renee

Kathy, I just found out about your wonderful husband. I haven't been on here for such a long time, I hated to see your post. I have read your posts through those hard months, and have laughed and cried right along with you. I know some of your pain, and am so very sorry that you have to live it. I pray that God can ease your pain. With hope and prayers for a better tomorrow, Renee

My mom also had a cough and it made her miserable.... I could hear her at night cough so hard that she would loose her breath, and that could be dangerous, since she couldn't breath anyway. I feel for you, I know the anger you have for your doctor as well.... Mom was given a cough syrup with Hydrocodone in it that worked miracles. She was also told to use Robitussin. She said that it helped some, but she really like the Nyquil, I wouldn't suggest that, since it has the alcohol in it, but she would insist on it. I think the alcohol with the pain meds made her sleep better. Funny since she never would take that before BECAUSE of the alcohol.... lol... my silly mommy. Like the others said.... get rid of your rotten doc., if possible. He sounds like a real looser. Hope something will help Renee

Howdy to you all.... this has nothing at all to do with Cancer.... (thank heavens!!!! ) It seems that's all my life is about anymore.... Anyway!!! I lost my computer and I haven't been on in such a long time that I had to find a way to see you all.... I missed you guys... I didn't realise how important you all were to me until I couldn't keep in touch with you. I now live in my mom's house. I had to move from were I lived, and from were she passed, to her place. Talk about strange!!!!! I don't know if it will ever be my house. I have a hard time doing anything that she wouldn't approve of, I feel her watching me. I find myself blaming her for things that happen in day to day life. When things move or disapear, I say it's mom. That mom didn't like it there, or mom threw it away. Silly huh? I feel like I should be in a poltergiest chat room now....lol.... I know in my heart that I just want it to be her. I know that it's not, but it helps me to think that in a way she is still here with me. Well.... that's about all I can think of to babble about. I will try to make it a routine to come to the library. I missed you guys. Bye for now, Renee

Shelly, So sorry to hear about your mom... this is the first time that I have been on in more than a month. I truely hated to see your post. I will pray that god will help you through your trying time..... With a heavy heart, Renee

Hello all.... I just want to say goodbye to you all for awhile.... the "repo" man is comming after my computer in about 20 minutes and lord only knows when I will get another one.... I will miss all of you and your wonderful support. It is going to be hard not to come by for a visit. This is the one place I can count on since mommy left. Thank you for all of your help. Goodbye, Renee

hello there, Unfortunaly when my mom was dx. the doctor waited 2 months before he did anything at all. I think that the cancer did a lot of growing in that time. I had to get onto mom's doc just to start radiation when he did. If it turns out to be cancer, I would suggest finding out what the docs plan is. If he is planning on waiting months to do anything.... starting raising some hell with them and get it going. Renee

Shordy, I am so sorry to hear the news of your dad. You have done all that you can to help him, I wish that I had gotten mommy another doctor. I will be thinking of you and I'll pray extra hard for the both of you tonight. Big ole' hugs, Renee

As you may or may not know, my mommy left me just about 2 months ago. I cried when I read your posts just remembering the pain and emotional roller coaster I went through with mom. It hurts so bad, I don't think the pain of watching your mother go through this damned disease, is discribable(sp?). You are doing and feeling the same way that I did, everyone told me that the feelings were normal. So don't worry about why you do things, why you need to let off some steam, it's normal and we all understand. I would love to help you in any way that I can. I am finally getting mad about this friggin' cancer. E-mail or pm anytime. Renee

Rana, That brought a tear to my eye. I know the pain you are feeling right now and I wish that I could help you. Your mother would be so proud of your strength. You sound so confident, thanks to her no doubt, I wish that I could find that in me. Thanks for sharing those lovely thoughts with us. Renee

Welcome to our huge family here. I wish that it wasn't because of such horrible reasons that we are together, but I tell you this. There isn't a better bunch of people in the world that I would want to go through this with. Yes the emotions are hard and strong and fast. One minute you are hopefull and you can hear the birds sing and the next a huge cloud comes over you and the world sux. Please fill us in and let us know how we can help. We are always here, we don't sleep much either. God bless you, Renee

I didn't see that one comming...... LMAO!!! Renee

Super Funny.... I will use that one!!! Renee

I have just been miserable since my mommy left me and haven't had a good belly laugh in so long, I can't remember the last time. (until today) I just had to share this with you all.... I was sitting here by myself and of course giving myself a pitty party. "oh my life is so horrible, why me?" yada yada yada I decided to listen to some music, that would make things worse.... well.... do you remember that song by The Village People, Y.M.C.A? I was sitting on the couch and before I could stop myself I was doing the arm thing, You know, with the Y M C A? After the second verse I was laughing so hard at myself with tears running down my face and my arms in the air just SINGING..... YMCA...... too funny! I don't know what my point is really. Just wanted to share my story with y'all .... I hope you have a good belly laugh today!!! Renee

