Jump to content

AndyT

Members
  • Posts

    70
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by AndyT

  1. Amy, Sounds like your family had a birthday celebration that would have made your Dad proud. I'm sure he was watching & smiling! I would the 12:30 alarm as Dad's approval of the day. We've had 2 similar things late night electrical appliance items (stereo & baby toys) go off since my Dad died and we've looked at both as signs from him. Peace.....Andy
  2. Sorry I haven't been logged on much since Dad passed in January of this year. (Hard to believe he's been gone almost 10 months now). Anyway we just recieved some "good" news today that I thought I'd pass along. The VA has completed their review of Dad's file and determined that his Vietnam service may have been a contributing factor in his lung cancer. I assume it's between the Agent Orange and his unknowing participation in Project Shad. Either way they have determined Mom is entitled to free medical care at VA hospitals and eligible for up to $1100/month for the rest of her life. $1 million/month couldn't replace Pops, but at least it is some help to mom and an acknowledgement of possible involvement. (I admit I'm sick of the, "oh he was a smoker" remark). If you know vets that are in this fight or lost it, please contact your local VA to see if they can be of service to them or their loved ones. Please know I think and pray for all on this board. Peace......Andy PS - Another update, the twins arrived in March via emergency C-section. Connor Byrne and Kellie Aidyn are real joys. Somehow, someway....I know Pops visits them often.
  3. Amy.....So sorry to hear your loss, but a peaceful moment will hopely help you and the whole family. All of you will be in my prayers. Andy
  4. Amy, I haven't been here for the last 2 months and wasn't aware of your Dad's progression. I've thought of e-mailing you several times, but just couldn't do it. I am so sorry to hear this. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Wishing you all peace. Andy
  5. AndyT

    She's here

    Somehow I missed this... CONGRATS!!!!
  6. AndyT

    Aaron

    Julia.,,,I am so sorry. Aaron's wit always showed in his posts and will be missed by many. Hoping and praying you find peace. Andy
  7. So sorry for your loss. Wishing good memories of your friend will always fill your heart & mind.
  8. AndyT

    Full circle...

    Michele, Thanks so much for the inspiration. It has only been 5 weeks since we lost my Dad, but your family's story is very hopeful. My wife had 2 failed pregnancies over the past year and now we are being blessed w/twins. They are my first, so having dad there would have been my proudest moment. Unfortunately that wasn't in the cards for us either. A close friend of mine told me that we are being given the twins because Dad had to leave. So it's nice to hear the thought again. In the 5 short weeks we have already seen things beginning to move on. Thank you for the hope! Andy
  9. AndyT

    Signs

    WOW is all I can say. I never USED to be a believer in signs, but I'm finding it harder to disbelieve. To see that after mentioning it, would be very tough to say "Oh that's just a coincidence", especially if it happened multilple times.
  10. AndyT

    Valentine's Day Vent

    Agreed, just never thought about it in that way until I read all your posts. Also glad to hear that there is at least one other dense man out there.
  11. AndyT

    Valentine's Day Vent

    Teri, I debated about replying, but decided I'd throw this out there. I was very worried about my Mom spending her first Valentines Day alone. I couldn't find the "right" thing to do, so I left it with a simple call. However I believe most people are honestly concerned how someone will deal with their first Valentine's Day without that special person. And many will try to do whatever to make our loved ones day a little easier. I personally would have never even thought "Stalker" when reading Admirer. Maybe that's because I'm a man, live in a low crime area, I'm a little "dense" or a combination of them all. I just honestly would never have thought that, however after reading all your posts I can see how someone could (and probably should) feel that way. Kind of sad our world has come to that, but it is a reality we must all live in. I hope and want to believe the card was sent by a well meaning but misguided person. I believe if you make it known how concerned you are; the person(s) that sent it will let you know it was meant to know you are not forgotten on V-day, not to scare the heck out of you. Andy
  12. Sorry for you loss, but it sounds very much like you honored and celebrated her life in a wonderful way. There is no "right" way to grieve the loss of a loved one. Do what is right for you! Andy
  13. Will, so sorry for your loss. Wishing you find peace. Andy
  14. Michele, My children aren't here yet, so I can't really comment to the fear for them yet. However, my thoughts about death have been rapidly changing since I lost my dad. The fear of death doesn't seem as scary as it used to, not sure why but it doesn't. I was never a believer in signs, but some things have happened that are making me question that now. Doing some real soul searching as to what exactly I believe now. Not sure if I'll truely get used to him not around, but I make a point of "talking" to him almost every day. It may not do any good, but seems like as good as a substitute as I have found to keep him in my life. Either that or I'm losing my sanity. Hang in there and wishing you the very best.
  15. AndyT

    It's Over.

