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Posts posted by shirleyb

  1. Ann,

    It would be nice to hear from the rest of the caregivers/family members that have not posted for a while. I often wonder how they are doing. There are too many to name but I still often wonder how they are doing.

    It is encouraging to see when they do post though.

    By the way, I am still around here, have gotten onto chat a couple of times, which is nice to do to touch base with so many at one time.

    Looking forward to seeing who else posts on this.

  2. Peggy,

    I think this is a very true guide line to grieving. I know for myself, I have hit the last stage and have made many changes in my life including get remarried. It takes time. Not everyone is going to go through their grief in the same time frame but I think it is a good example of what the average is.

    I still think of Randy often and the kids and I talk about him still. We probably always will. There are memories that only we have of him and we share those memories at different times. It still hurts at times when we talk about different things that happen, but then it hurts at times when I talk about my father who passed 16 years ago.

    Bottom line is we survive and we do go on with our lives. I know I have come to apprieciate every day that I have because I know it can change in a heartbeat.

    Thanks for posting this and THANK YOU FOR TALKING!!!!!


  3. I am still around. I have been reading and praying for you all.

    I am still dealing with the heart failure I am experiencing but it is getting easier to accept that it will never be 100 % again. I am not so scared anymore. If I can get back to 45 or 50% I will be happy. I am learning to take it a day at a time and learning my limitations.

    Good news though, I am getting married tomorrow to a wonderful man. We are just doing a very simple celebration with family and friends. We are all very happy and excited.

    This place is the best. Thank you Katie and Rick and all those that make this site everything it is

    Love to all.


  4. Carleen,

    There are no words to express the profound sadness that Keith's passing causes.

    To lose your best friend, lover, soul mate I found is so devastating that words cannot describe the emptiness and pain you are feeling right now.

    My heart breaks for you.

    Keep your faith. Come back when you can for the support you will undoubtly need in the weeks and months to come. Many of us here have been where you are now, and somehow we survive and you will too. One step at a time. One day at a time. And sometimes one breath at a time.

    Much love and many warm hugs. You have been and will continue to be in my prayers.


  5. Ry,

    I need a mending heart pass.

    I have a form of heart failure that developed from stress involved with losing so many of my family in the last two and a half years. I need to take care of myself and get things under control.

    I'll be back when I am stronger and can handle the emotions of being here.

    It has been so hard to see so many struggling to survive both with the cancer and with those of us who have lost someone so dear. I need to step away for a while and give my heart time to heal.

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you all always.

    My God hold us close and give us peace.

    Love you all,


  6. Malou,

    Ditto on what everyone else has said.

    Now to add to the story. I too had the same symptons you are having only as time has gone by, mine have continued to get worse. Didn't think much of it. Knew it was stress. Well when my brother in law passed away back in Jan, I ended up having a mild heart attack because of the stress. So into the doctor I go and since have had numerous tests. Well, I got the results about two weeks ago. Because of the stress, I have a form or heart failure THAT CAN BE TREATED WITH MEDICATION! This was brought on by stress! The stress involved with my husband getting sick and then passing away, losing my mother a year ago on the 9th, and then my brother in laws passing was just too much. Stress can do all sorts of crazy things to you. YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF if you want to be any good to anyone else.

    So make your appointment, let us know when it is, and we will all be cheering for you to get good results.

    Remember to take care of you too.

    Praying for us all.


  7. When you buy new shoes and find them just a tad bit too tight, you can stretch them out by filling a water proof, sealable bag with water about half way, putting it in the shoes and then freezing them over night. The expansion of the ice will stretch the shoes just alittle but enough to make them comfortable to wear.

    I will fill a water bottle about half way, then lay it on it's side in the freezer overnight. Then in the morning I can add enough water to fill the bottle and I have ice water for several hours this way.

  8. Katie and Karen, thank you both for you heartfelt responses on this topic.

    I know for me I had alot of guilt and regrets at first. But in time I came to realize I did everything I could for Randy and also for my mother when she got ill and then passed away.

    We are human. We all do the best we can with the sometimes too little bit of knowledge that we possess. We trust our medical community to have answers but we sometimes forget that they too are human.

    I finally came to accept that God has a plan for each of us. When our loved ones suffer so greatly like alot do because of cancer, no matter what form it is, God takes us into His Arms and gives us our greatest reward which is peace in heaven. We then become free from pain, free from hurt, free of the worldly stresses that take us over.

    For those of us that are left to continue on living, it is living that each of us must do to the fullest possible extent that we can. We struggle to find those things that make us smile. We struggle to come to peace/acceptance with our losses, we struggle to keep living as our loved ones would want us to. It all takes time. And we all go on at our own pace.

    In time, I have found I can smile again, I do laugh, I do enjoy the sun shining on my face. I still cry, I still think of those I have lost. That just means I loved them and was loved by them.

    Thank you to all who have shared in this journey.

    Thank you again for all you do Katie.

    Praying for all of us.


  9. Ann,

    I sent you an email, but just so you know. I hope you are aware that you are loved. I hope you had a day full of smiles from the good memories you made with Dennis.

    Next month would have been mine and Randy's 30th. Although I now have someone else in my life, I still have those memories of the special times Randy and I had in the time he was here. Nothing can take that away.

    Be good to yourself hon.



  10. Lisa,

    Isn't it good to know that there are people here who understand every word and emotion you have written about? I am glad to see you post.

    As for the situation you are in, you still have lots of choices open to you. I am proud you have honored your heart in the decision you have made in not staying where you felt so very uncomfortable. I know that in time you will find the place for you that will give you rewards for what you do so well.

    I am sorry the situation with your mother and sister is not what you had thought it would be. I don't have any words of advise on this as I have not been in your shoes. Maybe in time they will come to understand how much you need their love and support in changing your life. I hope your son will get the benefit of having them in his life. Sometimes we have to say it out loud what our needs are and what our dreams are for those closest to us, for them to understand how important they are to us and that we need their help.

    Good luck in your journey. It is so good to see you on here again. You have so much to offer in so many ways.

    Praying for you and your son that life gets easier.


  11. Just my two cents on this.

    I think the idea is wonderful but I also realize what Connie is trying to say. In some respects, a grief support group would be helpful. What ties us all together though is the fact that we lost someone to lung cancer. But I also understand the limits of Rick's time which is so valuable, and I also understand the limitations of the server to support this.

    So I can see both sides of it.

    That is all.

    Praying for all of us as we each take our journeys through life.


  12. Pat,

    I can remember feeling just as you do right now. All I can say is it takes time. Losing what feels like half your soul is not something you will get over in just a few moments. It takes time.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers that God will hold you close and give you comfort.


  13. Lil,

    Life has not been easy for you to say the least. I am so sorry about another loss in your family. My heart goes out to the kids and grandkids. I know how mine were when their father and then their grandmother passed. They have lost those that taught them so much. It is hard for everyone.

    I can understand why your kids want you back "home". They need you now more than ever. But you also don't want to lose the independance you have gained in the last few years. I hope at some point you can find that happy medium for you. Going back "home" doesn't mean you have to lose what you have gained. You are not the same person you were when you left. Take that new found strength that you have and use it to your advantage in possibly building a better life for you and your children. But think about it and give yourself time to let your emotions calm down before making any decisions.

    Take care, you and your family are in my prayers ,


  14. Fay's passing will leave a hugh void for many of us. Her wisdom, her humor, and just her presence will be missed greatly.

    I pray she is at peace, without pain, and in the presence of God, who has welcomed another of His children home.

    Her joy in seeing those she loved and passed before her must be enormous. May we all have that joy someday.

    I am going to miss Fay.

    Praying for us all.


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