they haven't found!!! But hes just like he was before the first surgery, and now the sweats and fever is back, and he doesn't look good!! Hes always been the most possitive person and active person I've known, probably in my whole life!!!!!!!! and now he sleeps all the time again, and he feels bad all the time!!!!!! Please God help me get through this, please let him be ok, don't take my baby away from me!! I'm not ready for this battle!!!!!!!! I'm sorry I'm babbling, and tomorrow I will probably be embarssed for what I wrote, but tonight I'm just scared to death!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe they will know tomorrow about the results of his pet scan he had today....... I didn't think we'd know that soon!!! I don't think I will sleep a wink all night!!!!!!!!!! If its back, I don't know what Iwill do or how I will be able to cope!!!!!!!!! I feel if god is listening he won't let it come back!!!!!!!!!

John, he had his surgery May 20, 2003. They removed at least 4 of his lymph nodes. Before surgery, They found his tumor when they were trying to find a reason for his fever, they found this on a chest xray. They then ordered a catscan on his brain, chest and stomach area. Then since his surgery they ordered a bone scan. He was diagnosed with adenocaricnoma poorly differentialed. His tumor was 4.5 cm and they removed his right upper lobe with no recommendation for any other treatment. The oncoligist said there was a new study about follow up chemo, but he didn't reccomend it at that time. My boyfriend just had a PET Scan done today. We are suppose to find out the results of that one tomorrow. His fever went away the 2nd day after surgery. and returned almost 3 weeks ago. aprox. a month after surgery. In one of the cat scans they did find a 7mm size place that they said they were gonna watch. They said they "think" its a cysts. But would watch it and if it grew then they would check it out. I've worried about this from the begining. I wish they could just check it. So maybe now with the pet scan it will show if it is a cysts or if it is the cancer metastasizing to somewhere else! God Help Us if it is!! We have both been moody and grumpy today. He's in such a bad mood, I really think its because of waiting for the test results to the pet scan. Not to mention hes tired of feeling bad all the time. I can't even begin to imagine how all of you have handled dealing with yourself or someone you love having cancer and watching them go down heel. I told a good friend of mine today that I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle it. I'm afraid I will lose it totally if we get bad news tomorrow. I realize I'm worrying without having the results but I can't help it. I'm trying so hard not to get upset, but today I'm on the verge of losing it. I don't want to lose him!! Hes my whole life!!! Hes always been the strong one and I can't imagne me having to be, he's the one that takes care of everything including me!! I love him more than I thought I could love any man!! I thank all of you for your prayers and your responses even though I'm a little confused about TNF and all that other stuff. But I'm gonna do some research on the web about it. Thanks for the information.... My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all of you!!

Thanks everyone for the information, I appreciate it!! It seems like everytime I have a question someone knows something about it on here! This site is such a big help!!!! I just wondered if everyones sed levels are high with the return of cancer? All of this is so confusing.................. Well he had the pet scan and I guess we'll know the results from that tomorrow!!!!! We figured it would be the first of the week. I Pray to God it doesn't show that his cancer has relapsed!! But to be honest I can't imagine what else has made his fever return, which is getting higher everyday. I wish his fever was from another cause!! But the doctor can't find any reason for his fever!! I'm so dang scared to even learn what the results are!!!! Today I just feel like crying!!!!! I wish this would all just go away like some big nightmare!!!

I just wanted to say that I forgot to log in, that I posted the above topic! sorry