    #9: Dad died on his father’s birthday. I went to the youth bowling this morning. This is the same one that Dad & I coached for so many years together. It is time to start slipping back into the world and I figured this was a safe easy way to do it. If I couldn’t stand it, I could slip out and nobody would mind. I didn’t do a whole heck of a lot, just took up space, shook some hands and collected hugs. However. I MADE IT! Life has started again, it will never be the same but I don’t think I want it to be. Dad was much a huge part of my life that going back to the “same” wouldn’t be right. Life can still be good….just very different. I want to thank Katie and Rick for these boards. I also want to thank ALL of you for your kind words, encouragement and tolerance of all my raving over the last 8 days. I don’t think I could have survived this if I didn’t have a place to put all of this. In fact I'm sure I couldn't have. Over the years I always hoped and dreamed that I’d pass before my father because I didn’t think I had the strength to survive his loss. Somehow I found the strength by typing away here. Not only did I survive, but I’ve also learned something about myself. I can actually relate my feelings to others, maybe not in the conventional way but I can do it. This was never “me”. I’ve never seemed to be able to express myself, so I’ve always kept my feelings to myself. I huge part of me died last Friday, but somehow I’ve discovered a small new part. Who knows….maybe someday I can show that part without a keyboard. The hole in my heart will never go away, but I can and WILL survive it. I pray, that I become half the man my father was…I pray, that he will continue to watch and be proud of me…..and I pray that I may get an occasional sign from him so I can him in my life. Love and miss you Pops!!! I also pray that everyone finds a way to grow and survive in this life regardless of how impossible it seems. Take care of yourselves and let everyone know how important they are in your life and make as many memories as possible…………..God Bless all of you, AndyT
  16. AndyT

    It's Over.

    I’ve been saying for several days I’d jot down our “signs” that have helped us. Jen and I had counted 9 different ones, but I can only recall 8 now. Therefore I want to get them down now before I forget another: 1. 1/17: George Jr reformats his cell phone and included new wallpaper of clouds and sky. Doesn’t realize until afterward that the result- “Dad’s Phone” being written above the clouds…kind of looking down through them. 2. 1/17: Dad says his prayers before going to bed. Dad always said them in the morning and at the time mom thought it strange. 3. 1/17: My uncle had his St Jude candle burn out tonight. Dad asked us all to pray to St. Jude and my uncle got this candle on xmas. 4. 1/18: Jen and my sister-in-law wake and get moving at 4:30 AM. Neither of the 2 gets up early. Dad died at 4:30 and we got the call around 5:00. 5. 1/18: Lynette’s boyfriend, Joey, was getting her coffee while Lynette got ready to go to parents. He saw movement and saw dad standing in the corner looking at him. Dad was uncomfortable with Joey due to my sister was hurt in her divorce. Dad came around to liking and trusting Joey just recently. Joey said he doesn’t believe in such things, but absolute Dad was standing there looking at him. Joey said it was a look of “take care o her”. Joey asked what dad was wearing before he told anyone what he saw….he was pretty much on. He told my mom about it at the viewing. 6. 1/18: I prayed for signs for mom & I. Today’s mail included a gift from dad and an unexpected shipment of onsies for the twins. 7. 1/19: My coworker dropped off Beef Burgundy Stew for the family at Mom’s, Dad’s last meal on 1/17 that dad raved about. Coworker tried to get in touch on 1/18, but I didn’t return his call. 8. 1/21 – 1/23: We noticed butterflies (fake of course) in flower arrangements that arrived at the funeral home, George Jr’s and my house. The flowers at the funeral home were sent by my uncle & aunt, they knew nothing about a butterfly in the arrangement. The flowers and a card that were sent to Jen & I had 2 little butterflies. We had a 2nd card with a giant butterfly on the front. Both her and I instantly thought about the twins. The significance is that dad had night sweats and to deal with it Mom had improvised a half folded sheet would slip into, then in the middle of the night he could rip that off without disturbing the rest of the bed and still have dry sheets to finish the night. Mom always joked that it was Dad’s cocoon and that come spring Dad would be a butterfly. I’ve never been a believer in “signs” but sometimes it’s tough not to look back at these and wonder and hope. I think sometimes it's people grasping for things, but Jen looks at it as if you are open to them...you'll see them. Not sure where I stand on them any more. I know most if not all the family has taken A LOT of comfort in these. Sorry for the long post, but wanted to get this down before I forgot anything else.
  17. Sorry Leslie....wish I could say more, just know people are thinking of you. Andy.
  18. AndyT

