Marci

Such ingnorance about cancer!!! It drives me wild!!!! Even my mother's family are still under the assumption that if u quit smoking u will be the one not to get cancer. I am not advocating smoking but my mother's father had quit for 14 years and died from LC and my mother's brother quit for 8 years or so and died at 45 from it so it only shows that maybe there is something genetically connected between my grandfather, mother, and her brother hmmmm.. makes u wonder. Drives me crazy....

Wow Nick nicely put I feel the same!!!!

So sorry - you are not alone in this. Thinking of you and praying. I too dread the holiday season - everytime I am in a store I want to shoot the speaker system out with all that holiday jingle. I am now trying to avoid the stores as much as I can. Hoping the holidays gently pass you and your stepmom by. Go easy on yourself and take care of yourself. Blessings- Marci

Love that!!!Beautiful poem!

Just beautiful! Marci

Hi All, Just wanted to share these poems with someone. I have never written a poem in my life and all of sudden these came out from nowhere well my heart they came from. God Grant me this wish....By Marci Keon God grant me this wish to get a glimpse of her Lord to check on her and tell her that I love her- To tell her that we all need her And that we look up to the sky And ask why? To tell her how things are and how she is truly missed To share a laugh and have some fun To give hugs and share a kiss And to thank her for all she had done And let her know she is one of a kind like no other one My wish is sent to you Lord directly from me to you above Please let her know I miss her LORD and give her all my love. Wishes to Heaven – By Marci Keon Kisses to you dear loved one in heaven How I kiss you in the air and reach for you Hugging you and holding on tight My embrace returns the air how it is so light For if I could get a glimpse I tell myself I’ll be alright For when I see your face My heart will mend and my soul at peace with you in that place. Until we see each other in the light My wishes to heaven I’ll keep wishing till I take that flight. Marci

Denise, Thinking of you and praying for you. Hope all is well with ur girls and that u can get a break soon!!! Blessings to you Marci

Happy Belated Birthday in heaven Wendy! Prayers for the family for strength during this time. Marci

Thanks Judy -I hope u are feeling ok. It has been so bad with this maybe a break is what is needed. Sad thing is I already think I know in my heart that this man is not going to be a major person in my life anymore. I feel he let me down in the worst time of my life and for me that is when you find out who you can rely on and who you can't. He definitely didn't come through for me as far as he could given me some time to get myself together before having me move etc after all we went through or should I say I and my mother went through b/c most nights he wasn't home to see the struggle. Somethings I just can't let go of right now I just feel like there is a time and place for everything and this should not be now for him to gain his freedom and run around. I know someone told me that even in the bible it says that there is 1 year of mourning that is respectful. Thanks for listening Marci

Lillian, Thanks for responding. I know what you mean about thinking it over carefully etc. Should I terminate this relationship thats it between us. My stepfather who I always refer to as my Dad since he has been in my life since I was 12 years old ( I'm gonna be 37 this Friday ughh!!!) and I wish for my birthday I could talk and sit with my Mom more than anything. He has been a part of my life but he has never been the role model parent at all to me or any of his children for the most part. Some things that he has done make me enraged inside and sometimes I feel like I could just strangle him not literally of course but I just have this rage towards him and I am not sure what to do with all of it. I can't help but hold this grudge with him like when he took my mother's sister to pick out her stone and not me. What the hell was that about and when I asked him why he did that he said he didn't have to explain himself to anyone. I screamed back I am not just anyone I am her daughter and yours I thought. I just feel so frustrated really b/c with the grief all this is on top of it and I just feel so crazy from it. Marci

Hi All, Haven't been on in quite awhile. Have been through alot in such a short time. I have finally settled into my new place (I moved out of my Mom's in where I had rented from her and my stepdad but b/c my stepdad immediately stopped grieving and began running around town with a girl I went to high school with I had to relocate b/c he felt the space would do us good. Yeah him good so he can ease the guilt that exuberates from him everytime I see him. He says he is not seeing this girl anymore but my brother informs me of his occasional sleeping out nights. How it makes me sick. He lies to my Mom's sisters and says this is untrue etc. I feel so confused on what I should do with this relationship b/c it really has interrupted my grieving process. The grieving has come now to find me in my new place I miss her so much I just start crying at any given time now. I have been like psychotic going from one emotion to another from sadness to anger. I wish she could talk to me for one second to tell me if my stepfather is worthy of any relationship with me. I feel she would not want me to tolerate this much longer and put a stop this man putting people through more than they need to we are mourning for goodness sakes this has been so disrespectful. I don't know what to do if I should let go of this relationship with my stepfather ......How I wish my Mom and I could talk for one more second... Marci

Michelle, Please accept my deepest sympathy. May God hold you in the palm of his hand and comfort you. Marci

Kristi, So sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers. Marci

Thanks Guys hoping and praying for great outcomes for all on here as well!!!

