Tami

getting through the holidays really is tough. I agree with the others I don't think you need the abuse of trying to make nice with the ex. It takes a lot of work and honestly, you need to be good to yourself. Maybe next year you can take the high road.. or not. But not this year. This year is about what gives you peace and makes you happy. Maybe you can volunteer during the day, see your daughter for dessert in the afternoon? Or just spend some time with a friend or two? As you can see from the posts many people don't quite know what to do with themselves.. so you may have some friends that would welcome a hike, a movie or just dessert and some company. Honestly, I don't recommend that you spend the day alone. I did that once. My mother had died, I had just recently split from my husband (kids went with him in for the day) and my family had "disowned" me so I just sat around feeling bad. Please don't do that. You may be a better person than me but leaving yourself open like that is a real recipe for a very sad day. I'd start planning now. Call some friends, check out the movie listings whatever will make you happy. Not alot of activity but whatever will are up to and would enjoy. Just remember where ever you are and whatever you do Ed's with you. Loving you and celebrating along with you.

I had it too. Out of the chemo protocols I used this one was the most easily tolerated. Didn't have too much problem with the nausea and/or vomiting with this. Mostly just didn't have a big appetite and tired. Like the others said drink, drink,drink. Stay hydrated and get that junk through your system. Good luck.

Thanks.. everyone for your thoughts. These past couple of months have been very difficult and things never seems to slow down. I have been doing the 3 job thing now for a week. It's tough but so far I'm doing okay. haven't had a nervous breakdown, yelled at a customer or anything--yet. I also managed to paint my bathroom and start to put down the new floor. So I'm making progress.. I have a weird restlessness and sense of urgency about things. I'm not sure where that's coming from? Just like I have to hurry, hurry and get things done. I'm praying for strength as I continue through December. thanks for everything!!

Dang I didn't get it either... Oh well, guess I didn't miss much however if the e-mail would have been from Sven then I'd really be ticked off! Tami

Geez.. I seem to be here all the time..! Please send prayers for my Aunt. She is my Dad's sister and she is losing her battle with C. Damn, I hate this disease! She stopped treatment a month or so ago, stopped eating about a week ago. They are just trying to manage pain. My father died last year in November just after my birthday and it appears as though it will be her this year. She lost her son in August (43 with 2 children and 2 grandchildren) in a motorcycle accident so this family has been through quite a bit in the last couple of months. Lately life just seems to be too cruel and too difficult. I'm sure her family would appreciate your thoughts.

I agree Frank... I need that. Tami

Just wanted to ask those of you that can spare it for some stamina.. I've been having some health issues lately and I've got a lot coming up. I'm working full time at the University here in PA and I also bartend on the weekends. Well, I just got hired at Target as well. So it looks like I'll be working my "real job" from 8-5:00 going to Target 4 nights a week from 6-11:00 and then working one day on the weekend at Target and the other bartending. I'm only doing the Target thing through the first week in January.. so I'm hoping to hang in there till then. I know it's going to be a looooooooong couple of months but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm trying really hard to be positive. So for those of you who can spare it I'll take all the good vibes, prayers and "internet strength" I can get. My first time to work retail over the holidays.. woohoo!! Thanks everyone! Tami

I saw both shows which is actually kind of funny becuase I only watch those two shows.. I'm not a big TV person. Last nights episode on house was pretty much centered on the fact that the man was severly obese and that his underlying medical problem had to be due to obesity.. i think they throught that LC would be a little twist due to it being unrelated to what everyone would have expected. He was given the Small Cell diagnosis just like the others said. He did utter the words "I never smoked" which would have been a great opportunity for the "doc" to explain that LC is NOT just a smoker disease etc. However I thought that it was odd that they gave him small cell rather than non small cell as a non smoker? They did only offer him radiation which like the others said I thought that chemo was the standard for small cell. And just like the others mentioned it was radiation which might give him a couple of months.. The nip/tuck episode was a week or so ago. The woman who has been on the show a few times came in and wanted to have "work" done. She explained that she had LC and would die. Didn't mention whether or not she had been treated or anything else really. Just said that she was dying. It really was just a piece of the puzzle as the story was really about her vanity and her desire to be beautiful with plastic surgery. It just seems as though TV has come up with a great way to kill people off.. you want someone to die well then lets give them LC because people always die from that. Maybe I'm just being touchy but these are my two favorite shows and it ticks me off that both have been so totally inaccurate. I don't really expect Nip/Tuck to be accurate it's not really a "medical show" but House???? By the way.. that is the 2nd time they have had LC on House and the first time the person was also terminal.. Maybe I should switch to comedies..???? Tami