I'm really sorry to hear what your going through. I smoked up until my boyfriend got lung cancer and even then it took me another month to actually quit. I did start smoking outside only, and made everyone else that came to the house to smoke outside if they wanted a ciggarette. But I finally quit June 10th. I smoked for 20 years and quitting was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life!! But I just quit cold turkey and spent 1 whole day in bed on and off and part of another. Anytime I've tried to quit, I actually feel drugged!! I smoked 2 1/2 to 3 packs a day! In some ways they were my friend. I can relate to that. But I could no longer smoke and enjoy my ciggs the way I have always done in the past. My boyfriend had quit 4 years before he was diagnosed with NSCLC. (but of course I continued to smoke) "the guilt" in me is unbearable. I tell myself maybe he wouldn't of gotten it if I had quit when he did. But I guess we'll never know the answer to that one. But hes picked up rubbing now, which I worry about nicotine period!! Hes also a heavy drinker (at night only) and he always drinks at home. But I worry that hes gonna lessen his chances on being a survivor! I love him so much and I can understand where your coming from!! I hope Tim finally quits!! It has to be his choice though. Which I know it isn't easy for you to stand by and watch. I'm having a hard time with that one myself. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!

Becky, i can understand your anger, everyone has to vent their anger somehow and we tend to want to blame others when something bad hits us!! My s/o was diagnosed with nsclc this past May and at first he went around saying I guess if anyone deserves it I do afterall I smoked for 28 years! This really upset me because I don't believe anyone deserves any illness or disease. Keep in mind he quit smoking 4 years ago! But now for the guilt part on me. I think to myself everyday yea he quit, but I continued to smoke. I am or was a very heavy smoker, and I tell myself yea he quit but he breathed in my smoke everyday, not to mention all of his friends that would come over and smoke too!! Well when this first happened to him, I continued to smoke (this was before we knew it was lung cancer) The doctors called it a large mass! Well I felt so guilty smoking around him, I couldn't even smoke one without sooo much guilt! So I started smoking outside and I wouldn't let anyone else smoke in our house or in any building on our farm!! After his surgery and coming home, I promised him I would quit and I did quit June 10 was the last day I smoked. It was really alot easier than I thought it would be. I smoked for 20 years 3 packs a day! I'm scared for my own health now. I just hope I quit in time. We won't go anywhere that we have to be around a bunch of smoke. They say this can increase his odds of reoccurrences. But I have soo much guilt myself, but I also know it can happen to anyone. My own 3 boys don't smoke they hated mine so bad growing up, they won't even date girls that smoke. My boys age 24, 22, 21. If my smoking made them hate it, I'm glad something good came out of it!! My boyfriends kids age 19, 18 we know smoke but not here at home. This just kills him. He wonders how anyone can smoke knowing what hes been going through.. The fact is I believe people always think its not gonna happen to them. I felt that way. My grandma smoked for 60 years and never got lung cancer. So I always told myself I wouldn't get it either. But I think it has to hit close to home before you really face the reality to what a horrible thing lung cancer is. I know I love my boyfriend so much, hes my life and I don't want to lose him!! When we were young we weren't taught all the bad things of smoking. My boyfriend is 50 and I am 44. But young kids all do it and will continue to smoke because their friends do and they think its cool.. I wish they would become illegal!! I don't blame you for your anger!! I'm glad you chose this site to let off your steam, rather than some of your students. I know the more people bitched at me the more I smoked. That wouldn't help them at all....

I just want to thank everyone for their support. We went back to his family doctor today to just to talk to him about some things. He did some more blood work just to make sure that the fever now going on 10 days plus wasn't from any infection anywhere. Even though he has no symptoms of anything else wrong. The doctor did prescribe him prozac for his depression. I suggested this last night to him. Ever since the fever started back up all he does is lay and sleep. I realize the fever and sweats make him feel tired and sick, but I could tell he was getting depressed, but I was actually shocked when he talked to the doctor about it, I think sometimes its hard for men to admit they need something, but they are no different than anyone else especially when something like lc hits your life. Does anyone know anything about bio-markers? I've read in several different places that this can be helpful in finding cancer if it returns. His family doctor said its not used with lc, but more with other cancers. Another thing my heart goes out to everyone on this site!! I've cried reading some of the other post. I will say a prayer for all of you. I know this is the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life, and at times the stress I feel inside is almost unbearable!! Its hard to imagine that we will ever be worry free again. We went to 2 oncologist and one did give him the option of chemo, but he really advised against it at this time. He said the side effects from chemo would make him really sick and told us of these horrible side effects, and with it only increasing his odds by 5% he didn't advise it at this time, but left it up to us to make the final decision. My Boyfriend at the time felt 5% wasn't worth it, I had some doubt but didn't really voice my opinion to him. I feel some it has to be his decision, but with the fever returning now he's thinking about it. To me 5% is 5%. and I want every percent increase we can get! Could anyone share their opinion on this new study?

