beachnut

Friday, November 13 was the second anniversary of the passing of my dear husband, Jack Humphries. Some of you may remember our journey on this board. My heart still aches with missing him each and every day. I strive to make him proud of me and celebrate our love and the life that we shared together for sixteen beautiful (although, not perfect at all times) years. He helped me become a stronger and a better person. Heaven truly has a treasure in Jack. I know that one day we will be together again. If I could share with others it would be to love your loved ones with all your heart. Treasure each and every minute and don't let the petty things get in the way of enjoying each other. God bless you, Jack! I hope heaven knows what a treasure it has in you! Continue to watch over me each and every day until we are together again! Your love made me the richest woman on earth!!

I don't come here as much as I did when Jack was fighting the cancer. I found such support here and truly appreciate you all for your kind words which kept me from being in a panic mode all the time. It will be one year and 7 months tomorrow since my sweet Jack passed from this world into Heaven. I truly cannot say that it is much easier to live without him. In many ways it is harder because the numbness of the first months has passed and the pain is more noticable. I haven't forgotten you all and wanted you to know how much your support and this website mean to us spouses travelling this road with our loved one. I have been on here today catching up on those of you who I remember from months ago. My wish for each of you is health, miracles, and the love and support that you so unselfishly share with others. God bless you all. Shirley Humphries

Hi Randy, I heard one the other day and am not sure who sings it but I think the title is "Holes In the Floor of Heaven. I too had a good cry listening to that one. Love the song Believe also. Makes me cry everytime. Shirley

Hi Teri, I am coming up on the 9th month mark since my Jack passed away on the 13th. I guess one dream that we had that I will be fulfilling is I am going to Hawaii the end of March. We always dreamed of going and after Jack died I decided if I was ever going to go, that I had better get with it. I have a friend who was my travel buddy before Jack and I married and she and I are going. I am really excited about it but it will be bittersweet in many ways since I will not be experiencing it with the love of my life. It is something to look forward to and to plan. It is still not easy without Jack. In ways it almost seems harder at times since the numbness of those first months has worn off and the reality has set in. I am "muddling through" as the saying goes and putting one foot in front of the other with a few backslides. I hope you are doing well too. Shirley

I have really had a hard week. Tomorrow (Sat) would be my birthday and Sunday (20th) would be our 17th wedding anniversary. It will be the first time in 19 years without a card from my sweet Jack and the first time in 17 years without an anniversary card. He was always so big on the cards. Would spend lots of time picking out just the right and special card. I just miss him so very much. My plans are to get some helium balloons and write messages on them with a Sharpie pen and go to the cemetary and release them. I just hope he knows how much I love him and miss him.

Tonight at 8:05 p.m. it will be exactly four monthis since my dear husband, Jack took his last breath and went to heaven. It is still so hard and I miss him so very much that my body aches at times. It all still feels so unreal and yet at times the numbness seems to be lifting and the pain feels worse. I know he is so much better off and he is not suffering but I just miss him so much!! I just hope he knew how very much I loved him and how much I miss him now. I hope that he is watching out after me every minute. Thanks so much for letting me ramble on. You have all been a wonderful help throughout his illness and death. Thank you all very much!!

I can say that I know how you feel as my husband passed away on November 13. It is definately a hard thing to go through. One minute I'm doing okay and the next I seem to be a basket case. I also go out at night and talk to my husband when I walk my dogs. I have read also to write them a letter and that helps too, but I've not done that yet. There is a wonderful website www.widownet.org and they have a wonderful message board. I don't have any magic pill to make it better but I did want to let you know you are not alone - there are others of us who are going through the same things. ((((Hugs to you))))

I am so sorry about your father. My sympathies to you and your family. I will be praying for you all. I have been there - I lost my husband from this horrible disease one month ago on November 13. The drug companies definately need to get on the ball and come up with a cure for this horrible disease.

Hi Carlene: I am going through the same things - I sent you a pm so please check it when you can. Shirley Humphries

Shirley Humphries Carrollton, GA administrative assistant and large Baptist Church lost husband, Jack, to NSCLC on Nov. 13 and am trying to adjust. Missing him terribly. Love going to the beach. 3 pets - dog, Harley; dog, Jazzie; cat, Remington

Oh, Rochelle... I am so very sorry about John. You have always been such a wonderful supporter throughout this journey with my Jack. I know what you are going through. Many hugs and prayers!!! Shirley

I am missing Jack so very much. Since he only passed away November 13 it is still all so raw feeling. Thanksgiving was hard and I even dread Christmas. It is just so lonely at home. If I didn't have my dogs I would be bonkers. All the business I need to take care of is overwhelming. I am still waiting on the death certificate so am basically on hold for most things right now. It seems like everything just is so wrong without him. I keep asking for a sign from him that he is fine, but have not had anything yet. What I wouldn't give to see his face or hear his voice just one more time. I just miss him so very much and needed to vent a little. Thanks to all on this board who bring so much support. Shirley

Hi Everyone: Just to let you all know that Jack went to his Heavenly home Tuesday evening at 8:15 p.m. His visitation is today from 2-4 and 6-8. Funeral service will be tomorrow (Friday) at 2:00 p.m. Thank you all for the support and prayers. It has meant more than you will ever know. Will be back on board with you next week. Much love to you all, Shirley

Welcome, Mike!! You will not find a more wonderful group of folks. The support is superb!! Again, we are glad you found us.