Kat.. I am so very sorry... My mom passed years ago and my father passed last November. It is a whole different world when you have no parents. No matter how old you are it is so difficult to lose them and feel so terribly alone. I miss them both so much.. I would give anything to talk to them. I have my kids which helps but no other real family I'm close too. I miss them everyday and I dread going into the holidays. I wish I could tell you how to make it stop hurting I wish I knew. It will dull in time.. I've had so many painful things going on in my life right now and I wish they were here to talk to. I pray for your strength and comfort. (((Kat))) Tami

Cindi.. I'm off work at 5:00 with no access to a compter till tomorrow.. I'll go crazy waiting till tomorrow! come on girl...

come on Cindi..... it's Monday already!!! I don't think I can't wait much longer!!! Please, please SPILL IT GIRL!!! Tami

how about.. why should I bother to quit smoking after I have been diagnosed with LC I'm going to die anyway? From everything I have heard (along with personal expereince): treatments, surgeries etc. are more likely to succeed if the patient is not smoking. In some cases they may not even be offered if a patient is still smoking. Many people are living with LC!!!

Chrissy.. Just a side note. If you still aren't happy with Pittsburgh cancer center please consider Fox Chase in Philly. I'm also from PA and I was sent to geisinger. I was given a 2nd opinion but it had to be at geisinger. I wanted a truely objective opinion from another institution. Finally, after many treatments, phone calls etc. I was permitted to go to fox chase. They were wonderful did the surgery that removed my tumor. I would recommend them if you don't get the results you want from you 2nd opinion. Just a thought.. good luck! tami

Andrea.. Just wanted you to know that I am (and I'm sure many others too) are lifting you up in prayer today. Praying for GREAT results from the colonoscopy today.. lipoma, lipoma... lot's of love dear.. Tami

Joanie! Congratulations.. I also want to see pictures. I'll bet the bride and the MOB were both just beautiful. I'm so happy you danced and made some wonderful memories. Tami

B9.... what a wonderful thing! So happy for you! Tami

My veins are also terrible from the chemo. i used to donate plasma and they were never great but people could get them. Now after all the chemo treatments my veins are terrible. I think the repeated sticking along with the chemo that may help to burn or wear them out. When I go in to have any type of blood drawn I also tell them about my past chemo and MAKE sure that I have someone who is very good. I also ask for a small or pediatric needle and like the above posters say drink lots and lots of water days before.. it really does make a differnce. good luck.

(((Pat))) How lucky you are to know such a wonderful love. I cannot imagine your pain right now. It is just so unfair that you lost such a loving wonderful man. One day at a time... and may the Lord wrap you in his loving arms and give you comfort. Tami

I hate asking for this all the time.. I know that everyone has their own issues to deal with. I could use some prayers, good thoughts etc. right now. Things are extemely difficult and I'm at the end of my rope. My parents are both gone now and not much other close family except for my kids.. and I don't want my kids to know what's going on!! So I need a shoulder to cry on and just knowing someone is saying a prayer for me gives me comfort. thanks, Tami

Brain.. I have too much heart and people hurt me too much. I also have too much courage and try to do everything by myself. A brain would have helped me not make so many stupid decisions and would allow me to get a grip on the heart and the courage.