My heart really goes out to you! My significant other was diagnosed with nsclc May 7, 2003. They caught his lung cancer due to day and nights sweats and fever that never quit. He had to take 800mg of ibruprohen every 8 hours and then alternate with 650 mg of tylenol in between that just to make it so he could half way fuction. The fever made him tired and sick feeling. I too cried almost non stop the first few weeks! I am a school bus driver and I would just start crying and couldn't stop, one day I yelled at the kids for things that normally wouldn't have bothered me, then I started crying(the kids on the bus probably thought I was losing it, which I was) and I called my boss and he had me come and talk to him! He was a live saver at that momment. I told him I thought I was losing it! That I didn't think I could handle it!! Thank God for understanding people. My boyfriend was really angry at first. He yelled at everybody especially me. I think I'm his escape goat. He actually seemed to handle it as well as anyone can. Then he had his surgery May 20, 2003 and they removed his rt. upper lobe. His nodes were clear and doesn't appear to be any sign of mets, but they did find a 7mm size spot on his liver. Which they "think" is just a cyst but will watch it they claim. He seemed to be recovering pretty good up until about 10-11 days ago and his fever has returned along with the day and night sweats. The oncologist we had seened we called and talked to a Nurse, she made us feel like we were stupid and over reacting saying that fever isn't a sign of cancer, but I don't see how they can say that when this was his only symptom!!Now he feels tired and sick all the time again. So we called his family doctor and he ordered a pet scan for him. Which is scheduled for July 10. He does nothing but lay and sleep all the time. I worry myself sick about him. The doctor today give him a script of prozac to help with his depression. I'm so glad your s/o has such a possitive attitude. and feels good. Be thankful for that!! I'm hoping the prozac will help my s/o! I wish you the best! Just hang in there! It helps reading other post on here, it gives you hope!! After the shock wore off if it ever does, I was able to get myself together more, I realized I had to be the strong one now and that it was up to me to try and help keep his spirits up, which is hard to do sometimes. Especially when you have bad days too!! I'll say a prayer for you!!

I just want to thank everyone for their support. We went back to his family doctor today to just to talk to him about some things. He did some more blood work just to make sure that the fever now going on 10 days plus wasn't from any infection anywhere. Even though he has no symptoms of anything else wrong. The doctor did prescribe him prozac for his depression. I suggested this last night to him. Ever since the fever started back up all he does is lay and sleep. I could tell he was down, but I was actually shocked when he talked to the doctor about it, I think sometimes its hard for men to admit they need something, but they are no different than anyone else especially when something like lc hits your life. Does anyone know anything about bio-markers? I've read in several different places that this can be helpful in finding cancer if it returns. His family doctor said its not used with lc, but more with other cancers. Another thing my heart goes out to everyone on this site!! I've cried reading some of the other post. I will say a prayer for all of you. I know this is the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life, and at times the stress I feel inside is almost unbearable!! Its hard to imagine that we will ever be worry free again. We went to 2 oncologist and one did give him the option of chemo, but really advised against it at this time. He said the side effects from chemo would make him really sick and told us of these horrible side effects, and with it only increasing his odds by 5% he didn't advise it at this time, but left it up to us to make the final decision. My Boyfriend at the time felt 5% wasn't worth it, I had some doubt but didn't really voice my opinion to him. I feel some things has to be his choice, but with the fever returning now he's thinking about it. To me 5% is 5%. and I want every percent increase we can get! Could anyone share their opinion on this new study?

