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Posts posted by shirleyb

  1. To Frank,

    I raise my glass high and salute you!! Your encouragment and support was felt by so many. You have been and continue to be an inspiration to me and many others. I can only hope to have the grace and dignity that you had as you went through this life.

    May you feel the love of those that knew you, now that you are in heaven looking down on us each day.

    Happy Birthday!


  2. I found this to be so true.

    For all of us who have lost someone we love, this kind of explains the "walk".

    Much love and warm hugs.


    "The best way out of a problem is through it."

    -Author Unknown-


    You Did

    There have been situations in your life

    that you thought you would never get through.

    And yet, you did.

    There have been challenges you faced

    that you thought you would never overcome.

    And yet, you did.

    There have been losses you've suffered

    that you thought you would never be able to get beyond.

    And yet, you did.

    For you are here today, stronger, wiser, more experienced

    and more knowledgeable as a result of it all.

    Though the road has had its rough spots,

    you've successfully made your way along it.

    There will certainly be more rough spots ahead,

    and there may even be some particularly difficult ones right now.

    So it pays, every now and then, to look back and remember

    that even though you thought you wouldn't get through,

    you did.

    And perhaps, if you think about it,

    you'll see that there's really never any reason to doubt yourself.

    For when life challenged you to make your way through,

    you did.

    And now, even more importantly, you will...

  3. Don,

    What a blessing it is when someone says your loved ones name with such admiration. There is almost no better feeling of love swelling inside. I am happy for you.


  4. Flowergirlie,

    Take time to breath deep. It has only been a few days. But I know you have the grace to get through this. There are many here will join you in your walk as you learn to carry on on your own.

    You have my prayers.

  5. Grace,

    It has not been that long but it sure seems like forever doesn't it? So much is on your shoulders now and how to you get through it? One day at a time, one moment at a time.

    Call the insurance company about the porch and damage and have them come in and get it fixed. In the meantime, keep pumping.

    As for the kids, it is hard. Mine are older and they still had such a hard time with losing their father.

    Just know you are in my prayers.

  6. Thank you everyone. Even though it has been hard, I still feel blessed to have had the time with him that I did. And I have been blessed again in having my family here who so understand what it is like.

    Thank you again. You are always in my prayers

  7. Today would have been mine and Randy's 31st wedding anniversary. No one to sing our anniversary song to this morning. It was always who could sing it first to the other in the morning. Silly little things like that....I still miss him. I guess I will always miss him and still love him. Isn't that the way it is when you lose those you love?

    Always......warm and gentle hugs.

  8. Katie,

    This was the only place I knew where I could come with my grief. This place, filled with the most caring and understanding people is what got me through not only losing my husband but my mother and my brother in law. It got me through days when I thought I was the only out here suffering. It gave me back my wings so I could fly.

    Thank you for sharing with us and allowing us to help you. What an honor it is.

    Much love,


  9. Val,

    I have to agree with you in that losing your parent at your age is very different from losing your parent when you are older.

    I see what my children are going through with losing their father at their ages, 24 and 27 when Randy passed. And their loss is very different than mine in losing both my mother and father, as I was older when both my folks passed.

    I see the results of their fathers passing in day to day events. The planning of our daughters wedding has brought this loss acutely to the forefront.

    I do understand where you are coming from. You do have unique challenges ahead of you.

    May you find your way with all the dignity that your mother's memory deserves.

    Praying for us all.


  10. I am so sorry for all the hurts you are having and the hard times too.

    Be honest with the kids and push them to be honest with you. Let them know it is okay to be angry. Then try to find ways to deal with it. Katie has made some very good suggestions.

    You and the kids are in my prayers.


  11. Val,

    I get it. Been there, done that, doing it again and again we each loss I have had.

    The first's come for each one and I remember.

    Am I who I was before Randy got sick. No. Plain and simple, his illness and death ripped me to my core. I had to find myself after he was gone because he was half of who I was.

    I have had several additional losses since then. Each one has been different and caused change in me in a different way each time. I sometimes wonder if it will ever end.

    But I do get it. Thanks for posting.

    Much love


  12. My sister in law shared this with me. It made me think of the post Don Wood submitted the other day. Maybe this can help explain some of the choices some of us make.

    "Love and the joy of hurting"

    By Bob Perks

    "Do you like what you do?" she asked me.

    "I write about happy things," I said.

    "Wait a minute. I've read your work. You made me cry sometimes," she said.

    "That makes me happy," I replied.

    "Well, that's sick," she said smiling.

    "I don't make people cry by hurting them. They often cry from the hurt they have already.

    When I first started writing, people would reply telling me that they cried. I wrote back every

    time to apologize until I one day realized what a privilege it was."