I love halloween.. Some of my most memorable for my kids.. an outhouse. Big box cut the front out so you could open it like a door. My daughter was inside with fake legs coming out. that was fun but we couldn't get the dang thing in the car. My son (and daughter) wore a headless waiter costume. We built the thing up above their head andthen where their real head was cut out and I put a platter under it.. looked like a headles guy was holding their head on a platter.. it was cool but what a pain trying to build the top half of a "guy" out of something they could carry on their shoulders.. one of my favorites was my youngest.. He as about 7.. I took a square piece of card board and cut a hole for his head to pop out then made a plate out of tin foil and put that around his head.. then set the table with paper plates and plastic ware glue on. I put gummy worms and bugs on the plastic plate. Painted his face white and put fake blood all over the table. It was great until my son wore it to about 4-5 houses and then vomited all over it because the site of the fake blood and the smell made him sick... lolllll as a child my favorite costume was a little blue bird. I remember my mom putting it on me when I was real young. It had one of those fake masks with it.. I remember her telling me to peek in the window at my dad. He loved it and always talked about it and called me his little blue bird.. even after I grew up. funny how you remember stuff like that. I sure do miss him.. halloween was such fun at my house growing up.. thanks for helping me remember that..

here's my humble opinion.. I had a HMO and was permitted a 2nd opinion.. but it had to be with the same hospital/group. They were part of a tumor board so I felt that it would be an authentic "2nd opinion" but it wasn't.. they really tend to just agree with each other. In my case this was diasterous and I was given the wrong treatment for my case. It wasn't until I moved to a cancer center that I was given accurate information and treatment. I had to fight and fight for a 2nd opinion out of my "area" but in my case it may have saved me. If you can get one I would highly recommend it.. you have nothing to lose by looking for an objective opinion and everything to gain. good luck.. Tami

Hi.. Many of us have been through the same thing.. I think it's actually a good thing to have it out (if malignant, of course). I always welcomed any surgeryt hey would give me. I guess I just felt better knowing it was uot of there! My surgeries were a bit complicated but I also had the bronch and a couple of thoracotomys.. and then a pnemonectomy. They will give you the epidual which will help with your pain. Yes, it still hurts but you will be able to move around a little and cough. which is what they want you to do so you don't get pneumonia. you will also no doubt have a drainage tube the first day. That will help so fluid doesn't accumulate in your lung. With every thoracotomy they left the drainage tube in for the first day and took it out the next day. After my first one I had terrible back pain etc. and I thought OMG I can't live like this for a few weeks till I'm healed I can barely take a breath! Well, no one told me that it was the drainage tube causing me the pain.. and once it was out I felt much, much better. So just be prepared.. I was in the hospital 2 nights each time and when I had my pneumonectomy I was in about 4 I think?? After the second one I was a little more prepared and was walking up and down the hall a little that evening after surgery. Just take it slow and do what you think you can do.. I used a pillow to hold on my incision when I moved around. You'll have some good pain meds when you come home but I didn't need them after the first day or so. It is a miserable incision and surgery but you'll be fine with someone to help you around the house. I (all of us) will be praying that there is no malignacy but if there is it is great that they are right there and can remove it. Good luck and keep us posted. Tami

My youngest son has decided to do something a little different this year.. we are really big on halloween costumes at my house! we've been a "dead head" on a table, an outhouse, a head on a platter (that was a tough one) just be anything you can think of! We are going to use cardboard and make it look like a cereal box.. then he's going to carry a big plastic knife.. He's a Cereal Killer..... My other son wants to go as a glow stick.. You know cover his clothes with those little plastic glow sticks.. not sure what that would be but at least I'll be able to see where he is all the time..

I noticed this article on MSN on the effects of chemo on brain function especially in women. I found it especially interesting as I talk to people about applying for disability.. they assume the effects of chemo only exist while you are taking chemo or for a very short time thereafter.. This article begs to differ... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15136453/ Tami