SarahUK

I posted here back in Nov when we got the word mum had got aggressive lung/liver cancer. 44 days later she died. 16 days after that and we had her funeral. 2 days later and I still can not comprehend it. I'm 29, mum was 65. How is life supposed to continue exactly?

Evening all OK, so thanks for all the replies. I must confess I havent been on here since I first posted as I was getting myself on an even keel and couldnt face coming to the site when I knew I'd head off to the "bereavement" sections of sites and wind myself up again. So, now I'm back with proper diagnosis. Small cell lung cancer with liver metastasis. To me that sounds like the worst possible news. At this point must confess I'm usually a positive person and not prone to doom and gloom. This has knocked my faith in myself and outlook I have to admit. I'm visiting mum every weekend and it seems like shes getting worse each week (has only been 4). Shes been in pain and has finally taken stronger morphine today but is in and out of it and a bit rambling in speech when shes with it. Is this normal for morphine? I cant help thinking its getting into her brain. Her doctor came out to her, took more blood and we're awaitng results tonite, he said maybe back in hospital and that it really was aggressive. Now bear in mind I'm positive (!) I can not help but think they've caught this way too late and that mums on the way out as I type. I cant even begin to explain what I mean properly but she just seems very frail. Not eating much at all,legs swelled (water tablets doing sod all) her balance is bad to the point we went for a walk, but with mum in a wheelchair. Cant tell you how utterly wrong that is. We walked all round the town only 6 weeks ago. Just unreal. I'm not having a good day. Am so mad, angry, frustrated, pissed off and have no vent for it, walls are a bit solid for my knuckles. I'm not mad at mum, doctors, family, anything, yet still I just want to smash something. Any tips? Sorry for the rant, I'll leave it now or I'll be at it all night. Oh, and we get to know this week if/what treatment they're going to give, still palliative but maybe something. Maybe then I'll feel some hope?

Hi. Not really sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting here but desperatley need to vent and after reading some of the posts seems this is as good a place as any. Mum, 65, strong as an ox until 3 weeks ago has just been diagnosed with widespread cancer, started in lungs, also in kidneys, liver. "Months at most", shes just had bronchoscopy so may get better idea next week. Untreatable in any case. Unreal, utterly, utterly unreal. I didnt know it was possible to hurt this much. I'm 29 and feel I should react more maturely but shes my mum, my best friend and I dont have a clue what to do. Shes not eating well, is tired/lethargic and theres nothing they can do to make her better. How on earth do I cope with this without feeling such a selfish git as I do right now, how will I cope, what will I do etc etc. I want to help her but I dont want her to ever be in pain though I know she will. I cant imagine how this plays out, will I know when shes about to go or will she just nto be there one day. I'm sorry, ranting all over but I'm just so far off the scale of understanding right now. If anyone has an idiots guide to this please give me some ideas. Best wishes to you all. Sarah, UK.