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For some reason this year, this is hitting me especially hard. As others have mentioned, this is a yearly issue- every October... Susan hit on my concern. I actually think this pink "marketing" is doing a disservice to all of us. Do I truly believe that if I purchase the pink cupcakes my local grocery store is selling this month, that I am in any tangible monetary way, supporting breast cancer research? I am 99.99% sure there is no money going to bc research from those cupcakes.... But, I think, there are many many people who DO believe it. That will purchase those pink cupcakes over the plain white ones because they believe somehow they are making a difference. I do know that many of the products donate a portion of their proceeds. But the number of products now is so staggering- it is getting harder and harder to tell which ones are worthy of purchasing. I think this blurring of the lines into breast cancer used as marketing does a huge disservice to the organizations truly raising funds. On one hand, it does raise awareness, but on the other, how many people are purchasing products (thinking they are doing good), instead of donating directly..... Amy

I haven't been on the board in a long time and this is the first post I read and I can relate. Its been almost 4 years since my mom passed. She would have been 62 this year and I'm 37 now. Way too soon... Hardest for me is seeing women in their 60s escorting their mothers- women in their 80s- to the grocery store or the mall. How much Mom and I missed out on... Only my 8 year old remembers her much at all. And I have a daughter she never met. Amy

Mom was 52 at diagnosis- stage iv- lived 6 years.

I have not posted in a very long time but lurk occasionally. Your post caught my eye. I am almost to the end of year 2 and in some ways it has been easier and in some it has been harder. The triggers are fewer but when triggered the pain is just as bad. I think too my grief is more visible in my irritability rather than more overt sadness. Last year I was sad more. This year I'm more easily irritated by things. Something is not right and not fixable. I don't have any advice to offer. Just empathy. Hang in there. Amy

I started seeing a therapist about 2 months ago. It's been very helpful, but mostly we've talked about other issues other than Mom until yesterday. In the course of our discussions it has come up that most of the bad things or most of my meltdowns seem to happen on Tuesday. Well, another work issue erupted a week ago Tuesday, so we talked about it yesterday. My therapist said, Hmmm another Tuesday... Just out of curiosity, what day did your Mom die? Guess what?? It was a Tuesday. This is so bizarre. She did acknowledge that it could be purely coincidental, but that perhaps I just tend to be more vulnerable on Tuesdays. Very weird. I would have never guessed it. So, while I won't be hiding in my room on Tuesdays from now on, it does help to have acknowledged it I think.

Me too! I'm nodding my head too! My mother was my very best friend. Better than my other friends because she KNEW me. Every little part of me. Every expression, every body language movement. She knew. We talked about everything. And we talked 3 times a day at least. I can't get away with that with my friends- even as great as my friends are. They don't want to hear from me 3 times a day every day. Like you, I didn't realize the extent of lonliness that I feel. I'm not a big talk to the sky kind of person either. I'm not to the point where I can think about telling her things without bawling. I'm sorry you are hurting. Amy

Thanks for your prayers. My friend definitely does NOT have lung cancer. It is taking a very long time. At first they were 98% sure it was lc and then it was ruled out. But they couldn't determine what it was. Still haven't. But they rechecked for lc and the spots on her lung have reduced (which doesn't happen without treatment I guess with lc) so they have ruled it out again. Still a serious problem. But not lc. Thanks again.

Thank you all. For some reason this is hitting me really hard. Her name is Sheila and I heard today through my supervisor that they found three spots on one lung during the scan. Keep praying please. THank you. Amy

Ditto what Don said- get it checked out. I remember my mom having a problem with hers. I can't remember the exact issue- but it had to be replaced or redone. Amy

I have a friend who is going for a cat scan today due to coughing up blood and chest pain. I'm so nervous for her. Any prayers would be gladly accepted. Thanks. Amy

1. Sunshiney days 2. Kids paintings 3. cars are paid off 4. flannel sheets (and open windows at night) 5. babies

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

A married couple in their early 60's were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! Two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands. Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife who is 30 years younger than me". The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -- abracadabra! The 60 year old husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story.....Men might be idiots....But fairies are......female.

