Lonely

Thanks Welthy!!!! That's excatly what I meant, "Me has been suspended for the duration" and a different me will emerge to start another journey, sometime in the future. The old me has gone, which makes me sad as I liked her and her attitude to life, not sure with this current one. I have started to think about the next journey now as I do do most things, outside of the house, on my own. I have had to realise that I can't not do things because he can't, I wouldn't take a trip or anything but just going for a walk on my own and other small day time trips. Today I went to sit by the sea, watching storm clouds and just thinking " What will it be like when I have no one to go home to and tell" I take my camera everywhere and bring lots of pics back for him to see, that way he gets to go too!! Maybe I'll still do the same. Sorry rambling now. The good news is I managed to get him out of bed by not taking him his breakfast and making him get up and showered for it, small step for woman.

Hi Ned In response to your questions, he is still on Tarceva although latest scans show progression of disease, liver mets,lung and lymph. Currently evaluating other options left, never had any real pain, more discomfort, this is still the same.There is no NHS policy on stopping treatment, so not sure what you mean by this, we make the decisions. Cancer doc doesn't have a good explanation for current level of fatigue, SOB, the treatment was to increase steroids, done this, no change except to make him snappier! Almost 2 years since DX. I think that as Tarceva appears to have stopped working this may be causing fatigue (using logic that when it was working he had rash but no other side effects, now no rash just this fatigue and disease progression)he is not willing to listen to this theory and stop taking it for a week to see if any difference. As for looking after myself, that's a bit of a joke! I haven't been me since diagnosis and everyone talks about caregivers etc... but what can you do? who else will look after him? no one ,so it's impossible to have a life other than the one I have, which is pretty lonely and miserable at the moment. That is not being said in self pity or for sympathy it's just the truth.

Thanks for tips will check his meds but all he is on at moment is 4mgs dexamethasone, recently increased from 2mgs and his zomorph which he has been on for about 5 months now. He is taking Vit B supplements and a tonic before meals. Thinking about increasing steroid to 6 mgs to see if that will help!

Welthy, maybe he is?? Thanks for your responses it helps to know others are experiencing similar problems and hear about ways you are dealing with it. I asked our family doctor to call and see him today to try and see if he could determine if it is depression or just lack of motivation. He came away saying, see how he goes, after telling him to try being a bit more active and to get up for increasingly longer periods. He said he thought there may be slight depression because of his slowness in answering him but he is always like that! Doc said get in touch next week if he is still the same. Not hugely useful but at least he heard "be more active" from someone else. I am trying to get him to agree to coming downstairs for his meals without getting into another fight about it, not easy. Still in bed as I write this.

Hi I wonder if anyone out there has some advice for me? There are just the 2 of us and I am the sole carer for my husband, we are both in our early 50's. He has stage 4 lung cancer , 1 lung removed and now nodes in other lung and in liver. Done all the usual treatments and nothing working. He is now eating well but says is too tired for anything and is just staying in bed. I am doing all the usual stuff and looking after him. He has no cough or other physical problems, no pain. He does get short of breath on exertion but not so bad that he can't get up and down stairs. Here's my problem! This has been going on for last 4 weeks or so. Maybe it's my fault for making it easy for him to stay in bed? How do I motivate him to get out of bed? He is capable of doing this, yes it's tiring but he is just giving up. I think we have made it too comfy for him by putting TV there and laptop with wireless access so he keeps himself amused. I can't take those things away but I do want to push him to get on with life while he can, we had some major discussions/arguments on this this morning and he feels I am not being sympathetic to his situation. I am but I know he can do more if he tries, how?? Well I decided to take myself to the shops today and was out for 2 hours, when I got back he had been up and made himself a sandwich, drink and eaten it downstairs, so he can do this when I am not there. He went back to bed with his drink as I arrived home, why??? He said he had to get up to get food as I was out( I had given him breakfast before I went, so no urgent need)Seems he can be up when I'm out! In a strange way this makes me feel as though he is using me. I am beginning to feel very down as I can't seem to see any kind of a way out of this and I am frightened to think that this is it and nothing will improve. He just gets angry now when I try and bring it up so silence reigns at the moment. I know fatigue is awful and I have helped him through this before with chemo, radiotherapy etc.. could this be depression? He has never had depression or anything before, he is a laid back guy who has been accepting of his disease all the way through, no highs or lows, just as he has gone through life! Any advise would be helpful. Thanks