    She still looked at me oddly.

    "You see, something I was inspired to write touched someone in such a way as to draw from

    them an emotion. They, the reader, actually permitted me, trusted me to enter into their very

    being that day and release the pain or joy associated with my story."

    "So, I let you in?"

    "No, God did. He used that moment to connect us. There was something you needed to feel and

    something He wanted me to say."

    "Then why do we hurt so much?"


    How much we hurt is often in relationship to how much we love. The same can be said about

    happiness. How much happiness there is in our lives depends on how much love we have not

    only for those around us, but for life itself.

    Like the death of a loved one.

    Such loss is a pain we all endure many times in our lives. Why? Because we love.

    But the great thing about love is, it never ceases, even after the final goodbye.

    Love continues. It does not cease to exist because someone has died. I believe it is not

    the memory of someone gone, but the love of someone that sustains us. Love is more than

    remembering. Love is first a decision of the mind and then a commitment of the heart.

    A few years ago, someone wrote to me asking "When will I stop hurting?"

    At that time there seemed to be a number of people who were struggling with loss.

    I have recently become aware that some of my "friends I've never met," are hurting.

    Permit me to share that story with you again:

    When will I stop hurting?

    By Bob Perks

    "I lost a loved one nearly a year ago. When will I stop hurting?"

    The question was simple but difficult to answer. She was challenging me.

    I wanted to help her, but I knew that only she could answer that question.

    Whenever someone writes to tell me about a death, I always talk about

    the difficult months ahead. I refer to it as a "Year of Firsts." The first holiday,

    birthday, anniversary, summer picnic or other personal event without that loved one.

    Then there are those little things you never really paid attention to before, but now

    find a gaping hole right in the middle of your day. Like the time they woke up each

    morning, how they had their coffee, the sound the door made around dinner time

    when they arrived home and the way they said "hello."

    But there was something about this message today that made me stop and really

    think about what I needed to say. Oddly, I decided that the pain she was feeling

    was a good thing, but I wasn't sure she wanted to know that.

    Here is exactly what I wrote to her:

    When will you stop hurting? That is a measure of the love you shared and how does

    one measure love? By remembering them long after they are gone. "Memories" are

    the shadows of a life well lived that remain long after the light of their being has gone out.

    May you never forget. "Pain" is the echo of remembering those special moments

    when all the world belonged to the both of you. The day will come when the pain of

    remembering turns into understanding the privilege of ever having them in your life at all.

    Remembering will be a joy. Although the pain is great at times you are reminded still,

    how very much you loved and were loved.

    May the rest of your life be a reflection of that love and when your time comes

    may your passing cast long shadows for all who loved you, too.

    Bob Perks


    My final thought...

    When I die...

    Bury me not in a cold dark grave. Bury me deep within your heart. I will live forever there.

    "I believe in you!"


    I encourage you to share my stories but I do ask that you keep my name and

    contact information with my work.

  13. Don,

    Isn't it amazing what some people say. You and I both know that we each grieve in our own way. I also agree 100% with you in that we each choose how we are going to go on. Some choose to stay in the "oh poor me" state and some of us choose to go on and try to make the best of life. It doesn't mean we don't hurt still or feel the pain and lonelyness that comes with losing someone we love. We still feel that but we also choose to be happy again in whatever way we can. IMHO I think we honor those we have loved and lost by going on and seeing the joy that life has. I know my Randy and your Lucie would not want to see us grieving the rest of our lives because they are not "here". They would want for us to find happiness again and be able to smile and laugh.

    Much love always.


  14. This is a repost from one of Faylene's.

    At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the door, he said to his daughter, "I love you, I wish you enough." She said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed good-bye and she left.

    He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it could be forever?"

    "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

    "I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, " he said.

    "When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."

    He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

    "I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye."

    He then began to sob and walked away.

    My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!!! They say, "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them."

  15. Frank,

    My heart is heavy in reading your post.

    I have to ditto what everyone else has said. You remind me of so many others that have gone on this path before you. Dean Carl for one.

    I admire your strenght and courage and willingness to share with us here what you are thinking and feeling as you walk this path.

    May you feel the blessings of God as He guides you on this journey.

    My prayers are for you and Connie at this time. I just "wish you enough".

    Much love,


  16. This is for all of us who have lost our mothers. I think it says it best.

    Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore. She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well. She's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow. She is Christmas morning. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion............happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow....and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space.......not even death!

  17. Katie, Rick, Hunter, Kennedy, and all the rest of your extended family,

    I am so sorry. It is such a profound loss you have suffered. My heart breaks for you.

    But as Hunter said, she is now with Grandpa and happy. Either way, she won.

    May you feel the love and prayers being said for you all.

    Much love,


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