We could not get the codeine tablets here. None of the pharmacies had it and they couldn't order for some reason. That is why they gave us the tussinex syrup. Jack does take his sleeping pill at night, but the coughing has still been waking him. He took the tussinex syrup about 5:30 pm yesterday and could not take it for 12 hours. I told him to hold off and then take it closer to bedtime and maybe it would help more during the night. We will try that tonight and hopefully that will help. The radiation is starting to make him tired now. He didn't go to work the past two nights, but wants to try it tomorrow night. They are willing to work with him on his hours - he has used up all sick time, but there are folks willing to donate time to him. I think all the coughing is wearing him down, also. It is so hard to watch him because I want to fix everything and I can't fix it. It is just so nice to come to this site and find folks who know how you feel.

My husband, Jack has had a terrible cough. He has currently finished 2.5 weeks of his 7 wk. radiation treatments. He is not having chemo at this time due to other health issues. The tumor causes irritation and lots of phlegm which causes him to have a terrible cough. The radiation oncologist checked him and said that he does not have pneumonia and we should not worry about the cough unless the color of the phlegm changes from clear to colored. Said that as the rad. is breaking down the tumor that it has to go somewhere and you cough it out. He has been given Tessalon pearles which didn't seem to do anything and now Tussinex syrup (which does cause drowsiness). When he coughs it is not a little cough, but an all out cough that causes his face to turn blood red. The oncologist said that the radiation should help the cough after a couple of weeks. It has been 2.5 and I was wondering if anyone else who had had a terrible cough could lend some insight on how long it took for the cough to get better. Neither one of us has gotten much sleep in a couple of nights because when he lies down the phlegm builds up in his bronchial passages and he rattles and starts coughing and has to get up for a little while to get it cleared out. I bought him a wedge pillow that would raise his upper body some, but that doesn't make any difference. Any suggestions would be more than welcome. I almost asked the doc if there was something to help decrease the phlegm, but if he needs to cough then that wouldn't work. Thanks for any help. Maybe we will have to sleep in separate rooms for a while which I really hate doing.

I know what you mean. My husband has lung cancer. Many days I just have the incredible urge to run. Of course, I would never do that, but the urge is there. It is hard to face, but there are many survivors and God gives the strength to get through. Hang in there and know others are praying for you and are here to support. This is a wonderful site with the most wonderful folks.

Looking for a buddy in Georgia. I am a caregiver. My husband, Jack, has stage IIb NSCLC. I live in Carrollton which is 45 miles west of Atlanta.

Jack has had two radiation treatments. He has had a terrible cough for quite a while that they say is from the irritation from the tumor. They have given him tussinex cough syrup and some little perles (can't remember the name). The syrup helps, but being narcotic he cannot take it when he has to work. The perles don't seem to help too much. He works as a jailer for our local sheriff's dept. and works 12 hour shifts (6 pm - 6 am). He worked the last 2 nights and is off for two nights before he is supposed to work the weekend - Friday, Saturday, Sunday. He is off every other weekend. They are willing to let him work less hours when he needs to - and for as long as he needs to. Anyway, after the two rads and working last two nights - when he got home he was totally wiped out and his cough seemed worse to me. It is a total terrible cough - not just a little one. The doc said that as the tumor shrank that it should evenuatlly get better. He also felt a little warm to me this a.m., but I didn't take his temp. I told him to have them check it when he went for his treatment this afternoon. Is this normal for radiation? As I said he's only had two treatments so far and is scheduled for 7 weeks. Thanks for any advice. Shirley

Hi Everyone: My husband had a lobe of this right lung removed two years ago due to a malignant nodule. Stage I with no lymph node involvement. Long hard road of recovery from throacotomy. No treatments advised. A week and a half ago when we went for a check up with his pulmonary doctor after a routine chest x-ray we found that there was a suspicious spot in left lung. Had PET scan next day which showed uptake but nothing anywhere else. (They scanned his whole body beginning with scull.) We have an appt. next Wednesday with the thoracic surgeon who performed his original surgery. We don't know if he will even be a candidate for the surgery. He has atrial fibrillation and the arteries in his legs are not great. They will more than likely request heart testing and lung volume testing before deciding about the surgery. The lung where his first cancer was is still totally clear. His pulmonologist doesn't feel that this nodule is a byproduct of the original one. I feel totally panicked and was wondering how you deal with the fear. He is afraid of the chemo and/or radiation and doesn't what to do that because of the side effects. He loves his work as a jailer and doesn't want to retire yet. He is 65 years old. I am totally afraid inside. I can't help also but worry about the financial repercussions if he can not work. The most important thing is for him to be okay, but the other is in my mind also. How do you deal with all the worry and uncertianty?? I am a Christian and believe that God works miracles and will get us through this, but I give it to Him and end up taking it back to worry on. Any encouragement will be appreciated. Reading your stories here helps. Sometimes reading so much on the internet about all the negatives makes things worse.