    It's Over.

    Thank you Blueeye...sorry to hear you had to go through this too, but comforting to know others have felt similar issues. I'd like to say I've shared these feelings with George Jr (bro) or Lynette, but I haven't. I've shared a little of them w/ mom & Jen, but mostly just shared them with a keyboard (here or at home). I woke up this morning on Mom's reclining sofa and realized I was in the exact spot of dad's chair. George rearranged the furniture while we were at the cemetary on Wednesday looking for plots. I had mentioned it to mom & him and mom really liked the idea of something "new". Dad's chair is no longer the focal point of the room. Anyway, I was laying there and realized that exactly 1 week ago today they took Dad away. I didn't cry just an ache and emptiness....but a definite kind of peace. Not sure when or where it started, but seems to have been growing. Maybe it started when the hearse doors closed, or it drove away or no specific event...but something is definitely different. I hope and pray that this peace continues to grow and take away some of the emptiness. I also pray that each of you and your loved ones experience PEACE in your life.
  19. AndyT

    It's Over.

    Thank you Christine. Prayers and thought will help us get through this. As I'm leaning towards saving this this and sharing it with Jen & Mom when I'm "done"; I want to elaborate on 2 things. 1. Separating Dad's ashes was decided at our very first meeting with Eric and not the result of yesterday. 2. Even though I never heard "right place" in the discussions, that's what other meant. I was just so afraid of a compromise selection just to get it done. This goes to show that "what's being said" is not alsways "what's being heard" even with a very close family like ours. Doesn't take much for miscomunication while living in the emotions of the time. My brother and I aren't much for graveside visits, so we left selection to Mom & Lynette. I may visit, but right now I think I'm more comfortable talking to dad while I'm in the woods, on the road or just place that I "feel him". I still haven't forgotten to write down our signs/coincidences just haven't taken the time. We spend most of the day hanging out with family, mostly playing cards, eating, laughing with some occasional drinking and crying. Every day is getting a little easier and more next steps are being taken. I'm so glad I have my family and this board to write on. God bless all of you and may you find peace and happiness!
  20. AndyT

    It's Over.

    Thank you Patti, very sweet of you. I sure hope and pray that he is!!
  21. AndyT

    It's Over.

    Yesterday was a good day but some real raw emotions. We recieved 2 more calls from medical staff. First, Dad's oncologist called to express her condolences. She told mom that this was unexpected but dad would have had a long and hard road. She said Dad had the right attitude to make a run at it, but Mom should take comfort in that this way resulted in no pain. I try to tell myself that is comforting, but sometimes seems like a load of crap. Next was a call from the hospital nurse, Leslie, that gave his platelet transfusion. This is the nurse Dad joked with and tried to teach her how to play his handheld Sudoku on his last day on earth. She said she couldn't believe it was the same George Thomas when she read his obit. She said he was in too good of shape and too early in the fight for it to be the disease itself, she thought heart-attack or similar. I'm not sure how she confirmed it was him unless she called the Dr's office. So far we've heard from 2 Drs and 2 nurses, says a lot about their compassion to actually call mom when the pain is so fresh. Raw emotion: We were to go to the cemetary and pick a plot yesterday. We've lived in the area 25 years, but Dad is the first to be lost so we didn't have a family cemetary. Dad didn't like to discuss this stuff, so we had no idea. My sister, Lynette, needs the burial of his ashes quickly for her closure. My brother had his when they closed the hearse doors....no sure if I've had mine or when I will. I got very emotional yesterday because it seemed like every one wanted a quick decision so we could get it done today. I didn't hear anyone say about "finding the right place", just how quickly it needed done. I tried to keep this to myself, as it was very important to Lynette. But it seemed so disrespectful...my wife and mom made me discuss this with the family. VERY hard for me, but did it. Just couldn't look at anyone afterward for quite some time after the discussion, just too tough. Mom & Lynette found a plot they thought was great for him, so they tried to make arrangements. However for a multitude of reasons it will not happen until next Friday. I don't know if I'm pained or relieved that we have a week break before doing this. We have decided to separate his ashes for release, burial and my brother. This is frowned upon by the Catholic Church, but I feel good about it. Dad reached out and touched so many in his short life that it would seem wrong to limit his ashes to one place after his death.
  22. AndyT