My S/O and I have become much closer since he was diagnosed with NSCLC. Its amazing how little the things you use to think were so important, are not so very unimportant. The only things that seem to matter anymore is that we are together and we value everyday we have together now in a totally different light. My boyfriend being an only child born to parents that were 45 at the time of his birth. Both now being deceased. He has tons of good friends that more than make up for his lack of family. Most people don't have that much family support. Hes very lucky to have such caring friends. They have been there for him and me daily. I don't know what we would do without them! My mother whom lives in another state is one my closest supporters. Anytime I'm upset and no one to talk to I just call her and shes always there to talk to me. My mother and I had a falling out over the years but since my boyfriend has been diagnosed she has really been there for me!! Its hard to believe how much something like Cancer can change your life. My boyfriend is such a different person now!! Like he said his life will never be the same again, nor mine. He gets depressed alot and all I have to do is call one of his closest friends and him and his wife come down and he always seems better after they've been here. I thank God for them! I've told them how much I've appreciated their support!

My significant other did have surgery 2 1/2 weeks after they found his lc. They removed his upper right lobe, and no treatment was recommended at this time. They found a 4mm spot on his liver too, but plan to just watch it. They said if it showed growth on his next scheduled cat scan then they would check into it futher. Since this time he has a developed a new fever and night and days sweats. This being his only symptom when he first got sick. Thats how they found his cancer. Since surgery May 20, 2003 his fever and sweats had totally gone away up until 8 days ago and they have returned. This sending both of us into a panic. His family doctor being the only one that would listen to us has ordered for him to have a pet scan. He says this will show any active tumor in his body.Does anyone else know anything about this test and what excatly will it show?? He has been told that this is a very aggressive cancer. Does anyone know why they say this? Is it because of the size of the tumor 4.5 cm or is it because it was poorly differentiated? Has anyone else had fever with Lung Cancer????

I found this site a couple of weeks ago. I've read alot of useful information. I just seem to never have the time to be online. I decided to check it out again today. I know Cancer is the scariest word I've ever heard in my life! I always knew it was an ugly word but you never know how ugly until it hits someone you love!!

My boyfriend was diagnosed with nsclc T2NOMO in May which was in his right upperlobe and was removed May 20, 2003. They found his 4.5 cm tumor on a lung xray. His family doctor was looking for something causing his fever and night sweats. Its a long story but in the end they found a mass in his rt. upper lobe. It was surgurically removed and the biopsy report showed his nodes to be clear. He has adenocarcinoma, poorly differentiated. We went to two different oncologist to get a 2nd opinion. they both suggested doing nothing at this time. He's get to get more catscans done in August. Well since this time he has started running fevers again and the night and days sweats have returned. There was no sign of this 2 days following surgery up until 8 days ago. We called one of the oncologist we had seened, being he suggested that anytime anything comes up we are gonna panic and to just call him and he would look into it and try to put our mind at ease. Well my boyfriend called and talked to a nurse and she told him quote unquote "Well its just a little bitty fever and cancer and a tumor growing doesn't cause fever" He explained to her that was his only symptom, but he ended up hanging up being disgusted. We ended up calling his family doctor and he said well it is a symptom of cancer with you, and he has set us up for a pet scan July 10. Has anyone else had this and what is it? and has anyone else had bad experiences with this. I mean we feel helpless and the doctors make you feel stupid, I told one of the nurses so whats a symptom? if hes throwing up blood? I told her we don't want to wait till things are that bad. I also told her I didn't appreciate my boyfriend being made to feel stupid. I just thought they would want to know, so I don't get it? What if it was a member of their family? I also would like to know if anyone else had this paticular stage and what was your outcome. and did you do treatment or not. I also know it can spread through the blood stream without ever getting into the nodes, has anyone else had this happen? The thing is he was just starting to feel better when his fever returned and now hes back to sleeping all the time. Because he doesn't feel good. I'm so scared of losing him and I want things to be caught early, I mean we don't want to be paranoid but with the fever returning how are we suppose to feel. Thats the only reason they found his cancer at the stage it was in.