Hi All, Sorry I haven't been on lately so much going on... My Nan's operation was today on her lung they did less invasive I think its called VATS to take the cancer out they also removed some lymph nodes for testing but think they look clear for now. They did a wedge operation so I am kind of confused I thought a wedge was taking out the lobe but I guess not unless one of you know more? So things seem better than we expected so far but testing needs to be done still on the lymphs. I hope you all are doing well -miss you all when I am not on. Marci

So Sorry For Your Loss. Know that you are in my prayers. Marci

Thinking of you and praying for you and your family. What a wonderful thing your boss did. Knowing that there are good people like that is wonderful and a blessing from above. Marci

Alyssa, Oh geez I know what you mean that people say it gets easier. They have no idea. One person said to me and it was someone so close to me that it will be hard to have to finally say goodbye. I will never say goodbye to my Mother she is very much a part of my life as if she never left physically so I know what you mean with that so frustrating to listen so don't - let it go in one ear and out the other. I am so glad you felt her and she came to you. I am hoping for that too. Unfortnately we share almost the same 6 month date my mom's will be 8/21 for 6 months. I wish for you peace and hope you get through this 1st milestone in the grieving journey. Marci

HI All, They staged my Nan (grandma) at Stage II saying it is localized. This should be good news the only issues are my Nan's age runs so many risks with the treatment/surgery that would normally be involved. They don't want to do chemo b/c they said she probably wouldn't withstand that but it has not been ruled out. She has a narrowing of her colon due to other health issues so as we know with the chemo it is rough on the stomach sometimes.... so they also said that surgery she may not make it through so radiation is being considered as of right now as far as I know from the update from my Aunts. I am praying and praying. As for me I am moving out of my Step-father's house and renting a new apartment beginning on 9/1. My Mom's b-day is 9/2 and somehow I feel she had alot to do with this move for me. I think she would want me to get away from the sickness there with my stepfather running around with some girl I went to highschool with. Unfortunately I don't forsee me and him keeping any contact after this maybe its for the best since he is so selfish in this journey. It just hurts so much all these changes that I did not expect to have to make only 5 months after my Mom left. Just venting -hope everyone is ok. Marci

Carleen, I am so sorry you are in that dark place right now. I guess there are no rules of time and when things hit just no rhyme or reason in this process. Not sure if you will get weirded out but myself and my mom were big into signs of afterlife. I just bought some books on Amazon relating to it. Maybe reading will help and open you up to the signs that maybe there but are subtle ones that one may not notice. I know have noticed things that I normally wouldn't and it gave me some peace. I hope for you better days and some peace in your heart. Should you want the titles of the books I can send them to you they are great books! Marci

Thanks Everyone for the prayers and kindness we are awaiting the pathology report now from the biopsy how I pray so hard now... for a miracle thats its benign and some fluke thing and not cancer..... On a postive note I wish everyone on here my very best and wouldn't know where else to turn if it wasn't for all of you getting me through. LOVE YA'S Marci

Kimberly, I know the anxiety you are going through. Oh Yes, Xanax what a wonderful thing!!!! I have many other prescription bottles b/c I have fibromyaglia and my husband asked me what the Xanax was for. I said its for making you think your life is better than it is. LOL!!! I heard Ativans are good too for the nerves but I have never tried that I may graduate to next since now I am dealing with the 2nd diagnosis of LC in my family in 4 months. In between the scans I had to do alot of reassuring for my Mom and I would try to be so positive for her. We can only pray and hope that what the next scan will bring wil be great news and that is what I wish and pray for you and your family. I know its hard not to think of it constantly but we fought back at the cancer by thinking ah we gotcha this time and I would get my Mom in that thinking frame of mind too!!!! Blessings Marci

Hi All, Well here we go again just 4 months after my mother passes her mother (my grandmother) who I call Nanny or Nan is going in for the staging process on Friday they found something on her right upper lobe through a PET Scan which was ordered from an abnormal CAT Scan. So they are doing a biopsy to stage it now. Also found something by her breast surgical site which she had awhile ago for breast cancer she is a breast cancer survivor. I am stunned and numb to this almost like blocking it out not to feel anything. Not sure if we can go through this process again. My aunts her daughters are doing all the appts. etc. I am kind of out of the loop right now b/c I have drained everything up at work since the New Year began and mom passed in February. Please pray for my family who seems to be cursed this year by such horrible things. Marci

Barb, I am so sorry for your pain. Some days are just so much worse than others. I just said that last night that I was just so miserable and can't understand why some people who have no value to life are left here to create chaos and such and those that value life are taken. I guess that is when we need to reach down into our faith and believe that the day will come when you see his face again for sure. I believe he is with you walking right beside you every step of the way. I have to believe that my Mom is and if I knew anything about the love we shared she is and he is with you too I am sure they wouldn't leave us for a second. Marci

Paula, I agree with Ned to seek out the social worker at the hospital. Sometimes certain hospitals have hospice units within and can allow the patients to stay there if it is not for the long term. Also, in addition to the VNA, I am not sure of your religious beliefs but maybe check in your area for places that are run by religious non-profit places etc. For example we have a place run by nuns who take in those in need to care for them in our area. I will pray for you and hope you find peace in whatever you have to do and know that there is no wrong decision in this although it feels like you never know what the right thing is somehow God's plan takes over. Marci