Tami

Thanks everyone for all the replys. As much as I hate to do it I will talk with my PCP on Friday. Becky.. thanks for the symptoms. Several are very familiar. I wrote an e-mail to my sister the other day and mentioned a few things that you mentioned. The creepiest part is the right and left thing, the forgetting how to spell words (it takes me forever to write someone a note), the driving stuff (I've been through a few red lights) it's a very weird feeling. Connie.. my sister mentioned the menopause stuff.. I don't really want to THINK about that yet but I guess it's possible I'm hoping it's nothing although I also hope my PCP can give me something or some type of meds to help. Is there an "anti-stress" pill. My stress isn't going anywhere anytime soon but it will be a comfort in a way to know that this is just stress related. I'm hoping it's simply a combination of the stress on top of the old chemo effects and I just can't cover it anymore. I just need to find ways to deal with it I guess... the lists aren't working anymore. I'm hoping for an "empty head". I'll let ya know what she tells me. Thanks everyone! You guys are all so smart.

I'm not sure where the appropriate place to post this would be so I just went with the general forum. Many of you know my history so I won't go into all that again. My original diagnosis was Stage IV inoperable but I was eventually "operable" and I've been good for 3 years now. I found the discussion of restaging interesting... I'm not sure if I was restaged or not. I addition to several surgeries I went through 2 protocols of chemo. 12 weeks Carboplatin and taxol (I think taxol.. it was a T word) and then when that didn't work 12 weeks of cisplatin with radiation. During that time I had the chemo effects but didn't complain about them much. One of the effects was with my memory but in the scheme of things it wasn't an issue because at that point they weren't giving me much hope to live. So I didn't care about my memory. I never went on disability because I was a sole provider and couldn't afford it. Unfortunately, my memory problems are getting worse. About a year and half ago I moved out of my position into one that was "supposed" to be easier and less stressful. I took a pay cut etc. I thought that I would be able to keep up better. I don't know if things are really worse (they seem to be though) or if the added stress of my home life is making things more obvious. I have almost no short term memory anymore. I have problems typing and writing with misspellings of simple words, I lose things and can't remember where I put them from minute to minute. I can't remember where I'm driving, forget which is left and which is right, I was just on the elevator and pushed the wrong button twice because I couldn't remember what floor I needed. I make lists and stuff but I can't keep up at work at all anymore. My work is extremely hectic now and very pressured that combined with no sleep at night and a very tense home life. Maybe it's just expounding the problem?? I plan to go to the doctor Friday to see what she thinks. I'm guess she will do a scan?? but I'm wondering if I should push for some neuro testing?? I don't really think it's getting worse (as in brain mets now) I just think I can't cover up the problem anymore?? I'm also wondering about alzheimers as that is in my family to a great extent. But I'm early 40's... isn't that too young? My other problem is what to do about it. I can't go on disability because even if they accepted me I can't go for months without income and the money is not enough to live on. I hate to keep dropping down job wise too because obviously my income keeps going down too. I know that you can work a little and still receive disability but I don't know how much?? Anyone have any thoughts? Could this still be chemo effects or does this sound like Brain met issues. I'd appreciate any thoughts...

Subject: Fw: What word starts with F and ends in K A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why she would ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants" Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Bubble gum" Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms.Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the lastseven questions wrong......!!!

Congrats Bill... Who was your surgeon at Fox Chase? I went there to and my "inoperable tumor" was suddenly operable by Dr. Goldberg. He was great! Just wondering if he also helped you?? Congratulations again on the anniversary. What a wonderful way to celebrate! I wish you many, many more.

I didn't even realize that you were a fellow PA person. No wonder you love those Steelers. I'm also from PA... except I'm right in the middle of the state. Good ole PENN STATE country. It was definately an interesting weekend here in PA. From the rain on Sat to the beautiful Sun on Sunday. The green is all around us. I'm hoping for some sunshine this saturday. Heading up to Pitt for a pirates game. I can take a little cold but I can't handle sitting in the rain. I'm praying for blue skies!! tami

moving for me too!

okay... I'll try it too. How much of this stuff do you have to take?? I drink the Green Zone (healthy stuff tastes like grass) everyday mixed with water. I can handle that stuff. I tried Aloe Vera juice... OMG that was the worst stuff I have ever tasted. I just couldn't get it down no matter how good it was supposed to be for you. I'm hoping that I don't need to drink quite as much of this cider or that it has a better taste?? I remember my parents calling that "thing" in the bottle a "mother" too. Wonder where that word came from. I always thought that when it had that in it it was about ready to turn (ferment). Could you keep us posted on your results? Tami

So happy for you both!! continued prayers for the new chemo! Tammy

Alligator too... Never thought of myself as an alligator, I guess I'll have to try harder to be good.

for you experts.. I have wanted a tattoo for years and I have my image picked. It's been picked forever... Unfortunately, things like cancer and life have been getting in the way. I really want to do this over the summer but my problem is where to put the dang thing. Mine is a figure so I can't do a middle of the back or a long draping kind of thing. My other problem is scars.. oh the scars I have. Scars on my back from LC stuff, scars all across the abdomen from many surgerys there too. Even scars across the hips. Can they tattoo on scars? Is the skin too thick? What about elasticity of the skin? Does it need to be super tight? I don't think I have any skin that is super tight anymore, anywhere on my body.. I had always planned to put it on my lower abdomen... but I just don't know about skin quality. I guess I could ask the tattoo artist but geez... do I really want this guy inspecting my body for one small spot that isn't filled with scars and the skin is tight?? Anyone have their tattoo placed over a scar?

