Jump to content

Ry

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    8,603

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Ry

    The elephant is back in the room

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    Sorry I am late Geri but glad to hear you're past the scan. I hear that elephants like peanuts so next time maybe you could entice him outside with those.

    John also suffered heart damage from one of his drugs. I remember reading a pamphlet in the cardiologists office and chemo was listed as one of the things that could cause heart damage.

    Things seem to get harder

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Michelle-

    It isn't easy and it wont' be for awhile. Grieving is hard. I couldn't bring myself to go through John's things for a long time. I immediately got rid of all the stuff that was tied to his illness and reminded me of his illness, but the rest was too hard. One day I decided I could start on his dresser and I opened the top drawer to find all the kids baby teeth and cards they had made him-- I shut it and didn't go back to it for a year.

    There's no time line, just do what you can do when you can do it. The best advice I received was from Ginny who kept saying over and over - keep busy, just keep busy. I changed furniture, I shopped, I made plans for projects, I remodeled, I just kept moving. Rearrange your furniture, paint, do whatever-- just keep planning and one day you'll be on the other side.

    Rochelle

    Richard Kaufman ~ dadstimeon

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I am so sorry to tell you that Rich passed away in his sleep Wednesday evening. His wife Kathy wanted Geri and all his friends here to know. He had been having many issues with pain and trying to get his pain under control.

    He would often tease me about what I would post about him when he died. I told him of course I would write something nice. I lost a wonderful friend, a wonderful sounding board, and supporter. Throughout John's illness he helped me immensely and I hope I helped him at least half as much as he did me.

    His obituary will be in the Boston papers once they have the arrangements. made. Kathy is ordering an autopsy to determine what exactly happened.

    Rest in peace big guy,

    Rochelle

    Michelle's going crazy here ;(

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    The hardest part for me was being at home. I would be fine when I went out of the house and I accepted almost every invitation I was offered. It was hard to be where John wasn't and that was at home. I think I played a game in my mind when I was out of the house that he was at home. It was always hard to go home and not have him there. So accept the invitations and get out.

    Don't make the mistake I did. I also avoided counseling because I thought I could deal with things and it was a sign of weakness. It was a mistake and if I had it to do all over again I would have started earlier. It wasn't until I had a real wake up call with my older daughter that I knew we needed some help. Don't think of it as seeing a shrink-- ask for a grief counselor-- someone with experience getting people through loss.

    Whatever you do - get out of the house.

    Can't sleep :(

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    One thing that helped me was to start a different bedtime ritual. It was strange to be sleeping alone so I started to read in bed prior to going to sleep. I had never done that before and it helped shut off my mind until I was tired enough to fall asleep. Now when I wake up in the night I grab my book and read until I am sleepy.

    The other thing I did was to start a journal. I started writing in a journal and told John what I had done that day, vented about things and just got it out on paper.

    Xanax worked for me also -

    I posted a book in the sticky area and that book really helped me.

    I know it's hard. It will get easier.

    Frank Lamb

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Frank was just a great guy. He and John talked on the phone several times before Frank passed away. I think it helped them both to talk things out. The chat room has never been the same since the loss of David A, Frank, Bob mac, Judy B, and others. So many losses-- too many losses.

    Grief counseling

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I think it's good to be able to talk to someone. Even though I made my appointment for grief counseling we touched on many things. Ask around and see if anyone has a recommendation of a good therapist and go. It's not too late and if you don't go you will always wonder if you should have.

    Open letter to all who grieve

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Looking back I wish I would have gone to counseling much sooner. I didn't go until after the first year. For some reason our family just fell apart as the anniversary got closer and both my middle daughter and I went. It really helps to talk and vent-- I did a lot of that here.

    Who to notify following a death

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I had a hard time getting through all the things that have to be done following a death. There is a sticky post I put on after John passed away which might help you. I think the title is something like "can we talk about all the other stuff?" Rich put a link to a list - hopefully it still works.

    I started out getting through a lot of things and then I just couldn't do it anymore. I still have things that should be done. Social Security went well I thought until the paperwork arrived and it had my daughter Jillian as deceased instead of John. It was a nightmare trying to get it corrected. At one point they said I might have to bring her to the office to prove she was alive! I couldn't believe it.

    So I hope it goes well for you and you get through it better than I did.

    Rochelle

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.

  I accept