I totally understand about being over whelmed (sp?....lol) anyway, I felt the same way when mommy left. That's the way I say it. I don't know why... just seems, I don't know... not so final that way. (denial) The only thing I could suggest is to just take a breath and stop... do you remember all of the things you had to do when he was sick? The doctor appt.'s the meds.... the nurses... blood work ... chemo...... You did that.... you can do this. That's the only thing that got me through mommy's funeral.. I had been there from the begining and I damned sure wasn't going to let her down at the end. A funny thing.... talk about not being able to think... When I made the arragements for mom, I went to the funeral home and did all of that. then I talked to a friend who owned a back-hoe to dig her grave.... about two days after the funeral... it dawned on me that I had to have her grave covered back up!!!! I forgot about that!!!! I totally freaked out and started calling around and asking people "did you cover up my mommy?" No one knew what I was talking about!!! Funny how our mind just goes numb. Take time for your self. You earned it. Renee

that song was done by Celine Dion and the name of it is "Goodbye". I haven't been doing very well. I haven't been on the computer for about a week. All I do anymore is cry and think about mommy. Just depressed I guess. I will get better. Renee

there is nothing anyone can say that will stop the pain. I am so very sorry for you loss. We could all tell from your posts that you loved mike very much. I hope I find that kind of love. Again, so sorry. I hate this damned disease. Renee

When I had the funeral for mom, I found a song by Celine Dion that was word for word the way I felt. I wanted to share it with all of you, so please give me a moment. Mama you gave life to me turned a baby into a lady and mama all you had to offer was a promise of a lifetime of love Now I know there is no other love like a mothers love her her child I know that love so complete someday must leave, must say goodbye. Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear Goodbye's the lasttime I will hold you near Someday you'll say that word and I will cry it'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye mama you gave love to me turned a young one into a woman and mama all i ever needed was a guarantee of you loving me and it hurts so that something so strong someday will be gone, must say goodbye but the love you gave me will always live you'll always be there everytime I fall you offered me the greatest love of all you take my weakness and you make me strong and I will always love you till forever comes and when you need me I'll be there for you all the way I'll be there all life through I'll be there this I guarantee Mama, I'll be I'll be there through the darkest nights. I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight I'll be your shelter through the raging storm and I will love you till forever comes till we meet again until then.... goodbye

I feel the same way that kathy does. I want to do something, I hate this damned disease. I want to stop it... I want the funds and the RESPECT that breast cancer survivors get...... Shove me too.... Renee

Shordy, I felt like I was watching my life when I read your post. It was like an old re-run from some sick television show. The one BIG difference is .... Your dad still has a fighting chance. Hang in there..... miracles do happen, this could be one of them!!!! I mean that with every once of my soul. It can happen Sending hugs, prayers and hope. Renee

Shordy, Good for you... keep looking, I pray that you find something to help your dad. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. Renee

Thank you all so much. I know that it is hard to say anything at a time like this. I have said the same thing to so many people on this board. This disease sucks I don't think I even told you all that I had brought mom home on Tuesday. I talked to the Dr. at the nursing home that morning and he said that she was declining fast. I told him right then that I wanted her home. I got her home that evening. Hospice asked to bring in the nurses but I wanted a couple of days to myself, so they came in on Thursday and she left on Friday. I am making the arrangements today and the burial will be on Tuesday, my 31 st birthday. I wanted to bury her Monday but the family from Florida is on there way and that wouldn't realy give them time. So, I am letting her go on the day she brought me in. Life sucks sometimes. Again, thanks for your condolences. (sp?) Renee

My mommy passed away at 4:40 pm today. She went very peacefully and easy. She just stopped breathing. I don't know what to do with myself now. My mommy is gone.

Cathy, I'm sorry for the news. My mom also doesn't want anymore doctors or treatment. She is just tired and she fought so hard. I don't blame her. Hell I'm tired and I didn't do anything. I can't imagine how hard it would be to live with this disease. If your father truely doesn't want anymore doctors, I wouldn't push him. Just stand beside him, I'm sure you would no matter what, just let him know that you are there and you respect his decision. Mom told me that she wanted to quit along time ago, but just didn't have the nerve to tell me. Then she did it in a round about way. I think she felt like she was letting me down. She said that after all I had done to help her that she didn't want to hurt me by giving up. It did hurt, but I don't know what it's like to have cancer. I don't know what I would do if I had the disease myself. I guess what I'm saying is, standing were I am now, I can see were you are. I understand the need to help and tell your dad don't give up, keep fighting, but..... let him do what he feels is best. You will be right there if and when he changes his mind. God be with you Cathy. This is a terrible time and my heart breaks for you.

Thank you guys for the chuckle....... All of your posts were so true to my situation that I had to laugh out loud. I read them all to my boyfriend who is home and on the couch recoup. he even had to laugh.... and he doesn't have a sence of humor...... keep up the good work..... Renee

Thanks to all for your advice, I just assumed that no one else had to put there loved ones in a rest home. That they had stuck it out, glad to hear that I'm not the only one. The social worker called today and said that they are still working on getting her in. ... they think it still may be a day or two. I need to get to the hospital to see Tommy.. They took him off of the respirator today, don't know if I said that before or not. anyway. he can open his eyes now and try to talk. It's hard to understand him because of the injuries to his face, but I can understand when he says "I love you". I am so lucky that I didn't loose him. Don't know what I would have done then. I laugh at him when he talks about those nurses comming in and looking under his gown....lol.... I told him "that's okay,,,,, as long as you don't enjoy it". I plan on taking him some boxer shorts today. Mom keeps arguing with me so I better get off of here. She thinks that I am doing something to hurt her when I am on the computer so I try to stay off of it. Thanks again to all.... Renee