LovesLife

Dana - I just wanted to know I am sending you a big cyber hug ... it is a process isn't it. Physically we may heal, emotionally the scars remain. You don't sound negative - you are just telling us like it is. I would put on a concert for you, but trust me girl, that would definitely still be painful to the ears BTW, I recently lost some weight I put on (not from chemo tho-I was overeating in case I ever needed chemo and then didn't stop even after I realized I didn't) and I truly feel so much better. Good luck on WW. You ever need someone to talk you out of eating that donut (or whatever calls your name) let me know ok. Take care, Linda

Don ... what wonderful news!!! Wishing you many, many, many more. You are very ingenious at figuring out ways to improve the hearing ... love it! Keep bugging your doctors ... I am sure they love you as it sounds like you are quite the character...your personality just shines through in your post! Keep praying for the cure for everyone (as will I) ... perhaps He will hear. Hugs, Linda

Nicole - what a beautiful tribute to your mom. Her personality just shone through - what an amazing smile (and obviously very talented musically). I laughed out loud at the ladies holding up the "granny panties" photo; the hair cut she was giving you reminded me of my mom cutting my hair with a bowl; and in the pictures of her with all the babies in her life, her eyes just radiated love and pure joy. Thank you for giving us a small glimpse into your life with your mom - it was absolutely moving and it makes me even more sad that she isn't with you physically any longer, but happy that she left behind so many wonderful memories for you all to treasure. Many hugs, Linda

Cindy - I haven't been around here as much lately either ... I still check in, just not posting as often. I find I don't have much to offer in the way of knowledge as my experience is very limited so I just keep quiet. It seems that the group of early stagers is very small - I guess that is a good thing because it means life is being lived. I find as I get further from diagnosis my input waxes and wanes as well. Of course, fear is always there at the back of my mind, just not as prevalent as it was the first couple of years. It is also a bad thing that we are so small as a group because that means that too many are being diagnosed too late. It is discouraging and heart wrenching. As to discussions the type of question that you asked here was excellent. I think we suffer from more emotional issues (although some do have physical trials as well) and just responding brought forth things I had not really brought to the surface and said out loud before. So ... thanks for that Cindy! Bud - I can't think of anyone I know that is healthier than you! Honestly ... I ride my stationary bike 30 minutes a day and think I am the Queen of exercise - really, who am I kidding? Considering I used to count vacuuming as an exercise I suppose for me this is a vast improvement - ha ha! You are right though - I have more appreciation for life in general - the beauty of a sunrise, the laughter of my children, etc. etc. Hugs, Linda

Nicole - I am so sorry to hear about your mom...my thoughts and prayers are with you and all those who loved her. Hugs, Linda

Mike ... congratulations on 5 years NED my friend ... wishing you many, many more years of the same! Hugs, Linda

Hi Dawn ... well, it sure has been some ups and downs for you, but look at you girl ... nothing new - just the same old same old. I hope that the physio helps strengthen your body parts that have been weakened by this dratted disease...even if the doc is right and you don't return to work (and he doesn't have a crystal ball) I'm sure it will make you feel better overall. Take care Dawn - hope 2011 is a great one!!! Hugs, Linda

Great news guys ... congratulations!!!! Hugs, Linda

What awesome news Bud!!! I am so happy for you! Hugs, Linda

Hi Cindy! I remember I used to whine about my birthdays and getting older ... boy, has that changed. I turned 50 in December and people were laughing about how excited and happy I was. I definitely share the appreciation for every extra year I am here. I was very healthy when I was diagnosed with cancer (in fact I had just lost 40 lbs and was exercising faithfully); however, up until this past year I was so concerned about cancer that I forgot to worry about the other stuff. A diagnosis of pre-diabetes this summer woke me up in a hurry and I proceeded to lose the 30 lbs I had gained back and am now exercising on a regular basis. I realize that with the gift of aging comes the responsibility to take care of myself in all areas of my life (somewhere after I hit 40 I found I couldn't eat/live the same way I did in my 20's...go figure!) I find I don't let negativity or stress invade my life when it is within my control - when I find something or someone is not a positive in my life (such as my work situation which I left last summer) I let it go. I used to view that as giving up ... now I look at it as self-preservation! Since my cancer diagnosis the saying "Life is too short" has taken on more meaning. I honestly lived in a bubble before diagnosis ... I worked in an Emergency department/Neonatal unit for many years at a large and busy hospital and saw pain and death; however, I somehow had myself convinced that I was invincible - bad things happen to other people. Like you, that carefree Linda is buried somewhere and I'm not sure how to revive her. I live with fear now - not just fear about me, but about those I love. Honestly, the bubble was nice - perhaps not realistic, but I miss it. As much as I would love to say I am a better person I don't know if that would ring true. I still lose my temper, I still swear too much, and anyone who knows me would say I am still a major control freak. What those who know me would say is that I let them know how much I love them and take (or make) opportunities to share my feelings. I took it for granted before that they all "knew" ... now I don't want to leave it unsaid. I am not better - just different...some are positive changes and some not so positive. For a long time I thought that if I was allowed to live that I had to do something to be worthy of that chance. That is a hard thing to live with and not feel extreme guilt; I came to the realization that perhaps I was spared for now so that I could help someone else in their cancer journey. Having had cancer I have a depth of understanding that I can offer to my friends and family that are walking this path now and for that, and that alone, I am grateful. Cindy - thanks for asking this question and thanks for listening to me ramble. It was good for me to reflect and perhaps give me the opportunity to see what further I can do in my life differently ... I am always up for improvement! Luv, Linda P.S. It is so great to see your smiling face! Perhaps even Debi will stop by with an update ... I miss her too!