My thoughts: We continue, as a society, to have incredible medical advances that allow us to prolong life. At some point we have to find an understanding of when it is ok to seek death. Compassionately, at some point, it has to be ok to say- do not keep me alive if I reach this state. I really struggle with the manner in which this woman is dying. I don't know what the solution would be but starving seems cruel. But I am in favor of letting her go. Amy

1. My awesome kids and their great hugs. 2. My husband 3. My stepsons and their mom 4. My Dad 5. My aunt

I decided a long time ago in my life that when people consistently hurt me I have a choice. I can choose to take them where they are- with as little or as much as they have to offer. Or I could decide that their lack of concern was too much for me to handle and to let that friendship go. For my sake- for my health. With family I can see that this would be difficult to do but my point is that you have a choice. Try to find the answer that will ultimately give you the most peace. And remember- if you decide to stop relying on these people now- it doesn't have to be final. There is always room for people to change. Good luck. Amy

keep planning! And have fun! After my mom's stage 4 diagnosis she managed to get in trips to Ireland, Germany, Hawaii, Bahamas, a cruise with friends, a family trip to a resort, planned my father's 60th birthday party and many many other smaller but just as vital events. Keep on planning! and dreaming! and doing! As much as you are able. Amy

1. I don't have to work tomorrow! 2. My sweet babies took a nap today and I got 1 hour for myself! 3. My husband 4. Dancing with my son today 5. Watching my daughter grow and learn new things (not too fast now sweetie!)

This is hard today: 1. preschool for my daughter 2. kids that slept until 7:45am today 3. learning new stuff at work 4. my aunt 5. really good cheddar cheese

1. My babies are all healthy 2. My mother-in-law 3. My aunt emailed me today 4. Good supportive friends 5. blueberry muffins

I'm having a hard time lately with the loss of my mother. My world was quite a bit more extended with my mother around because she always filled me in on the details of those she was in touch with- my aunts, my grandma and even her friends. It's hard not to hear that news. And harder still knowing that it is up to me to make and keep those connections, if that is what I want. Its such a strange feeling to have lost all those connections, to grieve for them, and know that most of the people are not ones I will continue to contact. And for the ones I do feel I need to remake that connection, it's strange to contemplate the how. Long distance phone calls? How often? emails? pictures? weekly chats? otherwise, things are ok for me. Getting by mostly is how I feel. Amy

1. It's Friday 2. Have a great weekend ahead with some fun stuff planned 3. just did a supervisor survey at work and realized again what a great boss I have. 4. I have an awesome husband 5. No one was injured in my house today- even though my 4 year old knocked over the top part of the hutch in our dining room!

I like this! 1. Children slept until 7:15 this morning! 2. Had a great meeting about my future education today at work 3. have most of the wash done! 4. looking forward to getting together with my aunt tomorrow 5. child's cold only lasted 24 hours

I have had problems falling asleep recently because of a shift change at work. I'm working til midnight and still getting up at 6 or so with my kids so I knew I had to fall asleep fast. And sometimes my mind just races about a million things and I can't get settled down. When that happens I count backward from 100. I've only made it through to 0 once. It's hard to do sometimes to get my mind to only concentrate on the number instead of racing off in other directions but if I can do it, it works. Sorry to hear you're having sleep difficulties! Amy

Just when I think.. ok, feeling a bit more in control, something comes along and wham, I'm a bawling mess. My father-in-law made some tactless comment about my husband asking for an early death because he needs to lose some weight. And the tears just came instantly. I cried for about 10 minutes and couldn't stop. What a bizarre out of control feeling that was. I think I freaked him out completely. It felt good to cry though. Weird timing but good. Oh well. Just taking each day as it comes. I need to make the transition from just living through these days to living and enjoying each day. Amy