    It's Over.

    Linda- I cannot imagine going through what you and your husband have been through. I'm having difficulty surviving this, couldn't imagine multiple losses. My mind just won't let me go there. We are going to try to get a glass case for the bowling pin and see if they will display it in the bowling alley. A tribute so the kids can see and remember him. Mom & Jen are still in bed. A lone tear this morning..not sure if I'm numb, out of tears or getting used to it. Something slighly disturbing about "getting used to it". I'm not sure that's good thing. Later today I think I'm going to type all the "signs" so I have them all in one place to print and save. Wishing strength and love to everyone.
  23. AndyT

    It's Over.

    Linda...thank you so much. Sorry your husband had a similar dilemia, but comforting to know being I'm not crazy for being troubled of such a silly matter. Again some of the little matters seems huge. Funny you should mention I seem open to talking...from all this you would never know I'm the exact opposite.....like a clam. "Mr. Engineer" cold hard facts only, leave emotions out. Talking about my feelings is so hard for me, so I'm writing it down here to keep from exploding. This is the first time in my 37 years to put my feelings on "paper". It seems easier than holding it in. I can also stay reserved because i'm not even sure anyone reads it and if they do....they would never know who I am. I may share these writings with my mom and wife someday, but not sure. Funeral mass was nice..heartbreaking, but nice. The priest did a great job of capturing dad and addressing mom. Dad was pretty active in church through the years so the priest was able to add his personal wishes. My sister-in-law read a very nice letter describing dad as part of the service. My brother and I hugged and cried after loading pops into the hearse. Just stood and bawled on each other while staring at the closed doors. Tough to imagine I'll never be close to him again. The party has been raging all afternoon, I just woke from napping after the much too frequent "raising of the glass" to the man we loved so much. Dinner and card games are starting now...slower paced enjoyment of the family.
  24. AndyT

    It's Over.

    We got through it..I'm so proud of Mom...She did so good with everyone. Eric said he thought at least 300 people stopped in. It may have been closer to 400. The line started before 6 and was all the way out the door and down the hall till after 8:00. It took over 2.5 hours to get everyone in. So great to see and hear how many lives Dad touched. People loved and laughed at the pictures. Raised a toast or two and then back to Mom's for more food, drinks and family....not sure if it shoud be "Mom's" or still "Mom & Dad's". Seems wrong to call it Dad's since he's gone, but too much like he's been erased not to. Stupid to think something like that creates a struggle in my mind. Dad's Pulmonologist called yesterday with he condolences...she was such a great doctor. Can't beleive she called too. Jen and I came home last night...first night we weren't with mom. I feel like I'm on autopilot...just going through the motions this morning. Shed a tear or two again this morning, but feel more like a robot. Hollow and machine like...nothing seems to matter a whole heck of a lot. One last decision to make this morning...Dad coached bowling to kids for 25 years. When they found out Saturday morning, they all signed a bowling pin and sent it to the family. I can't decide if I should keep it or send it with him. Funeral Mass is this morning so I have to decide qickly.....just don't know!!! Bless each of you in your struggles.
  25. AndyT

    She's gone.......

    I'm so sorry Steph. I hate that you or any of us have to lose a parent so soon. It's just not fair! I hope that you only have beautiful memories of your mother forever. Andy
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.