Barbara - I hope that Christmas Day passed gently with your heart filled with wonderful memories of your dear Bill. I know he is watching over you and loving you; however, it doesn't take away the missing them and aching for their presence though. I don't visit here very often these days; however, I am so glad I checked in to see this post from you. May you be "kicking" and bringing joy to those who love you for many, many years to come. Luv, Linda

... and a new day begins! Yee haw Judy - I am so delighted to read that there is NO cancer and that you can stay on the meds that are helping for at least the next six months. What a relief that must be! ... and the good news continues ... Hawaii here you come! I'm not certain if you have been before but I visited twice when I was younger and still yearn to return as it is the most glorious paradise. Enjoy the trip Judy - I hope it's like a second honeymoon! Hugs and more hugs, Linda

Oh Judy I am so sorry to hear of the difficulties with your hubby. You have so much to deal with and it's just not fair that this has been added to the mix. I hope, like the others said, that you will reconsider going on your trip. Perhaps away from the stress of every day life you two can talk it out. It is, undoubtedly, one of the harder vows when we marry ... "in sickness" (and "in health" is the easy one). I agree with Sue that perhaps counselling in the future can help get to the root of the issues and help with communication between the two of you. I am sad that you are sad, but I am glad that you shared with us. It isn't always sweetness and light in our lives - whether it be cancer, other illnesses, or relationships suffering - it is something we all experience and you should never feel that you can't lean on us in times of trouble. You are always there for everyone else ... let us lend a shoulder to you now Judy. Hugs, Linda P.S. Keeping everything crossed that your appointment went well today.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I am glad that you have so many fun filled memories of him. Hugs, Linda

Mandy - wow, what a roller coaster ride your family has been on! I laughed out loud about the "module" ... crazy how we have to embrace the humor in this insane cancer world. I absolutely understand the colonoscopy as I go for testing every 3 years as my mom had colon cancer. I honestly can't imagine having left my house for ANYTHING on the day I drank that horrid solution ... your dad is far braver than I! I can just picture him racing from the polling station to the church What a great relief that the test came back negative. I gather he didn't win the lottery either the day he picked up the tickets. Who cares about the money ... as long as he wins at "kick cancer butt" he is a winner! I am so impressed that your dad is so open and honest with you and your mom. So many men keep their feelings bottled up and that makes it so hard for those who love them. I can tell by your posting how very much you love your dad. He really is truly blessed to have such a wonderful daughter as well and he must be so proud of the woman he raised. I know you said you have no sibs; however, you can look at us as your online family! We always wish no-one had to join as it really isn't the "it" club to be in...but we're always happy to welcome those that must. Keep us posted as to the date for your dad's repeat testing at the end of November. It's been nice getting to know you and your family and I look forward to hearing more from you Mandy. Hugs, Linda

Hi again Mandy. It sounds as though your dad got through the treatment very well ... it is absolutely wonderful that he continued eating well and without fatigue during treatment. Keep us posted - tell your dad to keep up the good work and thanks for sharing his story. Wishing your dad great results at the end of November! Linda

Hi Mandy - sorry you have need to be here, but so glad you found us. I am sorry about your dad's recent diagnosis and I will look for your update. Linda

Susan - I am so very sorry to read about your mom. She was generous in heart and spirit and I so admired your mom through your postings. The love you shared for each other was so obvious and I am so sorry for the pain you have in losing her. I pray that you and all those who loved her so deeply will find comfort in the difficult days ahead. Luv, Linda

Nonni my sweet friend - I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with your DH. I hope he rebounds quickly and the next time they call he is ready and rarin' to go. It must be so frustrating to feel so helpless. Please know I am sending you many cyber hugs ... I wish I could do more. You are both in my thoughts and prayers for better days ahead. Luv, Linda P.S. A huge congrats on your 6 year anniversary-I am so-o-o happy for you.

Hi Cindy - great to hear from you! Busy is good and 7 1/2 years out is FANTASTIC!! You are, as well, a hallmark of success and gave me hope when I first came here...thank you. Linda

Judy ... I so hope the frustrating months of no answers is soon coming to the end. Your new doc sounds fantastic and I trust he will have you pain free in no time. I cannot begin to imagine what you have been going through with the pain ... it sounds horrible. Keep us posted on what he comes up with and hang in there. Hugs, Linda

Judy - thanks for the heads up on Bruce's move. I have been wandering around Yellowknife looking for the guy for months ... only to find he is in Alberta (my home province). Instead of waiting on the bus I think it is time to start my trek home before the snow flies . Linda

Hey Becky - last I remember Randy's dog was driving the bus! Maybe a little too much wine for me?!?! Somehow I got left behind when we were headed to Bruce's up North - it is getting wa-a-a-y too cold here - can you swing by and pick me up soon?!?!? (Seriously, I don't care who's driving!!!) Linda

Sounds like a glorious weekend Ronnie! With the exception of your sister of course - hope she is feeling better after her hospital visit. Linda

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the good news! Good news is always a reason for celebration. I am so happy for your mom and all her loved ones. Thanks for sharing. Linda