Sorry to trouble all of you but I sure could use some prayers and good thoughts. As some of you know things in my life have been a difficult... working too many jobs, children, marriage issues, my father passed away etc. Well my husband of two years walked out last night so now I'm in the regrouping how am I going to do everything now mode. Money is going to be a huge factor as well coping with being alone and trying to take care of everyone. To top it all off I've been having some sort of flu or something. Not really any sinus just SOB and a bad cough. Feels like my lung is really congested... low fever of about 99-100. I work at a Nursing school so I may have someone here listen to my lung... the marriage breakup may have been inevitable but I feel very sad and alone. The thought of starting over again is scary!!! Some prayers would really help... Thanks,Tami

i've narrowed it down to two although I've had many.. When I was in about 4th grade I went to use the rest room in the class room. In my little school each classroom had it's own restroom. I was sitting in there singing the star spangled banner (no idea why it was that song) as loud and strong as I could. I was just singing my heart out. When I walked out I realized that all four 4th grade classes had come to my class room to watch a movie and that the walls in the rest room were very thin. My teacher was laughing so hard she was in tears. I was so mortified I wanted to just sink into the floor. My 2nd one was attending the wrong viewing/funeral. My father was one of 18 children so my family was always going to funerals for relatives. I was just married and my new husband had never met this aging uncle but I wanted to pay my respects at his viewing. In my younger days I never "looked" at the casket etc. So when I went to my uncles funeral I kept toward the back of the room. I saw lots of people but no one I recognized... My husband went through the line viewed the body and talked to several people by the casket. People came up to me and asked how I new the deceased and I said he was my uncle. Soon people were kinda pointing at me and whispering a little. I kept looking around for my aunt or even one of my siblings... I had some snacks and mingled a little feeling very uncomfortable. Eventually the deseased wife walked over and asked who I was. I asked her who she was.. I told her my name and said that's my uncle... she about fainted. then it hit me. I said I think I'm at the wrong viewing. I looked up at the casket and it wasn't my uncle!! I scooted out of that place fast.. I felt horrible. Just what everyone wants to do. Cause a seen at a viewing... I wonder if she thought I crashed the place just for the snacks??

Way to go Lori... "I love it when a plan comes together!" Tami

As the other's have said you have every right to have your mom at home with you. she wants it, you want it and so does your hubby. Those are the only people that matter. Honestly, I think you need to do this so that you will have the peace of mind of knowing that she received the best care and the most love that she could possibly receive. Whether she lives another year or another 50. I think that it would break your heart not to bring her home. Let's face it those places can not give the love and care that a loving family member can. Forgive ME for over stepping my bounds but I also think your SF is a very selfish man. Why wouldn't he want her to be with you getting the best possible care? Only a very unkind and selfish man would want anything else. Stand up straight and let him know that you will do what your mother wants. End of story. Tell him not to worry... when he gets sick you'll be more than happy to put his sorry little butt in that Nursing Home he likes so much.. Tami

(((((Pat))))) Many hugs to you dear... I know how difficult it is to deal with the "firsts". You continue to be in my prayers. Tami

There's no place like home.. Glad your back home with us Tami

Heaven has a beautiful new angel.. Her wisdom and kind words will be greatly missed here Tami

I'm a one-lunger too. There are a bunch of us here so she will be able to ask lots of questions and get lots of support. She will be just fine and has many interesting surprises in store as her "inerds" shift around in the coming months. Nothing scary just different. She needs to recoup and breathe deep... keep us posted. Tami

My father and mother knew each other as children. My mother and her family moved to Florida, my father and his family (poor and one of 18 children) stayed in PA. My dad met and became engaged to a woman named Maxine and they were together through high school and planned to marry after high school. However WW2 called and off my father went. While on leave he ended up in florida and found my mother (Mary) again. He fell for her and broke things off with Maxine to pursue and eventually marry my mother. After the war they came back to PA and lived. My mom became ill shortly after I was born (the youngest) in her 30's. My dad adored her and took care of her till she passed away at 56. At the same time (actually within a week of each other) Maxine's huband passed away as well. Although they didn't know each other during this time as they had lost touch with each other. Mutual friends reunited the two and after about a year of dating, married. Maxine became the grandmother to my children and loved and cared for my father till he passed away a couple of months ago (he was in his 80's) they had a wonderful relationship and I was blessed by her very much. I love the fact that they found there way back to each other again. Tami

Glad it was mild... Prayers for your continued recovery. Tami

Not sure who I'd pick yet still thinking about people I haven't yet seen in concert.... I like Garth Brooks.. saw him before and I loved it.. I wouldn't mind seeing him again. Anyway to all you Tim McGraw fans.. he and Faith and doing a show in my home town in June but the tickets are 87.00 a piece!! I love country music but that's too rich for my blood...

Ginny, I also have the cystic problems although not severe. the fact that she just had a baby 6 months ago may be helping to aggravate things. I know it did with me. the hormone changes etc. before, during and after pregnancy help to make lumps come and go. Praying for great results.. FAST! Tami

((((Fay)))) Prayers for you Fay. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and kindness with us. So many from the board have gone on before you and will be there to greet you. May the Lord comfort you and give you peace. The beauty of heaven's gardens awaits you now for all eternity. We love you!!

Hey Beck... Remind me NEVER to ride in any elevators, planes, trains or automobiles with you!! My heart couldn't take it. From now on stick to escalators when they break they just become STAIRS! Tami

Much love and comfort to you, ((((Fay)))) Tami